2
Brian moved stealthily from one tree to the next; he knew the drill. There was very little activity on the street, yet it was only about 9:00 P.M. He peered out from behind a tree before he took off for another nearby. Lights flashed behind him, and he heard a car door open. He slipped behind the tree with is heart pounding.
"It’s okay. They didn't see me," whispered Brian to himself.
"Police! Step out from behind that tree with your hands up," A stern female voice called out.
"F*ck!" Brian said aloud.
"Now!"
He sighed, covered his junk with his hands, and slowly moved away from the tree. Two female police officers were holding guns pointed at him. "I said hands up!" one of them shouted.
"Look at me—I don’t have any weapons."
One officer cocked her gun, and Brian’s hands shot up in the air. Both women glanced down to his nakedness and widened their eyes.
"Let's see some I.D."
He grinned uncomfortably. "I, uh, left my wallet in my other pants."
The officers were not amused; they lowered their weapons, and one officer took out handcuffs and moved behind Brian.
"Hands behind your back."
He followed the command. "Look, I was locked out of my house."
"Yeah. Okay, we've had complaints about a pervert running around naked in this neighborhood before. This isn’t your first time, is it?"
"Is it, perv boy?" asked the other officer.
"Well, no—but I can explain. It's, uh, really a funny story."
"Save it. You'll have a lot of friends to tell it to in the city jail."
The two officers sat in the front of the car with Brian sitting uncomfortably in the back—still completely nude and with his hands cuffed behind his back.
One officer turned to him. "They'll like you down there in lockup because you’re so fresh and young."
"Wait, we really don't need to do this, I—"
Brian watched nervously as one officer leaned over and whispered something in the other's ear. They turned to him, shined their flashlights down to his groin, and smiled.
"We might be willing to let you go," said one of the officers.
"Great! I would really appreciate it," he said with a big, hopeful smile.
"You have a really nice penis."
"Thank you," he said a little uncomfortably.
"Have you ever been with two women at the same time?"
He swallowed hard and then stammered, "Well, no. I mean, I've had offers—well just one actually."
"Officer Johnson's apartment is just a few blocks from here. What do you say we go there and take the cuffs off and—"
Johnson interrupted, "Or leave them on…" The officers both began to chuckle, and Brian returned a nervous smile. Then Johnson finished her thought, "…and, uh, we have some fun?"
"I'm flattered—really, I am, but I'm getting married in a few months. I'm in love—like insane, head-over-heels-crazy-about-her love. I just can't."
The officers exchanged a look of disappointment, and then Johnson said, "Let's get back to the station then." Officer Johnson's cell phone rang, and she answered, listened for a moment, and hung up without saying a word.
He watched as the officers glanced at each other and then nodded. He said, "I'm flattered, and you both are gorgeous. I'd love to take you up on your offer, but I can't. I live one block from here. I was on my way to our friend Victoria Tamer's house to get the spare key."
"You know Victoria?"
"Yes."
"Why didn’t you say so?" He shrugged, and the officer added, "We'll take you there, but if she doesn't know you, you're going to lockup."
Brian exhaled deeply. "Thank you so much. You wouldn’t have anything…I could wear in the car would you?"
The officers glanced at one another and both said, "No."
The two officers stood behind Brian at Victoria's front door. Johnson said, "Looks like no one's home."
"Please be there, please be there," whispered Brian to himself.
Johnson knocked again, and a few seconds later the door opened. The house was completely dark as Victoria appeared in the doorway holding a lit candle. She looked at them in shock. "Brian, what the—"
"Do you know this man?" Johnson asked.
"I do…Brian what happened?"
"I kinda got locked out—again, and these officers were kind enough to give me a ride."
"The power is out, but please come in."
Victoria led them inside, and they moved to the center of the living room.
"How long has your power been—"
Before he could finish that thought, the lights blasted on. As his eyes adjusted to the change, he squinted and looked around the room in shock at the more than forty people staring at him while wearing big smiles. He was, of course, completely naked except for the flip-flops.
As they stared at him, they yelled, in unison "NICE PENIS, BRIAN!" as Jillian yelled, "SURPRISE!"
Jillian walked over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "They were supposed to yell surprise."
Victoria said, "The change was my idea."
"Happy birthday," Jillian said, as she waited anxiously for his reaction.
He bent over, cracking up, and then stood and gave her a serious look. "I'm going to get you back for this. It might take years, but I will one day, and it'll be good."
She chucked. "Sorry."
"You sabotaged my clothes stash, didn't you? You were the animal."
