Rebelonging

Chapter 34
He turned sideways in the car to face me. "It's about what happened. What I did to you."
I stared deep into his eyes and heard myself ask, "What about it?"
He looked down and shook his head. "It wasn't right. I'm not stupid. I know that. Shit, I knew it at the time. And why I couldn’t stop myself—" He looked up again, meeting my gaze with an intensity so sharp that it hurt to watch. "I am so f*cking ashamed of myself, I can't even tell you."
My breath was coming short and fast. This car, this place, him – it was all so surreal. And his voice was hypnotic. I wanted to fall into his arms and never let go.
He reached out for my hand. "You're my dream girl, Chloe. You've got to believe that." His voice got this far-off quality. "I wished for you, and here you are, everything I ever imagined. Yeah, I won't lie. I've been with a lot of girls. But there's been nobody like you."
"Really?"
He nodded, never breaking eye contact. "I mean it. I love you. I should've told you sooner. And I should've done a better of showing it. But if you just give me one more chance, I swear to you, you won't regret it."
I caught my breath, and my heart flip-flopped. I wanted to believe it. But it was all so unbelievable. Girls had literally fought over him. Lots of girls. Did they all think they were something special too?
"I want to tell you something else," he said. "And I'm dead serious. The things I've told you today, I've never told anyone."
"Ever?" I said.
"Ever."
The admission was staggering. And still, the question lingered. Why me?
He was Lawton Rastor, and I was a waitress without a home of my own. And he'd been linked to so many girls, women actually. How could someone like me stand out in a sea of endless choices?
But I couldn't help it. Listening to him, my heart melted, and my eyes grew misty. When he squeezed my hand, I squeezed it back, too blown away to say much of anything.
"So when I thought you were just playing me," he continued, "pretending to be something you weren't, well, I guess I went a little nuts. But I swear to God, it will never, ever happen again."
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to process what he just said. If I were completely honest, I was pretending, although not in the way he feared.
Here he'd just bared his soul to me, told me his deepest, darkest secrets. If I couldn't do the same in return, I didn't deserve to be happy. And I sure as hell didn't deserve someone like him, who would bare his soul just to say he was sorry.
I squared my shoulders. "You need to know something too," I said. "That house in your neighborhood? It's not mine. I'm just staying there, that's all." I looked down. "I don't really belong there."
"Baby," he said. "I know it's not your house, remember?"
I felt myself nod.
"And you wanna know where you belong?"
"Where?" I said.
"With me."
I felt myself smile. In my whole life, I'd never been wanted like this, not even from my parents.
"Now c'mon," he said. "No more serious talk. Whatever's going on, we'll work it out, alright?"
I nodded.
He leaned closer. "First, I just have a question."
"What?"
"Do you love me?"
My voice was just a whisper, but when I spoke, it seemed to fill the entire car. "Yes."
His leaned closer still. "Say it."
I looked deep into those breathtaking eyes, and said what he wanted to hear, the truth. "I love you."
Something in his expression eased, and he gave me a heart-stopping grin. "Baby, I love you too. More than life itself. I mean it."
When our lips met, it felt like coming home. Or rather, it felt like coming home to the home I never had. His lips were urgent and soft and everything I remembered. A half-sigh, half-moan escaped my lips, and I wanted to melt into him right then and there.
Too soon, with a visible effort, he pulled away and looked around, taking in our surroundings. "We'd better go," he said.
I looked around, too. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing yet. But it'll be dark soon." He settled back into his seat and started the car. "And trust me, the farther away we get, the better."
As he pulled away from the curb, I said, "So, this car? Is it really bullet-proof?"
"Pretty much."
"But why?"
"Why not? Haven't you ever wanted a bullet-proof car?"
"No." I laughed. "Not particularly."
"Eh, you're not a guy. Besides, I'm glad I have it." His voice softened. "Otherwise, I'd have never brought you down here."
"Yeah?"
He nodded. "I might take a lot of chances in life, but with your safety? No way I'm risking that. Not ever."
I felt myself smile. "You couldn't have bullet-proofed one of your nicer cars?" I teased.
"Nope."
"Why not?" I said.
"Let's say we drove the Lexus. We'd be taken for an easy mark." He shrugged. "Or a drug dealer. But in this thing, we're practically invisible." He looked around. "It's perfect for stuff like this."
"Stuff like what?" I said.
"Seeing things without being seen, watching without being watched. A car like this in Rochester Hills, yeah, it sticks out like a sore thumb. But a place like this, it's just part of the landscape."
