Chapter Fifteen
The drive back was quiet, my mind wandered as I tried to run through things in my head. Every now and then, I got the feeling he was staring at me, but when I turned to catch him, he was staring straight ahead.
I glanced out the window as Devon’s phone rang.
Hooked up to hands free, he answered. “Detective Walkerson speaking.” His voice was gruff and professional.
“Honey?” I bit my lip to keep from smiling. The sugary sweet voice that sang out through the speakers could only be one person. “Honey? It’s mom.”
“Hi Mom, how are you? I can’t really talk now.” He glanced my way, his expression a mixture of alarm and embarrassment.
Was he worried she was going to embarrass him? How cute. I purposely turned my attention back to him, raising my eyebrows. He gave me a look, which just made me giggle.
“Who’s with you honey? Is that a girl I hear? Are you on a date? I’m sorry honey I-“
“No mom, I’m not on a date.” He cut in loudly. I smothered a giggle, trying to keep myself from outright laughing as his face reddened.
This was great!
“You work too hard, Devon. How are you going to meet a nice girl if you’re always working?”
“Mom!” Devon cried, running a hand through his hair. He looked at me, shaking his head. “I don’t need dating advice. I get plenty of girls.” A pang of jealously shot through me.
Plenty of girls? Why did that make me feel like crap?
“Okay, Okay.” His mother sniffed. “I only called to check you’re still coming down this weekend? For the wedding? I can’t wait to see you, snigglemuffin.”
“I’ll be there. I will call you later ma.” He shut off the phone, not a moment before I burst out laughing.
“Snigglemuffin?” I chortled, laughing hysterically.
“Stop!” He ordered. “Or you can walk home.” His eyes were laughing. I nodded, trying to slow my laughter.
“Okay, I’ll stop.” I gasped. “Snigglemuffin.” I added quietly, ducking as he reached across to tickle me.
Neri studied the picture. As she handed it back to me, I could see the sadness in her eyes. She guarded her feelings so well, that when I had a window such as this, I knew she must be feeling pretty ordinary.
“Sorry, Kait. I don’t know who he is. I’ve never seen him before in my life.” I put the picture in my pocket and sat down beside her.
“Neri, are you okay?” I gave her a hug. She cuddled her face into my shoulder. “Shh. It’s okay to be upset.” I patted her back as she began to cry, her arms wrapping around my waist.
“I miss her, Kait, I really do. I know how messed up things were between you two, so I try and hide it when I’m around you, but I really miss her.” Her sobs grew louder.
“Shh, Neri, listen to me.” I placed my hands on either side of her face, guiding her head upwards until our eyes met. “Never, ever feel you need to hide your feelings from me. The issues between mom and me have nothing to do with you. Nothing. If you’re feeling down, or upset, I want to know. Please. I always want to know” I added. Neri nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes.
“Okay.” She smiled. “Thanks Kait. For being here for me and Sam. I don’t know where we’d be without you.” I hugged her again, this time pulling her in so tightly she grunted.
“I’m always here, you idiot.”
“Look.” Ara whispered. I glanced up at her. She nudged her head toward where Sam sat playing with his toys. Cars surrounded him as he flew them around a course made from egg cartons, cereal boxes and a couple of empty juice cartons. I smiled as I watched him collide two cars in mid-air.
“Pow, pow, pow, bssssh!” He cried, cartwheeling across the room, the cars diving in all directions.
“Even after all he’s been through, he’s still a five year old.” Ara mused, shaking her head.
“A five year old with way too much energy.” I replied dryly. “And curiosity.” I added, giggling. In the last week alone, Sam had asked me numerous embarrassing questions about anything and everything that entered his mind. And worse, every time seemed to be in the company of someone else. Like the middle of the supermarket when he asked me why Neri and I got tampons, but he didn’t.
“I imagine all kids are like that, Kait.” Ara giggled. “Hence them being kids.”
“Yes, well, he should be in bed, and I should be getting ready for work.” Standing up, I called out to Sam. “Bed time.” He rolled his eyes but began packing up his cars.
Dressing after my shower, my phone buzzed. I reached for it, while trying to multi-task and put my stockings on.
“Hello?” I balanced the phone between my shoulder and ear, still fiddling with my damn stockings.
“Hey. It’s me.” Yes, we’d reached that point where he didn’t even have to say who it was.
