Chapter 36
Grandma glared down at the letters. "Those sons-of-bitches," she said.
I bit my lip. "Maybe it's just a bank error."
Grandma snorted. "Bank error my ass."
"Or maybe just an honest mistake?"
Grandma was still looking at the letters. "You just got these today?"
"Yeah, but it's been a couple weeks since I checked my box." I sifted through the envelopes, looking at the date stamps. "Oh shit," I said.
Grandma looked up. "What?"
"These aren't even the latest ones. I've deposited two more since these. Do you think they bounced, too?"
If they did, I was in deep trouble. Before the Parkers had left for Costa Rica, they'd left me a series of post-dated checks. Those weekly checks covered everything – regular expenses, my house-sitting salary, incidentals, whatever.
That salary wasn't a fortune, but it still had me worried. Because my salary was nothing compared to the other expenses those checks were supposed to cover. Those were a fortune, at least by my standards.
For starters, Chucky ate only the best dog food, some custom organic stuff from a specialty shop. Pound for pound, it probably would've been cheaper to feed him prime rib and be done with it.
And then, there were the countless other things related to the house itself – the lawn service, the pest control, some guy who came once a week to trim their hedges and trees. It all seemed beyond wasteful to me. The hedges and trees had stopped growing weeks ago. It was nearly winter, after all.
The Parkers probably spent more money on yard care than I spent on groceries and gas.
Except – oh God – it wasn't going to be me paying for their lawn care. Was it?
"You call 'em yet?" Grandma asked.
"I tried. I couldn’t get through."
"I knew it!" Grandma said. "Those f*ckers bailed on you."
I shook my head. "They couldn’t have bailed. They've got a house, a dog, family photos, the works. " Again I sifted through the letters. "This has to be just some, I dunno, bank thing or something."
Grandma gave me the squinty eye. "What kind of degree you got again?"
"You know perfectly well what it is."
"I just wanna hear you say it."
"Fine," I said. "Accounting."
"Uh-huh. And you believe that horseshit you're shoveling at me? Well, then you better call that school for a refund, because they did a shitty job of teaching you."
"Sorry. They don't offer refunds." It was too bad in a way. They hadn't done a shitty job, but my degree wasn't exactly paying off.
"Here's what you do," Grandma said. "Go back there tonight, and clean 'em out. Take everything. The china, the fancy artwork." She leaned closer. "In that house of theirs, they got copper pipes?"
I gave her a look. "I don't know. And it doesn't matter, because I'm not gonna clean anyone out."
"Why the hell not?"
"I dunno. I mean, it's probably just some snafu with their bank transfers or something. They are in Costa Rica. Remember?"
"Calling it a snafu don't make it right," Grandma said.
"Besides," I said, "I'm watching their dog."
"Shit, take the dog too. You said he's a pricey one, right?"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not gonna steal their dog. Besides, if Chucky were mine, I wouldn’t sell him." I leaned back and crossed my arms. "I'd keep him."
That mutt was growing on me. Except technically, he wasn't a mutt. He was a purebred Yorkie, descended from national show dogs on both sides. But he acted like a mutt. That had to count for something, right?
"Alright," Grandma said, "Just threaten 'em."
I stared at her. "What?"
"Yeah. Tell 'em if they don't pay up, their dog's gonna be dog food."
"See?" I said. "This is why I never discuss money with you."
Grandma was a smart lady, but she had her own ideas of justice. Of course, she hadn't been quite so bloodthirsty when someone had cleaned out her life-savings a few years earlier.
Then again, that thief had been her daughter. My mom. Of the absentee variety.
"I'm not gonna kill their dog either," I said.
"Did I say you should kill him? No. I said you should threaten to kill him. Big difference."
"I'll think about it," I said.
"Your ass. You're not gonna think about nothin'."
"Besides," I said, "what if the Parkers are hurt or something?"
"They're gonna be hurt if they don't pay up."
A few feet away, the cottage door opened. I glanced over to see Josh, my younger brother, come through the door with a book bag slung over his shoulder.
I glanced at Grandma's kitchen clock. "Three o'clock already?" I said.
"What do you mean 'already'?" Josh said, "I've been busting my hump since nine o'clock."
"Oh. My. God," I said. "You didn't just say you've been busting your hump."
"Hey, I have," Josh insisted. "It's not like I'm in grade school anymore."
"Alright, fine," I said with a laugh. "You're officially a hump-buster."
"Damn straight," he said.
"Oh God," I said. "Not you too. I thought we all agreed not to swear anymore."
"You agreed," Grandma said. "We agreed it was f*ckin' stupid."
"Yeah," Josh said, "and besides, you talk that way all the time."
"Not all the time." I gave him a serious look. "Please tell me you don't talk this way in public."
"Hell no," he said. "I'm not that stupid."
I smiled in spite of myself. "You're not stupid at all, and you know it."
Josh was in the gifted program, and he needed to stay there. This meant he needed to stay at his current school, which also meant he needed to stay exactly where he was – living with my Dad and Loretta.
And Grandma? Well, she needed to stay in the cottage. As long as she lived there, Josh had at least one place close by where he felt welcome.
I couldn't help but notice that Josh had come straight to the cottage after getting off the bus. He hadn't gone to where he supposedly lived.
Grandma's place was rented, and it was tiny – one bedroom, one bathroom, a cozy kitchen, and small living area with windows overlooking an elaborate rose garden, now dormant.
Across the garden loomed a much larger home, where my Dad lived with Loretta in a two-story brick house, much like the Parkers'. Everything was Loretta's – the house, the cottage, the gardens, and probably all their possessions.
This meant that Loretta wasn't just mine and Josh's stepmother. She was also Grandma's landlady.
It was all so complicated that I had a hard time keeping it straight sometimes. But it worked as long as Grandma thought she had a job.
Reminded of this, I stood and reached for the bin of envelopes she had stuffed during the last week. I said my goodbyes and headed out to my car.
I was loading the bin into my trunk when I heard that dreaded voice somewhere behind me call out, "Up to your usual tricks, I see?"