Living Dangerously

Chapter Eighteen



Carrie Ann came out of the audition and stepped into the bright California afternoon. The smile she’d left the office with disappeared from her face the second she turned her back. Those f*ckers. Did they think she didn’t know what they thought of her? Did they think she couldn’t read their eyes and silent communication? F*ckers. She could kill every one of them in a second if she wanted to. She worked out. She took self-defense. She had an arsenal of weapons and knew how to break an arm in multiple places. How much different could it be to break a neck?

Carrie Ann jerked her car door open, settled into the seat and slammed the door shut. F*ckers, every one of them.

If Julie had been in town, she could’ve helped her prepare for the audition. But, no, Julie had run like a scared rabbit because someone was trying to kill her. What a p-ssy. Carrie Ann would never let someone scare her away from her home. Hell no. She’d fight to the death to keep what she’d worked so hard for.

Julie was pissing her off more and more. Everything came to her best friend without any effort on her part at all. Carrie Ann worked just as hard as Julie, but did the good scripts come to her agent? She just kept getting every indie script under the sun and hoped that one of them broke through. Unlike Julie, who had scripts and projects just waiting for her to sign on, Carrie Ann still had to audition for great parts and rarely got the ones she wanted. The most recent example being Ari Nepali’s latest film.

She never should’ve trusted Julie to help her get the part. It was all a bunch of lies, a bunch of bullshit. If Julie had really wanted to help her, she’d have backed out of the movie for good.

Carrie Ann slammed her palm against the steering wheel and pain shot through her hand and up her arm. She didn’t give a shit. Julie, f*cking Julie, had stolen another part that should have been hers. How many more times was she going to live through something like this? How much was she supposed to take before something snapped? Carrie Ann wanted to roar, to hit something. Why was life so f*cking unfair?

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Obsessing about Julie wasn’t going to get her anywhere. Carrie Ann glanced at her phone. Al still hadn’t called her. She was pretty sure she’d scared the hell out of him last night. Clearly the guy’d had very limited sack time with women.

Anyone could see he was a nerd. His short curly hair stuck out in odd directions. Those thick glasses covered intense, dark eyes. Even his stubble had grown in uneven, leaving little patches of skin soft and smooth. He cracked her up.

His fortune, however, was a serious matter.

Once she’d hit town, Leo Frost had avoided her like she carried an STD. Her plan to use him for some much needed PR sank like the Titanic. But Al was a different story. Nothing opened doors like money, and hooking up with a rich nerd could be just as valuable as hooking up with a Hollywood star.

She’d found plenty of Al Gateses when she’d Googled him, but not her Al Gates. He’d said his game was in final testing stages and she had no idea how that industry worked, so it was possible no news about him didn’t mean anything. The house at the top of the hill sure said money. She just wasn’t sure everything added up. There was something off about him, but she wasn’t giving up. Not yet. Nerdy, genius types were bound to be weird. That’s what made them nerdy and genius.

Carrie Ann cranked the car engine and glanced at her phone. At least Drew hadn’t called with an emergency. She needed to get to the house before the movers left. She turned the AC full blast and drove to her old house, the place Drew and she grew up in, the home he’d never left.

She arrived in time to see the movers unloading the last of the boxes under Drew’s supervision. After giving them a generous tip, she closed the door and looked around the house. It didn’t matter that Carrie Ann had updated the place with recessed lighting, new floors and appliances, because more and more often, Drew closed all the curtains and blinds, giving the house a dank, depressing quality.

She didn’t know how to help him. Had no clue what to do to pull him out of his funk and as each day went by, he seemed to get farther and farther away from her. She’d promised her mother she’d take of him, but she was falling tremendously short.

Carrie Ann sighed at the stacks of boxes in the kitchen. This whole termite thing had been way more trouble than she’d bargained for. All the boxes had been labeled so now it was just a matter of unpacking and restocking the kitchen and bathrooms. She left Drew to set up his new video game, and went down the hallway. Tripping over the edge of a box in the first doorway had her anger spiking, and she bent to shove the thing out of the way. The label read Guestroom, which didn’t make sense since nothing in the guestroom had been boxed up. She hefted the box and entered the spare room. Drew must have packed this because she certainly hadn’t.

