Having Kiera around was brightening my life in ways I hadn’t anticipated. Like one afternoon, when I came home to find my place completely transformed. It amused me at first. I even laughed when I caught Jenny and Kiera putting up pictures in the kitchen. But as I walked from room to room, I was struck by what they’d done. The odd baskets, art, and photos made the home seem lived in. All of a sudden, it wasn’t just four walls and a roof anymore. It had personality, and the personality belonged to Kiera. The house felt like her.
Even my bedroom.
Stopping in my doorway, I stared into my room, amazed. Hanging on my wall was a Ramones poster. I loved the Ramones. I tried to think back through all of our conversations, but I couldn’t recall ever mentioning that to her. The fact that she saw something while she was out, thought of me, and bought it…well, that was sort of incomprehensible.
I couldn’t remember the last time someone had done something for me out of the blue like that. It wasn’t a holiday, wasn’t a special occasion. It was just Sunday. Sitting on my bed, I stared at the poster, mystified, overwhelmed, and deeply touched.
I heard Jenny say goodbye, and I yelled a goodbye back. Staring at my floor, I thought about how barren my house had looked before Kiera spruced it up. I’d never felt so unimportant in all my life as the day I’d raced back to Seattle and discovered that my parents had basically eradicated me from their life: All my things were gone, no pictures were on the walls, and no mementos were on the shelves. Seeing the effacement was ten times worse than all the times Dad had subtly, and not so subtly, implied how meaningless I was to him; words cut deep, but this cut deeper. There was no way to misinterpret what they’d done.
Seeing how they’d cut me out of their existence had been a bigger hit to the gut than every kick from Dad’s steel-toed boot. I’d wanted to cry, I’d wanted to vomit. What I’d ended up doing was putting every piece of furniture they’d owned on the side of the road with a FREE sign on it. By the time I was done removing any trace of them, the house had been as empty as I was.
I heard a knock on my door and looked up to see Kiera standing there. Pushing aside my dark memories, I waved her in.
She cringed a little when she spoke, which made a cute wrinkle form on the top of her nose. “Hey…sorry about the stuff. If you don’t like it, I can take it down.”
She looked so apologetic as she sat down beside me, like she’d truly done something wrong. But all she’d done was add a little…life…to my life. “No, it’s fine. I guess it was a little…empty.” To say the least. I pointed over at the Ramones picture behind me. “I do like that…thanks.” I more than like it. And thanks isn’t enough, but it’s all I can give you.
“Yeah, I thought you might…you’re welcome.” Her beautiful smile shifted to a frown. “You okay?” she asked, her brows bunched like she was actually worried about me.
Was she concerned over me? All she’d seen was me staring at the floor for a second. What did she think she saw? “Yeah, I’m fine…why?”
Again, she seemed embarrassed, like she was infringing on my privacy. “Nothing, you just looked…nothing, sorry.”
Remembering all the times she hadn’t pried when she could have, remembering how opening up to her just a small fraction had felt nice before it had hurt, I considered telling her what I was thinking about when she’d walked in. There was no way I could though. It wasn’t something simple that could be explained with a line or two. No, to explain just how much what she’d done meant to me, I’d have to explain everything. And I couldn’t. It wasn’t a story I told people about.
Instead of telling her what I was sure she wanted to hear, I smiled and asked, “Hungry? How about Pete’s?” Amused, I added, “It’s been so long since we’ve been there.”
Once we were at Pete’s we settled down at the band’s table and placed our order with Jenny. People were staring at the pair of us together, but I ignored them. I was having a meal with my roommate. That was all.
Kiera was usually fine when it was the two of us, but sometimes she could slip into funks. “Denny depressions,” I called them. While we waited for our food to arrive, I watched the perkiness on her face shift to sullenness. She was missing him.
Even though I knew what was wrong with her, I asked if she was all right. She shrugged it off, shaking her head and sitting up taller as she said she was fine, but I could see that it was all for show. Her heart was aching, and she was lonely. I could understand loneliness. I wished there were more I could do for her, but I wasn’t the one she was yearning for, so my help was limited. I was a patch, something to help suppress the sadness. That was okay. At least I was useful.
Chapter 7
Promise Made, Promise Almost Kept
It had been several weeks since Denny had left Seattle, but the time had flown by. For me, anyway. One thing I’d begun to notice was the fact that Denny was calling less and less frequently. I didn’t mention my concerns to Kiera, but it was starting to bother me. Mainly because it bothered her. I saw the disappointment on her face. It was like watching a sculpture getting chipped apart piece by piece. If Denny didn’t shape up soon, he was going to have a problem on his hands that had nothing to do with his unfounded fears about me.
I talked to him sometimes, when he’d call the house while Kiera was gone. “So, how is Tucson treating you?” I asked him one afternoon.
He laughed. “It’s a hell of a lot hotter than Seattle, but I like it. How are things there?”
“Good. No worries here.” I’m keeping my promise.
He let out an exhale that was saturated with relief. “That’s good. I’d hate for there to be…problems…while I wasn’t around.”
My jaw clenched, wondering if that was a vague warning to me. He had nothing to worry about, seriously. Kiera wasn’t even interested in me. All she ever thought about was Denny.
Clearing my throat, I redirected my thoughts. “I’ve noticed you haven’t been calling as much. Any problems on your end?” See, I can ask vague questions with hidden meanings too.
