Pieces of Truth

Chapter 3

Old Feelings

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I had written Josh’s address down in my sketchbook. I knew he lived close by. The Lappell had set him up in a very lush one bedroom loft-style apartment near Park Avenue, only a short distance from my own. His apartment was a perk of his new position. Josh had become one of the Lappell’s financial advisors, assisting with deals and risk assessment. Seems Josh’s high IQ and ability to assess clients turned out to be valuable qualities to the Lappell’s main company in New York, Errol Investment Brokerage, although I was sure Josh’s skills were being utilized by many other Lappell businesses here.

It was really early to be out visiting, and for a second I thought that perhaps I should call Josh first to make sure a drop by would be OK, but Josh had put my name down at his apartment building, giving me round the clock visiting rights, so I assumed that kind of access was an open invitation. Josh was also listed at my building with the same visiting rights, but was yet to use them.

The doorman at Josh’s building said he had the day off work that morning, and did not seem surprised when he saw that Josh had a visitor at such an early hour. It didn’t occur to me what that could mean. My access also meant that I didn’t have to be announced. I felt a bit nervous at being such an early morning surprise. When I arrived at Josh’s door on the twenty-third floor, I took a minute to fix my outfit. I wasn’t sure why I suddenly felt the need to make myself look presentable, but I suppose it had something to do with not seeing Josh for two months and the feeling of loss of his presence in my life. I smoothed out my top, and ran my hands down my flared jeans. My hair was tied back in a messy bun with strands falling all around my face. I pushed the hair that had fallen in front of my face, behind my ears, and knocked on his door. I stared at the wood and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Nothing, no response. Perhaps Josh was not home. Perhaps the doorman had it wrong.

Finally, I heard the lock on the other side of the door come undone. The door cracked open and I came face to face with a blond haired, blue eyed girl, wearing nothing except a bright pink polka dot bra and panties. She eyed me up and down suspiciously as I stood breathless, trying to formulate a sentence in my head. I found a hint of jealousy roll off my tongue as I managed to find my voice.

“Who are you?” I asked, a slight bite to my tone. I’m not sure where the bite came from, but it was there, and it’s presence immediately made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a while, although I was too stunned by this vision to figure out what it was. The blond, who looked like she could feature in the pages of Playboy, scrunched up her face like it offended her to give me any kind of information.

“I am Melanie. And who, might you be?” she asked leaning up against the door, still keeping it closed so I could barely see in. She didn’t know who I was, but her claws appeared to be out.

“I’m Norah, and I’m looking for...”

There was a sudden break in our conversation as another voice entered the air between us.

“Mel, who is at the door at this time of morning? Is it the doorman?” I could hear Josh yell from somewhere in his apartment. The blond eyed me up and down once more before yelling back.

“Some chick called Norah. You want me to get rid of her?”

Loud crashing sounds, followed by a thump, and some grunting came from the interior. I flinched at the smashing sounds, and Melanie’s head swung towards the noise erupting from behind the door.

“What the hell Josh! Are you OK? That fall looked really painful.” Her voice had gone up an octave as she viewed the situation in apartment.

There were more grunts and thumps before Josh’s wide green eyes emerged from behind the scantily dressed Playboy bunny.

I don’t know what kind of feeling I had, but when I saw Josh’s big green eyes, I understood why I had a bite to my voice earlier. I felt overwhelming relief to finally see him again, but there was something else I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It was something oddly possessive.

“Norah?” Josh breathed, his mouth twisted, looking to me from behind the girl. There was shock and disorientation all over his face.

“Yes it’s me Josh, your best friend. Are you having a problem remembering that right now?”

Josh was still staring blankly at me when I looked at the door that was still half closed, before clearing my throat.

Josh moved from behind Melanie, taking hold of the door from her grasp and forcing it open wider. “Oh yeah, right, come on in.”

He pushed open the door and I slid past Melanie, pulling in my body so I wouldn’t accidently graze her exposed skin.

Walking in I scanned Josh’s apartment. It was a large loft-style apartment with beautiful floor to ceiling glass windows with long white billowy curtains on the furthest side near the terrace. It had a Parisian feel to the structure and carpentry of the wooden fittings, but Josh had filled it with very modern white decor. Huge satin pillows of various dark colors were also scattered everywhere throughout the room, as well as empty wine glasses and assorted food items and wrappings.

