Sunrise Point

Chapter Five


Noah Kincaid had become a passable detective over time and necessity—Nora wasn’t the first person he’d helped thusly. He knew how to verify an address and employment and with the help of Brie Valenzuela, court documents. He reported to Nora that Jed Crane checked out and provided information on her aunt Victoria with a phone number to call when she was ready. There were three cousins—the entire family back east. All the items in the envelope were legitimate. There was one surprise included—a check. It was more money than Nora had had at one time in her life—five thousand dollars.

What is the money for?” she asked Jed in an email sent from Noah’s church office.

I made alimony and support payments and after your mother died, checks weren’t cashed. I thought maybe you could use it,” he wrote back

But I’m sure you’re not rich,” she fired back.

Can you put it to good use?” he returned.

Could she! The first thing would be car seats, just in case anyone offered to take her with the girls anywhere. And they were in sore need of clothes, all of them. She’d have to get the girls outfitted for winter—secondhand was perfectly adequate, but still cost money and should be done soon. The church always threw a little something her way, but she would still have to buy things like underwear and shoes. Disposable diapers for the baby cost the earth and formula wasn’t cheap. And then there was preschool and day care.

And there was one other thing that gnawed at her. She went to Noah and said, “I have a confession to make. It’s about the house… .”

What house?” he asked.

The one I’m living in.” Her cheeks grew hot and rosy. “I have no idea who owns it. It was a broken-down hovel when Chad brought us here. Fay was a newborn. It didn’t look like it had been lived in for years and the door was unlocked. I asked a man who was walking by with his dog who lived there and he said different renters on and off. The gas and electric were running, so we just went in. Noah—I’m squatting.”

Squatting?” he asked.

No one knows this, but no one has collected rent. The gas and power—I don’t use much, but I’m behind on the bills. Bills come in the mail to someone none of my neighbors has ever heard of and I get a money order from the Corner Store and pay a little something and miraculously, it keeps running. No one questions me. And now I have some money so I should make it right. And I’m scared. What if…”

Noah laughed. “Nora, that house was abandoned years ago—that’s why it wasn’t kept up. There are at least a few of them in town. Utilities are on?”

She nodded and chewed her lower lip. “Oh, my God—what if I’m evicted?”

It’s shelter,” he said. “I’ll try to figure out who owns it, but sometimes it’s better not to ask a question if you can’t stand the answer. It’s probably owned by the state or bank. One tiny house with one bedroom—it can’t cost much in utilities.”

But someone could notice I’m behind one of these days and shut everything off,” she said. “And what if it happens in winter?”

Call me if that happens, meanwhile use a little of this money to catch up on the utility bills as much as you can,” he said with a smile. “We’re there for you, Nora. We don’t have much, but we always have lights and heat. You can bring the apples.”



* * *



Tom had a lot of friends from high school still living in the area, many of them working on family ranches, vineyards or farms; most of them married and some already parents. He had missed his ten-year high school reunion; he’d been in Afghanistan. His Marine Corps friends were either still serving or separated and returned to homes all over the U.S. And, there were a few deceased—he kept in touch with some widows and parents of fallen marines.

As for a social life, he occasionally drove all the way to the coast for a beer where there might be datable girls. He hadn’t met any particularly tempting women, however. And there was always Jack’s, but Maxie was so intent on cooking up a good evening meal for him that he had to head her off before she even planned one in her head. “Friday night I think I’ll go out,” he’d say. “Maybe hook up with some of my old friends.” Maxie was always delighted to hear that. She wanted Tom to have some fun. But what she didn’t know was that he seldom hooked up with anyone.

One thing he did do was give his only female employee a ride each morning and afternoon. She had stopped protesting and he found himself looking forward to those few minutes coming and going, fascinated by the updates on her family situation. She had met her father and began either talking to him for a few minutes a day or emailing from Noah’s church office.

There’s a lot to process,” she told him. “It’s shocking how much I have to learn about myself—how my experiences growing up influenced some of the choices I’ve made.”

As in bad choices?”

Sure, some. But Reverend Kincaid has been wonderful in helping me navigate this minefield and tries to prompt me to find some of the good choices I’ve made. Like the choice to be a loving mother. Now, I don’t know about you and your views of fatherhood, but I always thought I’d be stuck with the kind of mother I turned out to be and to tell the truth, I was afraid I’d stink at it. It never occurred to me I had a choice.”

