Reason to Breathe

10. Night Game





When we pulled into the parking lot at the school, I assumed Evan would drop me off and come back later for the varsity game. The junior varsity team didn’t draw many spectators besides their parents and the varsity team. But he shut off the car and proceeded to get out.


“You’re staying?” I asked, grabbing my bags from his car.

“Is that okay?”

“Sure,” I replied. “There aren’t a lot of people here, but it’s up to you.”

“Can I sit with you and Sara?”

“We usually sit with the team, but I don’t see why you can’t. I have to warn you, I listen to music to block everyone out so that I can get focused. I’m not going to talk to you.”

“That’s fine. I’ll find something good for you to listen to.” He took the iPod from my hands and started scrolling through the music selections.

“Hey Sara,” I called to her when we neared the first row of the bleachers. She hadn’t noticed us approaching with her attention on the game and talking to one of the girls.

“Hi,” she exclaimed excitedly when she caught sight of me. “How did – ” Then she noticed Evan, and her question turned into a smile that lingered a little too long. I knew she had a thousand questions about my afternoon, so I was relieved that Evan was here, allowing me to avoid them until the drive home. “Hi Evan,” she greeted him warmly.

Evan sat next to Sara so that they could talk, and I zoned them out while listening to my - well Evan’s - music. He’d selected a band I was familiar with, allowing me to get lost in the high energy beats while I silently watched the game on the field. I didn’t look over at Evan or Sara and kept the volume up so I couldn’t hear them.

The bleachers started to fill in with the remaining members of the varsity team as the first half of the game came to an end. They’d acknowledge me with a wave, and I’d nod back in recognition. My teammates were familiar with my ritual and didn’t bother trying to interact.

Every so often, Evan would reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the iPod to find another selection of songs. When his hand first entered my pocket, my heart stopped – actually, so did my breathing. Once I realized what he was doing, I continued to ignore him and watched the movement in front of me.

The junior varsity teams were having difficulty moving the ball due to the saturated field and the divots created by the football game. Grass flew, cleats were caught in the grass, and bodies slid in the mud. The mist had ended by the end of the first half, but the damage was done.

When the JV game concluded with the Weslyn girls losing, two to one, the varsity players gathered on the track to prepare for the warm up laps. While we ran our warm up laps, the bleachers continued to fill in with spectators. I didn’t check the stands to see how big of a turn out the cool damp night had collected - it had nothing to do with the game.

When the whistle blew to begin the game, I was entranced. My mind was clear of every thought other than where the ball was, where it was going, and who was going to be there to receive it. The ball did not go anywhere very fast. There were a lot of missed kicks, sliding attempts to dribble or pass the ball, along with times when the ball was left spinning in place. By half time, there wasn’t a score, but everyone was covered in mud.

The second half started the same as the first. After a time, it became evident that the best way to move the ball was to get some air under it. There were a lot of collisions when fighting for position to receive the soaring ball. It developed into more of a physical game than a ball controlling game, with plenty of yellow card warnings as a result.





With approximately five minutes left in the game, Weslyn had control of the ball. Our sweeper booted the ball from the top of the keeper’s box to about mid-field, where the mid-fielder gained possession. She dribbled a few yards, avoiding the defender, before she sent it further up-field to Lauren. Without hesitating, Lauren sent the ball up the sideline to Sara. The sidelines weren’t as muddy and treacherous as the center of the field, so Sara continued the ball along the painted white line. She drew a defender, who came at her with a sliding tackle. Before Sara slipped off her feet, landing on the attacker, she sent the ball sailing across the center of the field.

I was a few yards inside the keeper’s box, with the sweeper coming towards me, eyeing the ball that was floating right to me, but was waist high. Without considering the success of it, I crouched down and forced the balls of my feet into the field and pushed back up with everything I had, propelling myself in the air. I leaned to my left, concentrating on the ball, and swung my right foot in attempt to make contact. I wasn’t aware of where the sweeper was, but I hoped I had sent the ball around her, towards the goal. After connecting with the ball, my shoulder collided with the wet surface, followed by my hip as the mud splashed on my face. I grunted in response to the contact, still focused on locating the ball. I couldn’t see anything through the sweeper’s feet while I lay on the ground. I lifted my head to hear the ref’s whistle declaring the goal, just as I found it resting in the back of the net.

Sara pulled me off the ground, screaming. She embraced me while jumping excitedly. I was greeted with additional cheers and jumping. I raised my arms in the air in celebration of the score as I ran back to mid-field to prepare for the kick off. I was soaring, filled with the rush I sought from the game. The remaining time ran down without another goal.