“Did you have a party here last night?” I asked, taking in the mess. I turned to finally look at Josh’s entire appearance as I stood in the disorder that was his swanky loft. Josh was only wearing a very low-rise pair of jeans, which were hanging low enough so I could see he was not wearing anything underneath them. My breath hitched up in my throat as I looked at his bare muscular chest, which if I had to guess, had increased in size over the past couple of months.

Has Josh been working out?

Oh my God - I can’t believe I just said that to myself!

Josh’s chestnut hair was a bit longer than usual because it had started to curl slightly at the ends, and he had that gorgeous shade of stubble I always found so attractive on him. My eyes however, stayed transfixed on those chest muscles that were now all I could see. They were breathing up and down faster than normal. He cocked his head down into my line of sight to get my attention. I hated that I had to tear my look away. It was still lingering on the shape and definition of his abs and chest.

“No, no party. Melanie and I just...” Josh coughed, not finishing the rest of his sentence.

I turned back behind me to look at Melanie, who was leaning up against Josh’s sofa looking at her nails, seeming only mildly interested in our conversation.

“Mel, why don’t you go put some clothes on? I need to talk to Norah.” I could tell Josh was uncomfortable as he shuffled towards Melanie, moving his head toward the direction of the bathroom, hoping she would take the hint.

Melanie rolled her eyes, huffed, and pushed her body off the sofa. As she went to walk towards the bathroom, she stopped and turned back to us. “Sure, I’ll get dressed and go, but I thought we were going to f*ck before I leave. Or were the five times last night enough for you? ” She smirked and gave me a bitchy glare as she tried to mark her territory.

Josh squeezed his eyes shut like he had been punched hard in the gut. He swallowed and let out a big gulp of air before opening his eyes again. “Melanie, just go get dressed and leave, please.”

Melanie shrugged her shoulders, and skipped off to the bathroom, no doubt pleased with herself.

I turned back to Josh who was still looking at me like he had been caught out. I had to admit, I was a little taken back by the whole scene, but I had no claim here, and did my best to remind myself of that, putting these weird feelings I was having aside, and righting myself back as Josh’s long time bosom buddy.

“Five times?” I raised my eyebrows at Josh as the corners of my mouth curled up, trying not to giggle. Josh started walking over to his dining table where a gray T-shirt was hanging over one of the chairs. He grabbed it and slipped it on. I watched his back and shoulder muscles flex as put he put on his T-shirt, biting my lip at the very nice visual display. I frowned in disappointment when the eye candy was gone.

Why am I suddenly looking at Josh like a piece of meat? Is this what happens when friends kiss? Do they suddenly notice their bodies in a different way?

Focus Norah.

“Seriously, what is it with you and blonds?” I asked him, trying to divert my perverted thoughts. Josh ignored my question, opened his fridge door and stood staring in, not looking at me as he spoke.

“I thought you had a cell now. You know, you could have called first.” He closed the fridge door forcefully, and then leaned up against the kitchen bench, running his fingers through his hair, and tapping his feet. He was both angry and nervous. I didn’t like this version of Josh. I didn’t like the idea that he was mad at me and didn’t want me in his home.

I shot Josh a disapproving look. “I didn’t think I had to Joshua,” I said, trying not to sound hurt, but I was a little sad he wasn’t more welcoming.

Melanie reentered the room wearing a red, skin-tight mini dress, and stood near us, looking at Josh but ignoring me. “You coming by tonight, Josh?” Josh quickly walked over to Melanie, gripped her by the arm, and helped her towards the front door.

“Probably not,” he answered, and pushed her out. She mumbled something as he closed the door, and then returned back to the kitchen where I was standing. His facial expression remained stern and cold. “You know, this is a really early time of morning to just show up at someone’s place Norah.”

