Knowing nobody else will be up this early, I grab a shower and help myself to calm down. Will I ever get to a point where she isn’t the sole focus of my dreams, my fantasies?
I’m waiting outside Liam’s house well before eight, dreading a day of working with him. Bill usually assigns me the jobs which only need one person as he knows he can trust me to get on with it and do a good job. However, today needs two of us so here I am, waiting for the twattish Liam to get his arse into gear and at least pretend to do a day’s work. I’m sure Bill only gave him the job as he’s his grandson and he doesn’t want him spending his days collecting dole money and lying on the sofa. So today I have to babysit him and try to get him to do some work. Great.
As expected, Liam finally walks out the door ten minutes late. Also as expected, he is dressed more for a night out than a day of hard work. Skinny jeans and Vans are hardly appropriate for turfing and digging a new border. Desperate to just get the day over with, I grunt hello as he gets into the van and pull away.
By lunchtime, I’m beyond pissed off. All Liam has done is drink tea and flirt with the homeowner, a lonely thirty-something with nothing but time on her hands. He even sat with her watching me lay the new lawn. He decides to ‘pop out’ for his lunch, which I know means he will spend the next couple of hours at a local pub, arriving back in time to collect the payment for the job.
After downing my sandwiches and a drink in the van, I make my way back to the garden, determined to get the new border sorted as quickly as possible so I can ditch Liam and get another couple of lawns mowed. Closing the side gate behind me, I’m surprised by the change in view. Lying on a sunbed, dressed in just a red bikini top and very short shorts, is the homeowner. Whether she is looking for someone to talk to or something more, I’m not interested. Fearing her ridiculous clothing in bloody October means she is in the mood for more than talking, I put my earphones in and studiously avoid looking at her as I make my way to the section I’ll be working on.
I swear it’s less than five minutes before she is tapping me on the shoulder, her body angled to show off her curves. With a sigh, I pull out my earphones and look at her, barely masking my annoyance.
“Can I get you a drink?” Even her voice is annoying.
“No, I’m fine, thanks,” I say and replace one of my earphones before she continues talking.
“Please, just a drink and a chat.” As much as I want to be rude, I know Bill would be disappointed in me if I messed up this contract. “I have Coke, water, tea, something stronger if you fancy it?” Really?
“A Coke would be great, thanks.” I give in for the sake of my job.
“Come on, then. You can wash your hands whilst I get it sorted.” She leaves me with no choice but to follow her ass-wiggle walk back to the house.
Before I’ve finished washing my hands, I feel her press against me from behind. And, as much as I wish it didn’t affect me, the feel of her tits against my back is enough to make me hard. I’m only human. She slides her arms around my waist and presses closer to me.
“You feel amazing, Jake. It’s been so long since I touched someone. Since anyone touched me.” I spend a moment too long debating how to get out of this with my job and her dignity intact and, in that split second, her hand moves lower, until she is gripping me through my jeans. Shit.
“Umm, I’m sorry, umm, I need to finish the garden,” is all I can say.
“Don’t worry about that. You can come back tomorrow. I’ll pay extra.” As she speaks, she is rubbing me, coercing me, trying to get my cock to take over my brain. Of course there is a moment where I consider the idea of a meaningless fuck. It feels like years since I was last with Neve. Neve.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat, pulling myself away. “I have a girlfriend. It wouldn’t feel right. I’ll take the drink outside.” Somehow, I slide myself away from her and go outside, deciding not to plant the myrtle I had brought with me, today like every day.
I dig like a man possessed.
I am.
By Neve.
I always will be.
Unable to sleep, I put my hands behind my head and watch the orange-hued shadows play on my bedroom ceiling. I replay the scene with the client earlier and wonder if that’s all the action I’m going to get in the future: offers of sex from desperate women that one day I end up accepting.
I can’t see a life for me with anyone other than Neve, so I guess I know the answer. Maybe that will be easier? No hassle, no emotions, no love. Who am I kidding? That isn’t what I want. Who would?
Thinking about making love to Neve brings all of me to life again. What I wouldn’t give right now to have her here with me. To have her hands touch me. To feel her heartbeat next to mine as we come down together. To look into her eyes and smile at her, both of us amazed by the beauty of what we’ve just shared.
What the fuck have I done?