Or maybe just not one that looks like me.
My chest tightens as I crawl over her to my place on the far side of the sleeping furs, wondering if I shouldn’t just hold her and keep her safe in her sleep. I know how to do that, and she doesn’t seem to mind when I do. She rolls toward me like she usually does, and I’m not sure how to approach her. She never gets on her knees or turns her back to me like I remember my mother doing with my father.
The complexity of what rushes through me is still overwhelming, and my mind races through all the possible scenarios. I want to reach out and touch her—run my hands over her skin, inhale her scent, hold onto her hips as I move in and out of her—but I’m frightened as well, and I don’t understand why.
Her hand touches the side of my face, and I feel myself melt into the sensation. My eyes close and my body relaxes. When I open them again, I can see her slight smile in the dim light of the fire though her face is somewhat shadowed by the darkened cave. I reach out with my finger and trace the edge of the shadow around her cheek.
I lick my lips, my eyes darting to her mouth. Before I can utter the “kiss” sound, Beh’s lips are against mine.
Her warm mouth is soft, and I wrap one arm around her waist and pull her against my body as her tongue touches my lips. Her fingers wind into my hair, pulling me tight against her mouth as her tongue massages mine. I feel myself harden further, and I can’t help but push against her leg a little. It feels so good when I do, especially when I pull at her hip at the same time.
Beh grips my shoulder and then runs her hand down my arm. Her fingers twine together with mine at her hip, and she moves my hand up until it cups her breast through the thin, rough fabric. I moan into her mouth as I squeeze at the soft flesh. I can feel her nipple under my palm as it hardens and pokes back at me. I pull back from her mouth to look down at my hand, but instead, I end up watching hers.
Beh releases my hand and moves slowly up my forearm. When she reaches my elbow, she drops her hand to my waist, then around to my stomach. Her fingers tickle the little hairs there that form a line just below my navel. With one finger, she follows the line down until she reaches the top of the fur wrap around my hips.
She grabs at the knot, releases it, and pushes the wrap away.
I stiffen and groan audibly as I feel her fingers come into contact with my penis, and then another quiet whimper escapes from the back of my throat as she keeps going. Her eyes meet mine for a moment, and they are wide and clear; her pupils are large in the firelight. I stare back at her for a moment before we both look back down. She strokes slowly up from the base to the tip, then wraps her little hand around me and runs all the way back down, then up again.
My stomach tightens, my breath hitches in my throat, and my heart pounds with new vigor. Involuntarily, my hips thrust forward, pushing myself into her hand as she moves up and down again. Only a moment later, my hips find a rhythm I can’t control, and I’m thrusting into the palm of her hand.
The buildup of pressure is swift and powerful.
It doesn’t even occur to me to try to hold back.
My entire body shudders even though the feeling is concentrated much closer to her hand. I cry out as I release, feeling my semen spurt against her hand and my stomach. Beh’s fingers grip gently, stroking me several more times before she lets go of my shaft.
I look upon her with amazement.
It has never felt like that when I used my own hand. Not even close. Beh’s eyes sparkle with her own excitement as she smiles right back at me. I try to take a deep breath to calm down my heart as I look into her eyes. There is a plethora of emotions coursing through me, and the combination is something I’ve never felt before.
I don’t even know what to think of most of it.
So I don’t.
One thing I recognize—there is a feeling of contentment that I have not felt since I had been with my tribe. I can’t seem to do anything but lie in the furs and stare at my mate in utter amazement as my heartbeat slows down and my breathing returns to its regular rhythm.
Beh is here with me, and she has made me feel complete. I look at her with an unhindered smile before I close my eyes and tuck my head into the place between her neck and shoulder. I inhale the scent of my mate...
…and fall asleep.
For the first time I can remember, I sleep long enough for the light of the sun to be brighter than the firelight when I wake. When I open my eyes, I immediately notice Beh’s absence from our furs, and panic sets in. I bolt upright and call out.
“Beh!”
From the other side of the fire, I hear her soft noises, along with my name-sound. My heart is still racing, but it slows as my body relaxes. I rub at my eyes and look over to where she sits. There is the pot of stew she made last night, and I can see she has also placed more of the boar meat on the spit for cooking.