Setting the box on the bed, Carrie Ann opened it up and found three towels rolled up lengthwise. She picked up one and felt something solid within. Before she even unwrapped it, the Ruger Ranch rifle slid out and landed on the blanket. Her skin prickled. She pulled out a second towel and unwrapped the AR 15. The Colt 1911 .45 caliber slid out of the last towel. The weapons should’ve been locked in the gun cabinet. Every few months she took Drew out to the shooting range for target practice. It had been one of those things he’d done with their dad, and she’d hoped it would spark fond memories and keep his depression at bay. Their father had taught both of them to be marksmen, and hitting those red bull’s-eyes gave Drew the boost of self-esteem he needed. Most of the time. On occasion the idea backfired when all Drew could think about was finding his father dead after eating a bullet for dinner.

Carrie Ann picked up the first rifle. She checked the barrel. Dirty. What the hell? She always cleaned the weapons after every use. It was Drew who didn’t like to clean them. When had Drew used either weapon without her?

A creepy feeling prickled her neck and she spun to find Drew in the doorway, his face hard, his eyes cold.

“What are you doing?” he asked in the flat tone she rarely heard. He usually waffled between the sad, pitiful boy and the happy-go-lucky brother she’d grown up with and wanted to see more of. “I thought you were unpacking the bathroom.” He slowly moved into the room, nothing boyish about him now. His body language hummed with intention.

“I had planned to until I tripped over this in the hallway. I didn’t know you’d packed anything from one of the bedrooms.” She tapped the box. “You want to tell me why these guns aren’t clean?” Deep down, she had the terrifying suspicion she knew the answer.

Drew’s hard gaze cracked and his brows bunched together as he clenched his jaw. “Don’t be mad at me, Carrie Ann.”

Every hair stood on end. “Andrew, what did you do?” she whispered as chills streaked down her back. She only called him Andrew when he was in trouble.

Backing up, Drew hit the wall, his eyes wide. “I...I went to the shooting range.” He twisted his thumb in that way he did when he lied.

Carrie Ann recognized the tell. “No, you didn’t. I know you, Drew. Tell me the truth.”

Drew’s chin quivered and he sank to the ground. He curled his legs up close to his chest, wrapped his arms around his shins and buried his face on his knees. “I had to, don’t you see? I still have to. I can’t live like this.”

Carrie Ann barely heard him and her pulse leaped. “Had to do what?”

“Julie!” he yelled, still hiding his head.

She covered her face with both hands, her heart slamming against her ribs. No, no, please God, no. She didn’t want to believe her brother had fallen so far. She’d been in denial for too many years and now it had come back to bite her in the ass. “Drew, did you shoot Julie? Did you blow up her car?”

He was crying hard now, rocking back and forth, a little ball of pity. “I’m sorry. I’m not sorry. I’m sorry. I’m not sorry.” He kept repeating the same words over and over again.

Numb, Carrie Ann sat next to him, the hardwood floor cool under her ass. How could this have happened? How had he managed it? How the hell was she going to fix it? “Why? Drew, why?” God, a police officer was still in a coma because of him.

“She lies to me. She tells me she’ll see me then she cancels. I’m not good enough for her,” he spat. He shook his head. “I can’t live like this. I love her. I love her so much and she keeps saying she’ll be with me, and I can’t do it anymore. I want her gone. If she’s gone, I won’t see her anymore. I won’t want her anymore. She’s everywhere and I can’t... I just can’t...” Tears cascaded uncontrolled down his cheeks and broke Carrie Ann’s heart.

All this time, she’d thought she was the only one with a key to the gun cabinet. All this time, it had been Drew after Julie.

God dammit! Julie! Fresh anger exploded in Cal’s chest. Julie didn’t have to deal with Drew on a regular basis. Julie didn’t know how far he’d slid into his own private hell and she’d been the one to make him worse.

