“Okay. Great.” She looked down at her notes. “Let’s see…the last time we spoke, you told me about a man who’d moved onto your property. It was nice to hear you excited about something. How are things going with that situation?”
When we’d spoken a month ago, Noah had just moved in. I’d described my attraction to him and admitted I was holding out hope that something might happen between us over the course of the summer. Things had changed.
“Well, unfortunately, my excitement was a bit premature. Noah has turned out to be a great friend and a huge help around the property, but he made it clear he’s not interested in me romantically or sexually.”
She took some notes, then asked, “How did he explain that to you exactly?”
“I…sort of took a chance and made an advance toward him one night, let him know I was attracted to him.”
“That was very brave.”
“Yeah, well, he was quick to explain that he doesn’t see it happening. He thinks, among other things, that he’s too old for me, even though I don’t think thirty-four is too old at all.”
“How do you feel about his rejection?”
“I’ve learned to accept it. Like I said, we’ve become friends. I’m still attracted to him and wish things were different, but it is what it is. I can’t force him to want me that way.”
“You seem to be taking it as well as could be expected.”
“I don’t have a choice. I still really like being around him. He’s listened to me vent about a lot of stuff and is very encouraging. He wants me to find a way to go to college, and he’s been fixing things around the property to help us get it into a condition where we can put it on the market.”
“What are your mother’s thoughts on that—potentially moving?”
“She doesn’t want to sell, but she agrees we probably have to. Since the house is paid off, we could buy something smaller and use the money for the future. The fact that the property comes with the boathouse for rental income is a huge selling point. I’m hoping we can get a good deal for it.”
“How does your mother feel about Noah helping out?”
“Well, she was very suspect of his intentions at first, but she’s calmed down about that—especially after she got a look at the freshly painted boathouse.” I chuckled. “He’s started fixing things on the main property now—installed a new hot water heater, replaced a couple of windows, things like that. He’s really a jack of all trades, used to work in construction. Mom still stays in her room most of the day, but she’s come out once or twice to say hello to him, and she even apologized for being rude to him early on.”
“It sounds like Noah’s being there has turned out to be a really great thing.”
“Yeah. Almost like he was sent from above.”
My feelings for Noah had only grown over the past couple of weeks. I felt so safe with him around. We’d hung out a lot, talked a lot. The front porch of the boathouse had become our place. I’d watch him smoke his one cigar—never two—and we’d sit and talk about anything and everything, sometimes until the wee hours of the morning. Things had stayed platonic, and I was more convinced than ever about that not changing. But it still hurt a little. I wanted him more each day and couldn’t imagine how I was going to feel after he left. I knew for sure he was someone I would never forget.
After I got off the phone with Dr. Vaughan, I opened my journal as I often did after clearing my head in therapy. While I typically wrote down my thoughts and feelings, today my head was in a totally different space. Maybe it was all that talk about Noah not wanting me, but all I could seem to focus on was how much I wanted him and ridding myself of some of this pent-up frustration. If I couldn’t actually have him, I would let it all out on the pages of my journal. No holds barred, I wrote out my greatest sexual fantasy, including all the things I wished he would do to me.
***
Noah: It’s 10PM. Do you know where your dog is?
That’s a strange question.
Heather: Downstairs. I think?
Noah: Pretty sure that’s not the case, considering I can’t get him off my bed right now.
Oh my God. What?
Heather: Really? That’s scary! How did he get out?
Noah: Well, I’d ask him but…
Heather: How long has he been there?
Noah: He showed up at my door fifteen minutes ago.
Heather: Be right there.
As terrifying as it was that Teddy had escaped, given his destination, I couldn’t help but laugh as I ran to the boathouse.
Noah opened the door before I had a chance to knock. Just as he’d said, Teddy had completely taken over the bed. He looked so comfortable.
“I’m sorry about this.”
Noah shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
“He must have remembered the time I brought him here when you first moved in. He knew exactly where to find you.”
“He was sitting on the porch when I went out to have a cigar—like he was waiting for me.”
“That’s so cute. I’m glad he had the good sense to come here and not run away.” I patted my thighs. “Come on, Teddy. Let’s go.”
“He can stay.” Noah took a sip of his wine. There was an open bottle on the counter. I wished I could join him, but I knew how he felt about offering me alcohol.
“I figured you wanted me to come get him.”
He waved his hand. “Nah. He’s fine.”
“Well, he doesn’t exactly look ready to go anyway, I suppose.”
I looked around, then removed my shoes. It was strange to be inside the boathouse with Noah for once. I could thank Teddy for this opportunity. I hopped up on the bed and rubbed my dog while Noah took a seat across from us and kicked his legs up on the foot of the bed. With his big feet facing me, I was tempted to press the bottoms of mine against his.
But I refrained, of course.
Teddy was the perfect buffer to keep my hanging out on the bed from being awkward. The scent of Noah emanating from his sheets surrounded me. Teddy definitely had the right idea.
Noah looked particularly hot tonight. He wore these gray sweatpants that hugged his crotch in a way that left little to the imagination. It was hard not to gawk at his amazing body.
Don’t look down. He’s going to catch you.
If not me…what was Noah’s type? I often wondered about the woman he’d been married to.
“Do you have any photos of your ex-wife?”
He squinted. “Random much? Where did that come from?”
“Do you expect anything less from me? I laughed. “It just came to mind. I’ve always been curious as to what she looks like.”
“Yeah. Hang on.”
Noah pulled out his phone and scrolled through his photos. My heart sped up in anticipation. He handed it to me.
His ex had dark hair and dark eyes. She looked Greek or Italian. It came as no shock that she was absolutely gorgeous. Her Mediterranean features were the total opposite of my Scandinavian looks.
“Wow. I’m not sure you ever told me her name.”
“Olivia.”
Olivia.
Though I knew they weren’t together anymore, I still envied her. She’d gotten to make love to him and experience everything with him, even if it wasn’t forever.
“She’s really pretty, but I didn’t expect anything less.” I handed him back the phone.
“She’s a good person, too.”
He looked a little down.
“Do you feel like you failed her?” I asked.
“For a while I did feel like my marriage was my biggest failure. But she’s happy now, so that’s all that matters. The idea of failure is subjective. Our marriage failed, but she ended up with something better in the end. So it was hardly a failure for her.”
It made me sad that he felt that way. “Why do you sell yourself short?”
“I told you before…I wasn’t a good husband.”
“Yeah, but you’ve learned from your mistakes. Maybe she’s missing out on the person you are now, and that might have been better than what she has with the other guy. You’re older and wiser.”
“Definitely older. I don’t know about wiser.” He chuckled. After some silence, he asked, “So, what about you…? What do you consider your biggest failure?”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve yet to have it, but I bet it’ll be a doozy.”