I was naked, sated, on my belly and alone in the bed.
This was because Jake was down the hall in the bathroom dealing with the condom.
I didn’t like him that far away from me.
But I’d just climaxed three times, all of them extraordinary, the one when Jake’s mouth was between my legs being mind-altering, I didn’t have it in me to lament this. Especially since he was coming back shortly.
I sensed movement at the door and turned my eyes there to watch him walk naked down the hall, right past my door.
I blinked.
Where was he going?
Or a more pressing question, where was he going naked?
With some effort, my body much preferring to be fully reclining, I lifted up on my forearm in the bed, about to call out to Jake when something caught at the corner of my eye.
I looked to the nightstand and saw the bent, ripped foil wrapper of the condom Jake had just used.
I also saw his wallet opened and resting there.
And last, spilling out of his wallet, I saw a streamer of condoms.
I reached out and tugged at it. It came loose and I counted.
The streamer consisted of five condoms.
The used one made it six.
I grinned and stayed where I was, hoping whatever he was doing wouldn’t take long (at the same time hoping it had something to do with a caffeinated hot beverage) and was pleased when Jake’s large frame appeared in the doorway.
When it did, I lifted up the streamer of condoms.
His eyes dropped to it, his lips twitched and he made it to me. Tugging the condoms from between my fingers, he tossed them back to the nightstand then did something wondrous.
He entered the bed but he accomplished this at the same time he gathered me close to his big, strong body and pulled the covers over us. Only when he had us cozy, warm and settled, him on his back, me on him but also partly down his side, did I speak.
“How many hours do we have?”
He grinned at me. “Sucks but not that many. Leavin’ that stash in your nightstand.”
“Ah,” I murmured then pressed closer and shared, “I do take birth control, Jake, and I’m healthy.”
His face got soft and he replied, “Good to know, baby. But I haven’t had a checkup in seven months and I haven’t abstained. Except for you in the locker room, I’m all about protection and never go ungloved. Since it’s gonna be just you and me, you’re down with ungloved, okay. But you want me to move up my annual physical, I’m okay with that too.”
Just you and me.
I loved that.
I lifted a hand to his jaw and told him, “You’re really very wonderful.”
That was when his eyes got warm and he rolled into me so we were both on our sides, Jake’s thigh between my legs and he said, “You’re pretty f*ckin’ wonderful too.”
“You thinking that makes me happy,” I shared.
“You bein’ happy makes me happy,” he returned and I pressed even deeper.
Yes, he was so…very…wonderful.
Jake took the cue and bent his head so he could kiss me. It was light and short but it was still sweet.
He lifted away an inch and said, “Coffee’s on.”
“Excellent,” I murmured then noted, “That’s what you did when you walked by the room.”
“Yep.”
“So you walked through Gran’s house naked.”
He grinned and his arms got tight. “Yeah. I also walked through your house naked.”
He did indeed.
My house. Jake naked.
I licked my lips.
His arms got tighter but his face got more serious.
“I take it your shit for brains boss didn’t f*ck with you last night.”
I shook my head. “I’ve heard nothing from him. And I’m not contacting him until I know what I intend to say.”
“Which way you leaning?” he asked.
“I quit?” I asked back as answer.
He grinned but the grin died and he queried, “You in the position to do that?”
I nodded. “I have to meet an accountant but Gran’s estate was somewhat substantial. I also have a goodly amount in savings and investments. I’ll need to pay taxes on the inheritance but I believe I’ll still be comfortable after that.” My eyes drifted to his throat when I finished, “It’s just that I don’t fancy not being employed. I like to be busy. “
“And on the go,” Jake stated and I lifted my gaze back to him.
“Pardon?”
“And on the go,” he repeated. “Out and about. Flyin’ everywhere. Rome. Paris.”
“That, not so much,” I murmured.
His brows drew together. “Come again?”
I held his gaze and shared, “This feels good, being at Lavender House. Being in Magdalene. There’s a break, like a holiday, where you enjoy not being in your routine and you relax into another one. But in the end, you nearly always want to go back to your life. Your home. Your normal schedule. I’ve been here some time now, Jake, and even before Henry’s ignoble visit yesterday, I knew I was going to ask him if I could do much of my job from here because it occurred to me I am home and want to stay.”