Drew needed help. Serious help. Tears pricked Carrie Ann’s eyes. No way in hell was she putting her brother in any type of mental facility. She’d had to research one for a part years ago and she’d sworn then that she’d pay for private care before placing him in one of those hellholes. Drew needed care and a gentle hand. He needed attention. He needed the love of family and friends to help him get better.

“And at the luncheon,” Drew said between sobs. “She didn’t even have us at her table. Are we not good enough for her? We can’t be seen with her because we’re less than?”

“She told me she didn’t have any control over it,” Carrie Ann murmured.

“Bullshit!” Drew roared, his brown eyes feral. “You were already there. Someone else could’ve moved to another table and I could’ve joined you. She did it! She pretends to be nice, but she’s a lying, scheming f*cking Hollywood diva and she has to go!”

Carrie Ann felt the sting behind her eyes. She’d always taken care of Drew. She’d promised her mother before she died to do everything in her power to keep Drew healthy and happy. And now he was as miserable as a man could be. She’d failed. She’d failed her mother and brother just as their father had failed them when he’d taken his own life. Just as Julie had failed them today. Again. Julie had none of the pressure, none of the shitty day-to-day life issues that Cal dealt with on a regular basis.

“You know I’m right,” Drew went on quietly, his voice a bare whisper near her ear as she stared forward, eyes transfixed on the empty gun cabinet. “It’s not just me, Carrie Ann. She treats you like shit too. She dangles movies in front of you, then steals them away.”

“I got Nowhere to Hide,” Cal said quietly.

Drew scoffed “Yeah, and look what that did for you? She purposely tanked your career. She made it so you’d have to work for every role you get. You don’t think she did that on purpose? All she did was talk about how great that movie was going to be, then she backed out at the last minute and herded it your way. She knew exactly what she was doing. Setting you up to fail. You’re prettier than her, more talented than her, and it’s all a bunch of bullshit.” Panting, Drew swiped the tears from his face viciously. “She deserves whatever we give her.”

Carrie Ann ran her hands through her hair. What if Drew was right? What if Julie had orchestrated everything over the years to help her own career? “Oh, God,” she moaned, her stomach turning. All these years of sticking by her, being there whenever she needed a friend, and Julie had taken everything and stabbed her in the back. What kind of friend had Julie turned out to be?

Bile rose in Carrie Ann’s throat. She hadn’t told Julie that after her audition with Ari, she’d stayed in his office. She’d let him ride up her short skirt, peel down her thong and f*ck her on his desk. She’d tolerated his ashtray breath and strangling cologne, all in the name of getting the best part of her life, because Julie had told her she would be perfect for the role. But had it worked out? Not just no, but f*ck no. Julie told her she’d fight for her, but instead she took the role for herself. This was all Julie’s fault.

“We nearly did it at lunch,” Drew mumbled.

Carrie Ann barely heard him. “What?” Then she remembered the fall. Drew had plowed into her like a defensive end and she’d slammed into Julie full force, knocking her downstairs. If Troy hadn’t broken her fall, she’d have probably been seriously injured. Or dead.

“You know I’m right,” Drew said. “She has to go. She’s hurt us enough.” He paused, his breathing rough before he continued, “You can do it, Carrie Ann. You can make it right. For you. For me. For both of us.” The tears returned to his eyes, and seeing his pain made Carrie Ann want to howl. Tears trickled down her cheeks. “Please, Carrie Ann. Please make it right. Please make her disappear for good. I can’t do this anymore.”

Maybe Julie should pay for what she’d done. Maybe they would both be better off without her around. Her presence wasn’t doing either one of them a f*cking bit of good. She made promises she couldn’t keep. She’d turned Drew into a hollowed-out farce of a man.

Weighing her options, Carrie Ann stared into Drew’s devastated eyes. He was her brother. Her flesh and blood. She owed him her very best. He deserved to be happy. He deserved so much more than he was currently getting.

His shoulders shook and he curled up into a ball again, shaking and rocking.

Maybe if she did this now, he’d snap out of this free fall.

