Chapter Eleven
“I didn’t say I had a plan,” Maddie says.
“Yes you did. I heard you. And now you’re telling me you don’t have one. So what is it? Do you or don’t you have a plan?”
“I don’t.”
“So what the hell am I to do then?” I ask through clenched teeth, anger and frustration replacing my tears.
“First you go to the side of your bed, pull out a tissue from the box on the bedside table, wipe your eyes and calm down.” What did I say about Maddie and her special powers? She’s never seen my bedroom yet she knows exactly how it’s laid out. She truly has an awesome gift.
“Have you done that?” She adds a few seconds later.
“Yes.” I screw up the tissue and throw it in the direction of my rubbish bin. It goes in. Yay. That is definitely a sign. “I wish you could be here to help me. Especially as you know Ryan.”
“Well I can’t.”
“I’ll give you my signed photo of Justin.” We both love Justin Bieber more than life itself since seeing him in concert. She was soooo jealous when I got a photo of him at a book promotion.
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do. Honest. You can have it if you fly over here.”
“Suzy even if I had time, which I don’t, how would I pay for the flight? And my Mom wouldn’t let me. You know that. Come on pull yourself together. You have to sort this out yourself. I’ll guide you from afar.”
“I suppose you’re right.” I feel really awful. I’ve blown everything.
“Okay. Get some paper and pen from your desk.”
I drag my feet over to my desk and do as she says. “Now what?”
“Sit down and we’ll start to think of different things you can do to make sure Ryan doesn’t say anything. We’ll write a list.”
Ah now I get it. Maddie is big on lists. Which I find totally weird. Lists are a thing parents do. But her room is covered with them. Sometimes you can’t see yourself in her mirror there are so many post-its up there. I think she’s bordering on obsessive compulsive. I saw a docu on it a while back and she certainly has a lot of the tendencies. I haven’t the heart to say anything about it to her. And she might grow out of it when she’s older. Anyway, as usual, I’m digressing and that’s not helping.
“You start,” I say, firmly. “My mind’s a total blank.”
“Kill him.”
“What?”
“Kill him. That would stop him telling everyone.”
“Ha ha. That would stop him doing anything ever again. Don’t you think it’s a bit drastic?”
“Yeah, well you know what my mother says. Desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just as I’m beginning to think Maddie’s serious a loud belly laugh storms down the phone.
“If you tell me you believed me,” Maddie continues, “I’ll kill you too.”
I burst out laughing. “You’re so ridiculous. I’ll write it down anyway so at least we have something on the list.”
“Ooooo. I’ve had an idea.”
My heartbeat quickens—Maddie’s excitement is so contagious.
“What? Go on, tell me.”
“Tell everyone he’s been spreading rumours about you and then if he tells them they won’t believe him.” She pauses a moment. “You know if I say so myself that’s a great idea.”
Well, Maddie might think so but I don’t. Then again she doesn’t know Ryan like I do (or did). You know, it seems just like yesterday when I saw him for the first time. And call me dreamy, but I knew the moment our eyes met, over the pile of rucksacks, that he was a special boy.
And when the cords of our bags got all tangled while we were taking them off the pile and we ended up connected to one another; well, it was a sign. And Ryan felt it too. I could see. It was written all over his face. And from that moment on we were inseparable. I lift my feet up onto the chair and wrap my arms around my knees as a feeling of warmth engulfs me. There was nothing to dislike about Ryan. He was kind, funny, sensitive (not in a girly way) and to me, at age sixteen, perfect.
I remember holding his hand while sitting beside the river watching the boats go by, and laughing at the fishermen desperately trying to catch something to take home for tea and justify their absence from home the entire day.
In the evenings we’d sneak out of our cabins to meet. And when we decided to do it, it just seemed the most natural thing in the world. Ryan didn’t try to persuade me. We both wanted to. And I never regretted it for one single moment. And I’ve also never wanted to do it with anyone else since. How could I, it would just be sex for sex’s sake? And I know lots of girls my age don’t care. But that’s because they haven’t had what Ryan and I had. But that was over a year ago.
I shake my head to try and rid the memories. Things have changed. I’ve moved on, at least in some ways I have. Ryan has definitely moved on. Dreaming about the past isn’t going to change the future. Even so, I can’t consider anything that might harm him.
“Sorry, no. It’s too mean. It’s not his fault I’ve got myself into this mess.”
“Here we go. You’re too soft. Look, remember he’s standing between you and Guy. You do still like Guy don’t you?”
“You know I do. But I don’t want to hurt Ryan if I can help it.”
“Suzy. What are you on? One minute you’re prepared to do anything, killing aside. And now you don’t want to hurt him.”
