Blackberry Winter

Chapter 17




VERA

Lon slept till noon. I watched the clock tick above his head, praying he’d wake soon so he could make the calls he’d promised to make on Daniel’s behalf. People listened to Lon. He was a powerful man.

I sat up straight in my chair as he opened his eyes. He held his hand out to me, gesturing for me to come toward him. The hand that had ravaged me last night. I felt my stomach turn.

“Come here, dollface,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Come lay down beside me.”

“Lon,” I said as sweetly as I could, “you promised that you’d help me find my son. I’ve been very patient.”

“Sure, beautiful,” he said, yawning. “But I don’t get out of bed without breakfast, and”—he winked at me—“a woman.”

I shook my head. “No,” I said firmly, “you promised.”

Lon sat up. His eyes switched from playful to angry. “Who do you think you are, giving me orders like that?”

My hands began to shake. “I, I—”

“Do you think for a moment that I care about your damn son?” he said, laughing sinisterly. “For God’s sake, how can you even think he’s still alive? It’s been days.” He reached for the half-empty bottle of champagne on the bedside table and took a swig.

I felt as if I had stepped out of my body and was watching the scene unfold in the suite as an outsider. Lon’s lips moved, laughing, mocking me. I sat there, frozen, frightened, for the first time feeling complete and utter hopelessness.

Lon stepped out of bed. I averted my eyes from his naked body. “Now, if you know what’s best for you, dollface,” he said, taking a step toward me, “you’ll give up on this nonsense about finding your son and come to bed with me.” My God. I have to get out of here.

I eyed the door. If I was quick, I could run. I could get there before he got to me. He wouldn’t chase me down the hallway without clothes on. I could escape.

“Dollface,” he said again, fingering the trim of my dress.

I pulled away from him, and the force tore the fabric. A flap hung down at my side, revealing my corset underneath. “Don’t you call me dollface!” I screamed, running toward the door.

I felt his anger behind me, burning hot like a dry oak log in the fireplace, stoked and crackling. I have to get out of here. I tripped on the rug and lost my shoe. With no time to retrieve it, I reached for the doorknob and flung the door open, running into the hallway with such speed, I surprised myself.

“Don’t walk out on me, you whore!” he shouted. “Come back here right now!”

His voice echoed in the hallway. Is he chasing me? I didn’t turn around to look. Keep running. I knew the hotel well, every crevice, every mouse hole. Just ahead was a maid’s closet. He’ll never look for me there. I opened the little door near the Rainier Suite and stuffed myself inside. Lon’s voice had quieted. There was just silence and the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. A bead of sweat fell from my forehead and trickled down my cheek. Then I heard footsteps outside. I held my breath. A moment later, the doorknob turned. I clutched a mop. If he came near me, I’d strike him.

The door opened with a squeak. There, peering inside, stood Gwen. “My God,” she said with a gasp. “You nearly gave me a heart attack, Vera.”

Never in my life had I been so grateful to see the face of a friend. Once I started to cry, I couldn’t stop.

“Oh, honey, let’s get you out of here,” she whispered.

Gwen unlocked the Rainier Suite just ahead, and we hurried inside. “Vera,” she said, surveying my torn dress, much fancier than the ones I used to wear, and tear-stained cheeks, “what happened to you?”

“I made a terrible mistake coming here,” I said, “with him.”

“You mean Lon?”

I bit my lip. “You know?”

She nodded, handing me a freshly pressed white handkerchief from a silver tray by the bed. “You know how the maids talk.”

I blew my nose. “I can’t imagine what you must think of me, Gwen.”

“I think you’re a good mother, that’s what,” she said before pursing her lips. “And I think the hotel ought to throw that monster out for treating women the way he does.”

I took a deep breath. “He promised to help me find Daniel. And I believed him.”

“The man’s a rat,” she said. “After what he did to Susie, sending her away like that when she was to have his child. Just despicable.”

I nodded. “I knew better. My mind was clouded by the hope of finding Daniel.”

“Oh, honey, do not blame yourself. Not for a single minute. You did what you had to.”

I sighed in defeat. “But I failed.”

Gwen shook her head. “I won’t let you talk that way. You did what you had to do,” she repeated emphatically.

I sat down on the big, fluffy bed, laying my head against the headboard. “Look at me,” I said, “dirtying this room, creating more work for you.”

“You certainly are not,” she countered. “Besides, the room’s vacant tonight. And Estella’s off today. So stay as long as you want. I’ll have Bruce bring you a tray of food. You’re skin and bones.”

I looked down at my arms, pale, bony, with a fresh bruise developing on my right wrist. “Only if it’s not too much trouble,” I said. “I don’t want to burden anyone.”

“You don’t worry about a thing,” she said. “Now, rest. You’re safe. He can’t find you here. Pretend you’re a hotel guest for a moment. Maybe take a nap. I would if I were you, honey.”

