The Avery Shaw Experiment

Avery


After bowling I offered to help Grayson write a paper on his applied physics lesson at the bowling alley. “As part of science club if you write up a report on what you learned during our activities, you get to exchange it for a missed homework assignment or a failed quiz in Mr. Walden’s class.”

“Seriously? Mr. Walden doesn’t seem that cool.”

I sighed. “Grayson, most teachers are pretty cool when it comes to that stuff. Believe it or not, they actually want to see their students succeed. If they see you really applying yourself, they’re usually pretty flexible.”

“If you say so. But if we’re going to write a paper, let’s go to my house. My mom’s been extra moody since she and Kaitlin got in their fight. Maybe if she sees you, it’ll soften her up.”

Grayson saw the expression on my face and said, “Don’t worry, Aiden and The Leash Holder spend most of their time at her house.”

I had no more excuses, so I called my mom and went to Grayson’s house for the first time since winter break.

The Kennedy house, even though it’s three times the size of the cozy two-bedroom my mom and I rent, has always felt like a second home to me. I even sort of had my own room. Well, technically it was a guest room, but I kept a bunch of my stuff there since I was over so much. It felt nice to be back, but at the same time it felt different.

“Avery! Hi, honey!”

Cheryl was sitting at her desk with a stack of papers piled practically to the ceiling. She was a private tax accountant, so January through April she basically lived in her office. The rest of the year she had a lot more freedom to hang out and do stay-at-home mom things like cook and hover.

I stepped into the office and gave Grayson’s mom a hug. “Hi, Cheryl. I hope you don’t mind that I came over. I know it’s been awkward since New Year’s.”

“You’re always welcome here, you know that. You’re practically family. You’re supposed to get in fights with my boys.”

“I don’t think it’s a fight,” I said sadly.

Cheryl’s eyes softened. “You guys will work it out.” She cast her eyes to Grayson and found her smile again. “But you and Grayson have sure become a lot closer, so all isn’t lost, right?”

“Right.” I wanted to feel happy, but I had to get something off my chest. “Cheryl, I am so sorry for what happened with Aiden. I just want you to know that I don’t blame him.”

Grayson snorted in disgust. I ignored him and continued the speech I’d been rehearsing since Grayson asked me to come over. “Please don’t be mad at my mom anymore. I know she kind of went over the deep end with the protective bit, but that was my fault. I shouldn’t have freaked out so much. I should have understood Aiden better. He didn’t really do anything wrong and—”

“Avery, stop!” Grayson snapped, startling both Mrs. Kennedy and me. “You may not feel angry yet, but I do. I can’t listen to you stand there and defend him. Aiden doesn’t deserve it. He treated you like crap!”

“Grayson, calm down.”

“It’s true, Mom! He bailed on her for the science fair, and even though he said he still wanted to be her friend, he hasn’t spoken to her in weeks. The first day back from school she sat down at their lunch table with all of their friends, and he was going to ask her to not sit with him anymore. He was going to make her leave her own lunch table!”

Cheryl gasped, and I quickly shook my head. “He was probably just going to ask me to switch seats with Libby so that I wasn’t sitting right next to him.”

“Like that’s any better!” Grayson crossed his arms tightly over his chest and glared at me when I started to defend Aiden again. “Tell her what he did on Thursday.”

“He had every right to—”

“No he didn’t, Avery!”

“Grayson! Stop yelling at her.”

“Mom! She went to watch his debate on Thursday to be nice and prove that she was okay with his choices. She wanted to introduce herself to Mindy and let them both know that she could be their friends. Aiden got pissed off that she showed up and made her leave. He acted like her wanting to be there for him made her some kind of psycho stalker!”

I didn’t realize that my eyes were closed or that tears were leaking out of them until Grayson’s arms came around me and he said, “No more tears, Aves. He’s not worth it.”

“Aiden really did all that?” Cheryl asked in a small voice.

