They Walk

Chapter Forty Eight

Once back out in the hallway, I clutch the pill packets in one hand and the flashlight in the other. Not really paying attention to the people around me, I quickly walk towards the stares and to my escape. Almost to the door, I bump into a guy I think and only mumble an apology as I stumble past. There is light coming in through the window’s at the end of the hallway now, and I probably don’t need the flashlight on. But when I finally pull open the stairwell door, it’s still pitch black inside and I know I’ll need it hear.

Taking a deep breath from the stale air, I blindly step inside.

Once inside I stumble forward to go down the steps, and everything comes crashing into me so suddenly, that I fall back and sit down. Shaking I take in great hiccups of air as my head begins to pound more violently. Dropping both the packets and the flashlight, I lift my hands to cradle my head in them. Rocking back and forth, I try to think if I can really handle all of this and I don’t just mean the chance of never fully healing.

What if I can’t even make it to the Bates College?

What if my parents are actually there and I die before I get to them?

And what if they never even know that I tried to get to them?

I can’t help feeling so useless and so totally alone, that I can’t even catch my breath. It doesn’t help my headache, and that just makes me so angry all of a sudden. What have I done to deserve all of this? The world is going to crap, and everyone in this building is struggling to survive. And for what are we fighting for? The chance to just getting killed or losing more people we care about?

Dropping my hands with a small cry, I sit up and try to force my shaking to stop.

It doesn’t work though, and it kills me that I can’t even control my own body to do what I want it to. I know I’m probably being overly dramatic, but I’ve already been through so much and it scares me to think that there is only more to come. I think back to saying goodbye to my brother Dan, and how lost he looked having to watch me leave. I know he wanted to come with me, but he didn’t want to leave Maria and I can almost understand that frustration now. I want to go and look for our parents so bad it hurts, but what if I lose the chance of truly living? They might forgive me for trying to live, but I would never forgive myself.

Even if it costs me my life, I know I have to find them one way or another.

I reach to the step below me and grab for the flashlight, and with it I pick up the tiny pill packets. After stuffing them in the pockets of my hoody, I slowly get to my feet and try to push all the weighing thoughts out of my head. Feeling like a whinny girl, I march down the rest of the stares and make my way to the door. I quickly pull it open and rush out into the bright light of the first floor lobby. I’m just closing the door behind me, and when I turn around I slam into the chest of someone. I bounce back in alarm, but strong hands grab my arms and stop me before I hit the door at my back.

Glancing up, I find myself in the arms of Hunter.

“Easy there little lady, are you all right?” He asks as he takes his hands back, too slowly for my liking.

Gazing around the small lobby and down the hall, I notice we are somewhat alone and for some reason that doesn’t sit well with me.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have just come barreling out of the door like that, my bad.” I say as I inch away and back towards the stadium.

“It’s alright, no permanent damage.” He says with a wide smile, that makes me head for the Stadium doors a little faster.

“Mostly everyone left for breakfast, including your boy Gabe. I was just heading there myself, and I could walk you if you like.”

I stop just a step from the open Stadium doors, and looking inside I know he’s right, it’s mostly empty. There is still a guard just inside the door, and nodding at Hunter. Seeking escape, I quickly go around the door and drop the flashlight in the tote. Turning back around, Hunter is still in the same spot and grinning at me. He offers me his arm, but I just stuff my hands in my hoody pocket and start for the hallway to the main lobby.

Hunter doesn’t say anything, just walks beside me until we are almost to the hallways entrance.

“You were coming out of the stairwell pretty fast, is everything alright?” He asks.

“Just fine actually, I just had to ask somebody something that’s all.” I say.

As I step in front of him and am about to step into the lobby, his abrupt laugh stills me and makes me turn to him.

“What’s so funny?” I ask him, not sure if I even want to know.

“It’s just you look so much like my ex-girlfriend when you’re trying to keep something to yourself. You both have that same deer in headlights look, it’s funny.”

He’s shaking his head now and smiling, and I’m now actually sure I look like a deer in the headlights. What could he mean by that?

“I’m not sure what you mean but, is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Oh it’s definitely a bad thing, but it’s all good.” He says still grinning as he walks around me and out into the lobby.

Now I’m the one to shake my head, but only to clear it as I follow him.

Thankfully, the lobby is full of stragglers and we have to walk with them into the rec area Stadium. I walk in behind Hunter, and am relieved when he heads for the back of the room for the tables of food. Not in the mood myself to eat, I search for where the others are sitting. Finally spotting the top of Claire’s red haired head, I walk over to their table at the side of the room. They are all already eating, and Gabe looks up as I approach. He offers me a smile, and I feel guilty for sneaking of suddenly. There is an empty seat between him and Claire.

I quickly sit down with them, feeling a little calmer now.

“Where have you been hiding out?” Gabe asks me as he takes a bite from an already half eaten apple.

“Just out exploring, figured we wouldn’t be here much longer and wouldn’t have the chance.” I say not as confidently as I would’ve liked.

Gabe looks up at me mid bite and shares a weird look with Claire that is lost on me. I mentally slap myself though; I really should have come up with a better cover story. I’m about to confess, when Claire claps me on the back and shakes her head.

“That’s our Mag pie for you, always out exploring instead of getting the sleep she needs.”

I smile and nod, and when I look to Gabe he’s smiling at me too, but I can tell he doesn’t really mean it. From the way he turns away too fast, I know he’s on to me. I have a feeling I’m going to have to come clean, and I guess I should have known better. He goes back to finishing his apple though, and eventually Hunter comes over to the table and sits in an empty seat in front of me. No sooner does he sit down, is he staring at me again.

I’m really going to have to get him to stop doing that, and I wish I knew what his deal was.