I think some people are naturals, though,” he said.

Oh, I’m sure. Your grandmother, for example. If I could be like her one day…” And then she smiled at him with a smile that so lit up her pretty face he thought it was a miracle he didn’t drive off the road.

He realized they were becoming friends, the most unlikely friends imaginable. If she were a little older and less encumbered, they might even be more than friends. That was out of the question, of course. Tom was not in the market for an instant family. He was especially unwilling to take on the kids of some unknown guy or guys.

It was too bad she had that baggage because there were things about her that really blew his whistle—like her undeniable beauty. She had rich mahogany hair—long, silky, thick. She usually kept it in a ponytail but had a habit of letting it loose, shaking it out, combing it with her fingers back into the tie that held it. And her eyes were smoky, a kind of odd brown shade that grew almost gray in the bright light. And those slim, dark brown brows—she could lift just one and it became provocative. Sexy and even suggestive. He loved that she took her breaks in the orchard rather than the break room in the barn—she said fall was her favorite season and it would be gone too soon. And it touched a place deep inside him when she said working in the orchard was like a fantasy she hadn’t even dared dream of—a luxury.

Almost everything about her appealed to him. Except her past, of course. And the ready-made family—he didn’t even know where they’d come from.

He would enjoy their chats, get a kick out of her sometimes teasing, sometimes challenging personality. Here she was, struggling and down on her luck, yet she didn’t take any of his guff. He liked that in a girl. All that being said, he’d keep looking. He’d find the right woman one day. And he wouldn’t be completely surprised if she turned out to be a little like Nora.

Until he did, he not only picked her up and drove her home, after a week of that he began to go all the way into town to get her. And he tried not to keep an eye out for her during the workday, but still managed to find things to do near wherever she was picking.

Maxie took a run over to the coast for some shopping and since she was gone, Tom went to the kitchen to make himself a huge sandwich full of meats, cheeses, lettuce, tomato and pickles. He cut it in half, wrapped it in a couple of paper towels and set off for the orchard. He went to where he’d last seen her picking, but she wasn’t there. Her ladder stood abandoned. He walked deeper into the orchard and finally he thought he heard her humming and he moved toward the sound.

Very soon he realized it wasn’t music—she was crying. His pace quickened as he looked for her. “Nora?” he called. But she didn’t answer; her sobbing became closer and more ragged. He felt panic rise; his fear for her surpassed all other thoughts.

Finally he saw the satchel in which she carried water and lunch and the shadow of her bent knee on the far side of an apple tree. Her crying was very close. She was sitting on the ground, leaning against the tree, her face covered with her hands. Three long strides brought him to her and he instantly fell to his knees in front of her.

God, are you hurt?” he asked.

She shook her head and turned her red, wet eyes toward him. But she didn’t answer, she simply cried.

He put aside the sandwich and gently grabbed her shoulders. “Nora, talk to me. Tell me what happened, what’s wrong.”

She just shook her head and sobbed.

He pulled her against him and held her. He whispered to her, shhhh and, it’s okay. He rocked her a little bit. And finally, through her tears she choked out, “I remember.” And then she cried some more.

Tom had always hated it when girls cried. He had always thought it either weak or manipulative. But when Nora gripped the front of his shirt in her hands and held her face against his chest, weeping, he found it curious that those thoughts didn’t even come to mind. His shirt was getting all wet and he didn’t care. And while he wished he knew exactly what caused these tears, he was willing to soak them up until she was ready. All he wanted was to take care of her. He wanted to comfort, stop the tears, ease her worry, feed her half of his sandwich.

He held her for a long time before she took a few deep, uneven breaths. Against his chest she said, “All of a sudden I remembered. I was up in the tree, on top of my ladder, and I remembered.” Then she leaned back a little bit and still gripping his shirt with some desperation she added, “I just remembered. Jed…my father…said that he was divorced when I was four but stopped coming for his visits when I was six and for all these years I believed my parents divorced when I was six. I remembered so clearly, coming home from first grade and asking if Daddy was coming home.” She shook her head. “I lost two years of my life. Two whole years. And I just got them back.”