I couldn’t answer her, but I felt Grayson nod.

“Aiden is being a world-class jerk, and Kaitlin has every right to be pissed off at him. All of his friends are pissed off at him. I can’t even stand to be around him because I just want to beat him senseless. You need to get over your fight with Kaitlin, and you need to have words with your freaking son. That bitch he’s dating is turning him into an a*shole.”

“Grayson, watch your mouth!”

“Well, she is,” Grayson muttered.

“Grayson.” Cheryl sounded tired now. “I know your brother’s girlfriend is . . . difficult, but would you please refrain from using those kinds of words?”

“Difficult?” Grayson scoffed.

“Yes. She’s . . . she’s . . .” Cheryl sighed and then threw her arms around me. “Oh, Avery, why couldn’t it have been you? Grayson’s right, Aiden’s new girlfriend is . . .” She clearly wanted to use the B-word, but she couldn’t let herself do it. “We all miss you so much.”

She hugged me for a minute and then flopped back down in her desk chair. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so swamped that I haven’t been paying enough attention. I’ll talk to Aiden later, and Kaitlin. I promise.”

“Thanks,” I whispered. “But make sure Mom says she’s sorry to you too. She was out of line with some of the stuff she said.”

Cheryl’s eyes sparkled with humor. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll get an apology out of her. In the meantime, it’s good to have you back.” She glanced up at Grayson and smiled even bigger. “It’s odd to see you with Grayson, but it’s good to have you here.”

Grayson tucked me into his side. “Better get used to it. I’ve taken a liking to the shrimp. She’ll be back to her old visiting hours in no time.”

Cheryl’s smile melted into pure affection. She’d never admit it, but I’ve always thought Grayson was her favorite of the two. “What are you guys up to anyway?”

“I’m going to help Grayson write a paper. Science club took him bowling today and gave him his first lesson in applied physics. If he writes a report about it, he’ll get extra credit.”

All of Cheryl’s affection was suddenly directed at me. “You are too good to my boys, Avery. Grayson told me what you did for him, talking Mr. Walden into letting him do the science fair instead of getting taken off the basketball team. That was pretty amazing of you.”

I felt my cheeks get hot. “It wasn’t that amazing. Grayson is still working hard for it, and he’s helped me just as much. I really wouldn’t have been able to do the science fair by myself.”

“Still. Between my two boys, this family owes you.”

I felt Grayson perk up beside me. “Actually, Mom, if you really want to do something nice for Avery, I had an idea about her birthday next weekend.”

“My birthday?”

I was a little shocked. I hadn’t said a word about my birthday to anyone. I was sort of hoping people would forget it this year since that’s what I wanted to do. I didn’t know how to celebrate my birthday without Aiden, and I wasn’t particularly looking forward to learning.

Grayson squeezed my shoulders. “Aves, I know you’re dreading it because Aiden said he didn’t want to celebrate with you, but I’m not going to let you spend it home alone watching Shark Week reruns.”

My face must have looked annoyed, because Cheryl laughed. The truth was, that was pretty much exactly how I’d been preparing to spend my birthday.

“Mom, would it be cool if we planned an overnight at the condo with just a few friends? Ski on Saturday and stay up all night watching movies? We’d be home Sunday evening. Wouldn’t miss any school. Promise not to make a mess.”

I didn’t have to look at Grayson’s face to know that his I’m-so-irresistible-you-can’t-say-no-to-me smile was plastered there. Cheryl looked at the stacks of paper on her desk and sighed. “Hon, I don’t have time to go up there for the weekend right now.”

“Kaitlin could come.”

I couldn’t help but be touched by Grayson’s persistence. “You’d really do all that for me?”

“Aves, this is your first birthday that will be celebrated the way a birthday should be—all about you. As your first real birthday, it’s got to be epic, but I didn’t think you’d like a big crazy party with a ton of people, so how about just a really fun overnighter with your closest friends?”

