Blackberry Winter

Chapter 14




CLAIRE

Isat in the cab for a while, staring at the hotel, memorializing the moment that Ethan had slipped away from me.

The cab driver didn’t share my emotional sentiments. “Where to, miss?” he barked, tapping his fingers on the dash impatiently. “I don’t have all night.”

I didn’t feel like going home, not after tonight. “Café Lavanto,” I said instead.

The café looked dark when I arrived, but I was glad to find the door still open. A college girl with a short blond bobbed haircut shook her head from behind the counter. “Sorry,” she said. “We’re closed. I must have forgotten to lock the door.”

“Oh, I—”

“It’s fine, Brittany,” Dominic said, emerging from the back room with a stack of papers in hand. He turned to me. “It’s good to see you, Claire. Want something to drink?”

Brittany, cleaning the steamer wand of the espresso machine with a damp towel, seemed visibly annoyed by my presence. I shook my head. “No,” I said. “I just…” I stared down at my feet. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

He nodded, setting down the papers on a nearby table. “I’m all ears.”

We sat in a pair of upholstered chairs by the windows, gazing out at the street. A couple walking a pug passed by, holding hands over the dog’s leash. Brittany stopped at the door before letting herself out. “See you tomorrow,” she said.

Dominic waved and then turned back to me. “What’s wrong?”

I sighed. “You went through a bad breakup, right?”

“A doozy,” he said.

“How did you know when it was…” I paused. “Over?”

“Things were shaky for a long time,” he said. “We stopped laughing. She’d work late and not call me. I started spending more time with my friends. It snowballed. And then there was the added fact that she was—how do I put this nicely?—crazy.”

I returned his grin, but the smile faded quickly. There was nothing funny about what I was about to say. “I’m afraid my marriage might be over.”

“Claire, I’m so sorry.”

I clasped my hands together and stared ahead. My heart ached, and I couldn’t think of a single way to quell the pain. “It’s the betrayal I can’t get over.”

“I know,” he said. “I’ve been there. It hurts. I wish I could say something to make you feel better.”

“Well, just being here helps,” I said. “This place is a comfort to me.”

Dominic rubbed his forehead as if recalling an uncomfortable memory. He looked at his watch. “Hey, you know what you need?”

I shrugged. “What?”

“A beer,” he said. “I’m taking you down to Kells. My buddy’s in a band that’s playing there tonight. They cover U2 songs. You’ll love it. You can drink yourself silly, sing your heart out, and then I’ll drive you home and make sure you’re safe.”

“I don’t know,” I said apprehensively.

“Come on,” he said. “There’s nothing that a Guinness can’t fix.”

“Well,” I said, grinning, “I do like U2.”

Dominic smiled with satisfaction. “Good. I’ll just go get the extra helmet.”

I waited at the bar, glancing at the paperwork Dominic had left on a table to my right. The disarray reminded me of Ethan’s home office. I was forever tidying his mess. Manila file folders were his Achilles’ heel. I felt a sudden pain in my heart as I gathered the papers, tapping them into a neat pile.

“Oh,” Dominic said nervously, setting down the extra motorcycle helmet and swooping in to collect the pages in my hands. “I’ll take those. Sorry, I left a bit of a mess out here.”

An awkward pause hovered between us as Dominic shuffled the papers into a drawer below the bar. He smiled, erasing any lingering tension, and handed me the helmet. “Ready?”

“Yes,” I said, following him out to the street to his parked motorcycle.



Dominic blazed a trail through the crowd of sweaty, beer-fueled college students at Kells. I instantly regretted going, but then the unmistakable sound of U2 came from the stage. I expected to see Bono himself clutching the microphone, but I didn’t care that a guy with a pot belly and balding head was standing in. Dominic handed me a beer, something light brown and frothy, and I took a sip, and then another. We leaned against a patch of free space at the bar together. When a spot on the dance floor cleared, Dominic took my hand in his. “Want to dance?”

I had already finished a second beer, so I said yes without thinking. And when the band began playing “With or Without You,” I pressed my weary head against Dominic’s chest. I missed my husband terribly, but I liked the way Dominic held me, so safe, so secure. When the song ended and the band began playing the opening rifts of “One,” I didn’t object when his hands slipped lower on my waist.

“Claire?”

I heard my name, yes. A familiar female voice. But whose? I looked over Dominic’s shoulder, then felt a tap on my back. I turned around, and my mouth flew open. My God. Ethan’s sister, Leslie. We had skirmished pretty much since the day we met, but I could now see the conflict escalating to World War III proportions.

