Midnight Secrets

chapter

SEVENTEEN


At six o’clock exactly, Zach was at Savannah’s door. He’d thought about nothing all day but their upcoming discussion. Opening up the gnawing chasm of darkness after all these years of suppressing it was going to be bloody hard. Only for Savannah. How many times had Josh asked him what happened? Not even for his brother could he reveal what occurred that night. But for Savannah, he would. Not only because he owed her an explanation and apology but because … hell, because despite everything within him telling him he was a fool, he was still crazy about her.

Her smile of uncertainty when she opened the door was a reflection of his own doubts. Would this change everything between them? Or nothing at all? Would it put the past to rights or destroy this new and fragile beginning? How could he make her understand, when he sometimes had trouble justifying his actions even to himself?

“Hope you’re hungry.”

“I didn’t expect to eat. You didn’t have to go to the trouble of making a meal.”

She shrugged and led him into the kitchen. “I know it’s your dinner break, and I had to eat, too.”

The nonchalant comment made it appear the meal would be something simple and quick. Nothing could have been further from the truth. The table held a delicious-looking meal of roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, fried okra, sliced tomatoes, and rolls. And on the counter, he spotted a pecan pie. Despite his nervousness, his stomach made an approving leap.

Unable to hide his surprise, he said, “You went to a lot of trouble.”

She blushed and waved away his compliment. “I didn’t feel like packing this afternoon, so I decided to play in the kitchen.”

Never had he wanted to kiss her more. The shy smile and blush reminded him of when they’d first started dating. She’d been so sweet, so insecure, and so very unaware of her effect on him. Since she had returned, her mask of sophisticated coolness had covered the naïve, young beauty he’d fallen in love with. Just one glimpse of the girl he’d loved made his heart ache. She had been innocent and pure, and he’d screwed up massively.

Pushing aside the regret, he asked, “Anything I can do to help?”

“No, we’re set. Have a seat and I’ll pour the tea.”

She placed the iced tea before him and then sat down across the table from him. “Hope you don’t mind eating at the kitchen table. The dining room is too formal and the morning room is still too hot this time of day.”

“I always enjoyed eating in this kitchen. Brings back lots of good memories.”

It was an opening he expected her to take. Her smile was wistful. “We did have a lot of good times in here.” The smile disappeared and, as expected, she went straight for the heart. “Why, Zach?”

The roast tasteless in his mouth, Zach swallowed and put his fork down. “When I left here that night, I had every intention of coming back the next day to say goodbye before I left.”

She blew out a shaky breath, her relief apparent. It hurt that she had believed he had led her on. Had she thought that once they’d had sex, he’d gotten what he wanted and it was over? Had his promises not meant anything? Zach jerked himself out of his unwarranted hurt. He was the one who’d left without a word, the one who hadn’t contacted her for months. He had no right to be hurt.

“When I left here, I remembered I’d promised to cook breakfast for my mom the next day. I knew she wouldn’t have gone to the store. I could’ve gone across town to the mini-mart, but Henson had just started experimenting with staying open twenty-four hours. Most times I tried to stay away from that store because of our history. But I was cocky … told myself I was leaving town the next day and the bastard had no control over where I went and what I did.”

He shook his head as the memories washed over him. “Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I’d made a different decision.”

TEN YEARS AGO

Zach parked in the almost empty parking lot and got out of the car. With any luck, he could avoid old man Henson, get the few things he needed, and be in bed by one. Tomorrow was going to be a busy and emotional day. If he’d been stronger, he would have said his final goodbye to Savannah a few minutes ago and not have to go through the gut-wrenching agony again. But tonight she had given him her body and her heart, and saying goodbye after something so phenomenal had been impossible. Unwise or not, seeing her one more time before he left wasn’t something he could resist.

His mind on Savannah, Zach was in the store and gathering things before he realized it. Other than the checkout clerk up front, no one was around. He made his selections quickly. Arms loaded with breakfast items, he was halfway to the checkout when his perfect night went to shit.

“What are you doing here, boy? I told you never to come back to my store.”

Sighing, Zach turned and faced the man. Might as well get it over with. “I’m just here for a few things. I’m not stealing. Just buying. Okay?” He turned back around and started toward the checkout.

