The Piper

SIXTY-TWO




For the first time, in a very long time, Olivia was able to celebrate her birthday at Naples Italian Restaurant. Even as a little girl, her birthdays made her secretly sad. Tonight she looked out at all the smiling faces, like she did every year, and realized that it was fear that made her anxious, fear that made her sad. Fear of change, of the comings and goings of the ones you love, of the way she so often felt left behind. Wisdom was acceptance, and freedom from fear, but for Olivia, wisdom felt a long way away.

The mysterious bruising on her chest and throat had faded slowly and finally healed, her flesh supple, lightly freckled, pale. But her voice was not the same. A husky note could not be shaken off, and there were twinges of pain, like a memory, whenever she talked too loud. She felt like she had been marked, branded for the rest of her life. We knew you before you were born, Decan Ludde had said.

Patsy Ackerman came to her in dreams sometimes. Long blonde hair turned completely white. Always silent. She never spoke. The last time Olivia had gone to Patsy Ackerman’s house to feed Elliot, the back door had been wide open, and the parrot gone from his perch. Where, kept her up at night.

Teddy bounced up and down in the seat opposite, making the booth shake, making Jamison grin. He looked at Olivia across the table and Olivia caught a glimpse of something knowing, something that spoke of the man Jamison might have been, the boy her sister Emily had loved all those years ago.

Charlotte was there, with all of Teddy’s cousins. Just minutes before, Olivia had watched from the parking lot as Janet had picked something up off the sidewalk, on her way into the restaurant. Janet had straightened, looked over her shoulder at Olivia, held up a small black and gray feather, and given Olivia a strangely satisfied smile. As if they shared in secrets nobody else could bear.

Teddy had a recurring dream where her daddy came home, and she would wake the next morning, crying, hugging Winston who slept, as always, in the middle of her bed. She did not remember what had happened the night she disappeared. Dr Raymond said it was a memory that might never come back. The only thing Teddy remembered was being afraid, and crying, with Winston in the room, until Aunt Emily had come to hold her hand, and sit with her, and keep her and Winston safe.

McTavish sat beside Olivia, his arm resting on the top of the seat, cradling the back of her head. They liked the idea of moving in together, but for now Olivia did not want any changes in Teddy’s life.

Teddy handed Olivia a package. ‘Open this first.’

But McTavish waggled a finger. ‘No presents till after dessert.’

‘Just this one,’ Teddy said. ‘I want her to open mine first. It’s from me and Winston, see, I put his paw print right here. Please, please, please.’

‘Okay,’ Olivia said. ‘Don’t chant.’

‘Let’s fill that wine glass up and put a smile on your face,’ McTavish said, topping off Olivia’s glass.

It was clear from the copious amount of tape that Teddy had wrapped the gift herself, and there was indeed a muddy smear on the front where Teddy had put Winston’s paw to make a print. Olivia had to work to get to the box. Teddy was too excited to wait till all the paper came off.

‘It’s an iPod,’ Teddy said, leaning across the table. ‘Do you like it, Mama?’

‘I love it.’

‘McTavish took me and Jamison to shop. I thought you could listen to it at night when you can’t sleep. You can curl up with it in bed.’ Teddy looked sideways at McTavish. ‘Mama never sleeps at all. She reads or wanders all over the house.’

‘It’s perfect, Teddy. Thank you. All of you. Thanks.’

‘Now she’ll just have to figure out how to make it work,’ McTavish said, giving Teddy a wink.

Teddy snatched the iPod up across the table. ‘Here, I can set it up for you, Mama. Let me.’

Olivia balled up the wrapping paper, and stuck it in her purse. McTavish took the pink sticky bow and stuck it to the top of Olivia’s head.

‘It’s you that’s going to be embarrassed now,’ Olivia told him. ‘I’m going to wear it like this all night.’

‘I keep forgetting how shameless you are,’ McTavish said, and there was something in his grin that made Olivia’s cheeks turn pink.

‘Here, Mommy.’ Teddy was out of her seat, helping Olivia put the ear buds on. ‘It gets Internet radio. You can have music from all over the world. This is a station from France.’

Teddy adjusted the volume, and Olivia tilted her head, waiting for the music to come through.

Heart and soul, I fell in love with you

Heart and soul, I fell in love with you

Baaaby . . .

Olivia grabbed the edge of the table.

‘Mommy? Is something wrong?’

‘I’m fine, Teddy. I feel good. This is a happy night.’

Olivia had just a moment to hug her daughter before the waiter arrived, with plates that steamed with lasagna, and pasta with meat sauce, Chicken Marcela, another basket of warm bread, and the second carafe of house Chianti. Olivia sat on the edge of her seat while the plates were sorted out.

She still felt it sometimes, the compulsion she’d had when she’d reached for that ghostly hand, and she sometimes felt the lure, that yearning grief for her childhood home, thought she heard the piper whispering in her ear. But when the urge got too strong, she had only to touch her throat, to listen to the hoarse damage in her vocal cords, and it was enough, it was, to keep her safe.

She wondered, if she turned her head just right, would she get a glimpse of them, the good things and the bad? Did Decan Ludde still watch, was her family close – Chris and Emily, maybe her mom and dad? Did Chris know she had forgiven him, and wasn’t angry anymore? Was Hugh watching from across the room, smiling at Teddy from another booth?

Where were they now, Olivia wondered. Maybe they were right beside her. Maybe they had always been there.