She gave Dominic a long look, then eyed me suspiciously. “What are you doing here, Claire?”

“Oh hi, Leslie,” I said, feigning composure. “This is my friend Dominic.”

“Friend?”

“Leslie,” I said, “I don’t know what you’re implying, but I can tell you right now I don’t owe you any explanation.”

“Tell that to Ethan,” she said, pulling out her cell phone.

“Yes, do,” I said. “He won’t bother answering. He’s at the Olympic Hotel with Cassandra.”

Her mouth gaped.

“Good night, Leslie,” I said, dragging Dominic by the arm.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

I sighed. “If he can drink champagne with his ex, I can drink beer with you.” I waved at the bartender. “Another round, please.”



I don’t remember the ride to Abby’s place, or climbing the stairs to her apartment. Later, I discovered that Dominic had found her number in my phone and called for directions. I do, however, remember waking up and feeling like I’d been hit with an ax to the head. “Where am I?” I groaned.

Abby handed me a cup of coffee. Swirls of steam drifted from the green mug. I watched them disappear into the air. “I don’t drink coffee,” I said ungratefully.

“You do this morning,” she said. “Drink up.”

I took a sip. “What happened last night?”

“Someone had a little too much fun,” she said.

“Oh gosh,” I said. “Do I want to know?”

Suddenly, I remembered Kells, Dominic’s warm embrace, Leslie. I covered my face. “This isn’t good, Abs.”

“No, it isn’t,” she agreed.

“Did I kiss him?”

“I don’t think so,” she said. “He’s a decent guy. I don’t think he would have let you kiss him, even if he wanted to kiss you.”

I nodded.

“He carried you up six flights of stairs,” she said. “You were singing the whole way.”

“No.”

“Yes,” she said. “And you woke up the crazy lady in the apartment on the fourth floor.”

I buried my face deeper in my hands, then looked at my watch, suddenly panic-stricken.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “It’s Saturday.”

“I’m not worried about work,” I said. “It’s Eva.”

“Eva?”

I fumbled for my bag, and was happy to find it next to me, beside the couch. “She used to know Daniel Ray. I’m meeting her today.” I pulled out my planner and flipped to the current week. “Good. I have an hour.”

“Go shower,” Abby said. “Towels are in the cabinet. Use anything you need.”

I took another big gulp of coffee. Ethan would be proud, but I wasn’t drinking it for him. “Thanks, Abs,” I said. “You’re the world’s greatest friend.”

“I know,” she said, folding up the blanket she’d strewn over me the night before. “But I’d like to point out that you drooled on my Pottery Barn pillows.”

“I’ll buy you new ones.”

“Nonsense,” she said. “What’s a friendship without a little drool?”

I gave her a grateful smile that had nothing to do with the pillows. “I love you.”

She shooed me to the bathroom. “Go brush your teeth.”



The flower stands at the Pike Place Market brimmed with new blossoms. A bucket of fresh-cut hydrangeas, indigo blue, caught my eye, but even their cheerful petals couldn’t elicit a smile. All I could think about was Ethan and Cassandra, and how we were entwined in a colossal mess. I pulled a bottle of Advil from my bag and popped two pills, washing them down with a swig from the water bottle Abby had provided. I tucked the bottle back inside and felt my cell phone buzzing, notifying me of a missed call. I clicked a button and saw that it was Ethan. So he’d talked to Leslie. That or he wanted to apologize for last night. Either way, I didn’t want to speak to him. I had nothing to say.

I checked the address in my planner, walking along the sidewalk until I came to the entrance of Eva’s building. Inside the lobby an arrangement of sun-faded silk flowers sat atop a round table, their petals thick with dust. The wallpaper bubbled and peeled at the edges, and the scent of boiled vegetables wafted in the air. I took the elevator to the eleventh floor, stopping at unit 1105 and knocking quietly.

Moments later the doorknob turned and an elderly woman appeared. Her white hair was tucked into a bun, revealing a thin face and kind brown eyes. She smiled. “You must be Claire.”

“Yes,” I said, extending my hand. Funny, I knew she was an old woman, and yet I’d only imagined a little girl, with pigtails and a calico jumper. “Thank you so much for inviting me.”

