The Program

CHAPTER NINE




“SLOANE,” A VOICE WHISPERS.

My eyes flip open, and I start to scream as I see a figure next to my bed.

“Shh . . . shh . . . ,” Realm says, quickly putting his finger to his lips. He shoots a cautious look at the door, and I force myself to quiet down.

“You scared the hell out of me,” I whisper, and then lean closer so that I can see him better in the dim room. The only light comes from the moon outside the sealed window. I pause when he comes into focus. “Your eye.”

Realm has a black eye that looks like it might still hurt.

“It’s fine,” he says, waving me off. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Didn’t mean to leave so abruptly.” He grins, but he’s checking me over, making sure I’m all right.

“It was very rude,” I offer. Then I sit up and wrap my arms around his neck. He chuckles and holds me gently, almost like he’s embarrassed that we’re in an embrace. “I was so lonely,” I say.

Realm reaches to smooth back my hair. “Sloane . . .” He pauses. “No one hurt you, did they?” His voice is filled with concern, and I think he’s talking about Roger, but I can’t tell him about the pill. About the kiss.

“No,” I lie. “I just didn’t think you were coming back.” I slowly release him and lie back down in my bed, glad he’s here.

“You should sleep,” Realm whispers. “Meet you for breakfast?”

I nod, smiling. “Maybe they’ll have waffles.”

He laughs. “If not, I’ll find you some.”

I curl up on my side as he fixes my blankets. “You probably would.” I watch as he leaves, quietly closing the door behind him. Seeing him again is like a huge weight lifted off my chest. Even though I know I was upset earlier, I can’t remember why. I’m just glad my friend is back.

• • •

The next morning. Realm is waiting at my table, looking fresh in a pair of new lemon-yellow scrubs. His hair is still wet and brushed back, making him look younger somehow. Paired with his black eye, it’s almost adorable.

“It’s not waffles,” he says, as if expecting me to be disappointed. “But I filled out a suggestion card, so hopefully tomorrow.”

I laugh and sit next to him, not bothering to get my food yet. “Did you get that shiner from the handler?” I ask, leaning to look at it. Realm watches me as I examine him, a sad expression on his face.

“Roger got an elbow in,” he says quietly. “But I nearly choked him to death, so it’s about even.”

I tense and turn away, wishing I hadn’t let Roger touch me, but knowing that I got to keep a piece of myself in return. Or at least I hope.

“What?” Realm asks.

“Nothing,” I murmur. “I’m just hungry.” I get up and walk to the food line.

• • •

I’m at the end of my third week, and I continue to refuse my pills. I almost wish I didn’t know what the medication did to me so I wouldn’t have to have this battle every day. But I do know. And I want to fight.

After a therapy session and a fresh injection, I’m halfway back to my room when he walks into the hall.

“Hello, Sloane,” Roger says. “Sorry I haven’t been around. Been spending a lot of time at your new school.”

At the sound of his voice, goose bumps raise on my arms. “Leave me alone,” I say, my words slightly slurred.

“Don’t you want you know why?”

I turn to look at him as his dark hair falls over his eyes. “No.”

“Does the name James Murphy sound familiar?” he asks.

I gasp and stop walking, steadying myself on the wall. James is my boyfriend, or at least he was until he went into The Program. He’d been friends with Miller—and before that . . . What? Who was James before that?

I press the heel of my hand against my forehead. I can’t remember.

“Seems James is being difficult. No wonder you two were together for so long. You’re a couple of troublemakers.” Roger laughs, and I want to lunge at him and scratch out his eyes.

“Is he okay?” I ask.

Roger nods. “He’s fine. Just a pain in the ass. He’s always testing his handlers, slipping away. He’s lucky he’ll be eighteen soon, otherwise he might end up back here.”

James is okay. I smile and lean against the wall.

“You know, Sloane,” Roger whispers, walking to stand close to me. “After another session or two, James will be gone from your memory altogether.”

“Shut up,” I say, squeezing my eyes closed when his fingers brush my bare arm.

“I told you the price and I think it’s fair. What do you say?” He leans closer, his peppermint breath on my ear. His finger glides up my arm and onto my shirt, grazing the side of my breast.

The room is tilting from my medication, but I’m trying to hold on. I don’t want to be this vulnerable around him. I don’t want his disgusting hands on me. “No,” I snarl.

“Hmm . . . ,” he says, and loops his arm around my waist, putting my head against his shoulder. “Maybe I should help you to your room.”

I try to pull away and nearly fall when I hear a shout from down the hall. “Hey, Rog,” Realm says, his hands in the pockets of his yellow scrubs. “Looks like you might need some help.”

Instead of responding, Roger lays me down on the floor, backing away. “Wasn’t doing anything wrong, Michael,” he responds.

“Is that right?” Realm calls, walking toward us. The coolness of the white tiles feels good against my cheek. Realm’s image is sideways as he approaches. “Weren’t doing anything wrong with any of the other girls, either?” Realm asks. “What would Dr. Warren say?” Realm’s features are clouded as he comes to stand over me. I reach to touch the hem of his pants, fisting the fabric as I try to pull myself up.

“You keep a secret and I will too,” Roger says, his eyes narrowed to slits as he backs down the hall.

Realm takes my hand and gently tugs me to my feet. “Sloane, can you walk?” he asks.

I try to say yes as I lean into him, but I can’t seem to get my balance. Realm bends and then slips his arms under my knees and scoops me up, my head against his chest. He starts toward my room as Roger gets as far against the wall as he can.

“This isn’t over,” Realm says to him before kicking open my door. I can feel his body tense around me, and I wonder what Roger would have done to me if Realm hadn’t shown up. But I push the thought away, clinging to Realm as he lays me in my bed. I ask him to stay, not letting go of his shirt until his arms are around me. Then I drift, unconscious.

• • •

When it’s time for dinner, Realm and I don’t talk about what happened. At least not at first. He helps me get my food even as Derek and Shep break his balls, saying he’s whipped. I’m trembling, alternating between hot and cold flashes like a bad reaction to the medication.

“Can I sit with you?” Tabitha asks, poised at the end of our table. The guys laugh, but Realm moves over.

“Of course, Tabby.”

I smile at him, thinking he’s kind. He’s smart. He reminds me of James in a way, always knowing how to make me feel better. James makes me laugh too, although I can’t remember the last time we did that.

“Here,” Realm says, putting a piece of corn bread on my tray. “You need to eat, Sloane. You’re wasting away.”

“Maybe I want to waste away.”

“Don’t say things like that in here,” he whispers fiercely. “You’ll get flagged again.”

I nod, feeling bad for upsetting him, and I take his hand under the table. “I’m just feeling sorry for myself,” I say quietly. “My memories . . . I don’t have many left.”

Realm squeezes my hand and doesn’t let go. He looks at me like he understands, and then we go back to our dinner, listening as the others talk. I nod when Derek tells us that he’s going to move out of the country once he’s eighteen.

I’m grateful Realm is holding on to me. It doesn’t feel romantic. It feels like a lifeline.