"But why the bullet-proofing?" I said. I took one last look around. "It's practically a ghost town."
His tone grew serious. "Just because you don't see people, it doesn't mean no one's around. Besides," he said, "I use it for a few other things."
"Like what?" I said.
He turned to give me a heart-stopping grin. "It's a secret."
"What?" I sputtered.
He laughed. "No more serious talk. Remember? You hungry?"
I nodded. It suddenly occurred to me that it was dinner time, and I hadn't even had lunch. We turned off his street, away from his childhood home.
I hadn't had an easy childhood, but compared to Lawton's, mine was a cakewalk. What would it feel like to actually live in a place like this?
I never wanted to find out.
As we left his old neighborhood behind, I watched the urban landscape change from worse to better with every mile.
He took me to a little Tai place in the business district. I had to work in just a couple of hours, so we didn't have a lot of time, but the time we did spend together made me remember why I'd fallen for him so hard in the first place.
We held hands over dinner and laughed over dessert. I talked about Josh and Grandma and the time I'd let Erika bully me into piercing my naval.
His eyes smoldered into mine. "Is it still pierced?" he asked.
I laughed. "You know the answer to that. No."
"You sure?" he said. "I could check."
"You could," I said, "but we'd probably get kicked out of here."
He grinned.
I found myself grinning back. "What are you so happy about?" I said.
"You didn't say I couldn't check, ever. You just said I couldn’t check now."
I thought of Erika's words. Just have fun, let it go.
I looked across the table at him. I loved this guy. And he made me laugh. True, he'd also made me cry, but that was part of life, right? And he did love me. I could see it in his eyes.
And I loved him too. So much it almost hurt.
Maybe I was a fool. But I'd rather be a fool in love than a fool with regrets. And I knew one thing for certain. If I walked away now, I'd regret it forever.
Before we left, he leaned in close, ignoring the dirty plates and empty glasses. "Tell me something," he said.
I was lost. Lost in his eyes. Lost in his presence. "What?" I said.
"Are you still my girl?"
There was no way I could stop myself. For better or worse, I felt myself nod.
He practically dove across the table, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. I heard his voice, tender in my ear. "Baby, I promise you. You're not gonna regret this."
What I really regretted was that I had to work that night. So instead of spending the night in his arms, or even an hour in his bed, I'd be spending the night at the diner, delivering food, pushing drinks, and worst of all, training Brittney.
We were sitting in the Parkers' driveway when I told him that Brittney was my new co-worker.
"Want me to take care of it?" he asked.
"How?"
He shrugged. "However."
I thought about it. It was tempting, but ultimately, I couldn't say yes. I didn't want anyone to fight my battles for me, no matter how easy it sounded. So, with a certain amount of regret, I told him no.
There was barely enough time to walk Chucky and get ready. From the driver's seat, he turned to face me. "I don't wanna let you go," he said.
"You mean to work?"
"No," he said leaning toward me. "I mean anywhere." He wrapped me in his arms, and our lips met in one final urgent kiss.
I stifled a groan as our tongues danced and my core ignited. Desperately, I tried to justify calling in sick, or at least showing up late. Or maybe skipping Chucky's walk.
I wanted Lawton so bad that I felt like I'd melt away to nothing if I didn't have him this instant. I wanted to feel him inside me, to have his tattooed skin pressed against my own unmarked stomach and breasts, to feel his hands on my back, and his pelvis grinding into mine in that special way that drove me insane.
I heard myself sigh. I just couldn't.
I'd been on the other side of this equation too many times. I'd been the person let down or left hanging because someone was off doing something they wanted, and letting others pay for their fun.
I wasn't going to be that person. Not now, and not ever.
With another groan, I pulled away. I looked toward the house, and saw the curtains move. A moment later, Chucky's face appeared in the window.
Lawton laughed. "Our chaperone."
"Yeah." I blew out a breath. "I've gotta go."
"I was afraid of that."
Before I got out of the car, I leaned into him and asked, "When do you fly out?"
"Tomorrow morning. Six o'clock."
"So early?" I said.
He nodded. "Are you sure don't wanna come with me?" He leaned his forehead against mine. "Tell ya what, you don't even have to wake up. I'll carry you onto that plane myself."
I laughed in spite of myself. He would too. "I wish," I said. "But I've got Chucky. And work."
"When I get back," he said, "we'll have to talk about that."
He'd be gone a whole week. It seemed like a week too long. "And just so you know," I said, "I want to do a whole lot more than talk."