“So you were gonna slow down anyway,” he replied.
“Yes,” I confirmed.
His arms got even tighter, his face softer and his eyes warmer. “Good news, Slick.”
I smiled at his apparent deep satisfaction at this news and repeated, “Yes.”
“You’ll find something to do,” he assured me.
“Yes,” I said yet again.
“Now, what the f*ck does ignoble mean?”
I giggled, leaned up to kiss him in the middle of it and settled back to see him smiling.
“Not honorable. Shameful,” I explained.
“A lotta good things about you, honey. One of them is that Ethan’s pickin’ up your vocabulary. Swear to Christ, before Conner took him to school today, he said he was vexed about something and if I got it right, he used it right seein’ as he was annoyed.”
“He used it correctly,” I confirmed, but his words troubled me. “Conner takes Ethan to school?”
“Sometimes, yeah,” Jake replied. “I open the gym early so guys can get their workouts in before goin’ to work. If I can’t get back, Conner or Amber take him to school seein’ as they both have cars.”
It was then it occurred to me that he did have to open the gym. He also said last night he had to get to the club and he was going to do it when the kids were asleep.
“Do you often go to the club when the children are asleep?” I asked.
“Nearly every night,” he answered. “Gym’s runnin’ in the black but barely. Wouldn’t if I had to have an employee on the books so it’s gotta be me who opens and closes. Con helps out with that when he has time, but he doesn’t have much of it since he’s got another job, I lean on him a lot already at the house and with his brother and any time he’s got in between, he needs to be at his books, training or able to have some fun. Got a guy who helps me with the club but shit can go down there. It’s a decent place but you gotta work at that. Can’t help but attract a sleazy element no matter what you do. Shit can’t happen if they know I’m comin’ in and don’t know when. I could be there all night if the kids are cool to be home with Eath. I can show when the night’s done. They never know except for the fact that they know I’ll show so if anyone wants to get up to shit, they think again.”
“So, essentially, you have the same life you had before you owned the strip club, except you make more money and don’t have a wife to look after your kids,” I noted.
“Yeah, babe, but I got kids old enough to look after themselves and their little brother. We do all right.”
“When did you go to the club last night?” I asked.
“Just after eleven.”
“And when did you get home?”
“Around two.”
“And then up to open the gym by seven?”
He rolled further into me so I was on my back and he was on me but also partly down my side and he dipped his face very close.
“We’re cool,” he told me.
“I can tell you’re cool,” I replied. “Outside of normal teenage stuff, your children are happy. They’re healthy. They have a nice house. Rooms they like. They’re fed. They clearly love you very deeply. You make certain to be available to them and spend time with them often. They know you care. You’re a strict dad when you have to be but still approachable. All that is lovely. Beautiful, actually. And you don’t act it, which is nice for them so they won’t feel it, but it has to run you ragged.”
“So what’re you sayin’?” he asked, his head tipping to the side. “That I should dump the gym? ’Cause I can’t dump the club. That keeps my kids in rooms they like.”
“No, I’m saying that you should sleep in or feel free to get Ethan to school and I can open up the gym and sit in the office until you get in just in case someone needs something. All you have to do is show me around.”
Jake said nothing.
So I did.
“It can’t be hard. While I’m there, if you don’t have a bookkeeper, I can do your books. I did Henry’s for him. I don’t have a degree or anything but I took some classes early on when I was with Henry so I could handle that for him and have answers at the ready to any questions he might have about his finances.”
Jake remained silent.
Alas, I did not.
“Or I could go to the club in the evenings. I’m not a commanding presence like you but if it’s known that you and I are together, they’d know I can easily report to you if something is awry or causes me concern and it might deter them from doing it. At the very least, you’d know about it and you could deter them. I’m a night owl anyway. I’d have no problem spending time in the club to keep an eye on things.”
Jake continued his silence and when he did, I became concerned.
The reason why I became concerned was that he was definitely a man. A commanding man. He was confident in everything he did, including being a father.
With that, it occurred to me all I was saying might communicate that I questioned his ability to handle his enterprises, his home and his children.
So I rushed on.
“I’m not saying that you can’t—”
He interrupted me with, “Quiet, Slick.”
I shut my mouth.
Jake stared down at me.
