New Girl

CHAPTER FOURTEEN



THE NIGHT OF THE HALLOWEEN BALL. FINALLY.

Becca had ordered her Marilyn Monroe dress online a month ago, and couldn’t wait to wear it. Now finally, her hair was curled, the red lipstick on, the beauty mark in place, and the eyeliner had given her that sultry look. She looked in the mirror and seethed.

She was just bland, bland and more bland. Plain hair, plain skin, plain eyes, plain everything. She was boring to look at. Not like Dana, who looked like Cleopatra even though she’d been talked into going to the ball dressed as a witch.

Dana had asked Becca to help her get ready. So now her hair was straightened, her eyes were rimmed with dark liner and she was wearing the same red lipstick as Becca. But she looked too good. And Becca was torn between making her look good to show how she, Becca, could turn an ugly duckling into a swan, and making her look worse.

“Almost finished,” Becca said, grabbing her eye shadow kit. Green. She filled the blush brush with it and powdered it onto Dana’s face. She couldn’t go all-out green, but just enough to take her pristine skin to a slightly sickly level.

“What are you doing? Is that green?”

“You are a witch don’t forget.”

Now, one more thing and Dana would be finished.

Becca drew a big spot on her nose and used other colors from her eye shadow kit to make it look as wartlike as she could.

“Okay, you’re all set.”

“Can I look?” Dana said, standing. It was hard not to laugh as she smiled, having no idea there was a big black dot on her face.

“Um, sure.” She really hoped Dana didn’t object. She still looked good, but hopefully with the green tinge and wart, she’d look at least a little less pretty than Becca.

But Dana just laughed when she looked in the mirror. “I look like a witch, that’s for sure.” Her smile ruined the ugliness.

“Come on, we have to go.” Becca turned and marched out of the bathroom. She dropped her things off on her bed, and they were on their way.

Tonight, Becca was determined to make everyone sure that Max and she were in love. She knew exactly how.

When she met him in the dining hall, she smiled broadly.

“You look very handsome.” Becca reached up and kissed him on the cheek.

Max smiled, too, and kissed her back. “You, too.”

“Although it’s kind of a vague costume. Who are you again, just anyone from the fifties?”

He looked down at his suit. “I guess.”

“If you weren’t wearing a fedora it would be impossible to tell.”

He laughed and put an arm around her. “Let’s go.”

They were stopped and asked to place their vote for king and queen at the door. Becca voted for herself and Max. She leaned over to him and saw that he was voting for Cam and Blake.

“What are you doing? Vote for us!”

“You can’t vote for yourself, that’s stupid.”

“Everyone is going to.”

“No, I’m not voting for us.” He laughed and dropped it in the box.

Her plan wouldn’t work if they didn’t win. She seethed quietly and dropped in her own ballot.

“Do you think we’re going to win?” she asked happily a moment later, squeezing his arm. “I hope we do. I really do. We are the cutest couple, obviously.”

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up, usually it’s a senior couple who gets it.”

“Well, I’m not giving up hope. Everyone knows we’re perfect together, so…”

Max was barely listening to her prattle on. But Johnny had caught her eye. She looked away quickly, and pulled Max on.

“God, Max, can you just stop?”

“Am I really the one that needs to stop?”

“What do you expect from me, to be standing by your side all night and never talking to anyone else? Seriously, Max. I can talk to other people. That’s what I was doing. Talking. I don’t see why you can’t trust me.”

Her heart was pounding. She’d been around the back of a column with Johnny. She’d known it was risky, but she couldn’t help it. Not that anything had happened. Johnny had refused, saying it was “wrong” or whatever. She couldn’t believe he was still saying it.

Every time she was around him, she wanted more and more to just end it with Max and find a way to be with Johnny.

Max shook his head and bit the inside of his lip. Becca knew when he was really mad. And he was getting there.

“This is so embarrassing, to be arguing outside the dance.” Becca sighed. She didn’t even care anymore.

“You know what you’re doing, Becca.”

She stared at him. “What does that even mean? Ugh, I’m not going to sit here and try to figure out riddles.”

“I realize you’re flirtatious. You flit around the party like the social butterfly you long to be so badly, charming everyone left and right. All I’m asking is that you stay away from Johnny, seeing as he’s my best friend, and that with other people you just keep your hands to yourself. You always take it too far.”

Becca tightened her jaw with resolve. His words had scalded her. The “social butterfly” she “longed to be so badly”? Was he serious? How dare he imply that she’s just some kind of desperate, friendless fool?