“Actually . . .” I started to cry then because that sounded so perfect. I’d been so bummed about my birthday. I’d just accepted that it would suck for the rest of my life. Grayson couldn’t have known how badly I needed this. I needed my birthday to be awesome in order to prove that life really would go on without Aiden.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just been so emotional lately.” I took a deep breath and wiped away the tears. “That sounds really nice, Grayson. I don’t have to go up to the condo, though. We could just do something here and that would be good enough for me.”

“Nonsense!” Cheryl said. She was looking at me with pity now, but I couldn’t blame her. I was pretty pitiful right then. “If your mom can go up with you, then you’re welcome to use the condo next weekend.”

The way Grayson jolted next to me, I think he assumed she’d never go for it. “Awesome! You’re the best mom ever!”

“Yes, thank you, Cheryl. I promise we’ll be responsible.”

Grayson jumped forward to give his mom a hug. When he pulled back, she nailed him with a suspicious gaze. “How many close friends are we talking about?”

“Just us, Owen, Pam, Chloe, and the nerd herd.”

“The nerd herd?” Cheryl repeated while I gasped.

“You’d invite the science club? With Owen, Pam, and Chloe there?”

Cheryl finally understood and stared at her son in surprise. “My oldest son mixing social classes?”

“Oh yeah, Mom!” Grayson chirped. “It’ll be an interesting experiment. Didn’t you know? I’m all about social science now.”

Cheryl laughed, but I could still hardly believe it. “You’d really invite Brandon, Levi, Libby, and Tara along with Owen, Pamela, and Chloe?”

All the playfulness left Grayson. The way he looked at me made my knees feel like shaking. Somehow I managed to keep them steady, though.

“Those are your friends, Aves. It’s your birthday. I want you to spend it with all the people you care about, even if half of them are really weird.”

I was too choked up to say anything.

“Well,” Cheryl said. “I think it will be a good experience for all of them. Make sure Kaitlin can go. Boys and girls sleep in separate rooms and absolutely no alcohol. If Kaitlin finds even one drop of it, you will all be murdered.”

“Deal,” Grayson said.

“Then you have my blessing. Now go away so that I can get some work done.”

Grayson dragged us out of there so fast that I thought he was afraid Cheryl would come to her senses and take back the offer. He was so excited about my birthday that it took a while for him to settle down enough that he could focus on writing his paper. It ended up taking longer than we expected.

We were on Grayson’s bed, and when I stretched and lay back on his pillow, he closed his notebook. “I can write the conclusion myself. We can be done now.”

“No, it’s okay,” I said, but as I did, I yawned again.

“It’s getting close to nine. I should get you home anyway.”

“Okay.”

I made no effort to sit up.

Grayson shoved his books on the floor and then lay down next to me. “We didn’t get to work on our experiment at all today. I’m sorry we wasted the whole day on me.”

“That was not a waste, and it’s okay. We don’t really have anything else to work on right now. We haven’t done any kind of test for a while, and we’re still stuck in guilt.”

Grayson chuckled. “Should have let us take on the debate team today. The geek squad was ready. Would have been an awesome field test.”

I sighed. “It goes against my nature to want to hurt him, Grayson. I have no idea how we’re going to reach anger.”

“Well, I don’t understand how you aren’t angry. He was totally wrong, and he hurt you so much. I think you’re afraid of hurting him the way he hurt you, so you’re suppressing your anger. I think it’s there, and if you don’t deal with it eventually, one day you’ll just explode.”

I had no idea what to say. He was probably right. He’d been right about everything so far. “So what do you suggest I do, oh wise, unbiased decision maker of the Avery Shaw Experiment?”

Grayson leaned up on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, and looked down at me with a serious expression. “Honestly?”

“Yes. Be honest. You’re right about guilt being the worst stage so far. I hate feeling so bad all the time. If you have any ideas, I’ll do whatever you think I need.”