Carrie Ann couldn’t stand it. “Okay, Drew. I’ll take care of it. I promise.”

* * *

The sun managed to escape the clouds as it arced down toward the west. Troy had pulled off the interstate a while back to answer a phone call and Julie had quit asking him questions. She didn’t blame him for wanting to avoid a painful topic. He had been physically abused by his dad. Did she really want the details? Did she want him to relive those terrible times? She didn’t want to push him or alienate him, so she shut her mouth. Now, as he drove down a street, she checked out the scenery of small-town America.

He took a right turn into a grocery store lot, found a spot and parked. “I won’t be long. Just need to get some provisions for the cabin.”

“How do you know your uncle isn’t there with a houseful?” she asked. It seemed pretty presumptuous to think it would be empty just because Troy wanted it to be.

“It’s early August. He goes at the end of June when he’s finished teaching. As soon as school’s out he heads to the cabin for vacation. He likes the weather before it gets too warm.”

“Oh.” That made sense, but hadn’t he said it had been years since he’d been here? “What if he retired and lives there full time?”

“Then I’ll find us a hotel until I can find a rental property for a couple of weeks.”

She rolled her eyes. “It won’t be that long. I have to be back before a couple of weeks and it took four days to get here.”

“Like I said, I’ll make it work.” He opened his door and she moved to open hers. “I thought it might go quicker if I went in by myself,” he added before she got her fingers on the handle.

She nodded. “You’re probably right, but my ass hurts from sitting so long, so I’m coming with you. Besides, I need to stretch my legs.” Forgoing the wig, she grabbed her hat and sunglasses. “Never fear. I’m under wraps,” she whispered. She made one of the famous goofy faces she was known for and got the desired effect when he grinned.

She opened her door before he could change his mind. The cool temperature surprised her and she grabbed her sweater from the backseat. Though she was still a little sore from last night, she left her crutches in the car. They were an accident waiting to happen, especially while under her armpits.

Troy rounded the hood of the car. “You forgot your crutches.”

“No I didn’t. We won’t be long,” she said, shrugging into her sweater. “I’ll go slow. You’re the one who called ’em sticks of death. Let’s leave them in the car. I’ll lean on you if I need to.” She caught the spark in his eyes and recognized the heat from last night. He was thinking about a different kind of leaning. The kind that had her body leaning up against his without any fabric between them. She felt a flush heat her cheeks. “Lead the way.” She gestured for him to go and when he didn’t move, she started toward the building. “Or I can. Doesn’t matter to me.” She felt more than heard Troy catch up to her.

He’d commandeered a shopping cart and put it in front of her. “Here. Lean on this.”

“Aye, aye, captain.”

Fifteen minutes later, they had a little bit of everything and headed toward checkout. The market had been relatively empty, but as they got closer to the only open checkout stand, she noticed two women looking at them and whispering. Uh oh. Had she been recognized? That would piss Troy off in a flash. She tipped her hat lower over her forehead as they got in line.

“I’m sorry, but you look so familiar,” the woman in front of them said. A blue band held back her long gray hair in a ponytail and her weathered face had more wrinkles than a shar-pei puppy. “Do I know you?”

Julie gave her a quick tight-lipped smile. “I don’t think so.”

“She gets that all the time,” Troy said simultaneously.

The older, red-head-from-a-bottle cashier took a long look, but her brown eyes were glued on Troy. “Oh, my word.” Her mouth opened up as if she’d seen a ghost. “Troy Mills, is that you?” Her slight southern drawl seemed out of place this far north, but it could explain the powdered complexion and perfect makeup.

He stiffened as both women stared at him, completely captivated.

“My gosh, I haven’t seen you in over twenty-five years.” The woman’s surprise turned into a wide smile, revealing a slight overbite. “You look exactly like your Uncle Zach.”

Troy didn’t say anything so Julie gave him a nudge with her elbow. Still nothing.

“Have you seen his uncle lately?” Julie asked. Just because his tongue had been glued to the roof of his mouth didn’t mean hers had.

