“Aspen?” Noel appeared cautiously in the opening of the hallway, where he stopped as if afraid to come closer.
I looked up at him and shook my head, “What were we thinking? If I’d been pregnant, that would’ve been it. The secret would’ve come out. You would’ve been kicked out of school. I would’ve lost my job. Your siblings...your siblings...Why were we in any way hopeful for this?”
Noel stepped forward, paused, then stepped forward again. Kneeling in front of me, he took my hands and lifted them to his mouth to softly kiss my knuckles. “Because we wanted to create proof of how amazing we are together. We wanted a living legacy of our bond.”
His words were the absolute truth. I had wanted something tangible and real that was half me and half him. I’d ached for it, needing to make us as permanent as possible.
“But it’s the most irresponsible thing we could’ve done. This has gotten completely out of hand. We forgot protection again, just now, in the car. And we’re letting way too many people know about us. Damn it, everyone in the bar tonight knew we were together. And now they know we’re risky enough to possibly get pregnant. Hell, four of them were even students of mine.”
Noel winced. “If it’s any consolation, I’m fairly certain we can trust all of them.”
Fairly certain? I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Jesus, wasn’t that just great. “It’s too dangerous. Too reckless. We need to be rational.”
He groaned and pressed his forehead to our clasped hands. “I hate it when you’re rational; you always try to leave me when you’re rational.”
With a harsh laugh, I yanked my hands out of his grasp. “Because it’s the smart thing to do, Noel. My God, do you not realize how much we lose control when we’re around each other, how much we put at risk? This is the second time we’ve gone without any kind of protection, and you said you’ve never—”
“I know what I said,” he snapped irritably as he ran his hand through his hair and pushed to his feet. “And it’s not like I mean to forget. It’s just...everything with you is different. That’s the entire point of all this. If you weren’t, if you were just any other girl, we wouldn’t have any of these problems. I wouldn’t lose my head when you’re close, and I wouldn’t forget my fucking condoms. But then, we probably wouldn’t have to worry about remembering either, because you’re my teacher and I would have no problem staying away. But you are different. You’re more. And that’s exactly why it’s worth the risk.”
“No.” I shook my head, even though his words were getting to me. He always knew how to break my restraint. Because he was different too. He was more to me too. “It’s not worth it.” Since he was more, I didn’t want him to get hurt.
“Baby.” Cupping my face, he came in for a kiss. I knew the moment his mouth touched mine, I’d be a goner. We’d be right back where we started, sucked into the moment and forgetting reality...again. So I dodged away, making him seethe.
Letting me retreat, he blew out a hard breath and dragged his hand through his hair. “Okay,” he muttered. “I know tonight freaked you out—”
“It didn’t freak me out. It opened my eyes.”
He didn’t like that answer. His eyes narrowed and his teeth clenched. “Look, I know the chances of us actually making it through this unscathed seem impossible, but—”
“But what? You want to keep plowing forward as we are until we’re exposed and everything explodes in our faces?”
Throwing his hands into the air, he shouted, “I don’t care about exposure. I care about staying with you.”
I slammed my fists to my hips. “Well, staying with me isn’t good for you.”
Noel barked out a laugh. “What the hell ever. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I had to raise myself with no guidance of how to be a good person, how to build good study habits, how to feel like someone actually cared about what happens to me without me needing to fix all their problems in return, how to depend on someone else. You taught me all that. I need you, Aspen. Jesus, you really have no idea what you’ve done for me in the time we’ve been together, do you?”
Hugging my waist, I paced across the floor, craving some space before I wavered. “I’m not saying what we had together wasn’t...wonderful. But there are other very important things to consider here. Other people to consider.”
Noel sat on the couch arm I’d just vacated and stared across the floor at me as a dawning horror list his gaze. “What we had together?” he repeated slowly.
Everything inside me clenched with dread over what I was about to do. “I think—”
“No.” He shot to his feet and stalked toward me. “Don’t you dare say it.”
I scrambled backward, my eyes widening. But he caught me and clutched my shoulders tight. His eyes commanded me not to say a word. But I did anyway. “We need a break.”