The Lives of Tao

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

THE PARENTS



The Genjix’s newest conflict, the one you now refer to as the Thirty Years War, was just starting to take a hold of Europe. Our own war with the Genjix had been escalating as well. During those years, a myth sprouted among the Catholic clergy about the mystical Chest of the Menagerie. It was said that this chest had godly or devilish powers. In either case, the church wanted to find this chest badly. Just as the violence broke out, a French cardinal, Armand Jean du Plessis de Richelieu, was notified of the Chest of the Menagerie’s location. Zoras, his Genjix, rushed to action.



Roen was more afraid of meeting Jill’s parents than of being shot at by the Genjix. It didn’t help that Jill was just as nervous. The two had decided to go all out, making reservations at the famous Alinea restaurant just north of downtown Chicago. This time, none of Tao’s soothing words or encouraging pep talks made any difference.

After a lifetime of the fast-paced whirlwind of the Big Apple, Louis and Lee Ann Tesser were now living out their golden years in San Diego. Louis was a retired stockbroker, and Lee Ann used to be a general counsel for a hedge fund. Roen never felt so under a microscope in his entire life. They studied him with bemused expressions, as if he was an orangutan throwing feces at the keepers.

Jill wasn’t much help. She was a bundle of nerves and gaped in shock when she first saw his ragged appearance. He had shaved, gotten a haircut, and wore freshly laundered clothes, but there was no hiding his gaunt face, tired eyes, and pale skin. The ladies at the salon could only do so much. The two of them stood just outside of the restaurant like disciplined children with her parents. Immediately, Roen knew he was being appraised like a side of beef. The question was whether they were appraising him for steak or for dog food.

“So, you two work together?” was the first thing Lee Ann said. “Are you an attorney as well?”

“Actually, I was let go earlier this year,” Roen admitted, turning a slight shade of red.

Ah yes. Roen’s famous truthful stupidity rears its ugly head again.

“Well, isn’t that important in a relationship, Tao?”

Not to the parents!

“So what are you doing now?” Louis asked as they walked into the restaurant and sat down at their table.

Keep to the script. Do not undersell yourself.

Roen told them the rehearsed tale he told all his friends and family – that he worked for Bynum Consulting doing technical strategy. Her parents asked polite softball questions up until around the time the appetizers came, then the conversation ever-so-subtly became an interrogation. As a former lawyer, Lee Ann had a way of asking seemingly innocuous questions that had far more layers than they seemed. Questions that started innocently – like how many days a week he traveled – morphed into how little time they could possibly spend with each other into how he could take care of her if he was never around. Other questions like him renting and having a roommate turned into how he expected to start a family.

Thankfully, Roen received a slight reprieve when Lee Ann and Jill gave each other a knowing look and excused themselves, walking away to talk in private. Unfortunately, it left him alone with Louis.

“Look, Roen,” Louis began, “let’s get a few things clear. This is the second time that Jill has introduced us to one of her boyfriends, so it’s a big deal. Now, I might’ve been a big-city stockbroker, but I’m just a country boy from the swamps of Alabama, so I’m going to tell you some of my country-boy sexist philosophies, and you’re gonna listen.” Suddenly, his proper New York accent changed into a Southern twang.

Roen gulped and nodded. This was going to be bad. His mind raced as he tried to mask his terror.

“I like you,” Louis said. “You seem smart, but not too smart. You’re attentive, polite, and you’re scared of me. That’s a good thing; that’s how you should be. So here’s my philosophy on life and women, and I want you to listen good. I’ve always viewed God as very fair. Girls in their twenties – the world’s their oyster. They’re beautiful. Older men want to date them. Guys pay for everything, and everyone desires them. Men on the other hand, when we’re in our twenties, we’re dumb, we’re poor, and women our age want nothing to do with us. You follow?”

“Um… Tao? What the hell is he talking about?”

I like this guy. He is quite the philosopher.

