I join him. “There’s no need for that. Are you okay, love?” I ask the girl.
“Don’t you fucking talk to her. She’s taken. She don’t need wankers like you talking to her. She knows her place.”
“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here, Jay. And you can’t say who I can and can’t talk to.” His reply is to grab her by the chin but, before he does anything else, I punch him. Hard. Nose-breakingly hard. The spurt of blood gives me a strange sense of satisfaction and I pull my arm back, ready for more. Flynn grabs me and pulls me to one side.
“Leave it, Jake. Come on,” he says, trying to lead me toward the door. Unfortunately, Twat-face has other ideas and tries to hit me. That’s all it takes for me to have another go, and I have youth and fitness on my side. The girl’s screams are all that stop me pummelling him into a heap on the floor. Stepping back to catch my breath, I see the crowd which has formed around us. “Come on, Jake. Before the police get here.” Flynn’s words bring me back to the real world. Fuck. I allow him to shepherd me out of the pub and down the road.
“Sorry. That’s kind of put a damper on the evening, hasn’t it?” It’s a weak joke, but I’m embarrassed about how easily I lost it.
“Yeah, well, he was a fuckwit. But you did lose it. What caused it?”
“From the back she reminded me of Neve. When he grabbed her like that, I couldn’t stop myself. It was like he was doing it to Neve.” Head in hands, I lower myself and sit on the kerb. Flynn joins me.
“Why don’t you ring her? I swear I’ll kill you if you hurt her again, but you love her and she loves you. You’re both unhappy.” He sighs. “I don’t get it.”
“I can’t. Fuck knows I want to. But I can’t.”
“That’s your opinion. But if your head is still so filled with her that you pull a stunt like that tonight, I think you’re wrong. You’re not getting over it. You’re getting worse. Aren’t you?” Maybe he’s right, but that still doesn’t mean I’m going back to messing up Neve’s life. I stand, the chilled air and the serious talk negating the effects of the alcohol.
“I’m going home. Sorry it’s ended like this. Give me a call when you’re next home and we’ll see if we can manage a whole night without me getting into trouble.” Flynn leans into the shoulder-bump I offer and turns it into a man-hug.
“No problem, mate. See you soon.” Smiling sincerely, he claps me on the shoulder and walks in the direction of his house.
I sit there for ages, thinking about how things have changed. Back when we were kids, it was just so much easier. We’d mess around at the park or each other’s houses, just having a laugh. Life was fun. God, we were so na?ve then. I wish I could go back and tell the twelve-year-old me to make the most of every single one of those moments because they would soon be ripped out of his life.
Letting myself into the house, I can almost see the fog of weed clouding the air. I can certainly smell it. Not again. Avoiding the raucous jeering and loud music coming from the lounge, and knowing the kitchen will probably be filled with overflowing ashtrays and beer cans, I go straight upstairs.
The door to Grace’s room is closed; hopefully she has managed to avoid whatever shit is going on downstairs. Josh wisely made arrangements to stay at a mate’s house. Although he seems to spend more time with Callum’s family than he does here, who can blame him? But, even though he’s still only a kid, I feel happier when he’s here if I’m not. I worry that even the lock I fixed to the inside of Grace’s door may not be enough protection from some of the gang Mum has now made a part of the household.
After taking a piss and brushing my teeth, I go to my room and close the door. Before I’ve even got my shirt off, there is a quiet knock which can only be Grace. Nobody else knocks, let alone quietly, in this house. I open the door and let my pyjama-clad sister in.
“Can I sleep in Josh’s bed? I don’t want to be by myself.” Taking in her wide eyes and pale complexion, I feel my insides tense and my fists clench. If I ask her what has gone on, she’ll only get upset and then she won’t sleep, so I school my face into nothing more than friendly, brotherly concern.
“Of course you can. You could have come in earlier. You don’t need permission.” I know it probably sounds weird, wrong even, for a seventeen-year-old girl to sleep in her twenty-year-old brother’s bedroom. But, hey, welcome to our world. If she’s too scared to sleep in her own room, I’m not going to refuse her, am I? I can’t.
Grace’s hug before she climbs into the tangled mess of Josh’s unmade bed calms me. She rolls over to give me the privacy I need to remove my socks and jeans.
“’Night, Grace.”
“’Night, Jake.”
This is why I had to end things with Neve.
This is my life.