“Come in,” she said, gesturing inside the apartment. I sat down in a blue recliner near the window, tucking aside a small cross-stitched pillow to make room for my purse. Plain, but tidy, the space smelled of lemons and baby powder. It reminded me a little of my grandmother’s small condo in San Diego. I missed her.

“Can I make you a cup of tea, dear?”

“No thank you,” I said. “I’m fine.”

She sat down in a chair beside me, crossing her hands in her lap. “Now,” she said, “what can I tell you?”

“Yes,” I replied, pulling my notebook and a pen out of my purse. “As I mentioned on the phone, I’m writing a feature about a little boy who disappeared the day of the snowstorm in May of 1933. I believe you two were acquainted?”

“Yes,” Eva said, her eyes clouded with memories. “Yes, we were.” She closed her eyes briefly and opened them again. “Daniel was the son of my mother’s best friend, Vera Ray. We were like sister and brother.”

“So you lived together?”

“Well, for a short time when we were babies. Our mothers were both unmarried. My father died before I was born, and Daniel’s, well, he wasn’t in the picture. Vera and Daniel moved into their own apartment, though, just after she got a job at the Olympic.”

I thought of the scene from last night and cringed. “The hotel?”

“Yes,” she said. “Vera was a maid there.”

“And your mother was too?”

“No,” she said. “Mother worked in a factory in the industrial district.”

I turned a page in my notebook. “So what do you remember about his disappearance?”

She took a deep breath and fixed her gaze out the window, where the red-lettered sign of Pike Place Market presided and a ferry streamed slowly through the bay. For low-income senior housing, the view was extraordinary. “My memories have faded some,” she said, rubbing her right hand. “But I remember Aunt Vera. I called her that, Auntie. I remember when she came to stay with us, right after Daniel disappeared. Vera had always been generous with smiles, but not anymore. I remember watching from the hallway as she sobbed. Her body trembled from her sorrow. I didn’t understand it then, of course. But I do now.” She pointed to a framed photo on the wall of three children. The lighting and dress dated the shot to the 1960s. “The boy,” she said. “My eldest. He died in a car accident twenty years ago. A head-on collision. A drunk driver was going the wrong way on an on-ramp. I’d thought of Vera many times as a young mother, of course. The thought of losing a baby was horrific. But when the highway patrol called me to tell me about Eddie’s death, I felt a kinship with Vera. I finally knew what she went through.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

She nodded. “I’ve had many years to come to terms with it. But I still grieve.”

“Do you believe that Daniel was…?” I couldn’t will myself to vocalize the thought.

“Killed?”

I nodded.

Eva threw up her hands. “I don’t know, dear. I’ve thought about it an awful lot over the years. Mother and I always wanted to believe that he only wandered off. That some nice family took him in. But the chances of that are slim. Mother knew that. Not Vera. She refused to believe the worst. She held out hope, until the very end.”

“The end?”

Eva frowned. “Mother shielded me from the details, of course,” she said. “I was only a little girl, too young to understand. But eventually I heard the whole story.”

“What happened?”

“Her body was found floating in Lake Washington,” she said.

I gasped.

Eva shook her head regretfully. “By the time they found her, her skin was so puffy, so waterlogged, that the medical examiner couldn’t make a ruling.”

I covered my mouth. “My God.”

“The police ruled it a suicide,” she continued, “but anyone who knew her didn’t believe that. She’d never leave this earth willingly without the knowledge that her son was safe.” She paused, eyeing my wedding ring.

“When you’re a mother, dear, you’ll understand.”

But I do understand. I swallowed hard and stared at my notebook, willing my emotion away. “So you think someone murdered her, then?”

“I have my suspicions,” she replied. “But no one really knows. In those days, we didn’t have justice in the same way we do now. If the daughter of a prominent family were found bobbing in the lake, you better bet an investigation would be launched. But for Vera Ray, daughter of a fisherman? The sad fact is that no one really cared. It’s why the police hardly batted an eye when Daniel went missing. Why waste police resources on the poor? It was the prominent thinking of the time.”

“So sad,” I said, shaking my head. “So there wasn’t even an investigation?”

“They did interview a man in connection with the crime,” she said. “A mason, I believe. Picked him up after getting a tip from someone. But the suspect died in jail. Heart attack. The case fizzled after that. It broke Mother’s heart that nothing more became of it. She always believed she’d find justice for her friend.”

I thought of my visit to the police archives, which had turned up nothing. “Do you know if they have the transcripts?”

