Shame on You

“He has magical fingers, did I mention that part already?” I ask the girls.

“Yes, you’ve mentioned his magic digits several times. Get to the good part, for God’s sake. Tell me you saw his penis,” Paige demands.

“You don’t have to answer that,” Lorelei states firmly as she takes a sip of bottled water. Lorelei has a one-drink minimum. I’ve never seen her drunk. I think it’s physically impossible for her to get drunk.

“She most certainly DOES have to answer that. I haven’t seen a penis in months. I need to live vicariously through her,” Paige argues.

“I did not have sexual relations with that man,” I say in my best Bill Clinton voice. “I also did not get to see the peen.”

Paige boos and hisses at my announcement and Lorelei rolls her eyes.

“Okay, so there’s been a little bit of a setback with winning this bet. He’s obviously trying to distract you with sex. We need to come up with a new plan of attack.”

I blink a few times to get Lorelei’s face into focus and see her sitting there tapping her finger against her lips while she thinks.

What if she’s right? What if all of this was just a ruse to sidetrack me so he could take down McFadden? The kisses, the proclamation, the orgasm…it was all part of his evil master plan. I’ve been so flustered and distracted that I’m not thinking clearly and can’t find a guy who should be easier to track down than this. It should have never taken me this long to catch a bail jumper.

SON OF A BITCH!

I jump up from the couch and throw my arms up in the air, forgetting the full glass of wine I still have in my hand as it spills all over the floor and coffee table and splashes on Paige’s shoes.

“NOT MY JIMMY CHOOS!!!!” Paige screams.

Reaching for the wine bottle on the coffee table, I stick it right in front of her face. “Here, drink this and don’t think about the shoes.”

Paige sniffles and takes a sip of wine from her glass and then tips back the wine bottle and starts chugging.

“Oh my God, you do NOT chug a one-hundred-and-fifty-dollar bottle of Domaine Leflaive Chardonnay!” Lorelei shouts as she yanks the bottle away from Paige’s lips.

“Lorelei, fire up the Batmobile. We’re going on a field trip,” I tell her as she glares at Paige.

“Yes!” Paige shouts as she gets up from the couch and wraps her arms around me.

“What? No. Absolutely not. We are not going anywhere.”

Paige and I look at each other and all of the wine I’ve consumed makes it perfectly acceptable that she’s hugging me and in my personal space.

“Where are we going? Will there be penises?” she whispers with her chin on my shoulder.

“No, no penises. Better.”

“Better than penises? I don’t understand,” Paige replies.

“We’re going to my dad’s office to fuck up Griffin’s world,” I inform her with an evil smile on my face.

“Okay, not that I’m condoning this nonsense, but how is going to your dad’s office going to affect Griffin in any way?” Lorelei asks as she sets the bottle of wine down.

“Because, my dear, Griffin has a desk at my dad’s office now. A desk and a computer. And files. And notes. Notes on whatever case he’s currently working on.”

“I still don’t get it. Will we see his penis there?” Paige questions.

I ignore Paige and stare directly at Lorelei. Lorelei hates men. Lorelei hates it that Griffin might be using me to get what he wants. I shush the nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that Griffin wants me. Lorelei will understand my need to do whatever I can to get the jump on him and win this bet. He can’t have me. I cannot be had!

She lets out a huge sigh and stares up at the ceiling for a few minutes before shaking her head at me.

“Fine. But you two are sitting in the backseat and not saying a word the entire trip there. And if we get caught, I don’t know you.”



Twenty minutes later I’m unlocking the door to my dad’s office and creeping inside in the dark with Paige clutching the back of my shirt.

“Don’t make a sound,” I whisper to her as I move slowly into the room and try to feel my way around. My shin connects with a chair and I let out a yelp.

“SHHHHHHHHH!” Paige warns.

The pitch-black room is suddenly swathed in bright, fluorescent lighting as Lorelei flips the switch by the door.

“Is there a reason why you two are lurking around in the dark like burglars? You have a key, Kennedy. It’s not breaking and entering if you have a key.” She walks past the two of us crouched low to the ground.

“You are totally killing my buzz,” I inform her as I stand up fully and move away from Paige to the spare desks in the back of the room that my dad reserves for his part-time bounty hunters.

Glancing between the three of them, I spot Griffin’s black leather jacket draped over the chair of the desk closest to the wall.