The Summer We Came to Life

Chapter

37





WE’RE BACK ON THE DOCK. I DROP MY HEAD into Mina’s lap and sobs pour from my mouth like lava. Everything everywhere hurts. We’ve seesawed back to this strange world where I can feel my body, but now the downpour of sensation only makes me nauseous and raw. Crying here hurts worse than anything when I was alive. It hurts worse than dying. I think it will never stop. I think it will never stop hurting.

“No, it won’t, Sammy. Not as far as I can tell, anyway.”

The cries turn to whimpers in my throat. As Mina strokes my hair, the heaving feeling slowly passes. When I sit up, I curl my knees to my chest to anchor myself somehow. I force myself to feel the warmth of the sun, to be still like the glassy water. “So you go anytime you want?”

The look in Mina’s eyes is as old as time. “What do you think I’ve been doing?”

“It’s torture. Why do it to yourself?”

Mina looks wounded. “It’s the only way to be with them.”

Her response trips me into a dirty puddle, muddling my thoughts. But I don’t want to visit. I don’t want to watch. I want…

“What, Sam? What do you want?”

“I want to go back.”

“Let’s go. This is the most time I’ve spent here yet! I’m worried about Isabel—”

“That’s not what I meant. I mean I want to go back to before.”

“You mean you wish you hadn’t died.” Mina tries her best to look comforting. But she frowns. “You wish you never ended up here, with me.”

The look on my best friend’s face is a poisoned arrow, infecting me with shame. If I hadn’t died, wouldn’t Mina have been forced to watch us for eternity, a fish in an invisible fishbowl? “Of course I’m glad to be with you.” I poke her shoulder. Then her leg. I poke her repeatedly until she smiles. A thought strikes me finally. “Does Kendra know about me? Does Remy?”

“Kendra, yes. Isabel emailed Remy and left a voicemail. He hasn’t responded.”

“Why not? What is he doing?”

Mina looks away. “I don’t know. I visited you two when you were alive and with him. But I can’t go now.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, Sam.”

“Can I go?”

“I would think so. Do you want to try?”

I look out across the green water. “Let’s go see Kendra first.”



“Where are we?” Blue. Blue everywhere. And the smell of chlorine.

“Kendra’s swimming.”

There she is. Third lane from the right. Swimming hard, like the devil’s chasing her.

“Yeah, she’s upset. But, Sam, there’s something else… something you don’t know.”

Kendra finishes her lap. She yanks herself out of the pool, and stomps a path toward the changing room. She checks the clock.

I’m in the changing room when she comes in the door. She sits down on a bench, unlocks her locker and takes out a towel. Still dripping wet, she covers her face with the terry cloth. Then she leans forward and bangs her head on the locker five times. When she stops, she tips her head back, eyes wide-open. It startles me. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen Kendra Jones cry. She stops as soon as she starts. She wipes her nose and sniffs hard. Tough girl Kendra. Never a big fan of naked emotion. She opens the locker again. She slips quickly out of her swimsuit and into a dress, conspicuously averting her eyes from her body. She dumps everything in her bag and leans hard against the locker. Her face is all angles and shadows. Then it starts to shimmer. Everywhere.

“Mina?”

“We have to go, Sam.”

I can barely make out Kendra heading for the exit. But then she turns sharply and looks back. I can see her clearly now and I follow her gaze. On the floor is a single green clover leaf.