This Star Won't Go Out

As you might imagine, we are missing our Star. In some ways, each day seems harder than the one before. There are so many sad moments: Abe asking who will finish the amazing game she was making for him; Graham wondering how he can possibly navigate the new season of Doctor Who without her; Abby and Angie missing late night talks and texts; Lori, and me, too, sobbing, railing against the unfairness of it all. The reality of her passing pushes hard against our need to keep her with us. A phone ringing, especially at night, can pierce the heart as she would sometimes call from her bed to come and adjust her oxygen, or remind us it was time for this or that med. We go to bed with difficulty and pray hard asking not to be awakened at 3 a.m. in a panic. But it was so easy to love her! And “love is stronger than death” as the Bible says which eases the pain a bit.

I loved to read poetry to her. She applauded my enthusiasm and made me feel pretty smart! I dedicate this poem to you, Esther Grace.



“I love the sea.”

TOPSAIL ISLAND, NORTH CAROLINA, 2008





Saturday, September 25, 2010 1:49 PM, CDT


Friends,


Just got word about Esther’s organ donations. How amazing that two people can now—literally—see again because each received one of Esther’s corneas! A man in Ohio and a woman in Maryland now see the world through Esther’s eyes. Imagine that! She continues to give sight and light. When she learned that none of her other organs would be used (because of the cancer) she was saddened. However, she did give permission for an extensive autopsy to be performed (it was). This was a real gift to cancer research because little is known about the spread of cancer in a girl who goes through puberty while being treated (as she did).


She was an amazing, courageous, other person-centered, young woman. If she, as a sixteen-year-old teenager thought ahead and felt so strongly about this, then so should we! I know a gentleman in Ohio and a lady in Maryland that would agree.


Check out: http://organdonor.gov/


—Wayne





Saturday, December 4, 2010 2:50 PM, EST


Friends of Esther,


Thank you so much for continuing to honor Esther’s memory through your meaningful Guestbook entries here. Sadly, this wonderful meeting place must now come to a end. If you’d like to add another comment or two, you have a few days left to do so as we will be closing this site before Christmas. However, after that, there are several ways that you can continue to keep up with all things Esther. We’ve just begun a site dedicated to our new foundation created in her memory. This organization will provide resources to cancer patients and their families as well as fund projects Esther would have loved. Go to facebook and check out: This Star Won’t Go Out.


Of course, Esther has YouTube and Facebook pages which are still available to view and comment on (see the links section on this site). We also have a YouTube channel (go to YouTube and search: wayneandloriearl) where we have been posting new videos of her. We have hours of our beloved on tape and hope to edit and share more of her creative spirit long into the future.


O friends, you cannot imagine how we miss our Star!


She is constantly in our thoughts and dreams. We wake each day and wonder how anyone could endure such insanity. Our kids are so young and their lives will be less breezy without her. Abraham will never really remember her. On Friday, we ordered the tombstone that she, herself, picked out. Yes, she’d be okay with what we said but what kid should ever choose such a memorial? We carry a perpetual sadness. Was it worth it? I can’t believe you’d ask such a question! One minute with Esther was worth all that any pain can throw at us. Sixteen years beside such a soul was a privilege, the greatest of honors. Watching her unroll a daily patchwork of grace left us inspired and humbled and very, very proud. She was regal but also completely in the moment, “wickedly awesome.” Estee walked on earth gently and deeply. She loved well and without exception. Her life is her true memorial, a living monument that will outlive us all.


With Deepest Appreciation for Your Support of our Esther Grace,


Wayne & Lori





Sunday, December 19, 2010 9:52 PM, CST


Such Grace!


This little book has now come to its natural end. Esther really enjoyed your many kind expressions of encouragement. Thank you for that. You helped to make her struggle, and our part in that, bearable. We are convinced that love never dies, that it transcends anything that may come our way! We have memories of an amazing human being and an abiding hope that this is but a temporary separation. She loved her family and friends with such grace. It was easy to love her, too. Life was easier for everyone with her here.


Thank you for loving our Star!


Wayne and Lori





MAY 15, 2011

Wayne’s blog


by Wayne Earl

“Love is Stronger than death.”

—Song of Songs 8:6



Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune—without the words,

And never stops at all

—From “Hope” by Emily Dickinson




Dear My Star,