“Okay.” Grayson’s eyes locked on mine. “I think you should kiss me.”

My heart stopped. “Um . . .”

You would think that after dancing together and almost kissing him then I would be able to control my blushing and anxiety, but as I lay there on his bed with him gazing intently down at me, my breathing became really shallow. I had to look away from him.

“How will that help?”

“I think you’re too close to the project right now. You’re so attached to the idea of these stages that you’re like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You know you’re in the guilt stage, so you keep feeling it. You’re obsessing over it and making it worse. You also know anger is coming next, but you’re scared of being angry, so subconsciously you’re not allowing yourself to feel the anger.”

“Okay. I suppose I can see that, but . . .” I had to forcibly slow my breathing down. “How will kissing you change that?”

I finally managed to look at Grayson, but it didn’t matter because his eyes were trained on my lips. I bit the bottom one nervously, and the action made him swallow really hard in response.

He wet his lips and forced himself to answer my question. It clearly took him effort to pull his focus back to the conversation. “It’s something unexpected. It’ll take the steps out of order. You’re not supposed to be at a kissing-someone-new stage yet. You’ll feel things your brain doesn’t think you should be feeling. I’m hoping it might throw your mind off enough to sort of hit the reset button, you know? Maybe it will make your heart take point for a while instead of your head. Then you’ll react to things more naturally and get back on track.”

I tried to find a way to argue but couldn’t come up with anything. Maybe I didn’t want to. “Actually, your logic is pretty solid.”

One corner of Grayson’s mouth curved up. “I thought it sounded good.”

We sat there for a heartbeat in silence. His eyes were still focused on my lips, and I could swear he was just a tiny bit closer than he had been before.

“But it would be my first kiss,” I said. My voice wouldn’t work above a whisper anymore.

“Even better. Twice as distracting.”

“Shouldn’t my first kiss be special, with someone I care for instead of as part of a scientific experiment?”

Grayson’s eyes finally snapped back to mine. “Someone you care for? I’m hurt, Aves,” he teased. “Are you saying you don’t care for me?”

I rolled my eyes, grateful for the return of his playfulness. That was a lot easier to deal with than his intensity. “Of course I care about you. You know I do.” I was able to smile and tease him back. “You’re my unofficial gross older brother, remember?”

“You think I’m gross? You consider me a brother, but you still kissed me anyway. That is gross.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t kiss you.”

He came at me fast, but when his lips pressed down on mine, his movements slowed to a near stop, as if he were savoring every second of this moment.

For years I’d imagined what a kiss would feel like. It turns out my imagination is severely lacking. I figured it would feel soft and warm and maybe tingly, but I didn’t really understand what soft, warm, and tingly actually felt like until Grayson Kennedy showed me.

The kiss was short, but so delicate and tender. Not at all the fire and passion and mess of tangled tongues you read about in books. In fact, there was no tongue. It was just two pairs of lips meeting for the first time.

It felt like he was being careful with me, and I really appreciated that. Instead of panicking, as I’d assumed would happen, his touch calmed me, and I was able to simply experience it. My mouth opened instinctively, and he immediately caught my bottom lip in his. He lingered only long enough to give me the chance to react with a small kiss of my own. When I finally did, he smiled against my lips and leaned back.

“Now you’ve kissed me,” he said, his eyes alight with more than just mischief. “Still think I’m gross?”

“I . . . I . . .” I was flustered but also still somewhat up in the clouds—the peace and panic inside me were at war with one another. “I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.”

Grayson grinned. “I think that means it’s working. Maybe we should do it again.”

“Again?”

“We need to make sure we really test this theory as thoroughly as possible.”

“We do?”

“Yes, Avery. I hereby demand as a completely impartial outside observer with absolutely no personal interest in the outcome of this experiment that you need to kiss me again. Right now. For purely scientific purposes, of course.”

“For science?”

“Yes! In the name of science!”