“I wondered the same thing myself,” she said. “I set out to find them in the 1950s, but was told that all records from that year were destroyed in a fire.”

The whistle on the teakettle sounded. “Sure you don’t want a cup of tea?”

“Actually,” I said, “that sounds nice.”

Eva returned with two cups. She handed me one, and I held it close, letting the steam warm my face. I took a sip and set the cup down on the nearby coffee table. “Do you know much about Daniel’s father?”

Eva sighed. “Just that he was very rich,” she said. “Vera was proud. It didn’t make for a good match.”

“They never married?”

“No. But she always wore a bracelet he gave her. That made me think she still loved him.”

I thought of my bracelet tucked under my sleeve. From Ethan. Would I take it off? Would I take my wedding ring off?

“It was a dark time for Mother,” Eva continued. “Losing her best friend in such a tragic way, it affected her.”

“How terrible,” I said. I pulled an envelope from my bag and handed it to Eva. “Some things I found.”

She lifted the flap of the envelope and reached inside, placing the contents on her lap. She held the photo up to the light. “That’s Vera, all right,” she said. “She was so beautiful.”

I nodded. “And the man? Daniel’s father?”

“Yes,” she said. “At least, I think so. I never met him, of course. But look.” She pointed to a spot on the photo. “He has Daniel’s chin.”

I produced the Seattle Post-Intelligencer’s photo of the boy, and held it up to the picture of his parents. “You’re right,” I said. “I can see a resemblance.” Daniel had a heart-shaped face, and his chin revealed a tiny dimple, nearly identical to the man in the photograph.

“Ah, yes,” Eva said with a sigh. “Daniel would have been a handsome one, just like his father.”

“Do you know Charles’s last name?” I asked, flipping the photo over and rereading the inscription: “Vera and Charles.”

Eva shook her head. “Mother didn’t speak of him. I never knew.”

“Thank you,” I said, closing my notebook. “I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“Wait,” Eva said, holding up the drawing she’d made as a girl, marveling at the brittle yellow page. “There is something.”

“What?”

She held out the drawing for me to see and pointed to the woman drawn behind the children. “There was a woman,” she said.

“Where?”

“The image is a bit of blur,” she said. “It might be nothing.”

“Keep trying. The memory might be significant.”

“Well,” she said, holding a hand to her wrinkled cheek as if trying very hard to recall a memory. “Daniel and I used to play in a park near Sixth Avenue. We’d wait there for our mothers to get off work. Sometimes a strange woman would come and watch us. She seemed out of place there, in her fine dresses and hats, smack dab in the working-class part of town. She was friendly enough, talked to Daniel mostly, but I didn’t like her. Mama taught me not to talk to strangers, and there was something about her that frightened me.”

“What do you think it was?”

“I’m not certain,” Eva said. “And really, the woman might have just been taking pity on us. I don’t know. But I have never forgotten the memory, even after all these years, or her hat.”

“Her hat?

Eva nodded and pointed to the stick figure’s head. “They’re feathers, I think,” she said. “I must have been drawing the feathers on her hat.”

I finished writing out her quote, then drew a big question mark on the page. How will I follow up on that?

Eva’s eyes looked strained, so I stood and gathered my things. “Thank you ever so much for sharing your memories with me.”

“Anytime, dear,” she said. “I hope you solve this mystery. For mothers everywhere.” She paused and tilted her head to the right. “I just assumed you hadn’t any children of your own. Are you a mother too, honey?”

It was the first time I’d heard the question since the accident. I bit my lip. Without thinking, I spoke from my heart. “Yes,” I said. “I am.”



I rarely worked on weekends, but I made my way into the office on Saturday, looking forward to some uninterrupted writing time. A sign on Ethan’s door read, ON ASSIGNMENT. I checked my cell phone and saw that he’d tried to call again. I tossed the phone back into my purse and turned on my laptop, pulling up the document I’d begun on the ferry the day before. It felt easier to lose myself in Daniel and Vera’s story than to sort out my own.

I leaned back in my chair. Who was the woman at the park that Eva spoke of? And the mason? I recalled the name I’d written in my notebook at Café Lavanto the previous week and thumbed through the pages until I found it: Ivanoff. I pulled up the online newspaper archives and searched for the name, and two entries came back, both from the Seattle Herald. I clicked on the first headline, which appeared as part of a police blotter: MAN JAILED IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CHARGE.