He threaded his fingers into the hair at her temples and, just as he’d seen her do at least a dozen times, he combed back her hair until it came free of the ponytail. He spread it over her shoulders and smiled into her eyes. “Does a little girl of four remember so much, anyway?”

Yes. What I remember now is hiding under the bed, behind my mother’s heavy curtains, in the closet or outside. Because when my dad came to get me, there was always a terrible fight—lots of yelling. My mother screamed at him. He was so passive—he would keep saying, ‘I just want to take Nora for the day and I’ll bring her back on time,’ but my mother made it so horrible, so scary, that I was terrified and I shook all over. I wet my pants and she blamed my daddy. Oh, God, I remember.” She swallowed convulsively. “And then when I got home, she was crazy all night, sometimes all week. I remember telling her I didn’t want to go with Daddy, thinking it could make her better. I told him he shouldn’t come because it made Mommy too mad and made Mommy cry. I remember.” Huge tears rolled down her cheeks. “I sent him away, Tom. He never came again. Never called, never sent cards, never showed up for birthdays or holidays. And my mother used to say, ‘You’re better off—he was an abusive ass.’” And she dropped her head against his chest again.

Tom sat back on his heels, facing her. He ran his hands down her hair. He’d wanted to touch it for a long time, but he never imagined it would be like this.

I used to remember things,” she said. “Very small things—standing on my stool to do dishes with him in a sink that wasn’t our sink. Or going bowling when the ball weighed half as much as me and Daddy laughing so hard. Or reading in a park, then going on the swings, then getting ice cream—all nice memories that didn’t seem abusive to me. My mother said those things never happened and that I invented them. She said he abused me and I had buried memories.” She lifted her head for a moment. “I did—but they weren’t the kind my mother suggested they were.”

He ran a thumb across her cheek under each eye. “Are you crying because you remember?”

I don’t know,” she said. “Because suddenly I realized I hadn’t remembered—that two whole years had been gone from my life. That my mother is really dead and nothing was ever worked out with her. That my father came back to tell me she was dead and that he was sorry.” She sniffed. “Do you have any idea what I’d have given to hear my mother say that? That she was sorry?”

He leaned his forehead against hers and gently massaged her shoulders. “Of course I do,” he said. Because he’d like to know what the hell happened between his parents and had accepted that he never would.

Of course you do.” She took a deep breath. “I have to get a grip. It’s time to get back to work…”

Not just yet,” Tom said. He reached for the sandwich and opened the paper towels. “Do you have water in that?” he said, jutting his chin toward the satchel. When she nodded he asked, “Will you share it with me?”

Sure,” she said with a sniff, pulling out a big bottled water that she refilled at home every night.

He chuckled and put the sandwich on the ground on one of the paper towels, handing the other to her. “You need this for your eyes and nose. I’ll share mine.”

She obediently wiped the wet off her cheeks and blew her nose, but her eyes instantly filled again. “Thank you, Tom, but I don’t think I can eat anything.”

I know that’s what you think,” he said, handing the sandwich toward her. “I want you to take a couple of bites. Maybe you’ll feel a little better. Don’t worry,” he said with a laugh. “I can eat what you can’t finish.”

Why did you do this?” she asked, taking a very small, experimental bite.

He smiled, a little naughty. “Maxie went to town to shop. All the way to the coast. No one’s watching me, making assumptions.”

Ah,” she said, chewing. “You’re afraid Maxie will think you like me.”

I’m sure she already thinks that. She’s noticed I give you rides. She notices everything. But a ride and a lunch—I don’t want her getting all worked up, like I’m taking it to the next level. Because I’m not taking it to the next level.”

Because we’re employer and employee,” she said, helping him out.

Uh-huh, and friends. Come on, we’re friends. Aren’t we friends? I watched you blow your nose—that’s very intimate. Isn’t it?”

She laughed in spite of herself. She also took another bite of her sandwich. “You’re a very sensitive man, underneath it all.”

He gave her a serious look. He shook his head. “I don’t know about sensitive—but I’ve been to Iraq and Afghanistan with the Marines. I’ve seen grown men cry for their mothers. I’ve promised to visit their wives if they don’t make it.”