He gave me a questioning look, and I blushed of course, but I surprised us both when I giggled. “I suppose I did give you permission to run this experiment however you deemed necessary.”

Grayson grinned so big his rare dimple was out on full display. “Trust me, Aves, it’s definitely necessary.”

The second kiss was nothing like the first. I thought that one had been amazing—it had been the perfect first kiss—but this second kiss was mind-blowing in an entirely different way. This one was heat and passion, and a certain sense of impatience that suggested he’d waited way too long for it.

Grayson rolled forward slightly so that our bodies were pressed together, and I felt that familiar explosion of heat that had overcome me when we’d danced. As he rested his hand on my cheek, my arms found their way around his neck.

After a moment Grayson pulled back and teasingly asked, “Gross?”

For the first time in my life I didn’t feel shy. “Definitely,” I said, pulling his face back down to mine. “Very, very gross.”

Grayson laughed and then brushed my new bangs back and kissed me again. This time I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. I was okay with that.

He’d just slipped his tongue into my mouth, and I’d just decided that french kissing rocks when Aiden’s voice broke through the bubble we were in. As per house rules, we’d left Grayson’s bedroom door open. We’d both forgotten about that, seeing as how neither of us ever suspected we might want the privacy, so there was no time to pull apart before Aiden walked in.

“Hey, Grayson, I just thought you’d be happy to know that I broke up with—” He broke off midsentence with a gasp.

I shot up to a sitting position. This time instead of the blood rushing too my face, it drained from it.

Grayson sighed and pulled himself into a sitting position as well. “Aves, you were doing so well, don’t freak out now.” He looked at his brother, and in a dry voice said, “About time. Would you mind shutting the door on your way out?”

Aiden didn’t leave. His face flushed an angry red. “How dare you take advantage of her! It’s Avery, Grayson! Of all the girls in the world, how could you screw with her?”

I could hear the forced control in Grayson’s reply. “I wasn’t screwing with her.”

“No,” Aiden spat. “You were just trying to screw her.”

I couldn’t believe he’d just said that. “Aiden!”

At the sound of my voice, Aiden turned his fury on me. “How could you fall for it, Aves? As many times as you’ve seen him do this to other girls?”

I gasped. His disappointment and disgust cut me all the way to my bones.

“I thought you were smarter than that, but I guess you’re just like every other girl after all. Congratulations. How does it feel to be Grayson Kennedy’s latest conquest?”

There was no stopping the tidal wave of tears that flooded from my eyes. I scrambled off the bed and ran past them out the door. I hoped Grayson would bring my backpack to school for me tomorrow, because there was no way I was going to go back for it.

“Avery!” Grayson shouted. I didn’t stop, but as I flew down the stairs I heard him shout, “Idiot! How many times do you have to break her heart?”

I burst into the office a sobbing mess and threw myself at Cheryl. “Avery?” she gasped, wrapping her arms around me.

“Can you please take me home?”

“Of course, honey. What happened?”

“I just want to leave.”

Cheryl reached around me to grab her purse, but Grayson stopped her. “Let me, Mom,” he said quietly.

Cheryl searched my face for signs of approval, but Grayson didn’t give me a chance to protest. He pulled me from his mother’s arms. “Aves, that’s not what that was about. I swear you’re not just another girl to me.”

I wasn’t so sure about that, but that wasn’t what I was so upset about. “He hates me, Grayson! Did you see the look on his face? He was disgusted with me!”

“Don’t let him ruin what just happened. It wasn’t disgusting. It was amazing and special. Hell, it’s been practically inevitable since New Year’s Eve.”

I shook my head furiously. “What it was, was a failed experiment. It didn’t reset anything! Now I just feel guiltier than ever!”

I turned to Cheryl, who was watching us at a complete loss for words. She’d probably pieced together what had happened, but when I turned to her and asked her if she would take me home now, she didn’t say anything about it. She simply grabbed her purse and ushered me past Grayson out to her car.