Sven Ivanoff, a mason, has been arrested and taken to jail on charges of injuring his wife, Arianna Ivanoff, who sustained injuries to the head and neck.



So he had a violent streak, this mason. I clicked on the next headline. FOUL PLAY SUSPECTED IN IVANOFF CASE. I shivered. “Police have charged Sven Ivanoff with the murder of a woman whose body was found floating in Lake Washington last week. Ivanoff, a mason, was the last person to be seen with the woman, who is believed to be a prostitute.”

A prostitute? I shuddered. If this was indeed Vera, her life had taken an unfortunate turn. I shook my head in disbelief. There has to be more to the story. I remembered Emily’s aunt Bee’s suggestion to speak to her friend Lillian. Perhaps she had crucial information. I searched for her name, and when a number came up, I dialed. A man with a deep, gravelly voice picked up immediately. “Hello?”

“Oh, I must have the wrong number,” I said. “I’m trying to reach someone by the name of Lillian Sharpe.”

“Yes,” he said. “My wife. She’s right here. Who may I say is calling?”

“My name is Claire Aldridge, from the Seattle Herald.”

“Hello, this is Lillian.”

“Ms. Sharpe,” I said.

“Yes,” she replied.

“I hate to disturb you, but I’m working on a story about a little boy who went missing in 1933. During the storm.”

“Yes,” she said.

“You remember?”

“Well, no, not the boy you speak of, but the storm. Everybody remembers that. It nearly shut down the city. And right before summer. Just like the storm we had this week. Such a strange coincidence.”

“I know,” I replied.

“How can I help you, Ms. Aldridge?”

“I was just chatting with an old friend of yours, Bee Larson,” I said.

“Bee! How is she?”

“Not well, I’m afraid. She’s confined to bed now. Heart problems.”

“Bless her heart,” she said. “I’ll have to pay her a visit. Is she still on the island?”

“Yes,” I replied. “I was visiting her niece yesterday. Bee told me your father was a prominent attorney in the 1930s.”

“Indeed he was,” she said. “He took on some of the most famous cases of the time.”

“Could one of those cases be the murder of Vera Ray?”

She sighed. “I wish I could recall. The name doesn’t sound familiar, but it’s possible.”

“Bee mentioned something about his case files and archives,” I said. “Do you happen to have them?”

“I do. My granddaughter, Lisa, spent a good portion of last summer reorganizing them for me. She’s a journalist, like you.”

“Is it possible that I could take a look?” I asked. “I mean, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not, dear,” she said. “My father would have gladly shared them with you. He was a truth seeker, just as you seem to be. They’re at the old house, in Windermere.”

I knew the neighborhood, of course. One of the finest areas of historic Seattle. Ethan had a cousin who lived in an enormous home along the lake.

“I grew up there, but it’s empty now. My husband and I are in a retirement facility,” Lillian continued. “I just can’t bear to sell the old place. I hoped one of my boys would move in, but they had other plans. I can’t say I blame them. The house is in disrepair.” She sighed. “Listen to me rambling. I could meet you there if you like. As long as you don’t mind a little dust and cobwebs. We haven’t had the place cleaned in some time.”

“I would be so grateful,” I said.

“I’ve had to part with some of it, but I do have an assortment of boxes in the spare bedroom, all things that Lisa thought to keep. Hopefully you’ll find what you’re looking for there.”

“Thank you so much,” I said. “Could I come by tomorrow morning, say, nine thirty?”

“You choose the hour,” she said. “My husband and I are early birds, up at sunrise. The address is 5985 Windermere Boulevard. It’s an old white colonial with a big blue spruce in front.”

“Great,” I said, writing the address in my notebook. “See you then.”

My phone buzzed in my bag. Not again. I pulled it out and opened a text message. From Dominic. “Meet me at the Market at one for lunch?” I smiled, and typed a quick response. “I’ll be in front of the first flower stand. Bring Advil.”



Dominic waited at the corner of the market, a bouquet of hydrangeas wrapped in brown butcher paper in his hands. “For you,” he said, tucking the enormous bunch into the crook of my arm.

“They’re beautiful,” I said, feeling awkward about accepting them, especially after last night.

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding,” I replied.

He pulled a pill bottle from his pocket. “Here,” he said, handing me two white pills.

I washed them down with a sip from the water bottle in my purse. “I’m starving. What did you have in mind?”

He pointed to a creperie across the street. Ethan and I had eaten there when I was pregnant and craving crepes. “How about La Bouche?”