Denny was silent for several seconds. He was a smart guy, so I knew he understood what I was really asking. He was either shocked that I would go there, or he was debating how to answer me. My stomach churned at the idea of Denny possibly straying on Kiera. Would I tell her if he had? I already knew I would. Withholding the truth from Kiera wasn’t something I ever wanted to do.
“No…no problems here. Just…a lot of work, and not a lot of downtime.” He sighed, like he was suddenly exhausted. “I’m doing the best I can, mate.”
From the tone of his voice, I knew he was telling the truth. I gave him some encouraging words, then dropped it. I was their roommate, not their counselor.
Concern over hearing from Denny was slipping from Kiera’s list of stresses as school neared. I could almost see the tension building in her each day. She was more anxious about the first day of school than she had been about anything else so far, and I was sure Denny not being here for it was only making the feeling ten times worse.
Kiera’s apprehension exploded in an eruption of stress one afternoon. It was a theatrical blowup that I probably wasn’t supposed to see, but I’d walked into the kitchen at just the right time. She let out a loud “Fuck” and knocked all of her school brochures onto the floor.
I had to laugh at the over-the-top display. “I can’t wait to tell Griff about that one.”
She flushed with color once she realized I was there, then she groaned when my words sank in. I nodded at the mess on the floor while she recovered from her embarrassment. “School starting, huh?”
She bent down to pick up the fallen papers, and I did my best to ignore how good she looked bent over. “Yeah,” she said with a sigh, “and I still haven’t really been on the campus. I have no idea where everything is.” She straightened, and a forlorn look of Denny-sickness was on her face. “I just…Denny was supposed to be here for this.” She frowned, either irritated at herself or irritated at Denny. Maybe a bit of both. “He’s been gone almost a month,” she murmured.
I studied her, noting the sadness mixed with anger and embarrassment on her face. I think she wanted to be strong and independent, but for some reason, she lacked the confidence. I couldn’t figure out why. She was beautiful, smart, funny, sweet…She had nothing to be afraid of. But I also understood needing someone else around to make you feel complete. I understood all too well.
Kiera looked away from my scrutiny, and in a soft voice, I told her, “The D-Bags play the campus every once in a while.” Her eyes returned to mine, and I smirked at her. “I actually know it pretty well. I can show you around if you like.”
Her instant relief was almost palpable. “Oh, please, yes.” Suddenly looking mortified, she cleared her throat and shifted her feet. “I mean, if you don’t mind.”
Her hazel eyes were a tranquil shade of green in this light, alive with warmth, caring, and hopefulness. How could I possibly say no to those eyes? “No, Kiera, I don’t mind…” I’d do just about anything for you. Which both makes me happy and terrifies the shit out of me.
I took her to register for her classes the next afternoon, then took her on a tour of the campus a few days later. Wanting to impress her, I may have overdone it on the campus tour. I’d just wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible when she started there. She ate up every word I said though. Maybe that’s why I really did it. I liked having her hanging on my every word. It made me feel sort of invincible.
I was showing her the building where her European Lit class was going to be when a voice broke through the quiet hallway. “Oh! My! God! Kellan Kyle!”
I knew just from the octave of the voice that it was a fan shouting at me. I cringed, wondering how this was going to play out, but ever considerate of my fans, I turned around to look. A springy-haired redhead was practically running down the hall to get to me. I really had no idea what she was going to do once she reached me. I considered grabbing Kiera’s hand and making a run for it, but I didn’t have time. The tiny girl was surprisingly fast. She had her arms flung around my neck and her mouth all over mine before I even knew what hit me.
While she peppered me with fevered kisses, I racked my brain, trying to place her, but I couldn’t for the life of me recall who this girl was. “I can’t believe you’re visiting me at school.”
Okay, she went to school here, so that narrowed it down…not one single little bit. The girl glanced at Kiera beside me and I tensed. She’d better not try to start something. Luckily, the girl wasn’t too interested in who Kiera was.
After flicking her eyes at her, she curved her lips into a frown and muttered, “Oh, I can see you’re busy.” Reaching into her purse, she scribbled something on a piece of paper, then shoved it in my front pocket. Her fingers ran along the inside of the pocket, searching for me, and I fidgeted just a bit. A girl kissing me in front of Kiera was one thing; fondling though, that was kind of awkward to have Kiera witnessing.
“Call me,” she breathed before giving me one last kiss and bounding away.
Well. Okay then.
I started walking down the hallway like nothing weird had just happened. What could I say to that anyway? I could feel Kiera watching me. She had to be curious about the girl who’d practically devoured me in the hallway.
When I finally turned to look at Kiera, she still had an expression of disbelief etched on her face. “Who was that?” she asked.
I tried to bring up a name to go with those flaming red curls, but I was drawing a blank. “I really have no idea,” I told her, knowing it was going to sound bad. Now that I was really thinking about it, I seemed to recall running into her before, but the details were fuzzy and her name was completely gone. Cheating, I peeked at the note she’d stuffed in my pocket. “Hmmm…that was Candy.”
Oh yeah. Candy. I’d met her near a vending machine. I still found that funny. Laughing, I crumpled up the piece of paper with her name on it and tossed it in the wastebasket. I wanted more than random hookups. As we left the building, I noticed Kiera smirking, like she was pleased I’d thrown the note away. Interesting. I wondered why she cared either way about me seeing somebody. Maybe she was just looking out for me.