Henson grabbed his shoulder and tried to pull him around. The old man was a big guy but no match for his youth and strength. Zach didn’t budge and Henson had no choice but to let him go. Hoping he’d be able to get away without another confrontation, Zach just kept on going. No way in hell was he going to get into trouble his last night in town.

The kid at the checkout had obviously heard the altercation. His Adam’s apple wobbled spasmodically as he nervously swallowed. Zach patiently waited as the kid carefully scanned each item. Old man Henson would be a bear to work for; the poor kid had probably been chewed out more than once. Finally he told Zach the amount he owed. Zach handed him the money, grabbed the bag, and walked out the door.

He was in the parking lot, counting himself lucky that nothing else had happened, when Henson growled from behind him, “I warned you not to come back.”

Zach threw his groceries in the passenger’s side and closed the door. “I’m gone after tomorrow. You don’t ever have to see me again. That should make you happy.”

Henson sneered. “Boy, the only thing that would make me happy would be if you’d never been born.”

He’d always known Henson had it in for him, but Zach was stunned at the sheer loathing in the old man’s eyes. “Why the hell do you hate me so much?”

“You ruined my life.”

“And just how the hell did I do that?”

“I gave your mama money to get rid of your carcass. Instead of using it like she should have, she stayed in town and flaunted her pregnant belly all over Midnight.”

Revulsion liked he’d never known filled Zach. No. No way in hell was this self-righteous son of a bitch his father. “You’re full of shit, old man. My father was killed in the service.”

“You’re ’bout as dumb as you look,” Henson sneered. “That’s what she told everybody. Ask your mama how she got knocked up when James Tanner was halfway round the world. Your mama was like a bitch in heat when she didn’t have a man around to satisfy her itch. She caught me in her trap.”

Zach took a step forward until he was inches from Henson’s face. His jaw clenched with fury, he bit out, “You’re not my father. You got that, a*shole?”

“Shit, boy, you think I’d come out and say something so disgusting? Your mama and me screwed around. She said she couldn’t get pregnant. Was using protection. She lied … like all bitches do.”

Zach had no words. The thought of this man’s blood running in his veins was too vile to even contemplate. He stared hard at the man. Were there similarities? Henson’s eyes were brown, not gray like Zach’s. That meant nothing. He’d seen pictures of James Tanner, who’d had blue eyes. Zach knew he’d gotten his eye color from Francine.

Narrowing his gaze, he peered closer. Were their cheekbones similar? Or the shape of their noses? Maybe, but there was nothing that stood out and said absolutely that Ralph Henson was his father, except for one thing—Henson’s expression said he believed he was speaking the truth.

“How do you know Francine didn’t get pregnant by someone else?”

A glint of arrogant pride entered Henson’s eyes. “ ’Cause I was on her day and night for a whole month. She didn’t have the energy to spread her legs for anybody else.”

Zach had no choice; he had to hit him. Slamming his fist into Ralph Henson’s face was one of the most satisfying moments of his life. Standing over the bastard lying on the ground, Zach snarled, “You spew lies like that again and I’ll make sure you live to regret it.”

As a threat, it had been weak at best. But after what he had just learned, he was surprised he was able to form any coherent words at all.

Zach turned away from the piece of crap on the pavement. He had to see Francine immediately; he had to know the truth. The little voice inside him—the one that he hated because it never lied to him—said that he’d already heard the truth. Ralph Henson was his father.

His mind reeling, Zach never heard the noise behind him. Pain sliced into his head; he pitched forward and darkness followed.

He woke to pain. Harsh whispers and laughter echoed around him. The unmistakable smell of blood and the stench of something vile filled his nostrils. Every part of his body felt wrenched, bruised, battered, or broken. He tried to raise his head … knew he needed to get up. What the hell had happened? Agony split his side. He’d been around long enough to recognize a booted foot had just slammed into his kidney. He breathed through the pain and struggled to his knees. The headlights from several cars shone brightly in his eyes. He blinked, tried to get a clear picture of where he was. His vision was impaired … something warm and wet was running down his face, into his eyes. He saw three blurred figures; couldn’t make out any faces. Henson and his friends? Fury trumped pain. Damned if they’d get away with this.

