Chapter Ten
Okay, here are my choices:
I can acknowledge Ryan—smile sweetly in a totally unfazed sort of way and say ‘hi how are you?’ and act like he’s just a guy I happen to know from way back. Which seems like a real cool response, but I’m not sure I can pull it off. I suspect stammering and looking acutely embarrassed will let me down.
Or, I can pretend I’ve never seen him before in my life and that it’s a case of mistaken identity—except if I did that how would I explain him knowing my name? Good point. Looks like that one’s out of the question.
Or—and this is my preferred option at this precise moment—I can get the hell out of here, and scream as loud as my lungs allow. Thing is by doing that not only will I look a complete and utter freak it will also ruin any chances I have of Guy asking me out again.
So, it appears I’m completely screwed.
“You know each other?” Guy says dragging me back from the crazy thoughts charging around my mind like things possessed.
“No.”
“Yes.”
We both speak at the same time and sharply turn our heads from staring in Guy’s direction to staring at each other. No prizes for guessing who said no. Well, it just sort of slipped out. And my heart is pounding so loud I swear it’s going to burst out of my shirt.
“What I mean is we sort of do,” I say pulling myself together with the help of a deep breath and clutching the table for support. “We met at summer camp in The Blue Mountains just over a year ago, didn’t we?” That’s an understatement if ever there was one.
“Yeah. At summer camp,” Ryan drawls. “I almost didn’t recognize you, but the hair gave it away.” It would be the hair. It’s always the freakin’ hair. A tiny smile tugs at his lips. I am so in the shit.
“So, Ryan,” I continue, forcing myself to look at him. “It’s good to see you again.” I smile, but suspect it looks more like a grimace than anything else. “I didn’t know you lived around here.” Thank goodness, or they’d have carted me off to the institution a long time ago. “How have you been keeping?”
He stares at me as if I’m totally crazy. Rightly so. I mean who in their right mind would say ‘how have you been keeping?’ to someone they once said they loved and also lost their virginity to? Just thinking about it sends shivers up and down my spine. And not shivers of pleasure. These are shivers of the scared-stiff variety. I don’t think the situation could get any worse if it tried.
“Good thanks,” Ryan replies. He certainly doesn’t seem as bothered about this catastrophic situation as I am. Then again, why would he be? He probably couldn’t care less. He might not even remember what we did at camp. I’m probably a nameless notch on his bedpost. And I think I’ve been watching too many B movies. “You?”
My fists clench involuntarily into a tight ball, nails digging into my palms so hard that pain shoots up my arms. I seriously don’t know what to do. I spent goodness knows how many nights wondering what would happen if I ever bumped into Ryan again; playing over and over in my mind what I’d say. But never in all my dreams did I envisage meeting him while out with someone else. Especially when that someone else I’d planned on having some sort of future with.
I wish Maddie was here. She’d tell me what to do. Not helpful.
Okay, I’ll wing it. But I’m definitely phoning Maddie the moment I get home. In fact I might even text her when we’re on the way so she can think about it in advance.
“I’m good too, thanks. Do you work here?” I say, my eyes suddenly drawn to the two white Starbucks mugs he’s holding in his hand and the dark green Starbucks polo-shirt he’s wearing (which under other circumstances I’d have said looks really hot against his tanned skin and dark hair).
“Started a few weeks ago. After school and weekends.” He shrugs. “I better get back before I get into trouble. Catch you later. I’m on my break in half an hour.” He smiles at both of us and saunters back to the counter as though he doesn’t have a care in the world. If someone told me I was operating in a parallel universe I would totally believe them.
I pick up my drink, give a couple of long sucks on the straw until it’s finished and place the cup back on the table. So much for enjoying my frappuccino, it tastes more like cold porridge.
“Shall we go then?” I ask Guy who’s being a bit too quiet for comfort. He frowns.
“Don’t you want to wait for Ryan? Talk about old times.” He folds his arms and leans back in his chair.
You know what. I think he’s jealous. Who’d have believed it? Well he has nothing to worry about. Ryan and I are history. As in long gone. As in finito. As in—Oh no.. How could I be such an idiot for not thinking this sooner? What if Ryan says something to Guy about us doing it? Shit. I feel sick.
“No. Let’s just go.” I grab my bag from under the chair and stand up. Stupidly I glance across at the counter and see Ryan staring at me. My heart does a quadruple somersault. I immediately avert my gaze and look straight ahead, not breaking my stare until I’m outside on the sidewalk. I have no idea whether or not Guy is behind me until I feel his hand tap me on the shoulder.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I snap. “I just didn’t want to stay, that’s all. I have to get home because it’s late.” I make a show of looking at my watch, and shaking my head. On my present performance if I entered Nerd Olympics I could well be in the running for a medal.
“Sure,” he says shrugging. We walk in silence to the car. All I can think about is: what’s Guy going to say if he finds out my whole life since moving here has been based on one big fat lie?
***
“Oh Maddie, it was awful. I’ve been in some sticky situations before but this has to be the worst ever ever ever. My entire life flashed before my eyes. Worse than drowning I reckon. I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole. It was so embarrassing I didn’t know what to do. And he just stood there staring at me as if—”
“Whoa, girl. Breathe.”
Breathe? That’s a laugh. It’s easy for her to say breathe when she’s not involved.
“I am, it’s just that—”
“Suzy,” she bellows in my ear before I have chance to finish. I hold the phone out in front of me and stare at it. She’s still coming over loud and clear, despite the distance between the phone and my ear. “Breathe. Do you hear me?” I nod my head. “I said, do you hear me?”
“Yes. Yes. I hear you. The whole world can hear you you’re shouting so much.” I sigh very loudly to make my point. “I’m breathing. Okay? But that’s not going to help me if Ryan decides to blurt out my secret to everyone is it?” I pace up and down the room, running my fingers through my hair, until they get stuck in a knot and I end up yanking out a handful and squealing in pain.
“And you think he’s likely to tell?”
“How the hell do I know? Why not? He’s got nothing to lose.”
“And nothing to gain.”
“Apart from getting me back for not contacting him. This is going to screw up my whole life I just know it.” I tear up and roughly wipe them away with the back of my hand. I’m not a cry baby so why they’ve decided to fall now I’ve no idea. Unless it’s a premonition of the bad things to come.
“Suzy, you need to think rationally. I remember him from camp. He’s a sweet guy. He won’t drop you in it. And anyway, he doesn’t know all about your lies.”
“Lie,” I correct. “Just the one. Even if it is like the hugest lie in the history of time.” Okay, so I’m not normally prone to melodrama (well, in my eyes I’m not. Maddie would probably disagree) but really this situation would lead even the most reserved person ever to over-the-top behavior.
“Well it is bigger than most, I have to agree with you there.”
“You don’t say.”
Maddie starts to giggle. “Sorry. It’s not funny. It’s just that why do these things happen to you all the time?”
She’s not wrong. I think I have a sign above my head saying ‘all trouble walk this way’.
“Yeah, but there’s trouble and there’s trouble. And if this lie gets out my life is ruined.” A sob escapes my lips. I sit on the end of my bed and lean forward, resting my arms on my knees.
“Oh, Suzy. Don’t cry. It’ll be okay. We just have to work out a plan.” The concern in Maddie’s voice gets me even more and I launch into a fully blown cry-attack.
“Sorry,” I say between sniffs. “Come on. Wow me with your failsafe plan.”