Not by Sight A Novel

CHAPTER 5

Abby sat cross-legged on her bed, staring at the cell phone picture of the Riley Jo look-alike she had seen at Murchison’s and still stinging from Hawk’s remarks.

A knock on the door startled her.

“It’s Jesse. Can I come in?”

“I guess,” Abby said.

Jesse opened the door and closed it, then flopped onto the bed. “Whatcha doing?”

“Not talking about the girl I saw.”

“Hawk says it can’t be Riley Jo.”

“Hawk says a lot of things. Doesn’t make him right. Why are you here?”

Jesse bit his lip and didn’t answer.

Abby softened her tone.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

Jesse toyed with the hem of his T-shirt. “Hawk said God is a joke, and the sooner I realize it, the better off I’ll be.” He glanced over at her. “Do you think that?”

Wow. She hadn’t seen that coming. “You know I don’t. It took me until six months ago to figure it out for myself. But God is real, Jesse. He’s no joke. And He’s with us every minute.”

“Hawk said if God was good, He wouldn’t allow all the suffering in the world.”

“And I think if Adam and Eve had obeyed God, there wouldn’t be any suffering. Evil changed everything, and lots of bad things happen now. But God is still good. He hasn’t changed and never will.”

Jesse slid off the bed and faced her. “So you don’t think He’s mean for letting Daddy and Riley Jo disappear?”

“I wish they hadn’t disappeared. But I don’t blame God. People—good and bad—make their own choices. Sometimes those choices hurt other people. But if God controlled every move we make, we would all be puppets. I wouldn’t like that. Would you?”

Jesse pushed his hands deeper into the pockets of his khaki shorts. “Do you think Mama would be mad if I went to church with you and Grandpa?”

“I doubt it. I think she wishes she could trust God again.”

“Do you trust Him?”

Abby paused to think, feeling totally unprepared for Jesse’s probing questions. “I’m learning. The Bible says we should live by faith and not by sight. I think that means when we’re in the dark, we have to take a step forward and trust that there will be light on the path in front of us.”

Jesse cocked his head, his eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“Okay, imagine God holding a flashlight so the beam shines on the ground in front of us. We can only see so far, but we keeping walking, trusting Him to move the light in front of us with each step we take. We get as much light as we need to keep moving, but we still can’t see down the road.”

“I get it.”

“I’m thrilled you want to go to church with us.”

Jesse flashed a toothy grin that would soon keep another orthodontist in business. “I was in the attic and found the Bible storybook Daddy used to read to me and Riley Jo. I took it to my room and read the whole thing. Did you know there was a donkey that talked? And water that turned into wine? My favorite story is the one about three guys with weird names who got thrown into a fiery furnace and didn’t burn up because they trusted God. So cool!”

Abby nodded. “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. I love that story too. What’s also amazing is that they told the king they would trust God even if He didn’t save them. I’d love to have that kind of faith. I don’t yet.”

“It only has to be the size of a mustard seed to move a mountain.” Jesse smiled proudly. “Told you I read the book.”

Abby stood and hugged her brother. “Go tell Grandpa what you just told me. I’m excited.” And she was scared. She knew her faith might impact Jesse for the rest of his life. Had she said the right thing? Was she prepared to be an example? What if she failed?

Jesse raced to the door, then turned and looked at her, his eyes twinkling with trust and admiration. “Thanks, Abby.”

He went out the door and pulled it closed behind him.



Kate glanced at the framed family portrait on her dresser, reality sending pain to every nerve in her soul. How different life had been back then, when Micah and Riley Jo were home and the Cummings family was whole and happy. It was hard enough dealing with the unknowns of the disappearance without Abby coming home again with a random photo of some little girl she imagined could be her baby sister.

Would this nightmare ever be over? Each time Kate thought she had moved forward, something would happen to drag her back into the grief and the aching loss that was almost paralyzing.

