Shallow Breath

23

Jackson




Jackson and Kate have spent all day catching up. Which means they have spent quite a bit of the time in bed in his caravan, his two small fans whirling uselessly to counteract the heat. For a while, Jackson forgets everything except the sublime press of her skin against his, but they get hungry as the sun goes down, so, reluctantly, he gets dressed and searches his cupboards for something he can make. He hasn’t stocked up since his trip, and in the end they share a tin of fruit and a packet of crisps.

‘I apologise for this,’ Jackson says, as he passes Kate some slimy slices of peach. ‘I’ll cook for you properly tomorrow, I promise.’

Kate smiles at him. Earlier on she had been thrilled to see him, but now she is quiet.

‘You okay?’

‘Fine.’

He can’t stomach it any longer. He has to know. ‘Look, have you got anything to do with a group called White Wave?’



He realises he’s dropped it on her without warning, but he’s still surprised to see how instantly she freezes, the vitality draining from her face. Confused, and a little ashamed at what he’s done, he ploughs on. ‘For what it’s worth, I’ve browsed the website and it sounds amazing. Something to be proud of.’ He smiles encouragingly, willing her to open up.

‘I used to work with them – I don’t any more.’ Her voice is cool and hard.

‘You want to talk about it?’

‘No.’ She gets up from the bed, clutching the sheet to her chest, digging around on the floor for her clothes. ‘You’re right, though, they are a good group of people. How do you know about them?’

‘My boss recognised you – his name is Ian Fellows. He’s the one I’m working with on whale shark research. He told me he met you years ago when he was diving in Phuket. And he also said’ – and here Jackson tries his best to laugh as though he’s suggesting the most ridiculous thing, but he is aware of his heart thundering – ‘that he thought you were dead.’

‘Really?’ Kate’s voice is cold. ‘Well, as you can see, I’m not.’ She is pulling on her skirt. As she finishes dressing, he is alarmed to see her looking for her bag, and realises she’s planning to leave.

‘Hey, hey, Kate …’ He moves across to take gentle hold of her arm. ‘You’re not going, are you? What’s wrong? Come on, you can tell me.’

‘I don’t like this, Jackson. It feels like you’ve been checking up on me.’

‘I wasn’t, I promise. It was pure chance that Ian spotted the photo. It was one I took of you on the boat last month. I was just looking at it one evening.’ His voice softens, pleading. ‘I was missing you.’



She peers hard into his eyes, and he sees her features relax. He wants to blow out a sigh of relief.

She goes across to sit on the bed and puts her head in her hands. Neither of them say anything for a while, as she stares at the floor, thinking.

Then she looks up.

‘There are complications in my life, Jackson. I don’t want to tell you about them right now, but I will later. I have to keep a low profile for a little while. So I need you to trust me.’

‘Why, what have you done?’

She smiles and shakes her head. ‘I haven’t done anything. But, like I said, I need you to trust me. If I could talk about it, I would – but I can’t. That means you have to restrain yourself from asking questions, just for the time being. Can you do that?’ She gets up and comes closer to him. ‘Whatever this is’ – her hand moves back and forth between them – ‘it’s happened out of the blue, and right now’s not the best time for me. Please, trust me.’

‘You didn’t have a problem with us a few hours ago.’

‘I know. I’m sorry.’

Jackson leans against the door and closes his eyes. When he opens them again, she is still watching him, waiting.

Hasn’t he always had an inkling that this thing is too good to be true? And here it comes, any future he might have envisaged against his better judgement, now unravelling as Kate becomes someone he hasn’t really got to know these past few weeks, who won’t even confide in him. And if he says any of this, he can see in her eyes that she will go. She feels no obligation to him. She has him over a barrel; they both know it.

‘Look,’ he says eventually. ‘I’m an uncomplicated guy. I don’t often do relationships at all, and I especially don’t do the drama of ones like this. If you can’t trust me now, I think I’d rather you go, until you can.’



What the hell are you saying? he is asking himself, even as he is speaking.

But Kate nods in agreement. ‘I actually respect you more for that, Jackson. And I’ll keep my distance for now, at least until I can be honest. Okay?’

Jackson shrugs in what he hopes is a blunt attempt at indifference, and goes to sit on his bed. The night becomes surreal, as Kate collects her bag and heads for the door. His mind is flashing through every snippet of information he knows about her, but there aren’t nearly enough pieces to be able to pin this puzzle together.

‘Is this it, then?’ he asks quietly.

She turns to him, her expression sad. ‘I guess it is, for now. I’ll leave in the morning.’

She is about to let herself out when someone knocks loudly on the door. He sees her pause, unsure, and gets up, pushing in front of her to see who it is.

To his surprise, Pete is standing there. And, to Jackson’s shame, his sister, whom he hasn’t caught up with yet, is waiting too.

‘Have you seen Maya?’ Pete asks. ‘It’s pretty late and she’s not in her van.’

Jackson falters, not wanting to sound like he hasn’t been paying attention to his niece either. ‘She’s eighteen, isn’t she? She’s probably out partying somewhere.’

Pete gives him a strange look. ‘Does that sound like Maya?’

‘Okay,’ Jackson says, annoyed, pulling his shirt on, ‘let’s go and find her.’ He is in such a hurry to get outside that he barely notices Desi and Kate catching sight of one another. Pete follows him on the short walk to Maya’s caravan, with Desi trailing behind them, but the place is dark. Pete goes ahead and knocks anyway, but there’s no answer.



Jackson glances around as though he might spot Maya coming towards them from the darkness. ‘I haven’t seen her since I got home.’ He begins to panic. ‘Have you?’

‘Yes, don’t worry, she came to the shack a couple of days ago,’ Pete says. ‘We just decided on an impromptu visit.’

‘I tried her mobile a few times on the way here,’ Desi puts in. ‘But it’s going straight through to voicemail.’

‘I saw her earlier today,’ Kate says in the background. ‘She was heading inside.’ She gestures to the caravan, standing impassively in the dark. ‘She seemed okay to me.’

Jackson looks from Kate to Pete and Desi. ‘Sorry, I should introduce you. Pete, Desi, this is Kate.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ Pete says, stepping forward and shaking Kate’s hand.

Desi doesn’t move. She is staring at Kate strangely, and Jackson imagines he must look as surprised as Pete when she finally speaks.

‘It’s good to meet you,’ Desi says. ‘But I have to ask – are you really Kate, Connor’s niece? Or are you Katherine – his daughter?’