To Love and to Perish

TWENTY


“FIND HIM, RAY, OR don’t come home!” I slammed down the phone.

Maury jumped and looked at Erica for guidance. She didn’t blink.

I sank into my living room couch across from their chairs. “Should we keep looking?”

Danny had run from me when I reached out to comfort him, throwing down his helmet and accelerating to a speed unequaled on the field. The last I saw of him, he disappeared into the same woods his father came out of.

After an hour of waiting, then an hour of searching on my own, I’d called Erica and Maury to help. We split our town into quadrants and drove each street at less than ten miles per hour, hoping to catch sight of Danny. Erica then checked some of her favorite old hideouts. I returned to the empty field to see if Danny had come back there. It was all to no avail. He’d now been missing for almost eight hours.

Erica examined her thumbnail. “Danny knows how to hotwire cars and he can drive. He could be in New York City by now, Jo.” She chewed the corner of her thumb.

I wondered if she would rather Danny didn’t come home. She’d run off and gotten married right after he arrived, as though she needed to be first in line for someone’s attention and realized he’d displaced her for mine. Still, she’d leapt in the car to help me search for him. “Ray said no cars have been reported stolen.” Not to mention I’d made Danny promise me a long time ago that he wouldn’t drive anymore—not until he reached sixteen.

“You said no cars were left in the parking lot after the game or parked on the neighboring streets. Maybe Danny found the car his father came in.”

“You’re not making me feel better, Erica.” My only hope was that Danny would never leave his dad, who now sat in the county jail, thanks to Ray, probably in the cell right next to Brennan Rowe, thanks to me. Ray and I were a two-person life-wreaking crew.

“Sorry. Danny’ll be back. Where else has he got to go?” She got up, smoothing her tight jeans down her legs. “We’re going home. I don’t want to be here when Ray gets here. I’ve seen you two fight before. Maury can’t take it.”

First of all, Ray and I didn’t fight. We engaged in brief skirmishes, and, in the past, most of those had been about Erica, who used to live with us. How very like her to overlook that. Ray and I had different approaches to managing her behavior, just as we did with Danny’s behavior.

Maury made a face as though offended at the notion he might be too weak, but he didn’t hesitate to hop up and follow Erica out the door. I couldn’t blame him. I’d had nothing nice to say to Ray for the last six hours. Now it was eight o’clock and my boy was still missing, his heart broken by the one man who had promised to take care of him.

I would never forgive Ray if Danny didn’t come home.

I’d checked Danny’s room when I got home to make sure he hadn’t already been there and packed up his stuff. Of course, when Danny had come to us, he’d brought only the clothes on his back. He might not think anything of leaving the same way. But where would he go? His father was his only living relative. They’d lived in a car and on friends’ couches before his father left him with us. Danny had nowhere to go. This house was his home now. We were his family. Too bad he couldn’t stand the sight of us.

Ray had called to inform me of Danny’s father’s arrest. I informed him that we’d had the distinct displeasure of being witnesses to it and that Danny had run off. Ray promised to find him. He’d called to update me twice. After what I said to him a few minutes ago, I didn’t expect him to call again—unless he found Danny. Then they could come home together.

In the meantime, all I could do was curl up in a fetal position on the living room couch, one eye on the phone, the other on the front door. Danny always used the front door. I willed him to walk though it.

The phone rang.

I snatched it up. “Danny?”

“Cory.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m calling about Danny.”

“You know where he is?”

“No. Is he missing?”

“Yes.” I filled Cory in on the football game and the arrest. He wasn’t surprised to hear about Mr. Phillips. In fact, he confirmed my suspicions.

“He’s in a holding cell next to Brennan.”

“Brennan called you?”

“He heard the officer call Mr. Phillips by his name. He knew he had to be Danny’s father from the scar on his neck and the tattoo.”

The scar on Mr. Phillips’ neck looked as though someone had tried to slice it open and finish him off. According to Danny, he’d gotten attacked in prison, the very reason he never, ever wanted to go back there. The tattoo, a heart with a sword running through it and a blacked-out scroll beneath it, was a remnant of a love gone bad. The man had an unhappy past, losing his wife and then her sister, his second love, to untimely deaths. He might have given up stealing cars if not for the fact that he couldn’t read and had no other significant income prospects. Of course, Ray said that was no excuse. I had to agree, albeit unwillingly.

“Brennan didn’t see Ray, so he asked to make a phone call. He wanted to be sure you knew Mr. Phillips was there.”

I knew all right. “Did Brennan say anything about his case?”

“Actually, he said a lot, but you don’t want to hear about it now. It can wait.”

“Tell me. It will take my mind off Danny.” And Ray. “Was he angry at you for looking through his things?”

“He didn’t say.”

“What did he say?”

“His argument with Wayne wasn’t about him being gay. They all found that out right after senior prom night, when Monica expected fireworks and Brennan didn’t deliver. She dumped him and started dating Wayne, who had a reputation for delivering.”

“Really?” I sat up. “Interesting.”

“It gets better. Wayne dated a lot of girls in high school, except for Monica and her friend Elizabeth. It made Brennan sick to think of him with Monica. She was special to Brennan, even if they weren’t right for each other.”

“And?”

“Brennan tried to tell her what kind of guy Wayne was. She didn’t care. Wayne was the right kind of guy compared to Brennan. So after graduation, Wayne, Monica, and Elizabeth were the three Musketeers. Brennan didn’t really talk to them again until Monica called to invite him to go with them to the five-year reunion. He said he was so surprised to hear from her that he said ‘yes’ without thinking. When Wayne couldn’t ride with them, he was relieved.”

“Does he think that’s what they argued about at the reunion? How Wayne moved in on Monica?”

“He doesn’t remember, but that’s his guess.”

“Did he say anything about his argument with James Gleason?”

“Only that James still thought he was driving drunk and didn’t care enough about Monica.”

“Did he tell you anything else?”

“Not really. He ran out of time.”

“You must be thrilled that he called.”

“I would be if he had really wanted to talk to me. He just called me to get the message to you and Ray.”

“But he confided in you. He answered the question you asked him that night you had dinner at his house. That’s a good sign, Cory.”

“I guess so. Listen, do you want me to help you look for Danny?”

“No thanks. Ray’s got the department helping him now. I’m going to stay here and wait.”

“Call me as soon as you hear anything, no matter what time.”

I promised and disconnected. Feeling chilled, I headed into our bedroom to get a sweater. I flicked the light switch and walked into the closet. Chunks of mud covered the carpeted floor. “What the—?”

The biggest pile of mud lay in front of my dresses, which hung to the floor, hiding the wall behind. I shoved them aside and gasped.

“Danny.”

He still had on his grass-stained and muddy uniform, his face a film of dirt. His gaze remained trained on the floor, refusing to acknowledge me.

I held out my arms. “Danny, come here, buddy. I was so worried about you.”

He blinked.

“Danny, we’ll work it out. It’ll be okay. We’ll take care of your dad, I promise.” I wiggled my outstretched fingers. “Come on, it’s okay.”

He fell into my arms, nearly knocking me over. His body shuddered. Great sobs burst from his boney chest. “I want my dad. I want my dad.”

I pulled him tight and rubbed his back, remembering those words. Danny had said them almost a year ago, the night he came to live with us. I thought we’d come a long way since then.

But now, we were back to square one.