“But like I said,” Louis continued. “Our Lord is a fair and good God. How things even out is that women might shine bright, but they burn out fast. Their lives are over by thirty. What do you geeks call it? Half-life? Shelf life? Whatever. It’s shorter than for us men. They have to find the right guy right away or it becomes a game of settling. That’s why Jill’s mother and I got married at an early age. She found the best guy she could possibly find at her peak. Guys are like wine. We get finer with time. We start earning money. We become more confident. We become more distinguished with age, and younger girls will still date us. You get me?”

Roen nodded, though he wasn’t sure at all where this was going. “I think so,” he mumbled politely.

“So,” Louis continued, “Jill’s shelf life is almost over and she has to find a quality man soon, and by the way I figure it, she’s been spending the best years of her life with you. And while you’re getting better, it’s no big deal if you move on later because you’re still aging well, like a good bottle of cab. You know where I’m going with this?”

Roen shook his head.

I never had it figured that Louis was such a philosopher. In another time with the right Quasing, he could have been a Nietzsche or a Voltaire!

“If I find out that you wasted the best years of my little girl’s life because of your fine-wine-aging process, I’m going to kill you. Because if she thinks you’re the best she can do, and she loves you, hell, I’ll buy it. I might even call you son one day, as long as you know how to hunt and fish. But if you’re anything other than what she thinks you are, I’ll turn your fine-wine-aging ass to vinegar so fast you better hope you can get FedExed to Africa, because I will hunt you until the ends of the green Earth, so help you God.” Louis bared his teeth and then finished his beer with one big chug. “We clear, son?”

“Crystal.” Roen felt what little blood was left in his face drain to his feet. “I just want...”

Louis laughed. “I’m kidding. Actually, I’m not, but I’m glad you know where we stand. So what’re you drinking?” He gestured toward the waitress.

“Scotch,” Roen replied quietly.

“Ahh, a man with hair on his back.” Louis ordered two scotches.

Jill and Lee Ann came back a few minutes later with martinis in hand. Jill gave him a small worried smile. Her parents continued his interrogation through seven more courses of dinner until they seemed to know more about Roen than his own parents did. By the end of the night, Louis offered to pay for dinner and insisted when Roen tried to pick up the tab anyway. Her parents gave him a very neutral-sounding goodbye, saying that it was nice to meet him and that they hoped he would find a job that didn’t require so much traveling. Jill and Roen beat a hasty retreat to compare notes.

“Dad paid for the bill,” Jill said, “that means he approves.”

“From where I come from,” Roen said, “when someone pays the bill, that means it’s business and not friendly.”

She smiled. “That’s not my dad. If he doesn’t like you and you’re paying, he’ll order a thousand-dollar bottle of wine – and spill it just to see the look on your face.”

“Does that mean I pass the test?”

“And they want you to get a job that doesn’t require so much traveling. That means they want us to spend more time together,” Jill added.

“I don’t know how you can see all that meaning into that,” he said, and shook his head. “All I got was a death threat if I don’t treat you right.”

She leaned over and kissed him. “Well, that’s one thing I agree with Dad on.” Her voice changed. “Hey, listen, thanks for meeting them. It’s important to me. I’m going to Frankfurt again for the next few months. It’s important to me to have this meeting before I leave. It’s good for a girl to know she’s got someone to come back to.”

Roen felt a soft lump in his throat as he pulled her close. “I’ll always be waiting for you,” he said. In his head, he knew that he shouldn’t make promises like that with his line of work. Would Tao’s next host end up paying Jill a visit like he had with Kathy? The very thought made him shudder.

Roen, do not assume such things. Your life can be a full one. It is still your right to find love and happiness.

“But at what cost? That I leave her a widow?”

You do want to marry her then?

Roen stopped. He never even thought of it until now.

One step at a time, my friend.

“He tell you his stupid wine metaphor?” Jill was saying.

Roen nodded.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “I don’t know how many times I’ve had to hear that. That’s a good thing though. He’s taking you seriously.”

“It’s so backward, yet true,” he mused.

“Whatever,” she murmured as she took his hand and led him out of the restaurant. She flashed him one of her bright dimpled smiles and said, “I’m still getting better with time. You’ll just have to see and find out!”

Roen looked at her and his heart suddenly swelled to the point his eyes filled with tears. Yes, he was pretty sure. He did want to marry her.