There had been no closure. No coffins. No headstones. No explanation. Her life was on hold—indefinitely. She couldn’t go forward or backward. She was stuck somewhere in the middle.

She held out her hand and looked at her wedding ring. Was she still married—or widowed? Not that she could ever love another man the way she loved Micah. But if he was dead, she wanted to know, wanted to give him a proper burial and move on with her life. As much as she wished to believe her husband and daughter would come home one day, it hurt too much to cling to such hope.

Maybe they were in heaven with God—though she wasn’t sure anymore if God existed. At least not the God she had once loved. The God she had walked with. Had worshipped and adored. If He was real, then He had repaid her devotion with cruelty. Kate sighed. Or was it possible that all things holy were mythical? And that evil was no respecter of persons? She didn’t have the energy to figure it out. Her father had encouraged her to get into a support group. To what avail? The last thing she wanted to do was talk about the uncertainty she lived with every moment of every day. Either Micah and Riley Jo had fallen prey to some vile murderer or wild animal—or Micah had voluntarily taken their youngest child and chosen to vanish. Either truth was intolerable.

Her mind flashed back to that last time she had been with Micah …

Kate heard a knock on the open door and looked up from her desk.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Micah said. “I’m taking Riley Jo down to the pier so she can catch some perch.”

“Did you put sunscreen on her?” Kate asked.

“Total sunblock. No chance of sunburn on that delicate skin.” Micah walked over and stood next to her desk. “Kate, I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier. But I think this potential investment deserves a closer look before you just slam the door shut on it.”

“You know I’m not comfortable with anything risky.”

“Chad’s the one who brought it up,” Micah said. “He’s done a pretty sound job of putting together our portfolio up to now. Why so much resistance? He feels this is something we should do. We’re only talking about moving fifteen percent for the short term.”

“I don’t feel good about it.”

“And you base this on …?”

Kate felt her face get hot. “Call it women’s intuition. Discernment. Gut feeling. Opinion. Fear. Common sense. Whatever name you want to put to it. I just don’t think we should put that much money in a risky investment.”

“Chad will watch it carefully. He’s not going to mislead us. The lodge is barely breaking even, and we can’t keep putting off making improvements. This is our chance to give the operation a shot in the arm without having to borrow.”

Kate shook her head. “We’ve worked too long and too hard, just getting Angel View in the black. I don’t want to take that much out of bonds.”

“Even if we could double our investment?”

“What if we lose?”

“Chad feels this is practically a sure thing.”

“Practically isn’t good enough.”

Micah came over to her and sat on the side of the desk. “No investment is totally safe, but when our financial adviser is telling us this is a timely opportunity, we should listen. Is there nothing I can say to get you to at least consider all the facts before you dig in your heels and turn into the Wicked Witch of the West?” He flashed a crooked grin and put his hands in front of his face.

Kate wadded up a piece of paper and threw it at him. “I hate it when you don’t take me seriously.”

“I take you very seriously. I just think you’re casting your vote without fair consideration.”

“You made that clear.”

“We’re running out of options, babe. We need working capital. It doesn’t make sense to pay interest on a loan when we could be drawing dividends on an investment. And unless you have a better idea, those are the choices.” Micah stood. “How about you think it over this afternoon, and we’ll talk again after dinner? If you still don’t want to do it, after you take an honest look at what Chad faxed to us, I’ll stop pressing the issue.”

“But it won’t change your opinion that I’m playing it too safe.”

Micah folded his arms and flapped them like wings, clucking like a chicken as he left her office …

That was the last time she saw him. No kiss good-bye. No “I love you.” No “Be safe.” How she wished her last memory of her beloved was different. That her last moments with him had better reflected the deep love they shared instead of a disagreement they would surely have resolved.

Kate exhaled and felt as if her spirit deflated. She regretted being so harsh with Abby. But her daughter’s naïveté could only bring more pain. Something Kate wasn’t willing to risk.