She was frozen, he could see that. She coughed and nearly choked, swallowing hard. “God,” she said. “I can be so selfish. What I’ve been through is nothing compared to war.”

He gave another stroke to her long, wonderful hair, hoping he didn’t get mustard or pickle juice on it. “Don’t do that to yourself, Nora. You’ve had your own war. You’re allowed to feel the weight of it. This has been traumatic for you.”

Her eyes filled again, but she seemed to will them to dry right away. “See? Very understanding of you.” She handed her half sandwich toward him.

I think you took three bites. Small bites. Can you try a little harder? I really worked to build that thing.”

She laughed again, but she took a bite. And she thought, Oh, this is scary. Because if someone like Tom could actually like her, it would be unimaginably wonderful. If a genuinely good man who happened to live inside a very large, hard, sexy body felt the slightest attraction…

But she took another bite. “It’s very good, in fact.”

What’s in the sandwich you bring every day?” he asked.

What do you think? PB and J. Berry’s favorite. I make her have a banana or, these days, apple slices with it. Protein, carbs and fruit.”

He took a giant bite of his half. After he swallowed he said, “Teach her how to spread the peanut butter right on apple slices. Or, take some apple butter home today—peanut butter and apple butter make a mean sandwich. And let’s hook you up with some cider. It might be too much for the baby, but Berry can handle the cider—so full of vitamins, it’ll rock her world.” He lifted his eyebrows. “Could eliminate the nap—it seems to fill little kids with energy. But it’s good energy.”

You are definitely the apple man,” she said.

I love apples.” He grinned and nodded toward her. “One more bite. And can I have a slug of that water?”

Of course.” She handed him the bottle. And she took yet another bite. “You have a gift here, as well,” she said, nodding toward the huge sandwich.

Are you feeling a little better?” he asked.

She nodded. “I apologize. It hit me out of nowhere. The memories, then the crying, then the anger, then grief, then… I don’t know what happened. But thank you. I’m a lot better.” She held the sandwich toward him. He lifted both brows and she took one more bite. “That’s it,” she said. “Kill it. If I get hungry again a little later, I have my PB and J.”

He started on what was left of her half. “Why’d you name your daughter Berry?” he asked.

I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “I was alone, scared out of my mind and the only friends I had were the people in the drug-infested motel where I lived or the ones I met in the welfare or Medicaid lines and I just wanted a cheerful, happy name for the baby I had no idea how I would support or take care of. I liked it. The name.”

He frowned. “You were in a bad place.”

Bad. Place.”

And now?”

Good place. The nicest job I’ve ever had, though I might not be saying that in a couple of months when the cold sets in. The kids are happy, healthy. I support them in a town that has welcomed us in spite of the fact that we really come from nothing. I’m very grateful. Life is actually good, despite the fact that I have some issues to work through.” She took a sip of water and handed it to him. “I need to get to work.”

Not yet,” he said. “I think the best thing to do is for you to take the afternoon off—check in with Reverend Kincaid. Talk to him awhile…”

I’d like to, but you pay better,” she said, smiling tolerantly.

He stood up and held out a hand to help her to her feet. “The investment will be worth it,” he said. “If Noah is helping you navigate this minefield, as you say, today’s meltdown might be worth the time away from apple picking.”

You’re probably right,” she said. “That sandwich. That was nice. Even if you only did it when Maxie wouldn’t know.”

Well, a guy has to be crafty when he has a grandmother like Maxie. She’s a little on the pushy side. Come on, we’ll swing by the house and grab some cider and apple butter and I’ll give you a ride back to Virgin River.”



* * *



A few days later, after talking to Noah and thinking things over, Nora phoned her father. “I remember now,” she said. “I sent you away.”

You can’t take responsibility for that, Nora. You were only six. And I could see how difficult our situation had become. I thought you were terrified of my visits and rightly so—not only was Therese impossible at times, I was the one who punched a hole in the wall. Our relationship was out of control. I had to leave it—I was the kerosene on the fire.”

How did you two end up together, anyway?” she asked.

I asked myself that often enough,” he said. “We met at a college fair, a large presentation to potential freshmen by area colleges. I was one of many people working the UC Berkeley booth. I was walking around the area, looking at the other presentations, and bumped into her. Your mother was a very attractive woman. She made me laugh… .”