“It’s been about a month or so. He was here right after school let out. Spent about two weeks, then he was gone.” She gave Troy a thorough once-over. “My gosh, you’ve grown into a man. You were such a scrawny kid the last time I saw you. If you didn’t look so much like a Mills, I might not have even recognized you.”

The lady in front of them had turned her eyes on Julie. “Are you sure we’ve never met?” Julie got that all time. People recognized her, but couldn’t figure out from where. Some thought they’d gone to school together. Older people thought she had been friends with their kids. It varied.

“I’m not from here,” she said with a shrug. “I guess I have one of those faces.” She took a few items out of the cart and set them on the black belt of the grocery stand.

“So, Troy, how long are you here for?” the woman behind the counter asked. Then she laughed. “Oh, lord, you probably don’t remember me at all. I used to work in the deli. Your mother would come and I’d give you a slice of cheese while she waited for her order. You remember that?”

Recognition dawned in Troy’s eyes and a reluctant smile curved his lips. “Yes, ma’am. I do remember that.”

“I was so sad when your mother passed,” she said with a shake of her head. “She was a pretty little thing.”

Julie barely managed to control her surprise, and the tension that had slowly ebbed from Troy shot back with a vengeance. Every muscle stiffened. His mother had died and in all that time in the car, he hadn’t mentioned it. The sadness Julie felt hit her as hard as those bullets had months ago.

“Oh, Lucy, I nearly forgot my coupons,” the woman in front of them said, handing over a few tattered pieces of paper. She drew Lucy’s focus, which Julie considered a good thing. But after she left, and Lucy started scanning the items on the belt, she glanced at Julie, then back at Troy.

“Troy, did you come back to introduce your girlfriend to your uncle?” Lucy asked.

“We’re just friends,” Julie felt compelled to say. Why she had the need to jump in and save Troy, she didn’t know, but here she was speaking up so he wouldn’t have to.

“Uh-huh,” Lucy drawled, but she clearly didn’t believe it.

It was a painful few minutes before Lucy had the items bagged and in the cart. Troy and Julie made their way out to the parking lot. Once the groceries were in the trunk and they’d resettled in the car, Julie bit her lip to keep from asking the questions burning in her brain.

Troy must have sensed her struggle. “My mom died when I was nine,” he said.

The same year he and his father had moved out of town. The puzzle pieces were starting to come together.

“How?” she asked.

He paused a long time before answering. “Fell down a flight of stairs and broke her neck.”

The air deflated out of Julie’s lungs with a whoosh. She couldn’t imagine losing her mother like that, especially at such a young age. It would explain why he was so serious all the time. He hadn’t had the unconditional love of a mother. The kind of love Julie had been raised with. To top it off, he’d been stuck with an abusive father. It explained so much. “I’m so sorry. That must have been the worst.”

He nodded. “It pretty much sucked.”

Julie laid her hand on his thigh and he flashed his dark gaze in her direction before settling on the road again. A few seconds later, he took her hand and linked their fingers. The simple connection made Julie melt inside. It was exactly what she wanted. Not just a physical connection, but an emotional one too. She wanted to know everything about the man.

They didn’t say anything else until they hit the cabin twenty minutes later, and Julie didn’t let it bother her. He had a reason for not telling her about his mother and she’d find out one way or the other. With another week and a half to go, she had plenty of time to finally get to know Troy Mills.

* * *

The cabin wasn’t what Troy expected as he eased up the gravel road. Then again, everything since they hit this part of the trip hadn’t been what he expected. His uncle had renovated the whole thing and doubled it in length. The old raised-log cabin was now a dual A-frame. A short set of steps led to the porch that stretched across the front, and a glider sat in the corner. He’d half expected the place to be boarded up and abandoned, but it looked better than ever. If the cashier hadn’t mentioned his uncle’s recent visit, he might’ve thought the place had been sold.

“This is beautiful,” Julie said. She’d been so quiet on the drive, giving him space and time to figure out how he was going to tell her about his childhood. It was one more thing to love about her. He certainly never intended for her to find out about his mother and he knew she was full of questions. Full of sympathy, too, but he didn’t want that.