At the sound of the long whistle concluding the game, the team ran out to the center of the field, hollering and jumping in celebration. When I looked around, I realized there was more than just our team on the field, as many of the spectators had come down from the stands to congratulate us. I received pats on the back from people I recognized and many that I didn’t. It was a whirlwind of faces, cheers and hands. I was coming down from the high and decided I needed to remove myself from the chaos.

I told Sara I’d meet her in the locker room. She promised she’d be right behind me. I slipped away from the crowd and jogged to the school. As I approached the stairs, I saw a tall silhouette leaning against the building.

“Congratulations,” the smooth voice said from the dark shadows.

“Thanks,” I replied, slowing to a walk as I approached the figure. Evan stood with his hands in his pockets, waiting for me.

“That was an impressive goal.”

I smiled, accepting the recognition, while my cheeks warmed.

“Do you want me to wait here for you while you change?” I stopped, not prepared for the question.

“You don’t have to wait,” I said slowly.

“I was hoping to drive you home.” My stomach fell at the thought of him pulling up to my house. I didn’t anticipate Carol and George waiting to greet me, but I knew she didn’t sleep until I was locked within the house. The last thing I wanted was for her to look out of her bedroom window to see Evan’s sleek black car letting me out. It would be a morning I’d never live down.

“Thanks,” I replied sincerely, “but I haven’t seen Sara all day. I promised to ride home with her.”

“Okay.” He sounded disappointed, which kinda surprised me.

After a second, I awkwardly added, “I had a good time today. Thank you for dinner.”

“Me too,” he agreed, without the awkwardness. “I’ll see you on Sunday then?”

“Yeah.”

Evan flashed a quick grin before walking back toward the field. He met up with a few guys from the soccer team and was immediately conversing. By this time, Sara was jogging toward me - her mud blotched face unable to conceal her enormous white smile. She greeted me with an enthusiastic tight hug.

“I loved that game!” she exclaimed.

“Yeah,” I exhaled. “Sara, I ... can’t … breathe.”

“Sorry,” she said, releasing me. “But that game was f*ckin’ awesome.” She was bouncing in her skin and could barely stand still.

“Yeah, it was,” I agreed, but my energy was nowhere near the level of Sara’s. “Let’s get changed. I’m tired and am ready to crash.”

“Don’t think I’m letting you get out of my car without providing details,” she added. I groaned. “You two looked really comfortable sitting next to each other tonight. Are you sure you’re still just friends?”

“Sara,” I stressed, my voice raising an octave higher than normal, “I didn’t even talk to him the whole time he sat next to us.” She laughed, and I realized she was playing with me. I shook my head with an accepting smirk. “You’re such a jerk.”

After showering, Sara drove me home, and I provided her with the details she sought regarding my afternoon with Evan. I even told her about his confusing comments, and to my dismay, Sara laughed.

Then she proceeded to catch me up on her situation with Jason. Sara was still enthralled with him, which was good to hear, but seemed flustered that he’d barely kissed her. Sara wasn’t exactly shy when it came to getting to know guys. I was hoping she’d finally found a guy that respected her, but instead she was wondering what she was doing wrong.

We pulled up in front of my house. I looked out the car window at the grey Cape. The dark windows didn’t reveal any movement inside. I took a deep breath and said goodnight to Sara before exiting the car.

I dragged my feet along the unlit driveway to the back of the house. When I turned the handle of the back door, I was met with resistance - it didn’t move. The door was locked. My stomach dropped.

Sara had already driven away. There was no way I was going to knock, since they made the conscious decision to lock the door, knowing I wasn’t home. My mind raced to try to think of what I possibly could have done wrong to get locked out of the house. My pulse quickened, wondering how much trouble I was in, fearing the worst.

I cupped my hands to the glass to look inside. My reflection shielded me from seeing into the kitchen. Then the reflection smirked and the eyes squinted into a glare. I jumped back, realizing I was staring at her. I remained frozen, not sure what to do next, waiting for her to make a move. But the darkness remained still.

A light illuminated the kitchen. I expected to find Carol glowering at me, but the kitchen was empty until George appeared from the dining room where he’d turned on the light. I scrunched my eyes in confusion – questioning if I had really seen Carol. George opened the door with his lips pressed in a tight scowl.

“You’re supposed to be home before ten o’clock,” he reprimanded.

“I had a game tonight,” I said softly, confused by his reaction.

“That doesn’t matter. Your curfew is ten o’clock. If you can’t get home in time, then maybe you shouldn’t participate in the night games.” His voice was unsympathetic, and his eyes were hard. I knew there was no point in arguing. If I did, he could take soccer away altogether, and I wouldn’t risk that.

“Okay,” I whispered. I slipped by him and went to my room without another word.

“I would have left you in the cold,” hissed through the dark as I passed the living room. I took in a quick startled breath. I continued to my room, quickly closing the door behind me, fearing what awaited me in the dark if I paused to look.