There was a pang in her chest as she hoped it was only Max who saw her that way.

“I do not ‘always take it too far.’” She repeated his words in a nasty tone. “And don’t suggest that I’m just some kind of jackass around Johnny. He flirts with me just as much as I do with him. God, it’s not like he just wishes I would back off him.”

She couldn’t bear the thought of Johnny hating when she was all over him. Max didn’t know what Johnny said when they were alone. And she couldn’t tell him.

“Are you serious? It’s just not okay to flirt with everyone around you all the time.”

“You’re so annoying. Just an insecure little boy.”

He didn’t freak out. He didn’t yell back. He just looked at her, and laughed.

Panic rose quickly in her chest. He couldn’t break up with her. She couldn’t let him. They were about to win king and queen. Maybe later she could end things, but not right now. Not right now.

“Something has to change.” His voice was emotionless.

“Max! Max, please!” She couldn’t get herself to cry, but she was really trying. She took his hand. He tried to pull it away, but she wouldn’t let him. “Look at me.”

She yanked his arm and gazed sweetly at him, working in as much worry and desperation as she could into her blue eyes. Time for the last resort.

She’d have to phrase it just right. “But…I mean, I lost my virginity to you…and now you’re just…” She looked as emotional as she could.

He froze.

On the inside, she smiled. Bingo. Yeah, she’d told him she wasn’t a virgin, just in case this sort of moment arose.

He sighed, and looked out to the great hall, clearly trying to decide what to do or think. “You said I wasn’t your first.”

“I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Shit!”

“Is that true?”

She paused. “Yes, it’s true.”

Max clearly didn’t know how to react. After a moment, he said, “Why would you tell me I wasn’t?”

“Because I didn’t want you to stay with me because you felt guilty or anything.” In fact, she was one hundred percent sure that was why he’d stayed with her anyway. Lucky her that he wasn’t usually the type to get drunk and sleep with the new girl everyone else wanted already.

“I wouldn’t. I liked you.”

“Liked.”

He breathed in deeply. “Like. But you’re acting different lately. I don’t know if this is who you are or what. Stop trying so hard, just act like yourself again.”

How many times had her mother begged her to be herself again? It was fruitless. Useless. There was no point in begging Becca to stop or change or be someone nicer or easier to be around. This was Becca. And that was all.

The only person who’d ever thought she could really change, apart from her hopeful mother, was Dr. Winthrop. He told her it wasn’t her fault, and that if she just took this, this and that medicine for the rest of her freaking life then her moods would level out.

Screw that. She wasn’t going to do it.

Dr. Winthrop had tried to talk her through her “compulsive lying” and her “pathological desire” to do what she thought would make people like her, instead of what was right. You have to control yourself, he’d said. Or someone else will get hurt again.

She shivered and pushed the memory from her mind.

“Or maybe this is you,” he added after a moment.

She was realizing now that she couldn’t let him go. She liked being the golden couple. She liked being enviable, she always had. What would she do without him? No one else could give her what Max could.

The music faded quickly in the dining hall. “And now it’s time for the reveal of Halloween King and Queen.”

Cheering. Quieting. Drum roll. Max looked Becca in the eyes the whole time.

“Maxwell Holloway and Rebecca Normandy!”

She tried to mask her delight, but he knew how important it was to her.

“Come on, your highness,” she said, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go claim our crowns.”

They walked onto the stage. Everyone cheered.

“Would either of you like to say anything to your public?”

Max shrugged. “Thanks to everyone for voting for me, I’m really flattered, thank you.” He gave an insincere but winning smile and handed the microphone back to Professor Crawley.

Becca took it. “I’d actually like to take a moment to say something if I could.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

Max looked at her nervously. She smiled.

“First of all, I just want to say thank you to all of you…you’ve all welcomed me to Manderley and I couldn’t be happier to know each and every one of you.” Gag. “And as for you, Max, I just have one thing to say to you.”

Everyone was quiet as they listened to her. She took her time and smiled at Max, gazing at him as earnestly as she could. “I love you.”

A bunch of the girls gasped and then there was applause. She knew exactly what she was doing.

“Oh, he’s embarrassed.” She wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Kiss her!” said a voice in the audience.

She smiled. Max tightened his jaw and looked down at her, his eyes furiously questioning her. He kissed her quickly, and she pulled him in for a real kiss. He was mad, and she knew it. She didn’t care.

More clamor from their onlookers.

