This Star Won't Go Out

But the life lessons that Esther taught me and the ability to have been present for this life-changing experience with Esther and her family are truly a gift. To summarize my thoughts and feelings for Esther in just a few words is nearly impossible. Upon meeting Esther, I knew instantaneously that she was a star. She lit up the room with her smile, and she had an ever-present aura that immediately warmed the room. Her sense of humor was dry but endearing, and her laughter illuminated the darkest of days.

Early in our relationship, Esther stood out as a quirky and highly intelligent caffeine-drinking teenager who was wise beyond her years. She always listened quietly but attentively to our discussions, and her questions were not only smart but also medically astute. Even when she was thirteen, Esther was able to respectfully challenge medical decision making and provide thought-provoking inquiries. As our relationship grew and she began to trust me, we developed a bond that was simultaneously jovial and deep with honesty and integrity. Esther was never willing to accept failure, yet she accepted her destiny and was able to express herself clearly and emote with such wisdom and confidence. As her disease progressed, she fought with such poise and dignity.

Esther allowed each and every person to feel unique and special through her blogs and formed lifelong relationships among strangers that would grow over time. Her love of literature, friendship, art, and the overall creative process allowed for her circle of friends to grow stronger, and it continues today. Esther developed her own support structure, one that allowed her family and friends to garner strength in the setting of her own illness.

One has to be incredibly resilient in order to achieve such a success in a disease process that afflicts so few. There is not a day that goes by in life that I do not think of her. Her contribution to my work has allowed me to strengthen my own dedication to my career and personal development. There is not a talk or lecture that I will ever give in which she will fail to be mentioned. Despite her short time with us, her longevity and legacy will forever be present in many different media. For me, I will always know where to find her—in my heart.





One of Esther’s favorite pastimes was to create a work of art and then give it away. These treasures might include something handmade, or hand picked, such as a bouquet of daises, or sewn, or painted, or collected, like a cup full of seashells. Her offerings were always accompanied with a note or longer letter: the true intention of her giving, her real gift. Though the flowers may have withered and though the artwork has begun to yellow, her cherished letters of love endure.

—ESTHER’S PARENTS





Untitled, 2009





Letter, June 2, 2007


Wayne & Lori Earl . . .


It’s your anniversary! Do you guys know what that means?!? You’ve been together/married 23 (or was it 24?) years! Cool.

Well, I’m sorry that we can’t do anything more special or romantic for your birthday. Seriously . . . who wants to have a lame anniversary? Well, it shouldn’t matter if you love each other :)

Parents, I love you two. So much. I am so lucky to have such amazing people raising me. Because . . . really, I wouldn’t be who I am today if not for the love and care of you two. Please realize that you are amazing. I thank God that He blessed us with such loving people.

Cancer is hard. I wouldn’t have made it this far if it weren’t for my family. Thank you, very much for being here for me. It makes it seem less hard.

I know I sound pretty sappy, but I can’t write in pen how much you two are to me. Just know that I love you, and I wouldn’t trade our poor, houseless family full of love for the world.

Please, guys, have a fun day, despite the fact that nothing cool is planned. We love you and wish you the best anniversary ever.

Love you lots,

Your Estee




Letter, June 3, 2007


Dahling, it may be French Mom’s Day,

But WE’RE CELEBRATIN’ IT!

Mommy,

I love you. There’s no other way to put it. You are an amazing woman, did you know that, Mom? I find that us kids are the most lucky kids: we have “no” money—to replace it we have love from two wonderful parents, we don’t have a house—but with you, I think we’re always at home . . . with you, the guardian angel God sent to love us (:D), I think we don’t have to worry.

Mom, I know that I’m just a child, but can I just say that going through cancer has helped me grow. Sometimes, when I ponder just why it had to be me, I get some “answers”? Like, before La Timone, I was not really close to God. I didn’t wanna deal with Him. I liked enjoying the material things that don’t matter . . . But one day I realized, without God, nothing matters. So, I asked Him into my heart. Look, I don’t understand anything, basically, about God except He loves me, He made me, without Him I’m lost. I wouldn’t have realized any of this without you, Dad and Abby telling me to read the bible and reading it to me, too. Thank you.