My eyes welled unexpectedly. I felt even more hurt that Josh was scolding me for behavior that he had always welcomed. He knew I was naturally impulsive, and now he seemed surprised and offended that I was just being me by turning up at his place unannounced. Perhaps things had really changed between us. Perhaps our kiss back in Morewell pushed us apart. I knew our friendship couldn’t go back to how it was after that. I was really stupid to think we could act like nothing had happened. Josh and I had passionately made out when I was at my most vulnerable after breaking up with Clint, and when made to choose, I had chosen Clint over Josh. I was sure that our friendship was still as strong as ever, but now I was feeling doubt that our bond was breaking, and that scared the shit out of me.

I keep my head hung low, not sure what to say next. Josh lifted my chin to look into my eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I’m being so offhand. Of course you can come over whenever you like, at any time, day or night. I just didn’t expect to see you. I haven’t seen you in a couple of months. We have just been speaking on the phone, and now you suddenly show up here. I just would have preferred to see you while I was...alone.”

I lifted my head to look at his soft green eyes and realized that Josh, my best friend was still there, and I had to remember that he too, had his own life he was trying to live. “I’m sorry Josh. I didn’t mean to interrupt you and your girlfriend. I should have known that a guy like you would have company. I just, I don’t know. I’m sorry Josh. I’ve missed you,” I paused as my voice changed to something else, sweeter I think. “A lot,” I said, biting my lip. I missed him so much that my heart was actually aching to hold him. I guess it was my punishment for getting swept up in my own relationship. I had pushed aside our friendship out of fear, but fear of what?

I shuffled my feet as I waited for him to speak. I wasn’t used to apologizing, but the desperation to hold onto our friendship made me want to. There was also something else in my apology too. It was a need to stay close to him and his body. The way his eyes looked me up and down. The way his face felt familiar, safe and warm. There was a tension in my fingers that desperately wanted to touch his body so it would know what his skin felt like. It was taking all my mental strength to stop them from reaching out. The want to grab on to Josh was alarming my senses. It was unknown yet normal at the same time. Josh's feet shuffled forward too. It was almost as if he felt the same pull of our bodies. There was some kind of electricity being generated. Josh and I always had a spark, but right now, it wasn’t easy for us to ignore.

Was it because I was suddenly feeling jealous and possessive of my friendship with Josh? It would certainly hurt if he had our kind of connection with someone else. Or was it something different, something else, something more. I didn’t know.

“Melanie is not my girlfriend.” Josh held my gaze as he said it.

“Good!” I thought.

Wait, why is that good?

“And what do you mean by a guy like me?” Josh questioned. He quickly noticed my change in demeanor and my seductive tone. Realizing what I said, I turned my head, trying to think of an alternative to avoiding the next part of the conversation, but since I didn’t want lie to Josh, I just pushed out the rest of what I meant, even knowing it was probably wrong of me to do so.

“Oh you know, charming and attractive.” I tried to sound as if there was no meaning behind the words, but Josh heard how I sounded. I sounded inviting, and he looked at me wide-eyed at my direct approach. Josh stepped forward to me, and my skin pricked up at his closeness to my body.

“You think I’m charming...and attractive?” he asked, saying those words slowly, making sure he had heard them right. I wasn't one to compliment so I knew how that must have come across. It was an obvious flirtation, and unexpected at that.

“Of course I do Josh, I always have. And given what I’ve seen in the past, you obviously have quite the sexual appetite too.”

His body flinched as I acknowledged past events. I knew all too well of Josh’s sexual escapades, having walked in and seen one for myself. The memory burned my heart painfully as I remembered the sight of Josh and that blond the first time back in Morewell. That night that was supposed to be the start of something more between us.

Oh what a difference one night can make.

Josh was staring at me puzzled. The conversation had taken a massive left hand turn to something quite unexpected. We hadn’t seen each other since graduation and since that night, everything between us felt normal. There wasn’t the obvious sexual tension that had suddenly appeared before us at this very moment. Had time forced it to build up? I assumed that time would make it go away, and that Josh and I would go back to how our friendship was before Morewell, but now there was electricity buzzing between us, and we were both thinking about getting a shock.

I looked at Josh’s T-shirt, thinking of those muscles underneath. I didn’t expect to be so turned on by seeing Josh again, but the sight of him instantly reminded me of our first kiss. That explosive, earth-shattering, knee-buckling kiss. It was hard for me not to wonder what else could be that mind-blowing, especially since I was so in tune with my body now.

