After Midnight

44
ADAMANT ELROY

Yeah, I thought. Sure it’s gone.
I looked away and kept moving.
Where’d I leave it? I wondered. In the den?
I opened the curtains, then stepped over to the sliding door. As I unlocked it, I recalled having the saber with me when I took my bath early that morning. Had I left it in the bathroom?
No.
I slid open the glass door.
Didn’t leave it in the bathroom. Wanted everything back in place.
Could’ve sworn I hung it back over the fireplace.
I DID.
I remembered, now. After breakfast, I’d put the saber on its hooks where it belonged.
So where it is now?
Very quickly, I stepped outside. In my mind, I imagined myself letting out a squeal, flinging my sack of tortilla chips at the sky, and running like hell.
But I simply walked over to the table. From the other side, I watched Elroy step out of the house, a margarita in each hand. He didn’t have a hand to spare for closing the door, so I hurried over and rolled it shut.
Elroy placed the drinks on the table, then pulled out a chair for me. I thanked him and sat down, even though the chair put my back to the door.
He dragged one of the other chairs around the table, and sat down beside me. Then he handed me a margarita and took the other for himself. “Shall I propose a toast?” he suggested.
“Toast away.”
“To you and me, and lucky encounters.”
“Lucky, huh?”
You’d change your tune if you knew what was going on.
“It most certainly was lucky,” he said.
“Maybe so,” I muttered.
We clicked our glasses together, then drank.
Lowering his glass, Elroy said, “Imagine the odds against me just happening to drive by just the right place at just the right time…not to mention recognizing you. I call that lucky. I usually don’t even pay attention to people on the sidewalks. For that matter, I wouldn’t have been there if my wristwatch hadn’t died on me this morning. It’s not my usual route home. Our paths wouldn’t have crossed at all except for the fact that I had to make a stop at the mall for a new watch battery.”
“I was at the mall, myself.”
“Ah! I should’ve known. We were only a few blocks away when I spotted you.” He drank some more of his margarita, then asked, “Are you in the habit of walking to the mall and back? It’s a good, long distance.”
Nodding, I said, “About six miles each way. It’s my chief form of exercise. I try to do it a couple of times a week.”
“You certainly dress well for your hikes.”
“Well, I like to look good at the mall.”
“Aren’t you at all…nervous about it?”
“About what?”
“Walking that far by yourself. There are so many psychos in this world.”
“You’re telling me.”
“Doesn’t it make you the least bit nervous?” Elroy asked.
“A little. But I don’t let it stop me. Besides, I’ve been known to be dangerous, myself.”
Elroy let out a laugh. “You can say that again.” Then he tore open the bag of tortilla chips and turned it toward me.
I took a handful.
“It didn’t occur to me until just this moment,” he said, “but look at the irony we’ve just encountered. You fell down the stairs. You, who pushed Mr. Heflin down the stairs. Isn’t that just marvelously ironic?”
“Oh, yeah. Marvelously.” I popped a chip into my mouth and crunched down on it. It was thin and nearly tasteless.
Do you know what else would be marvelously ironic, Elroy? If our “lucky encounter” ends with both of us getting murdered by a saber-wielding maniac.
I drank some more of my margarita.
And wondered if I should warn him.
I wouldn’t need to tell him the whole story, just explain that somebody must’ve broken into the house sometime today and stolen the saber.
And might be anywhere.
He’ll say we should call the cops.
Obviously, that was out of the question.
So what can we do?
Flee.
“This is a lovely place,” Elroy said. “It must be fabulous to live here.”
“It’s nice, all right.”
“I should imagine that some of our furry friends must wander out of the woods now and again.”
“Sure. We get all sorts of critters. Deer, raccoons, squirrels…”
Midnight swimmers.
“I’d love to see some deer come out,” Elroy said.
“Stick around, there’s no telling what you might see.”
He leered at me. “Is that so?” he asked.
“You never know.”
“Well, well.”
“But you know what?”
“What?”
“I think we oughta go out for dinner tonight.”
“Out? We are out.”
“I mean like to a real restaurant.”
“You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m serious. If we have to wait for those steaks to thaw out, we won’t be eating till eight or nine. I just don’t think I can wait that long. I’m already starving.”
“Have some more nibbles.”
“It’ll be my treat. And you can pick the restaurant. Anywhere you like.”
“I like it here. It’s so peaceful and pleasant. Of course, I’m sure you’re used to it. You live here. But I live in an apartment house. I don’t have any lawn at all, much less a swimming pool and a beautiful forest. You want to take me away from all this? I can eat in a restaurant any old time.”
“I’m not trying to cheat you out of the barbecue. Why don’t we just postpone it till tomorrow. That way, I’ll have time to prepare for it. We won’t have to worry about frozen steaks. You can even come over early, and we’ll make a day of it. How does that sound?”
“Lousy.”
“Lousy?”
“You promised me cocktails and barbecued steaks by the swimming pool. Tonight, not tomorrow. If you’d said tomorrow in the first place, that’d be different. But you didn’t, so you got me all set to expect it. We can go to a restaurant tomorrow, if you want. But tonight, I want my barbecued steak like you promised.”
“When I made the promise,” I said, “I counted on being able to thaw the steaks in the microwave.”
“Well, you can’t do that. They’d be ruined.”
“But it was my plan. You can’t hold me to a promise if you won’t let me follow my plan.”