I shrugged. “OK.”

We crossed the cobblestone street. My heels sank into the large grooves. I loved the exposed brick in this part of Seattle. It’s how the city must have looked when Vera and Daniel walked through the Market so many years ago.

Dominic and I sat down on two stools facing the street. The waitress took our crepe orders. He ordered mushroom, and I goat cheese and roasted red pepper, the same thing I’d sent Ethan down for on multiple occasions when a pregnancy craving struck.

“Listen,” I said, “I’m really sorry for my behavior last night.”

“No need to apologize. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I think I do,” I said. “I’m married, and I was acting like a—”

“You were acting like a woman who was hurt,” he said. “And for the record, you did not kiss me.”

I arched my eyebrows. “I didn’t?”

“You tried to,” he said, grinning. “And I thought about letting you, but I didn’t.”

I exhaled deeply.

“What’s with your sister-in-law, though?”

The memory was fuzzy, but I recalled Leslie’s accusatory stare. “She’s never liked me.”

“Sounds like a real peach.”

I took a sip of water. “You’re telling me. By now, she’s probably recounted the story to Ethan and her parents in great detail. But in her version, I’m sure I had my tongue down your throat.”

“Naturally,” he said, smiling.

Moments later, the waitress reappeared with our crepes. I took a bite of mine. The mélange of roasted red peppers and warm goat cheese tasted just as luscious as I remembered.

Dominic dabbed his mouth with a napkin. “All joking aside, how are you doing?”

I shrugged. “It’s weird. I feel like a storm’s coming—a big one that I’m not prepared for. I have this sense that it’s going to pummel my house, my life, everything I’ve been holding on to so tightly, for so many years. I’m bracing for it. I know it’s going to hurt.” I sighed. “And after what I went through this year, I’m not sure I have the strength to handle it.”

He gave me a confused look.

I hadn’t told him about the accident, not yet. I clasped my hands together and took a deep breath. “We lost a baby,” I said. “A year ago.” The words whizzed out of my mouth before I could think them over.

“Oh, Claire,” Dominic said, his eyes filled with sorrow. “I don’t know what to say.”

Outside the window, a woman jogged by. Her ponytail swayed as her strong legs carried her through the market, dodging pockets of tourists. I followed her with my eyes until she disappeared around the corner. I wanted to stand up, run after her, and shout, “Be careful! In a mere blink of the eye, everything you love can be taken from you!”

Dominic opened his mouth to speak, but his cell phone struck first, ringing loudly inside his jacket. He looked at the screen, then smiled apologetically. “I have to take this. I’ll be right back.”

“No worries,” I said, turning my attention back to the neglected crepe.

Dominic stepped to the sidewalk, and I watched him hold the phone up to his ear as he paced nervously. Who is he talking to? The crowd in the café was loud, but because the window had been propped open, bits and pieces of the one-sided conversation seeped in.

“I don’t know what to say…. Well, I’m a little speechless right now, I guess…. I understand, but I wasn’t planning to…All right, I’ll give it some thought…. I’ll call you…yes.”

I nervously stuffed a bite into my mouth when he returned to the counter.

“Sorry,” he said.

My curiosity swelled. “Something important?”

“Just my…sister. She needed some business advice.”

“Oh,” I replied. It didn’t add up, but I decided not to press him. If he had a secret, he’d reveal it in time.

After lunch, we walked through the Market, stopping at the park overlooking the bay. I could smell salmon grilling on alder planks at a nearby restaurant. Seagulls patrolled the salty air above, swooping down to accept scraps of food and bread that tourists offered. Dominic leaned against the guardrail. “Can we talk about something?”

“Sure,” I said, leaning back beside him. Our arms touched.

“What you said, back there,” he said. “About the baby.”

My eyes met his.

“It seems”—he ran a hand through his hair, trying to find the proper word—“wrong that your husband isn’t there for you right now after what you went through.”

Dominic was right, at least in a sense. On paper, Ethan’s behavior appeared despicable. Wife loses baby, followed by midlife crisis, followed by reconciliation with ex-girlfriend. In my heart, however, I knew that I was just as much to blame. I’d pulled away from him, too. In my grief, I’d frozen, shut him out. And just as my heart was starting to thaw, it was too late.

“I’m just saying,” he continued, “he should have been there for you.” He paused, turning to me. “I would have been there for you.”

He draped his arm around me. I didn’t pull away.