Better Off Friends

“Hey, guys!” I froze in my tracks upon hearing Emily’s


voice. For a split second, I debated pretending to not hear her, but Danielle was already heading over.

“Hey!” Danielle said cheerfully. “What are you guys

doing here?”

I made a mental note to encourage Danielle to join the

drama club.

Emily laughed. “Seeing a movie, silly!”

59

“Really? You didn’t come here solely for the popcorn?”

Danielle shot back.

“We’re seeing The Salem Reckoning.” Emily pretended to get chills down her spine. “Fortunately, I have this one to hold me tight.” She beamed at Levi.

In the many years I’d known Emily, she’d always refused

to watch a horror movie. Even the cheesy, so-bad-it’s-funny

kind. But I guessed she’d use whatever excuse she could get

for PDL (public displays of Levi).

“Cool,” Danielle said in a way that you could tell she found

it the opposite of cool. “Well, I need to hit the little girls’ room before I watch Paul Grohl be romantic and dashing for ninety minutes.”

“I’ll join you!” Emily grabbed Danielle by the arm and

headed toward the restrooms.

“Hey!” Levi finally acknowledged my existence.

“Hey.” I decided not to act like it wasn’t awkward.

“Listen,” he began. “I was thinking that maybe on

Wednesday we could go grab a bite to eat and do some shopping. I totally need help picking out what to get my mom for

Christmas.”

I let the icicles that were beginning to form around me

melt a little. He was making an effort. He was also asking me

to help him with his mom’s gift because I knew her better. I

knew him better. Maybe I was being a little harsh. I wasn’t being replaced. Because that was really what I thought was

happening.

I was being foolish. Levi would never replace me.

60

We’d solidified our plans by the time Emily and Danielle

came back from the restroom.

“Ready?” Emily grabbed Levi’s hand.

“Yeah.” Levi winked at me. “Have fun!”

“You too,” I replied.

And I meant it.

Levi and Emily weren’t the problem. My attitude was.

Clearly, there was something wrong with me that I got threat—

ened the second my two best friends didn’t give me one

hundred percent of their attention.

I knew right then what my New Year’s resolution would

be: to stop being so needy.

Once I gave myself an attitude adjustment, I began to smile

whenever I saw Levi and Emily together. I remembered reading somewhere that if you smile at something, it automatically

makes you happier.

So whenever Levi or Emily would bring up the other, I’d

smile.

Soon it became an automatic response.

Levi and I were walking around the mall, our hands full

of shopping bags. “So I was telling Emily” — SMILE! — “that I still haven’t gotten used to this weather. I know everybody said last winter was particularly brutal, but I think this

year’s even worse. Like, negative degrees? How can it be so

cold that the temperature doesn’t even exist? Or, like, it’s less than zero? How is that even possible? At least Emily has

promised to keep me warm.”

61

SMILE! I didn’t know what else to do. I had to play a role, a happier version of myself so he wanted to still spend time with me.

Levi took my silence as an invitation to continue. “Yeah, so

I was also kinda hoping you could help me pick out something

for Emily.”

SMILE!

“Oh, awesome!” Levi replied.

Even though I didn’t say anything, my stupid grin made

it seem like I’d be more than happy to help him pick out

a gift.

Levi led me to a jewelry store. “You’re so cool. I didn’t

know if it’d be weird to ask you. But who knows Emily better

than you?”

He had a point. I didn’t understand why I was freaking out

over this. He was still the same Levi. It had only been a matter of time before one of us would start dating somebody. And

in a way, this would stop people from thinking we were

an item.

“Of course I’ll help pick something,” I conceded. “What

were you thinking?”

“Well, I was here last week with my mom and saw this

necklace and wanted to get your opinion.” He led me over

to a glass case full of different silver and gold necklaces.

He pointed to one that was in the middle. “This one, but

with an E.”

My heart dropped when I saw which one he was referring

to. It was a silver necklace with a small round pendant with

the letter P engraved on it.

62

I took a few steps back. It felt like the floor was unsteady.

I heard Levi asking me if I was okay, but I couldn’t concentrate. Everything around me was a blur. I couldn’t hear what

he was saying, I couldn’t really do anything.

“I can’t breathe, I need to . . .” I stumbled out of the store

and quickly sat on the floor near a fountain. I put my head

between my knees and tried to steady my breath.

“Macallan, what’s wrong?” Levi’s voice cracked. “Please,