“Why not?”
“It isn’t fair.”
“It isn’t fair of you to promise me a barbecued steak by your swimming pool, and get me out here, and then say, ‘Oh, dear, I don’t want to do this, after all. Let’s go to a restaurant.’”
“I’m starting to think I don’t want to eat with you at all.”
“Oh, isn’t that just dandy?”
“I’m trying to be reasonable, Elroy, but…”
“It’s either your way or the highway, is that it?”
“I just think you should cut me a little slack, that’s all. This barbecue thing isn’t working out, so let’s do it another time. For tonight, why don’t we just try to make the best of things and go to a restaurant?”
Elroy let out a deep sigh. Then he raised his glass and drained it. Staring into his empty glass, he muttered, “You said it’d be okay to wait for them to thaw. Remember? In the kitchen? We talked about the fact that it’d take a few hours, and you said it wouldn’t be a problem. Only now it is a problem. Why do you suppose that is?”
“I never said it wouldn’t be a problem.”
“Maybe not in so many words. But you were all ready to go along with it. You even wanted to marinate them.”
“I can still get steak teryaki if we go to a restaurant.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Is that what this is all about? Because I wouldn’t let you ruin the steaks with teryaki sauce?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then what is it about? Why have you suddenly turned on me?”
I stared into his eyes.
“I haven’t turned on you, Elroy. Though I do think you have a cruddy attitude about all this.”
“You promised me, and now you want to take it away.”
“There’s something going on here that you don’t know about.”
With a wary look in his eyes, he said, “Such as?”
Don’t tell him!
“Somebody was here,” I said.
“What do you mean?”
Leaning over close to him, I said quietly, “I think someone might’ve broken into the house while I was gone. There’s supposed to be a Civil War saber hanging above the fireplace. It was there when I left to go to the mall this afternoon. Now, it’s gone.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Take a look for yourself. You don’t even have to get up.”
Twisting in his seat, he peered over his shoulder.
I took a sip of my margarita.
“And where is this saber supposed to be?” Elroy asked.
“You see the fireplace?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s a framed citation above it?”
“I see that.”
“That’s where the saber is supposed to be, but isn’t. I think somebody must’ve broken into the house and taken it.”
“Hmm.”
“For all I know, he might still be in the house. Hiding somewhere. Maybe just waiting for a chance to jump us. That’s why I think we oughta get out of here.”
Elroy turned toward me. “Instead of running off to a restaurant, shouldn’t we call the police?”
“No!”
He smirked slightly. “And why not?”
“Because.”
“Excellent reason.”
“Because if he’s already gone,” I said, “the cops won’t do any good, anyway. If he’s not gone…well, all the phones are inside the house. I don’t want to get chopped up trying to call the cops, do you?”
Elroy’s smirk grew. “Don’t you have a telephone in your suite above the garage?”
Damn it!
I gave the matter some thought, then said, “Yes, but I can’t get to it without my keys. Which I left on the kitchen counter.”
“Ah, you have an answer for everything.”
“I’m telling you the truth about this, Elroy.”
“I’m sure you are.”
“You think I’m lying.”
“Far be it from me to call you a liar.”
“Well, thank you one hell of a lot for believing in me.”
“I tell you what,” he said. “Just to prove how much I believe in you, I’ll go inside, myself, and make the call to the police.”
With that, he scooted back his chair.
Grabbing his arm, I said, “Don’t you dare.”
“Ha! I knew it.”
“Okay,” I said. “I admit it.”
“You admit what?”
He hadn’t believed me, anyway. Some people just don’t listen, even when you’re trying to help them.
“There never was any saber,” I said. “I made up the whole business about the break-in.”
“Surprise, surprise.”
“I just wanted to go to a restaurant, that’s all.”
He gave my shoulder a squeeze and said, “Maybe tomorrow night.” His hand tightened its grip. “But from now on, no more stories. Save them for your books.”
“Okay. I’m sorry.”
“No harm, no foul,” he said, and released my shoulder. “Looks like we can both use refills.” Rising to his feet, he said, “Why don’t I bring out the whole pitcher?”
“Good idea. And while you’re in there, see if you can pry the steaks apart. They’ll thaw out a lot faster that way.”
“Your wish is my command, my dear.”
“Oh, and would you mind bringing out my keys? They should be on the counter near the blender.”
“My pleasure.” Grinning, he said, “Now, are you sure you wouldn’t like me to go ahead and dial up the cops?”
“That won’t be necessary.”
“Thought not,” he said, and stepped out of sight behind me.
I heard him slide open the door and enter the house. But I didn’t hear the door shut, so I got out of my chair to do it, myself.
As I rolled it shut, I saw Elroy striding across the living room. He didn’t so much as glance at the place above the fireplace where the saber should’ve been.
If he’d bothered to take a close look, he would’ve seen the hooks.
He could’ve at least looked, the bastard.
So damn sure of himself.
So damn sure that I’m a liar.
“The hell with him,” I muttered.
But I was afraid of what I might see if I kept peering in through the glass door, so I turned away from it.
I strolled over to the side of the pool.
The early evening sun made the surface of the water glare and flash. Even with my sunglasses on, I had to squint. A warm breeze was blowing. It stirred softly against my face and arms, and drifted my skirt against the fronts of my legs. I felt a bead of sweat dribble down my spine.
Elroy’ll be fine, I told myself.