He got to his feet. Swaying unsteadily, he balled his hand into a fist and swung out blindly. He felt a small satisfaction when fist met flesh. Excruciating pain exploded in his jaw. Multiple fists slammed into him from every direction. Shielding his face with his left arm, Zach lashed out with his right arm. His knees wobbled, his feet unsteady. His brain occasionally registered that he’d scored a hit to something or someone. A hard blow slammed against the side of his head and he fell face-first onto the ground. Someone jumped on top of him, began pummeling in earnest. Blessed unconsciousness descended once again and this time Zach welcomed the dark relief.

Minutes or hours later, he woke. The sky above him held a light pinkish tinge. It was almost dawn. Painfully he turned his head and tried to comprehend his surroundings. As far as the eye could see, there was only flat, open landscape—a cow pasture.

Hissing at the pain, he raised his head and that was when he realized he was not only naked, his entire body was covered in blood and cow manure. Every muscle and part of his body throbbed and ached. The agony it took to breathe told him his ribs were either cracked or severely bruised, his nose was busted, and he could barely see for the searing pain in his head.

Every breath brought a curse as he raised himself up, got to his knees, and then his feet. He had no idea where he was, but if he didn’t get his ass in gear, he’d be walking home in broad daylight.

Finally standing, he swayed back and forth like a drunk, and only sheer determination kept him from falling. He took a second to get his bearings. Seeing the Midnight water tower in the distance, he determined where he was and the location of the road. Figuring he was at least two miles from his house, he stumbled forward. He’d make it home before he was seen or die trying. Several yards ahead of him, he spotted his wallet. Swallowing a groan, he leaned down and picked it up. Bastards had even taken his money, all thirteen dollars. But they’d left his license and that’s all he cared about.

At last finding the road, he bellowed like a crazed man as he climbed the fence. Knowing his legs would never hold him, Zach dropped and landed on his ass. His body jarred and he again allowed himself the luxury of screaming at the pain.

Back on his feet, he dragged one foot in front of the other. And as he stumbled home, fury burned the pain and humiliation away. He had been treated like shit for most of his life in this town. And thanks to Ralph Henson, he now knew he came from shit.

It took him almost two hours to get home. He’d had to hide twice behind bushes when a couple of cars had driven past him. He pulled himself up to the porch and found the key under the doormat where his mother always left it. Cynically he wondered how many men in town knew about the key.

He opened the front door and all was quiet. His mother and Leonard were still in bed. His first priority was to get the stink of cow shit off his skin. Turning on the water as hot as he could stand it, Zach scrubbed every particle of his body until it was raw. The pain in his body was numbed by the fury still fueling him.

Once he felt reasonably clean, he brushed his teeth, drank down a gallon of water, and then, with painful slowness, dressed. Since he was already packed, he had only one other item on his agenda. Shoving open his mother’s bedroom door, he felt a small amount of satisfaction when the noise startled her. She shot straight up from bed. Leonard lay beside her, still snoring. Apparently she had tired him out.

At first she smiled, as if thrilled he’d woken her. When he just stood and stared at her, she frowned and said, “What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that? What happened to your face?”

“Who the f*ck is my father?”

Even as he said the words, a small, still-decent part of him cringed. Never had he talked to a woman this way.

“What are you talking about, Zachie? You know who your daddy is. He was a war hero.”

He cocked a brow. “Not a piece-of-shit a*shole named Ralph Henson?”

The instant he said the name, Francine’s expression revealed the truth. He turned and walked away. She caught him at the front door. “I’m sorry, baby. I had to lie to you. That bastard wanted me to get rid of you. I did it all for you.”

Giving her one last glare of disgust, he walked out the door. Though he had intended to drive to Fort Benning, he didn’t care about his car … he cared about nothing but getting away. He hitched a ride to the bus station and left Midnight and everything it stood for behind him. He refused to give thought to anything, including the innocent young girl he’d made promises to and whose heart would soon be broken.

And now she knew the truth. Savannah stared down at the now cold meal. Stupid to have spent so much time on dinner. She had known this wouldn’t be a pleasant social event. Her stomach roiled. What an idiot she had been. Of course she had suspected something traumatic had happened. Zach leaving without saying goodbye had made no sense. But she had been so very hurt and then so very afraid.