She could be so funny,” Nora remembered. “There were times, between her white-hot rages, we could laugh together. She was at times so destructive that it’s hard to remember some of her good traits. But how did you end up married?”

He sighed into the phone. “We married too quickly. We had several dates, talked about the fact that here we were, older at thirty-nine and forty-four, both had wanted to marry and have a family and yet had never come close. A few months later had us running off to the courthouse to get married so we could try to get a start on that family before it was too late. And then it was living together as husband and wife that allowed me to see there was a lot more to Therese than met the eye.”

No kidding…”

For a little while, I was on a cloud. I’m not an exciting guy, I know that—I’m a nerdy, quiet, boring history teacher. I’m excited by things very few other people care about. And then this pretty, funny, intelligent woman liked me. Liked me a lot. Wanted to be with me, have a family with me… It was such a powerful feeling. I couldn’t resist—I thought I’d finally found the life I’d been waiting for. She was pregnant immediately. And then I thought a lot of the high drama and tantrums had to do with that.”

Nah,” Nora said. “Trust me—the temper came out of the blue. I never knew what a day would hold. We’d go for days, sometimes weeks, and everything would seem so normal. Maybe not a happy circus, but normal. And then there’d be some incident—fight with the neighbors, disagreement at work, an argument with a friend… Once a traffic ticket had her in a state for weeks! She ranted on the phone to anyone who would listen right up to her court appearance. She performed for a traffic judge who threatened to throw her in jail. I might never have known about that, but I was with her. It was regular. Frequent. I don’t know what made her so crazy.”

There were also lies—things she said people did to her, that hadn’t been done. I’m sure she claimed that traffic cop abused her in some way,” Jed added.

Um, yes,” Nora said. “She had an elaborate story. But there are cameras in the patrol cars. That got her in trouble…and produced a long running rage. If there was one thing Therese hated, it was being caught.”

And there you have it,” Jed said. “After four years of trying to be the ballast in the drama of the day, I finally told her I couldn’t take the mood swings, the anger, the crazy-making. And it wasn’t always directed at me—but fifty percent of the time there was some enormous melodrama that I didn’t understand and couldn’t deal with. And I was the most convenient person she had to dump it on. I suggested we try a trial separation. I said I thought the pressure of working and parenting was wearing on her and I could take some of that stress off her hands. I wanted to take you. I might as well have launched a missile—she went into an immediate defensive posture. She saw a lawyer right away. We were instantly at war.” He took a breath. “You’d think after the number of years I spent studying historic battles, I’d know better than to draw first blood. I’m sorry, Nora. I’m the one at fault for all of it.”

Well…apology accepted, but I know you were no more capable of making things different than I was. Life was sometimes so hard with her… .”

I’m so sorry, Nora. I’d give anything if I could’ve been smarter. If I’d been a better father.”

What if I inherited it? Her instability?”

According to her sisters, whatever it was, it was there since she was a just a girl. Her sisters were older than she—larger, stronger, presumably smarter—and yet they were sometimes afraid of her. When we got married, she didn’t want any family there… . Nora, I don’t know what caused your mother’s problems, but if you don’t have those issues now… I trust you’re free of it. I hate that I had to miss so much of your life.”

I have something to tell you,” she said. “There are… I have…” She swallowed. “I have children. Two girls. Ten months and almost three years. And no, I haven’t been married. Their names are Fay and Berry.”

She heard a strange sound on the phone. “God,” he said in a whisper. “Oh, my God…”

They’re very smart and beautiful,” she told him.

Can I… Will you let me meet them?”

You can visit for an afternoon when I’m not working,” she said. “Even though you’re my father and we’ve been talking for a couple of weeks, I’m not ready to leave you unsupervised with them, so that’s the best I can do. I work a lot. I’m not close to Stanford—I’m in Humboldt County. A little town called Virgin River. There are a couple of motels on the coast a good half hour away, but no guest room and no bed-and-breakfast.”

He sniffed loudly. “Don’t worry about that. Tell me when I can come. I’ll take time off. Oh, Nora, thank you for telling me. Thank you for giving me a chance.”

Yeah, don’t screw up,” she said. “I’ve somehow survived one really mean parent. The first time it looks like it’s going down that road with you, it’s over.”