I eyed the bed, so luxurious and warm. I hadn’t slept a wink last night, not with that monster slumbering beside me. “Thank you, Gwen,” I said, setting my heavy head down on the pillow. I let my eyelids close. Just a few minutes. Then I’ll go. Then I’ll leave this place and find my son. When I closed my eyes I saw, as I always did, my Daniel.



It was half-past eight when I opened my eyes. How had I slept so long? I sat up quickly, smoothing my dress. In my haste to leave Lon’s room, I hadn’t brought a sweater. I walked to the mirror on the wall and took a long look at myself, ashamed by the image of the scantily dressed woman before me. I didn’t have time to fret. I surveyed the sky outside the windows. Dark clouds had rolled in. I have to get out of here.

I stepped outside into the hallway, cautiously, quietly, aware of every creak the floor made as I stepped. I kept my eyes out for Lon at every turn. Is he still looking for me? When I reached the elevator, I pressed the button and prayed it would come quickly. I heard heavy footsteps down the hall and my heart began to race, but moments later, an older couple walked past. The man tipped his hat at me, and I gave him a relieved nod. Still, when the elevator doors opened, I leapt inside, holding my breath until the doors closed again. Safe, for the moment. The elevator deposited me in the lobby. I kept my head down to remain as inconspicuous as possible, but I looked up when I saw a man I recognized. Our eyes met for a brief moment. I couldn’t place him at first, so out of context. Then I realized who he was. Mr. Ivanoff, the mason. He held an iron crowbar and appeared to be working on a fireplace in the lobby. He nodded at me, but I didn’t stop, especially after I’d heard what he’d done to his wife. As kind as he’d been to my Daniel, a man who could lay hands on his wife wasn’t a man I wanted to associate with. I looked straight ahead.

Just as I pushed through the double doors that led to the street, I heard a man calling from a distance. “Wait!”

I glanced back inside the lobby to see Lon’s assistant running toward the door, waving his hands. “Come back here, Miss Ray!” he shouted. “You can’t just run off like this. Mr. Edwards spent a fortune on your wardrobe.”

I ignored him and continued outside. My heart pounded as I ran down the street. I kept running, finally ducking into an alley four blocks away. I slid behind a stack of lumber, gasping for breath. A rat with a crooked tail scurried by in the shadows. My God, where can I go next? Back to Caroline’s? No, I couldn’t do that to her. Then where? It was getting dark; I couldn’t stay on the streets, where I’d be prey for the men in the saloons. I buried my head in my hands. Charles. At first I brushed off the thought. Too many years had passed. I was probably just a distant memory to him now. He doesn’t know about Daniel, so how would he feel knowing that I’d kept him from him all this time?

I shook my head. Charles loved me once. He wouldn’t turn me away now. But would he recognize me, this woman I’ve become? I looked down at my hands, chapped and red from hours spent elbow-deep in wash buckets at the hotel, a stark contrast from the bright-eyed young woman he’d known four years ago. But perhaps he would see beyond that.

I sighed and stood up, walking out toward the street. I waved at a grocery truck passing by, and the driver slowed the vehicle to a stop. “Any chance you’re passing through the Windermere neighborhood tonight?”

The driver, an older, kindly man, smiled as if he took pity on me. “No,” he said. “But I can make a detour. I’m making a delivery up north. I can drop you off on the way.”

I looked at the front seat, crammed with boxes and crates. “You’ll have to ride in the back,” he said.

I nodded, walking around to the rear. I climbed up onto the truck bed, pushing a crate aside to make room. As the truck sped forward, I took comfort in thinking of Charles.



“Here you are,” the driver said, slamming the brakes in front of Windermere. He tipped his cap at me. “Hope you find what you’re looking for, miss.”

“Me too,” I said. “And thank you.”

The streetlights were sparse, and my eyes were weary. Finally, the Kensington home appeared in the distance. I picked up my pace, walking through the gate and past the fountain. I gazed up at the home, remembering the day Charles had first brought me. He’d been proud of me. He had loved me. How would things have turned out had I stayed and ignored Josephine’s warnings? Daniel might be…

I startled at a rustling sound overhead. A bird flapped its wings, flying toward the lake. I dismissed my fears and continued walking toward the house, passing the urns at the entryway. They brimmed with recently planted violets. I knocked timidly and waited. I knocked again, louder. And then, I heard footsteps approach. The door creaked open, revealing Charles, just as I remembered him. That warm smile. Those kind eyes.

“Vera?” he exclaimed, with shock in his eyes. “I—I—Josephine said you’d…”

“Hello, Charles,” I said quietly. I reached my hand out to him, brushing his cheek. “I’ve missed you so.”