She cleared her throat, struggling not to reveal the tears she desperately wanted to shed. “Why didn’t you come to me, Zach? I would have taken care of you.”

He shook his head. “I was hurt and humiliated, Savannah. I had only one priority and that was to get as far away as possible. Having you see me like that would have killed me.”

Her eyes roaming over his face, she compared the Zach of today to the boy she had fallen in love with. The ruggedness was new, as were the lines around his mouth. His eyes probably told the biggest story. Years ago they had been a soft, beautiful gray. Now they were steely hard.

She remembered thinking when they were dating that a twenty-year-old Zach seemed so mature and manly. But he had been just a kid. A boy who’d been beaten and humiliated. One who’d learned the cruel truth about his parentage. Was it any wonder he’d left that night?

Swallowing past the sympathy she knew he wouldn’t want, she said softly, “Did you go to basic training as you’d planned?”

“I tried to. Only I was so banged up, they took one look at me and put me in the hospital instead. Had some broken ribs, a bruised kidney, a concussion, and a broken nose.”

Unable to not offer some kind of solace, Savannah reached across the table and touched his hand. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

His mouth twisted in a grimace. “And I’m sorry I did what I did.”

Now that she knew the truth, the hardest question of all had to be asked. “Why did you wait so long to contact me?”

He pulled his hand away from hers and pushed his fingers through his hair. “I was out of it for almost a week. When I woke up and could think more clearly, I still couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I knew you would have questions, and I didn’t want to give you the answers. Then, the longer I waited, the easier it was to convince myself that you were better off without me. My mind was so screwed up. I wanted to be completely separated from my past.” He swallowed hard and continued, “I’m so damn sorry.”

She was, too, for more reasons than he knew.

“What made you change your mind and call me?”

“The army. The training I went through. I was reminded that a man is measured not by his parentage but by what’s inside him. It no longer mattered that James Tanner hadn’t been my biological father. The stories my mother told me about him made me realize that he was the kind of man I wanted to be. Ralph Henson was a sperm donor, nothing more.” He shrugged and gave her a sad, twisted smile. “I guess I finally got my head out of my ass and realized how stupid I’d been.”

Leaning forward, his eyes held hers. Savannah saw sorrow and sincerity but something more. Something she wasn’t sure she was ready to explore.

“When you wouldn’t talk to me, I didn’t know what to think. At first, I figured you were angry and hurt, which you had every right to be. Then, when you kept rejecting my calls, not answering my emails, I wondered if you’d somehow heard about what happened.”

Breath exploded from her in disbelief. “Surely you can’t think the identity of your father mattered to me.”

He shrugged. “I couldn’t come up with another reason. I thought it was either that or maybe you’d heard what they did to me.”

“How long did it take you to realize that none of that would have mattered?”

He smiled. “Only a few hours after I thought it.” His mouth flatlined grimly. “I don’t blame you for not taking my calls. You had every right to hate me.”

“I didn’t hate you. I—” But was that the truth? Perhaps a part of her had hated him. She now regretted not going to Fort Benning and demanding to see him. Her lack of assertiveness had cost her. Instead she had allowed herself to fade away again. And then she’d almost lost everything.

“You what?”

Savannah looked up, realizing he was waiting for her to finish her sentence. “I was just so very hurt.”

Regret darkened his expression even more. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

She waved away his apology. Not because it didn’t mean anything but because he had apologized enough. She now knew the truth, and though so much of their lives might have been different if either of them had reacted another way, the real villains of this tragedy continued on as if nothing had happened.

“Why did you never press charges against Henson?”

“I had no proof it was him. Never saw any of them clearly. It was his word against mine and we both know my word meant nothing in this town.”

“Then why come back here to live? Why would you—” She stopped abruptly. “Did you come back to exact some kind of revenge against Henson?”

“No, not consciously. I actually did intend to spruce up the old house, sell it, and get the hell out of here as soon as I could. Somehow, I got a different perspective.”

Horrified, she asked, “About Henson?”

“Hell no. That’ll never change. But the town in general just felt different.”

She smiled, understanding. “And torturing Henson with your presence?”