He parked the car and glanced at Julie. According to the look on her face, the cabin wasn’t what she expected either. “I thought you said we were going to be roughing it. I was all set to do my Laura Ingles impression and now I see this.”

He smiled at the image of her in braids. Even when he was thinking about how much he missed his mom this many years later, Julie managed to pull him out of the funk.

Troy walked around to the back. A glass jar filled with rocks still sat on the same wooden table. The jar was different, but the rocks were the same smooth circular stones he’d collected from the lake as a child. He opened the top and plunged his hand into the center. The small plastic baggie rustled against his fingers and he pulled it out. The key remained inside.

Troy stepped up to the back door and tried the lock. The key turned easily and the door swung open. He glanced inside, amazed at the transformation. The whole place had been redone. The new state-of-the-art kitchen had dark brown granite countertops, oak cabinets and stainless steel appliances. His uncle had gone all out. Troy opened the front door for Julie, who still waited by the car.

“I guess you found the key,” she said, limping toward him.

He liked her tenacity. Liked the fact that she didn’t want to be coddled. She hated the crutches and would rather suffer some extra aches and pains instead of deal with them. Of course he’d never seen anyone with less ability when it came to crutches. The thought made him smile.

“Found it.” He held it up, then slipped it in his pocket before helping her up the three steps onto the porch.

She walked inside and stopped as she looked around. A giant double-sided stone fireplace created a centerpiece in the middle of the huge great room. “Wow. Nice.”

“This used to be the majority of the place,” Troy said. “The whole back end and left side is the new addition.” He shook his head, amazed at the change. “I’ll get the bags.” He headed for the door.

“I’m going to look around,” Julie said.

Troy brought in the groceries first, then came back with their bags and set them in the master bedroom. Another bedroom had been added on with the renovation of the back of the house, but the bunk beds held zero appeal, and who was he kidding anyway when it came to his sleeping arrangements where Julie was concerned? He didn’t know what the hell was happening between them, but damn if he wanted to see it end.

He found Julie putting away their groceries. With hardly any makeup, she looked like a million bucks. Her tan cargo pants allowed room for the bandage on her thigh, but the hip-hugging fit showed off her slim waist. The sweater she wore gave her a farm girl innocence that cut straight to his gut.

“Okay,” she said. “We’re here. Are you going to give your uncle a call or are we keeping him in the dark too?”

“I didn’t want you to tell anyone, and I hadn’t planned on it either. Let’s wait a couple of days and see how I feel.”

“Spoken like a true bodyguard.” She folded the last bag and set it atop the others. “Now what?”

He could think of a few things, but he wanted to check out the premises. No one knew where they were, but if one of those ladies in the market realized who Julie was and put two and two together, he needed options.

Of course he also needed to tell her the truth about himself. It was bound to come out eventually and now that they were off the road and he had her alone, he could explain things better. Make her understand how he never intended to deceive her. But first things first.

“Now, I walk around and see what else is new here. You can watch television. Take a nap. Take a bath...” The memories of their tub time filled his brain with all sorts of ideas and watching her flush made him want to sweep her off her feet and go for a replay, except her stitches made that impossible.

“I’d rather go with you,” she said, shifting on her feet. She needed to get off her bad leg.

“You sure? Maybe you should park it on the sofa. I’ll find your books and scripts and bring them over.”

She cocked her head to the side, studying him in that way she did that made him feel exposed, as if she saw straight through him. Something weighed on her mind. Probably the same thing that weighed on his.

The phone in the kitchen rang and Julie jumped a mile at the high pitch. She slapped a hand over her heart. “Who could be calling?” she asked.

“I have no idea.” Troy let the answering machine in the corner of the countertop do its job. A familiar voice came over the line.

“Troy, are you there? Pick up the phone if you are. It’s Uncle Zach.”

“That didn’t take long,” Julie said.

“The lady in the market must have called him.” Troy hesitated before reaching for the phone. He couldn’t really avoid the man since he’d barged into his home. “I should talk to him.” He stared at the receiver, let out a deep breath and hit the talk button.