“I know. I know. It’s hard. I just don’t want everyone to hate him. Though they don’t even know him apart from Starbucks. I wonder what school he goes to?”
“Why? Are you planning to go see him? To beg him not to—” Her voice slows right down and I know we’ve got it.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” I ask, dropping my legs to the floor and sitting upright.
“It depends on what you’re thinking.” Maddie replies.
“That I should speak to him and find out what it will take for him to remain silent.” Why are all the best ideas the most simple?
“Yeah. I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before. It certainly beats killing him. And a lot less messy.” She can say that again.
***
“Suzy. Suzy. Come and sit here.” I glance up without thinking at the sound of Lori’s voice which effectively ruins my plan to sit as far away from her this morning as I can. Not for any reason other than she’s going to want the low down on last night. And I feel as much like discussing it as I do flying to the moon. I was even thinking about sitting next to Janey, though that probably isn’t a good idea. I can’t hack dealing with anything else at the moment.
Quite understandably I got virtually no sleep last night, spending most of the time working out how to approach Ryan and what to say. In fact I didn’t drop off until about half an hour before my alarm sprang into action—not that it will do that again. In my temper I threw it across the room. Not a good move, I’ll probably be late for school every day from now on.
“Hi,” I say dropping down on the chair and resting my bag on my lap while I start to take out my books and pens.
“Well?” She says, her eyes all wide and expectant, excitement clearly getting the better of her. “How did it go?”
“Good.” Well, I’m hardly going to say otherwise. “Went to see the latest Stephen King movie, which was awesome.”
“I bet. What did you see that for? You should’ve made him see what you wanted.”
“It was my choice.”
Lori rolls her eyes to the ceiling. “Are you sure? I hate movies like that. And how was tea? Did Guy behave himself?”
“He was perfect. I’m sure Mom and Dad liked him.”
“What do you mean? Didn’t they say? My mom always makes her feelings known about my boyfriends.”
Now she mentions it, it’s strange that Mom hardly said anything about Guy. When I think back to Rosie’s boyfriend Steve, who she was seeing before the accident, Mom always said how much she liked him. He was nice. Probably still is. Similar to Guy in many ways, as in he’s rich and popular.
“Hey Suzy,” calls Aaron when he walks past my desk, forcing my mind back to the present. “Good job.”
“Thanks.” I turn to Lori, after he’s gone. “What’s he talking about?”
“No idea.”
“Yay, Suzy.” Mark comes over and pats me on the back.
“Thanks, Mark. But I haven’t a clue what you mean.” He drops his bag on my desk and leans on it.
“You haven’t seen the notice board then?”
“No. I—” My jaw drops to the floor. Shit. He can’t be talking about— “Do you mean I’m—”
“Yeah. You won the vote. You’re on the Committee.”
A broad smile crosses my face and sticks like glue. And all I can do is flash it at everyone. This is so amazing. I wish Rosie was here to see it. She’d never believe I could do such a thing. Well let’s be honest, I never believed I could do such a thing. And Maddie will just die—with shame or pride, I’m not sure which.
“Awesome.” I finally manage to reply. My jaw aches from smiling, but I can’t seem to relax it. I’m going to look stupid if I grin through the entire lesson.
“You rock, Suzy,” Lori says giving me a hug. “So the best girl really did win.”
Yeah, the best, lying, two-faced, manipulative girl won. Oh crap. That soon wiped the smile off my face.
“Thanks.” I pull away from her and pretend to rummage through my bag for more books and stuff.
Suddenly my euphoria has turned to major-angst. What is the point in reveling in all this popularity when all too soon it will turn to shit? Unless by some absolute miracle Ryan disappears in a puff of smoke and my tangled web remains in tact. I’ve got to get to him as soon as I can. Trouble is I don’t know what shifts he’s working. He did say after school and weekends. Maybe I should risk going to see if he’s there today, rather than waiting for the weekend. As long as no-one from school is there. If anyone sees me talking to him and it gets back to Guy or Lori I’ll be in big trouble.
“Let’s go out after school to celebrate,” Lori says.
What is it with this girl? Does she have a hotline to my most dreaded thoughts?
“Sorry I can’t. Promised Mom I’d meet her in town to do some shopping. What about tomorrow?”
“Can’t tomorrow. Netball practice. The weekend then. Unless you’ve already made plans,” she fixes me with a penetrating stare. “Have you?” She giggles then draws a heart on her pad and puts Guy and Suzy in the middle of it.
“Weekend’s great. I haven’t made plans with anyone.” I lean over and scribble out the heart. “Don’t. In case anyone sees.”