Jillian shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
Victoria announced casually, "Now, most of you know Brian and quite a few of you have already seen him naked. Purely out of curiosity could I have a show of hands for those who have." Victoria raised her hand. Jillian did as well; Brian gave her a casual nod. Brian's brother Jim raised his hand as did Jillian's son Rob. Brian glanced at Victoria's parents and said sarcastically, "Don't be shy. Put them up—come on, loud and proud." They slowly raised their hands.
Officer Williams had his hand raised; Brian recognized him and nodded, "Officer."
Brian glanced around the room and noticed six of the neighbors who also had their hands held high.
He made eye contact with a woman and asked, "Really?"
"A few months ago I saw you sneaking over here in the middle of the night."
Brian nodded and his eyes went to each neighbor with a hand up.
"Me, too."
"We did also."
He glanced at the final couple. The man said matter-of-factly, "Uh, we live behind you, and there's a gap in the tree line, and we can see directly into your pool."
Jillian looked away embarrassed as Victoria said, "Okay then, we should probably take the handcuffs off now."
"You think?" Brian said sarcastically. Johnson moved behind him and unlocked the cuffs. He rubbed his wrists a moment, looked down at his groin then covered it with his hands. Johnson said to Jillian loud enough for all to hear, "Jillian you've got a good one here. We offered him a threesome to keep him out of jail, and he wouldn't take us up on it."
Brian said, "I, uh, I'm just crazy about her."
Jillian smiled brightly and she moved to him for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her then when they separated he looked around the room forgetting to cover up. From the back of the room a man called out, "Got shrinkage." Everyone in the room burst into laughter as Brian covered his groin.
When the laughter stopped, he smiled. "I was in the pool."
"Okay, Costanza, we believe you," someone called out.
"Jillian, isn’t your pool heated?" another guest said, and the group groaned.
Brian frowned. "Now that's just mean." He looked at Jillian. "How the hell did you pull this off? This was some production. The policewomen were a nice touch."
"Victoria's idea. We needed some way to delay you so I could get here," Jillian said.
"You are going to pay for this."
"Yeah, right." Jillian grinned. "I have some clothes in the back room for you."
He shook his head, "Knowing you guys it's probably a G-string and a tube top."
Jillian said, "It's not."
He gave Jillian a serious look. "I should probably say hello to everyone first. Can't just run away from my own party. That would be rude."
Brian put on an insincere smile as he grabbed a pillow to cover his groin. He walked up to Victoria and said casually, "There are some people I don't think I know. Would you mind introducing me?"
Victoria grinned and, playing along, said, "Sure."
Jillian watched him while holding back a laugh as Victoria took his arm and walked him to an older couple, "This is my neighbor Craig and his wife, Emily." They glanced down uncomfortably at him, and Brain said, "Good to see you."
"Nice to meet you."
Victoria spotted a man across the room. "Uh, there is someone you must meet." Jillian followed as Victoria guided Brian to the man wearing an expensive suit. "Brian Nash, this is Timothy Roberts."
"Hello."
Brian glanced at the man as if he recognized him but could not place him. Then it popped into his head, and he whispered to Victoria, "Is that Mayor Roberts?"
She nodded and Brian cleared his throat. "Mr. Mayor, love the work you're doing." He shook the mayor's hand and then turned to Jillian. "I think...I think I'll get dressed now. The clothes are—"
Jillian pointed toward Victoria's bedroom, and Brian headed toward it. As he passed people, they glanced at his ass and whistled. The mayor looked down to his hand, grimaced, and then asked Victoria, "The, uh, restroom?"
Victoria gave him a weak smile and indicated the way.
A few minutes later Brian emerged fully dressed and headed to Jillian. She gave him an apologetic look. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, but I could use a beer or two."
Victoria yelled out, "Time for the gifts."
"No way—I don’t want any gifts."
Brian reluctantly had a seat on the sofa; Jillian handed him a beer and then sat next to him. He took a big swig and then placed the beer on the table. Victoria handed him the first box. He removed the wrapping paper as he said, "You guys didn't have to get me anything." He opened the box and smiled as he pulled out a swimsuit.
A man in front said, "You should try one." Everyone shared a chuckle.
Brian opened the second gift, and it was also a swimsuit. He opened six more boxes, and they were all swimsuits. His last box contained a tiny black Speedo bathing suit, which elicited a huge laugh from the crowd.
Brian smiled. "Finally, something I can use. Thank you all, and I promise I will never again skinny dip."
Jillian gave him a disappointed look. They both stood and moved to the kitchen. Brian took her into his arms. He kissed her and whispered in her ear, "Were you serious about doing that thing to me tonight or was that just some ploy to get me over here?"
"I was serious. Plus, now I think I need to try extra hard to make this up to you."
"You're right about that."