“And what do you know about sexual appetites Norah?” Josh was standing even closer to me, and when he said those words, he said them carefully, ready to watch for my reaction. We had never crossed over to conversations about sex, so this was brand new territory for us.

I lifted my head so I could look into Josh’s hungry eyes that were gazing back at me. It was as if the last ten minutes of walking in and seeing Josh and Melanie had not even occurred, and this flirtatious moment that had come out of left field, was escalating at an alarming rate.

Unknown to my brain, my body’s natural response was to walk forward and grab onto Josh’s T-shirt, winding it up into my fist, and pulling his body up against me. “I know, everything about sexual appetites Joshua.” Josh looked down to where I was fisting his shirt, holding his chest close to mine. He pushed up against me, almost grinding up onto my body.

He looked at me with a burn in his eyes that was suddenly confident as he lifted his hand to my face. “Do you, my sweet, beautiful, Norah?” Josh’s hand swept past my cheek and I suddenly felt myself enjoying his touch. My eyes closing and then opening as his hand moved over my skin.

Why does that feel so good?

Josh saw my reaction and then moved his hand so he touched my lips with his thumb, running it along my bottom lip. My own lips parted slightly and my tongue lightly touched his finger. Both our bodies leaned even closer towards one another as the sexual tension reached breaking point. There was no thinking, it was all bodily action as something we used to completely ignore in the past, became magnetized. It was like I was in some kind of erotic dream, but it was real and it was happening and it felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Holy mother of f*ck! What am I doing?

“I’d hate to interrupt this little moment...”

Both of our bodies flinched as Josh and I swung our heads back towards the front door where Melanie was lingering in the doorway, watching us. I let go of Josh’s T-shirt instantly and took three steps away from him. Melanie’s reappearance gave me a huge jolt out of the surreal dream I had slipped into.



“I forgot my purse,” Melanie said, eyeing me carefully. She walked back into the apartment and over to the sofa where her black clutch was sitting.

Josh walked over to Melanie and grabbed her elbow, showing her back out the door, for the second time. “OK, OK, Josh. Don’t get huffy!” Melanie sounded really pissed off as Josh eagerly helped her out once again.

I took a minute to compose my rational thoughts that had obviously left my body since I walked into this place. Were the months I had not seen Josh now just all coming to a head? I had no idea what was sitting under the surface of my skin. I was certain that my heart was now with Clint, but perhaps I was being ignorant about what else was going on inside me. There was a small tiny piece of paper back at our apartment that prevented me from giving my whole entire heart to Clint. That piece of paper had allowed doubt to grow, and had also allowed other thoughts and feelings to build inside me too. Feelings I was obviously ignoring or pretending were not there.

This was too dangerous now. I had to leave before I did something I would regret.

“Josh, I came here because I wanted to talk to you about something rather important, but now I don’t think it’s a good idea. I need to go. We’ll talk, uh, maybe later. OK. Sorry again for showing up like this. Next time I will call.” I looked at the floor as I spoke, avoiding Josh’s eyes. I didn’t want to look at them for fear I might not actually leave. Now that I was aware that there were some undetermined feelings that had been roused by Josh, I couldn’t be there a moment longer. It was way too risky.

“Norah...” Josh reached out to take my hand, but I sideswiped his touch and headed for the door, not looking back at Josh as I fled from his apartment and that unexpected moment that could have ended my relationship with Clint.

Stepping onto the sidewalk, I was suddenly hit with the worst possible thing. Guilt. So much guilt slapping my face and tearing me down. It then punched me where it hurt the most, my heart. I tried to hurry my legs and get back to my apartment as quickly as I could. I needed to try and remove these feelings. I needed to get some clarity and perspective about what just happened, and I needed to fix the fight Clint and I had that morning. I reached into my bag, grabbed my cell and dialed Clint’s number. He picked it up after two rings.

“Norah, I’m kind of busy. Everything OK?” I could tell he was still sore from our argument.

“Our apartment. Twenty minutes. It’s urgent.”