They Walk

Chapter Seventy Eight

Following close behind Kelli leading my parents into an open doorway, I finally get a good look at to where we are heading. The corridor we are in travel another dozen feet straight ahead, and every so often there will be either an open doorway or a closed door. How big are the tunnels under the city? I’d say it’s less of a bomb shelter and more of an underground city, a dusty, slightly moldy at spots, but a city none the less, so strange.

Dan was in front of me a moment before, but when he disappears into the room after our parents, Gabe is lightly touching my arm and bringing me back to myself. I’m feeling suddenly very spacey and I’m not sure why. But for some reason, when Gabe is guiding me into the room after my brother, I feel hollow and almost outside of me not really aware of what is going on. And when I see Kelli and my dad placing my now unconscious mother onto a small cot, I know it should bother me to see her this way, but I feel nothing.

I realize then, that I’ve felt this way before and long before my ‘severe’ concussion.

I remember seeing Matt’s broken and still body on the floor of a garage and even while I held the ax that ended his un-life, I didn’t feel anything then either. I also remember later that day, standing in front of bathroom mirror and seeing myself covered in his blood, and still I couldn’t muster up any feeling.

I wonder if my I am the one who is broken, and everything around me is fine.

Maybe I’ve never been in a car accident that left my head jumbled; maybe I’ve always been this way. And another thing, maybe ‘all this crazy’ is all just a figment of my broken mind; it would actually make sense if it was. It would be better if it was, for everyone I think. So many people I care about are gone now, and some might be alive, but who knows if I’ll ever see them again. Then again, knowing that I would rather be crazy than have everyone around me in so much pain, kind of makes me believe that it’s all real and not just in my head.

In reality, I’m just a lost girl who keeps losing those she cares for.

What worse?

I’m still afraid of losing my mother.

I’m standing at the foot of the small cot my mom is on and all I can do is stare down at her, as Kelli hooks up an iv drip and begins going through a small pile of surgical supplies on a table by the bed. My dad is on the other side, holding my mother’s unmoving hand in his, while Dan hovers near him and insure of what to do with himself. I would be just like him, if I could feel anything. Gabe is on my right side, and I think he might have his arms around me, but I’m not a hundred percent sure at the moment. Just having him near me is comfort enough though I might be a sobbing mess otherwise. I think half of a thought, that maybe sobbing would be the better alternative, but no, it really wouldn’t.

If I started that, I know if never be able to stop.

So I guess, in a way, being numb as I am is almost protecting me.

Kelli stops what she is doing all of a sudden, and glances up at me. I can’t really tell you what the look on her face said maybe how afraid she is to, or maybe that she is sorry for something. But then she glances back to the needle in her hands, and the moment is gone. She clears her throat, and calls out something. It takes my ears a while to send the message to my mind, and so I hear what she said at a half a second delay.

“Someone get Maria, I could use her help right now.”

By the time I hear this, Kelli is already doing something with a small blade to my mother’s now bare shoulder. Out of the corner of my eyes, see Dan rushing from the room, and I don’t even remember him walking by me. I guess it doesn’t matter, at least the view of my mom wasn’t blocked and I can’t take my eyes off of her. She’s a lot paler now than she was earlier, and she is just so still. I really have to squint just to see the barest hint of movement from her chest making her breathe. I feel Gabe shift closer to me on my right and I think me might be holding my hand now, but the touch is so light that I really can’t feel it.

I see Dan coming back into the room now on my left, with a limping Maria right behind him.

I have the vaguest memory of her legs being trapped under the hood of a truck, and one of her legs bent at an unnatural angle later on. That explains the limp, I guess. Dan comes to a stop beside me now and not next to dad and mom by the bed. I would feel grateful for him right now if I could, but I just watch as Mara places a delicate hand on his arm as she passes by us. She gives me the barest hint of a smile, telling me it’ll be alright, but I don’t know what to believe anymore.

Maria goes over and immediately begins helping Kelli sort through all the surgical supplies and together they get things they would need to scoop out a bullet, or that’s what I think they are for. No one exactly explains what they are going to do, and then again I don’t ask either. When both of them are ready and sliding on matching pairs of plastic gloves, Kelli looks over at us.

She seems very serious all of a sudden, and I have the worst thought that she is going to tell us that there is no point is trying to operate, that mom is already gone. But then she gives us a ghost of a weak smile. She opens her mouth and begins saying something, and I can see Gabe and Dan both nodding in agreement over what she says. But like before her words take my mind a while to process it and when I do, I’m already being guided out of the room between Dan and Gabe.

“I’ll need you all to leave if that’s all right? The less distraction’s we have. The better the results will be. But don’t worry; your mother is in good hands.”

There is a loud voice in the back of my mind that wants to run back into the room and demand that I stay by my mother’s side. But it stays there in the back of my mind with all of my body’s feelings, and instead I let myself be led out of the room. I do allow my eyes to stay on my mom as long as they can, and the last thing I see is my dad bending over her crying while Kelli and Maria cut into her. Just as the Gabe is closing the door behind him, Kelli calls out to me, or I hope it’s to me, and I barely catch what she says. But again, we’re all already at the end of the hall and going back into the main room, when I hear that she told me to not worry about my eye.

She says it’ll be fine and clear up in two weeks.

I find that rather funny, as I walk sandwiched between my brother and my boyfriend heading for an empty sofa in the middle of the room. Numbly, I follow them to the front of the couch, and sit down when they do only out of reflex. I can’t stop thinking about Kelli’s comment though, and why I think it is so funny to me. The whole idea of still being alive in two weeks is slipping away and who really knows if I’ll live for my eye to clear up.

But do I really care anyway?

Honestly, I didn’t even think about it until she mentioned it, so I guess I don’t in a way. On my right, Dan turns to face me and gently places a hand on mine that are clenched together in my lap. They relax though when he touches me, which is good because I didn’t even know they were to begin with. His lips are moving and I know he’s telling me something, but like before it takes me a moment to catch what it is.

When I do, he is just waiting patiently for a response from me.

“Kelli was right you know mom really is in good hands. She and Maria are a great team, and are the best medical staff we could have around here as of late. Don’t worry, she’ll be fine.”

I only watch Dan for moment before something in what he says, breaks the shell that is covering my mind, and oh so slowly do my feelings come crashing into me. My eyes fill with tears until they fall over the edge of my lashes, and cascade down my cheeks in an endless flow. My body is shaking now, and for some reason I’m freezing inside and out.

Every little cut, bruise, hit, and ache comes throbbing into me and I want to cry out from the pain of it, but I don’t. Instead, I gratefully allow Gabe to take me into his warm strong arms. He holds me just at the right amount of pressure, that keeps my shaking body still and I’m able to take in a deep gasping breath as the sobs come pouring out of me.

I’m not sure how long we sit this way, me hiding in the protection of Gabe’s arms and Dan silently sitting beside us as he tries to stay strong. But eventually there is movement across the room, and I raise my swollen and wet eyes to see who or what it is. Even upset and I still have a self-preserving instinct, who knew? What I see is a very annoyed and maybe a little bit guilty, Randy.

He is leaning against the far wall right across from us, and he is really giving off an intense vibe towards Gabe. “So tell me, what is all this bombing business? And where the hell is Noah?”

It makes sense as to why he’s giving Gabe the evil eye now, he wants answers.

Well I say get in line.

We all do.