Honor Student

chapter Seventeen

I called Becka and left her a voicemail letting her know I wanted to hang out. William fixed us something to eat while I waited for her to call me back.

“This is amazing.” I said as I slurped up another spaghetti noodle. William laughed and used his thumb to wipe sauce from my bottom lip. He licked his finger sending that unmistakable feeling throughout my body.

“Eat” he smiled and I realized I had been staring at him longer than I intended. My phone rang and I reached for it.

“It’s Becka” I told William as I answered.

“My Aunt and I had a fight. I just…can’t go back there for a while.” The truth was I did not want to ever go back to that house. “Thanks Becka. I really appreciate it.” I hung up the phone and looked up to see William rinsing the plates in the sink.

“She said I could stay.” I did not want to leave. I wanted to stay here lost in this fantasy with William. With him, I felt like I had a purpose. I felt in control even when he left me completely powerless.

He grabbed my purse from the counter and opened the door. I walked through, hanging my head like a sulking child. If I was not with William, I wanted to be alone, wallowing in my sadness.

“You can call me if you need anything.” He reassured me but I did not feel any better. He opened the car door and waited for me to get in. I kissed him on his cheek, but I let my mouth linger, not wanting to pull back from him. He turned catching my lip in his. His touch made me forget about everything that was wrong in my life. I pushed against him, hungry for more. “We have to go.” He breathed heavily. It was taking all he had not kiss me again. I moved closer but decided against it. If I did not leave now I never would. “I will fix this.” He promised and I knew he meant it.

I nodded and got in my seat. We travelled in silence. The GPS spouted directions and soon we were a few houses away from Becka’s home. There were so many things I wanted to say to him but I could not form the words. “I’ll come for you as soon as I can.” I knew he was trying to comfort me but I could not ignore the sad underlying tone as he spoke.

“I know” I said quietly as I got out of the car, pulling my bag from the bag seat. I watched him drive away, walking slowly until his taillights disappeared down the road before ringing the doorbell.

“Emma!” Becka wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I barely knew her and the whole scene was too awkward.

“Hey” I said with a smile, tucking my hair behind my ear. She stepped inside and I followed, looking around at the elaborately decorated home. “Nice place”

“Thanks. My mom is really into flowers.” She replied, rolling her eyes. Right on cue her mother stepped around the corner holding a plate of cookies.

“Ohhh…” she laughed and waved off Becka’s expression. “How are you dear? Becka has told me all about your situation. I am so sorry.” She looked at me with that awful expression I had become accustom too.

“Thanks” I looked down at my feet, not wanting to meet her gaze.

“I baked you some comfort food.” She smiled holding out the plate of cookies.

“She doesn’t want to eat her feelings.” Becka replied sarcastically, grabbing my arm and pulling me up the stairs to her room. I smiled back at her mother, feeling sorry for Becka’s rude outburst.

I stood in the doorway of her bedroom. The walls painted a deep purple and heavy matching drapes lined the windows.

“You like?” she asked, twirling around.

“It’s nice. Very…gothic” I replied. I had never pegged Becka for having a darker side.

“It’s not gothic, it’s romantic.” She smiled. I did not get that vibe at all, but what did I know about romance. The closest I had come was being tied to William’s bed. I felt my cheeks turn pink at the thought. I turned my phone over in my hand. I had no missed calls or messages.

“It’s nice” I smiled and she beamed with pride.

“I got something to make you feel better.” She grinned, pulling a small tin out of the stand next to her bed.

“Oh, no” I recognized it from the school bathroom. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? My mom is oblivious. Besides, you need this after the day you have had.” She pulled out a joint and began to light it.

“What the hell.” I walked over and took the joint, drawing in hard and holding my breath.

“So, where have you been?” she asked, taking the joint carefully.

“What?” I breathed out, caught off guard by her question.

“Where have you been all day?” her tone hung heavy with concern not just general nosiness.

“I needed to get away. I could not sit still. I just…walked.” She nodded and I knew I did not need to elaborate further. Seeing Becka around school I never would have imagined us hanging out and actually getting along. I realized that it was probably my fault we did not become friends sooner. I kept to myself as much as possible, trying not to let anyone get close enough to me to hurt me. The saddest part is that I was actively hurting myself. I was completely self- destructive. I was not always this way. Before my parent’s had died I was happy.

“Where did you go?” she asked, touching my arm.

“Around town” I answered, taking the joint from her hand.

“No” she laughed, “Just now”

“Oh...I guess I was just thinking about all that has happened lately.” I replied.

“I know what will make you feel better. Cookies” She laughed, grabbing the joint and putting it out inside the tin. “Come on” she looped her arm inside mine and sat my phone down on the stand with her box.

“Wait…I need that” I said, reaching out my hand but she waved it away.

“What could possibly be more important than junk food?” she rolled her eyes and drug me down the steps to the kitchen.