“Thank you so much.” She handed the microphone back, curtsied and dragged Max behind her by the hand.

He left after that.

“That was so cute, Becca!” Madison said, running up to her. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us he said he loved you! Oh, my God!” She waved a hand in front of her face.

That was definitely the implication in the way she’d said it. But it was easy to claim as an accidental inflection.

“Yeah, it’s really sweet. Look, don’t tell anyone, but I’m sneaking into the boys’ dorms.”

Julia’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

“Everyone’s down here, so no one will even notice.” She tried to ignore the pounding in her chest. She had to look happy and cool and confident. “Besides, Max and I need to celebrate.” She smiled, but it faltered as she saw Johnny by the entrance. She didn’t look back at her friends, but went to him.

For once she was lost for words as she looked at him. She hadn’t thought about him when she’d done what she just did. It hadn’t occurred to her that he might care.

After not looking at her for what felt like a very long time, he spoke.

“You guys…you’re saying that now?”

She shook her head, but didn’t know what to say.

He finally looked at her, and the look in his eyes made her heart skip. “Do you love him, Becca? Really?”

“I—I don’t know.”

For the first time in she didn’t know how long, she felt her eyes brim with real tears. She took a deep, steadying breath. She did know that she didn’t love Max. Her stomach clenched. Why was she staying with Max? Was it worth it?

Johnny nodded once and walked past her toward the dorms. She called his name, but he didn’t turn. She looked around to see if anyone had seen. No one seemed to have.

That was why she was staying with Max—because Johnny could walk away. And when he did, she would feel like this.

Becca flew down the stairs and into the bathroom. The tears were threatening again; her heart and throat were hot and sore from being in knots. She was on the brink of letting it out when she came upon two girls.

“Becca! That was so sweet! Are you—are you okay?”

It took everything she had to look blasé. “Am I okay? Yes, I’m okay. Just…freshening up before I go to Max’s room.” She smiled and tried to blink the tears away.

She looked in the mirror and wiped any running mascara from under her eyes. She looked pitiful, she thought. The crown looked like it was making fun of her. She left the bathroom and the two girls, whatever their names were, and went up the stairs toward Max.

What was his room number? He’d said something about it the other day because his parents had sent a letter to the wrong room. They sent it to eight. He was in…ugh, for once she wished she’d listened to him. Eighteen? Twenty-eight? It was one of those two. She’d just have to try both.

She found door eighteen. She knocked. No response. She tried the knob, and it was open. She peered in and saw an empty, messy room.

Door twenty-eight. No answer. Locked.

Dammit. Was it…maybe his room was number eight?

She found it and knocked. She shouldn’t be here. She should be trying to fix things with Johnny. She was on the brink of running when Max opened the door.

Becca reminded herself that this was the way to be happy. To have who everyone wanted. And not risk real heartbreak.

She threw her arms around Max. “Oh, thank God you opened the door. I’ve been looking everywhere!”

“Becca, what are you doing?”

“I’m so sorry. I…I just…”

He stepped back, throwing her arms from him. “Stop.”

“I love you. And I mean it.” The words sounded unnatural.

It was the first time she’d said it to anyone. He still looked livid, but she could see in his eyes that he was working to understand what she’d said. She took his hand to squeeze it for emphasis. The emotions from a moment before were threatening to come back.

“I do…and I know you don’t believe me, Max. But I do. I just…don’t know what to do with it. I’ve never been in love before. I just don’t know how to act.” She let go of his hand and stepped backward. She felt herself mean the words she said. But not toward Max. “I’m so sorry. I guess I just hoped you’d say it if I did that.” Her voice was small. She wasn’t this person. Why was she feeling like this? “I feel like everyone knows you don’t like me that much and it’s so embarrassing.” Becca drew her eyebrows together, and let her hands drop to her sides.

Her knees felt week. She succumbed to it and sat down. She stared at the floor and tightened her jaw. This wasn’t where she wanted to be. Not with Max, not on his floor, not in love with someone she feared wouldn’t love her, too.

“Becca, I’m sorry. I can’t…say that back to you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t need you to. I shouldn’t have said it.”

There was silence while she breathed deeply and tried to keep the tears at bay. She was using every muscle in her body to not scream and burst into shuddering, pathetic tears.

“What should we do now?” he asked. “Are we…”

“I want to stay with you,” she said. “I’m really sorry.”

“If we do, you can’t do things like that.”

She nodded and tightened her stomach. “I know.”