“Hi.” I tried to push the elated feeling hearing his voice gave me out of my mind. I felt embarrassed about our earlier interaction when I’d basically lost it at him.
“Can you come outside?” He asked.
“Sure. I’m on my way to work anyhow.” Why was he out the front of my house?
Thoughts ran through my mind a million miles an hour. Right up the top of that list was me looking forward to gazing into those sexy eyes again.
“Bye Ara.” I ducked my head into the living room on the way out. Ara, engrossed in an episode of The Bachelor waved her hand in response.
Devon sat on the top step, his elbows resting casually on his knees. He was wearing jeans and a tight black shirt. I averted my gaze from his ripped stomach, to his face which had me equally mesmerized. I gave myself a mental slap. I really needed to snap out of this spell.
“Hey.” He smiled as he took in my black skirt and low cut grey knit top. Yes, I looked hot. I was glad I’d chosen this outfit now. He dragged his eyes away from my chest. I raised an eyebrow at him, he blushed. I refrained from doing a fist pump. Seeing him blush made me smile. Usually it was me fawning over him, so it felt good for the shoe to be on the other foot.
“How did you go with Neri?” He asked, patting the cement next to him.
I sat down beside him. For once I was willing to get to work on time, instead of ten minutes early. “She didn’t know him. We had a good talk though, and that’s something. I think she has been bottling things up.” I admitted. I turned to face him.
“I think maybe they should talk to someone. A counsellor, maybe.”
Devon nodded. “Good idea. I can get the number for the one we recommend. She is especially good with children.”
“Thanks.” I smiled at him. He reached out and grabbed my hand. His fingers traced my own.
“I know this is hard for you, Kait.” I didn’t pull away. “I want you to know, anyway I can help, I want to.”
“Thanks.” I said again. From the streetlight that reflected off the porch I could see he was looking at me. I met his gaze, holding it until he looked away. I wondered how true his words were. Surely there was a limit as to how far he’d go for me. I was beginning to think we were hitting that limit. I couldn’t work him out. One minute I swore I was feeling something from him, and the next it was as though a wall had been put up between us.
“Kait…” He began, his voice low and husky. Without warning, he turned back to me, his lips caressing mine. His hand slid under the wool of my top, cool against my warm skin. I gasped as he kissed my neck.
My hand ran over his hips and his waist, his excitement confirmed by his hardness. He lay me back on the cool concrete of the porch, his hands moved everywhere, over my top, under my top. Under my bra. He fondled my breast, his lips once again searching mine, exploring.
“Oh god, Devon.” I gasped, wanting him so badly. I gripped his neck, pulling his lip up to meet mine. “Not here,” I whispered. “The kids…” Devon kissed me again, but he acknowledged my request, bringing his hands out from under my top.
“Your skin is so damn soft. What are you doing to me, Kait?” He stared at me, his eyes overcome with lust and confusion. What was I doing to him?
“Me? I’m not the one who is hot, then cold.” I let out a small laugh, the idea that I was stirring him up hilarious to me. Devon cursed, banging his fist down on the concrete so hard it made me jump.
“I’m never cold, Kait. Never. I just know what’s at stake.” He sighed, frustrated, at himself or me I wasn’t sure.
What the hell did that mean? His eyes met mine. All my anxiety and confusion melted away at the sight of the lust in his eyes. “I always want you.” He murmured. He stood up, I took his outstretched hand and pulled myself to my feet.
“I have to get to work.” I said.
Devon nodded, stretching his arm behind his back.
“I’ll call you.” He whispered, kissing me one last time before walking away.
The moment he left, the flood of mixed feelings came rushing back, and I was left as unsure and confused about his feelings as ever. Why was this guy so damn hard to figure out?
I arrived at work still thinking about Neri and her camp. I’d just spoken to Mauve about cutting my days down to three a week, I could hardly march in there and demand them back. Besides, it wasn’t like there was even the slightest chance in hell we could afford that, even if I were to work 50 hour weeks. There was only one way I could come up with that kind of cash, and I wasn’t sure that it was something I could do.
“Hey Kait.” I smiled at Emily as I shrugged out of my coat. She was busy writing up the monthly accounts for the regulars.
“Hey,” I sat down in the empty seat next to her. “How’s things?”
“Pretty good,” She shrugged. “Accounts are boring, but they need to be done.”
“So you just send them an invoice?” I asked, curious. Emily nodded. “How do they explain a bill for several thousand dollars?” Some of the regulars came in every night without fail.