He gave her a half smile. “Icing on the cake.”

“So that’s why you suspect he’s in on the vandalisms?”

“Yeah, in fact, just got that confirmed today.”

“Really? How?”

“Lindsay Milan.”

Realization came, followed quickly by relief. “So that’s why.…” She nodded. “She’s Clark’s sister.”

“Yeah, she overheard a conversation between Clark and Henson.”

It was unkind of her but Savannah couldn’t help but wonder if one of Lindsay’s reasons for coming forward was because of Zach. If it had been Chief Mosby, would she have told him?

“What did she hear?”

“The dry cleaners is their next target. I plan to be there, too.”

“Won’t Henson and Dayton know who fingered them? Everyone saw you together at the social today.”

Zach grimaced. “She hasn’t been shy about her interest in me, so most everyone will just assume I succumbed to her.”

She wanted to ask him if he had but wouldn’t. Lindsay was only a year older than Savannah and very attractive. Most men would be thrilled with the attention she threw Zach.

As if he recognized her need for reassurance, he added, “She’s leaving town.”

Ignoring the happy skip of her heart at that news, she said, “Can I help you at the dry cleaners?”

“No, I’ve got it covered. Thanks.”

Her eyes dropped to the now unappetizing food on her plate. There didn’t seem to be anyplace to go with the conversation. Learning the truth should have, at the very least, put her mind at ease. She had convinced herself that because she had allowed Zach to make love to her, he’d no longer wanted or respected her. She was the one who’d asked him to make love to her, the one to bring condoms. Looking back on it now, that seemed silly. But at eighteen, insecure and brokenhearted, believing that was the reason had made perfect sense.

Knowing the truth didn’t give her the relief she had expected. Immeasurable sadness filled her—not unlike the dark despair she had felt years ago. She had originally planned to tell him everything. Now she wasn’t sure of anything. What purpose would it accomplish? Hadn’t they both suffered enough?

As if he realized they had nothing else to say to each other, Zach stood. “I’m sorry you went to so much trouble for dinner and I ruined it.”

Savannah stood, too. “It’ll make good leftovers for tomorrow.”

“I guess I’d better get back to work.”

“I’ll walk you out.”

Like two strangers, they went to the door in silence. The distance between them was more than either of them could possibly breach. What they’d had years before was gone. It had been a brief, intense attraction that perhaps might have died naturally if given enough time. But that hadn’t been allowed to happen. And now only empty space remained. Stupid, but she felt as if someone had died. She pushed down the knowledge that someone had.

Her hand went to the doorknob to open it, then she caught her breath when Zach’s hand covered hers. Her eyes shot to his, questioning. Longing for something she was too afraid to even voice, she whispered, “Zach?”

“I’m so damn sorry, Savannah. For everything.”

Unable to stop herself, Savannah went into his arms. Zach held her hard against him, his breath shuddering from his big body. Savannah savored the beauty and comfort of his embrace as bitterness and anger washed away. Long moments passed as they finally let go of the past.

She felt Zach’s arms loosen, and with great reluctance, she dropped her arms and tried to step back. Zach wasn’t having it. Pulling her hard against him, he covered her mouth in a searing, soul-deep kiss Savannah felt to the tips of her toes.

A sob caught in her throat as she poured out her longing into the kiss. When he pulled his mouth from hers, he was gratifyingly breathless. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Speechless and more hopeful than she’d been in years, Savannah nodded and watched him leave. After his car disappeared from view, she closed the door and leaned against it. Her fears that the only connection they had was in the past were unfounded. What exactly they did have, she didn’t know. Overanalyzing when it came to matters of the heart had gotten her into trouble before. She vowed to let things go at their own pace.

As she headed back into the kitchen to clear up the wasted dinner, two major issues pounded against her vow of not worrying. In a few weeks, she would be returning to Nashville; Zach’s job was here. Could she just walk away? Would it matter to Zach? Did their current attraction mean anything or was it just residual feelings from long ago?

The other issue was even more difficult to consider. However, no matter how difficult it was, she knew she had to come clean, too. She tried to push away the worry that it might destroy the fragile bond they were building. Whatever the outcome, Zach deserved the truth.