Kennie stops. The quietness makes her eyes water. But Kennie isn’t just Liz’s small, shallow, idiotic, perky, bouncy friend with an immense talent for bawling her eyes out. In that moment, she proves it to herself.
“Yeah. Well, Jules has your math homework. I would have taken chem notes for you, but we didn’t take any. Or that’s what Jessica Harley said. I skipped class. I heard that everyone just kind of sat there. You would have hated it. I mean, if you had been there, we probably wouldn’t have had to sit around all day . . . never mind. You have to get better soon, or else Jake’s face is going to heal and you’ll never get to see his black eye. It’s fantastic. Julia hit him pretty hard. He actually fell backward. Maybe you can give him another one. Oh my god, that would be so great! He’d be like a panda! Hey, by the way, are the two of you even still together? He said you had a fight or something. No one knows what’s going on, Liz. I hope you guys are broken up. I hope you don’t get back together with him. Liz, you’re too good for him.”
Kennie pauses, glances at the doorway, and then gives Liz a conspiratorial look. It’s what she would have done if Liz was awake, but it’s disconcerting, Liz’s stillness, her closed eyes. Kennie makes herself go on, but the lump in her throat turns her voice into something unfamiliar. “You know Liam? I mean, I know he’s kind of a nerd, and we were kinda total bitches to him freshman year. But he’s kind of cute, don’t you think? He has nice eyes. And, fine—he totally likes you, Liz. He watches you, like, all the time in school. I can’t believe you haven’t noticed before. It’s totally cute—not creepy at all. Maybe watches isn’t the right word, then. But he pays attention, Liz. And he’s, like, smart too. Remember when he won the spelling bee in fourth grade? Wait, you weren’t here yet. Well, he won the spelling bee in fourth grade. You guys will make such a great couple. I’m just saying. You have to get better soon so you can make out with him and tell us about it, ’kay?”
That’s when her voice breaks. The crack starts at her throat and stretches all throughout her, and Kennie’s grip on herself begins to slip. “You have to get better soon,” she says. “Liz, just come back. We’ll get your car fixed. We can hold all of your notes and homework and stuff for you. We’ll fix everything, okay?”
She swallows hard. She leans her cheek against the railing and looks at Liz’s face, and whispers, “I’m sorry I was so mad at you. I know it wasn’t your fault, with the—the baby. I . . . I’m going to break up with Kyle. And Julia . . . I don’t know if she already told you or not, but she said to me earlier that if you got better, she’d tell someone. A rehab person or something. Liz, it’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay.”
Kennie blinks as rapidly as her sticky, mascara-y lashes will allow. She wipes her eyes quickly with the back of her hand. “Sorry. I’m not crying. Not crying. Okay, remember at the end of, like, seventh grade when I got those stupid matching rings for us, and we swore to be friends forever? I still have mine, you know. And Julia has hers. And I know yours is in the bottom of your jewelry box. I saw it there when I borrowed that one necklace for homecoming. Oh, hey, I still have that, by the way. Remind me to give it back to you. Anyway . . . Liz, forever means, like, forever. As in, you can’t just leave us behind. Liz—”
A small sob rises in her throat and lodges there, and it takes all of her strength to choke out the next words. “Liz, you have to pull through this. You have to. You can’t leave us behind. We—we can’t do this without you. God, Liz. Please.”
Then Kennie begins to cry, because no one is strong enough to hold back so many tears.
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
The Worst Part
Liz never got to say her good-byes.
Julia left that day while Liz was still talking to Mr. Eliezer. The last time Liz saw her was in the hallway. She had been on her way to Spanish, and Julia had been going to gym. Julia hadn’t seen her—she had been too busy trying to pull her ridiculously long hair into a bun, and part of Liz knew that it would be the last time. They had no other classes together, nor any classes that would make their paths cross, and so when she saw Julia, she stopped in the middle of the hallway and just watched, trying to impress that moment into her memory, never mind that her memories would cease to exist in mere hours.
Later, when Liz had seen Kennie crying by her locker, she had wanted, so much, to go and put her arms around her. But Liz knew she would let something slip. Kennie knew her too well. She would suspect. So Liz had turned and walked away.
Her mother, of course, was flying home, but as Liz drove out of the parking lot, she called her anyway. The call went straight to voicemail, but she listened to her mother’s voice one last time. She wanted to say sorry. She had so many things to be sorry for. Instead, she hung up.