Emily shrugged again. “I’m sure many of them write it off as a work expense.” She rolled her eyes.
“Hey Emily,” I began slowly. “Why did you move from reception, to…well, you know…” Emily laughed at my bashfulness.
Yes, that’s right. I was working in a brothel and I struggled to say the words ‘sex worker’. “Sorry. You don’t have to answer that.” I apologized, color creeping up to my cheeks as I realized what I’d just asked. I may as well have asked her how many bowel movements she had a week.
“No, it’s cool,” Emily laughed. “Honestly, it’s fine. I want to travel. I’ve already saved enough to spend six months abroad, just from working here for a few months. It’s really not as bad as you think.” She added.
The funny thing was, I didn’t know what I was thinking. If you’d asked me a few months ago whether it was a profession I’d consider, I’d have laughed in your face. Then again, I would’ve laughed at the prospect of even working in such an establishment.
“Why do you ask, anyway?” Emily raised her eyebrows suspiciously.
“Honestly, I have no idea what I’m thinking.” That much was true. “My sister has the opportunity to go to a camp that will all but ensure her admission into Yale. The only problem is, it costs ten grand.”
As I said it aloud, I realized just what I was considering. Was that something I was really able to do? Sex itself wasn’t a big deal to me, and I was certainly comfortable doing it with someone I felt I had a connection with.
Could I look at is as a job though?
Could I leave what I did here and not take the emotions and feeling home with me? And if things with Devon were to go anywhere, how would he react?
No, I didn’t need to think about that one, I knew the answer to that. Devon struck me as the possessive type. Somehow I didn’t think he’d be okay with me doing what I was considering doing.
“I can’t tell you what to do.” Emily said after a moment. “But for me, the money was worth it. I don’t feel guilty, or wrong about doing it. I see it as a job, and that’s it.”
“How does your boyfriend feel about it?” I didn’t want to overstep the boundaries of our friendship, but I was curious.
“He doesn’t love me doing it, but we are not that serious yet. I said to him until he is ready to commit only to me, it’s no different to me picking up guys in a club.” She grinned. I laughed at her tone. At the very least, it was a great way to get an engagement ring.
“And if he does commit only to you?” I raised my eyebrows, smiling.
“Then I will stop.” Emily shrugged, as it was as simple as that. I admired her ability to have that attitude. “Are you thinking of…?” Her voice trailed off.
“Honestly, I don’t know. All I can think of right now is Neri, and her not getting into Medicine. If I can somehow help her achieve that, then I almost feel guilty for not perusing that.”
Gosh that sounded f*cked up. Is that really how I felt?
That somehow I’d be a bad sister if I didn’t do this for Neri?
On a deeper level, I think part of me still felt responsible for what happened with her father. It was my fault he was in jail, and while I didn’t regret what I did for a second, for a long time I felt like Neri blamed me. Even though all along it was her I was trying to protect. I knew in my mind that raising the money for her camp wouldn’t change anything, but that didn’t stop the illogical side of me from thinking it was a great idea.
“You can’t do that Kait. You’ll drive yourself insane.” Emily leaned against the desk, her legs crossed, and arms resting on the desk. “You’re putting this job in the same basket as donating a kidney or something. I’m doing this because frankly, I like sex and I don’t have a problem with getting paid for it. The moment you start to feel like you have to do it, it becomes a problem in itself.”
What Emily said made sense, but it didn’t make that feeling inside me any less threatening.
“I gotta go, Kait.” She ripped off the edge of the notepad that sat next to the phone and jotted down a number. “Call me. We will catch up out of here.” I took the number gratefully, putting it in my pocket. I liked Emily.
The night went pretty quickly, I found that the more I knew the ropes and got into a routine, the more relaxed I felt. Some of the guys would come in up to four times a week. One man, Donald, was in every week, and every week was with the same girl, Stella.
He had been seeing her for close to four years.
Four years!
Not only was that costing him an absolute fortune, but sex every single night with the same person? You don’t even get that with marriage! The pace of the shift kept my mind mostly off Devon, though he still crept into my thoughts.
The way our interaction had gone earlier, I might as well be paid for sex. The door beeped, indicating someone was coming in. I checked the booking page. No bookings for now. Grabbing the folder, I quickly flicked through it and marked the pages of the girls who were available.
I put on a smile and looked up, right into the eyes of my English professor.