Take Me On

“Hit.” I flip back through our conversation and realize she’s never fully admitted what he did. “He attacked you and you defended yourself. This wasn’t a sparring match or a tournament. Someone you trusted failed you. That makes him an asshole and you justified.”


Haley cracks her neck to the side and steps from me. I allow her the space, because she’s heading away from the door. Her fingers brush along the top of my dresser, touching two of my watches, a class ring and a bottle of cologne.

She assesses the room. The judgment I’d been waiting for since the first night I brought her here settles on her face. “Why are you with me? You could have anyone, yet you’re with me.”

“What you mean to say is that I’m rich.”

“And I’m poor. I lived in a homeless shelter.”

I shrug. “And I lived in my car.”

“You can’t understand me.” She dangles the Rolex from her fingers. “It’s not the same.”

“No, it’s not. There are things about us that are different, but don’t try to make me out to be something other than what I am when I’m with you. Being with you is the only time I’m okay living in my own skin.”

“Why me?” There’s a taunt in her voice and she’s looking to pick an argument. “Did you get tired of girls who would give you whatever you wanted and decided to go for the chase?”

“Why are you pushing me so hard?”

“I’m not,” she says. But she is. She doesn’t like what I said to her about Matt.

“Last night you weren’t sure you wanted us. Now that I know something intimate about you are you going to do what you do best? Are you going to hole up in your head and run away?”

“You’re a jerk,” she spits out.

I throw out my arms. “I sure am, but at least I’m not playing dead. Are you fighting or are you running? Because this is on you. You can say whatever you want and you can push me as hard and as long as you want, but I’m not tapping out.”

Haley stands by my bed, unblinking and unmoving, and because I’ve already tossed it all on the table, I decide to give up the last of my pride. “And so you know, I’m a virgin, Haley. I’ve never had sex with any of those girls. You were never about the chase.”

Like I’ve announced I have eight nipples, she clumsily sits back onto my bed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you’re the girl I’ve been waiting for. If you want to break up, then you’re going to have to do it because I won’t. You’re it for me, and I’m not walking away.”

Haley stares at the carpet. A sad song begins to play on the television. It’s the part in the movie where the couple breaks up. Eventually, they get back together. It’s what happens in movies, but as Haley has reminded me time and time again, this is real life. People lose their jobs, their homes... They lose each other and in real life, the pain actually hurts.

“I’m falling for you.” It was a whisper, barely audible. I heard it more with my heart than I did with my ears and it was the most beautiful sound. “I’m falling for you, but I don’t want to.”

She bends forward and her hair hides her face. I crouch in front of her and tuck her hair behind her ear. “I’m not Matt. Me and you, we aren’t a repeat of the past.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.”

She nods like she understands, but the truth doesn’t reflect in her eyes.

“I’m not Matt.”

“I know,” she whispers again.

“Then you say it.”

Haley twists her fingers into her hair and barely whispers, “You’re not Matt.”

“Then why do you keep comparing me to him?”





Haley

West’s statement is like a front kick to the gut. “I don’t.”

“You have been the only person to see who I am. You’ve never looked at me as a Young. You’ve never looked at me as a free ride. You have always seen me—the good and the bad.”

West slides his fingers into my hair and rubs the strands between his thumb and forefinger before letting it fall back to my shoulder. “But whenever we’re close, I see Matt’s ghost in your eyes. When we fight, sometimes I don’t think it’s me you’re fighting against. I love you, Haley, but I’m not willing to share you, even with a memory.”

My eyes flash to his and I see the honest ache telling me how much speaking the truth costs him. West isn’t Matt. I know this. West and Matt could never be sorted into the same category. West: refined in his own bad boy way and smoldering blue eyes that whisper his secret thoughts, both the heartwarming emotional and the blush-inducing erotic.

But it’s more than that. The emotions growing inside me... It’s more than the warmth, the constant flutters, the excitement of meeting his gaze from across the room. It’s more than a crush. The longer I’m with West, the more I realize that’s exactly what it was between me and Matt. I crushed on Matt...hard...because if it was love, he wouldn’t have treated me like he did.

“Maybe we’re doing this backwards,” says West with a crazy gleam in his eye.

“How’s that?” Because this all feels rather hopeless.

“The only way to get rid of a ghost is to exorcize it.”