I wished I’d taken a moment to brush my hair. I might have borrowed Gwen’s lipstick, too. But how I looked was of no importance. All that mattered was Daniel.

“Charles,” I continued, “forgive me for coming here like this, for—”

“No,” he said, smiling warmly. “Please don’t apologize. Can I help you?” He looked at my left foot, shoeless, toes poking through the stockings. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“Yes,” I said, hating the desperate tone in my voice, but I couldn’t hide it. “I know this is going to sound terrible. I should have told you long ago—”

Women’s voices echoed behind Charles, and moments later Josephine and a blond woman I didn’t recognize appeared at the door next to him. The blond woman tucked her arm inside his. A diamond ring sparkled on her left hand. “Charlie, honey, who is this?”

I stepped back.

“So you’re back, are you?” Josephine said. “I knew it.” She turned to Charles. “Asking for a handout, is she?”

“Josephine, stop!” Charles shouted. “She’s here because she needs help.” He turned back to me, his eyes as big as saucers. “What is it, Vera?”

“She’ll tell you anything to get what she really wants,” Josephine continued. “Your money.”

I shook my head. “No, please. I’m here because something terrible has happened. My little boy has vanished.”

Charles’s mouth fell open.

Josephine held out her hand. “Don’t listen to another word,” she said. “She was never worthy of you. Mother saw her on the arm of Lon Edwards at the hotel the other night.”

Lon’s reputation wasn’t good, and I couldn’t deny my association with him. I looked down at my feet. “Yes,” I said, “but—”

“That will be all, Miss Ray,” Josephine said, attempting to close the door, but Charles interceded.

“Josephine,” he said, “that’s enough!” He turned to the other woman and smiled sympathetically. “Elaine, will you excuse me for a moment? I’d like to speak to Miss Ray alone.”

The woman shrank back, as if injured. “Well, if you must,” she said. “But don’t be long, dear. You’ll miss dinner.”

Charles walked outside and pointed to the stone bench to our left. “Won’t you sit down?”

I nodded, and he sat down beside me. His hands fidgeted nervously in his lap as his eyes met mine. “My God, Vera,” he said. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”

I looked away. I couldn’t bear to stare into the eyes I’d loved, still loved.

“You broke my heart, you know,” he said, glancing back at the house, then at me again. “I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

My heart ached to hear his words. “Oh, Charles,” I said, turning to face him. “I was so wrong to leave the way I did. But would you believe me if I told you that I left because I loved you?”

His eyes narrowed. “I don’t understand.”

“Josephine,” I continued. “She said your parents would disown you from the family fortune.”

Charles shook his head. “And so what if they did?” He sighed, burying his face in his hand. “Could you actually think so little of me to believe that I would choose money over love?”

“No—no,” I stammered. “I didn’t want to be the reason for you losing…” I paused to look around the expansive property, and my eyes stopped at the elaborate fountain ahead. “All of this.”

He stared straight ahead. “I only wish you would have left that decision to me.”

I reached out and placed my hand on his forearm, but he stiffened and pulled it back. “I’m married now, Vera,” he said. “Her name is Elaine. She’s a good woman. We’re expecting our first child. We only just found out.”

The words echoed in the night air, taunting me. “Yes,” I said. “Yes, of course.” I stood up. “I was foolish for coming here.”

Charles stood up. “Vera, wait. Are you in some sort of danger? If you need a place to stay, Greta can make you up a room.”

I shook my head. “No.” What would Elaine think? He’s about to start a family, a real family, with a proper wife. How can I tell him about Daniel now? “My being here will only cause trouble for you,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”

Charles took a step closer to me. “You’re sure?”

I could see the emotion, the longing, in his eyes. His presence felt magnetic. I wanted nothing more than to feel the comfort of his arms, to tell him about our son and to have him help me find him.

I opened my mouth to speak just as the door cracked open. Elaine walked out to the porch with crossed arms and an impatient expression. “Charles, darling, dinner has been plated. Your soup is getting cold.”

“Good-bye Charles,” I said, walking down the steps to the gravel drive.

“Vera, wait, I—”

“Good-bye,” I said again, disappearing into the darkness. I turned back once more, with an aching heart, and watched as Elaine territorially threaded her arm through his. He kissed her cheek like a gentleman and escorted her back to the house.

I blotted a stray tear with the edge of my sleeve. The moon hovered overhead, a silent witness, shining brighter now. Where will I go next? What will I do? I stumbled along the side walkway, looking down toward the lake. Crickets chirped as soft waves pushed up onto the marshy shore. I remembered what Charles had said about the lilies, how they were special, not of this world. I longed to look at them again, to watch them bob in the moonlight. Daniel would have liked to see them. He would have been gentle, just like Charles as a boy, dipping his hand in the water and touching their petals ever so lightly. He would appreciate their beauty, like his father did.

With a heavy heart, I walked toward the lake.