He did this for some time. So much of it, I was about to squirm. Instead of squirming, I opened my mouth.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you. That wasn’t my inten—”
His hand came to my jaw, his thumb sliding out over my lips, effectively silencing me. When his thumb had made its pass, his head dropped and he brushed his mouth against mine.
That wasn’t an angry reaction, thank goodness.
When he lifted away, he whispered, “Momma bear lookin’ after my kids. Good woman lookin’ after her man.”
“Pardon?” I whispered back but I knew what he was saying and I liked it a great deal. And I knew he did too from his soft kiss.
Jake didn’t answer my question.
He told me a story.
“Three, four years ago, Junior got laid off. Had trouble findin’ work because the economy was in the tank and there was no work to find. Alyssa was havin’ trouble too. Easy not to get your hair or nails done when disposable income has dried up. Still, she kept her shop open later and opened on days it was normally closed to give clients more opportunities to come in and see her. She didn’t make a big deal about workin’ that hard. She still kept their house. Cooked for them seein’ as Junior was on odd jobs that had odd hours, takin’ whatever work he could get to do his bit. Or he was out for interviews all over the f*ckin’ state. She never complained. She never rode his ass. He was outta work for nearly three years and you saw them together, you would think they were flyin’ high. Sun rises in him for her. It sets in him for her too. Every morning. Every night. And she shows him that every day. He loves her for it. He’d take a bullet for her. Say her name with his last breath. ‘Cause she’s a good woman lookin’ after her man.”
When he was done talking, I had tears in my eyes.
I also decided I really, really liked Alyssa.
But he was not quite finished.
“Been married three times. Never had that. Not one of the women who wore my ring gave me that shit. Didn’t tell me I was wonderful. Didn’t offer to pitch in when shit got tight or things went south. Now, things are good, steady, it works, I’ve known you a coupla weeks, and you’re still offering to help out even when I don’t need it.”
“You can’t go to bed at two in the morning and get up at six thirty, Jake. Not regularly. That’s not healthy,” I said softly.
“Been doin’ that shit for years, Josie, it’s my life. I’m used to it. Doesn’t bother me. I find times to get my sleep in,” he replied softly. “What I like a whole f*ckuva lot is that you give a shit.”
I curled my arms around his back and told him, “I’m glad you like that, Jake. Very much so. But I still believe you should give me keys to the gym or introduce me around the club or both.”
Before I was done, his body was shaking. When I finished, the bed was shaking. He was also smiling.
“I’m not joking,” I told him.
His deep voice was shaking as well when he replied, “I know you aren’t.”
“So are you going to give me the keys to the gym and show me around the club?”
He was still smiling when he asked, “Are you gonna shut up about it unless I do?”
“That’s unlikely.”
“Then I guess I am,” he said, still smiling.
“That would make me feel better,” I told him.
“That’s my job, to make you feel better,” he stated but it sounded like he was teasing.
I decided to ignore that and declared, “You can pay for my assistance in orgasms.”
That got no smiles.
Oh no.
He burst out laughing. He did this so hard he collapsed on me, his face in my neck and I took most of his weight.
He was very hard. Very solid. Very warm. And very heavy.
“Jake,” I wheezed, squeezing him with my arms.
He lifted up, but did so still laughing quite boisterously.
“I was also not joking about that,” I told him through his laughter, which made him drop his forehead to mine and laugh more boisterously.
I slapped his back lightly. He lifted up his head and his humor quieted but it didn’t go away.
“You do give very good orgasms,” I informed him.
“Heard that, felt it, watched it, babe,” he said through his now-chuckling. “But I’d give you those for free.”
Yes, of course he would.
I amended my negotiation. “Then you can pay me in tacos.”
He held my eyes as he shook his head and his body again started shaking.
I felt my eyes narrow. “Again, I wasn’t being amusing.”
Suddenly, his laughter died and he replaced his hand at my jaw. Just as suddenly it seemed not only was his body on mine but his commanding presence was shrouding me, warm and snug, and last and most importantly with what was to come, safe.
“You know Lydie talked about you.”
I said nothing. My heart had started beating very hard and my arms had convulsed around him without me telling them to do so.
That was still an answer and Jake heard it.
“I know about your dad. I know about what your dad did to your mom. How he did it often. I know you saw it. I know he’d call you down just to watch. I know that’s f*cked and I know that f*cked with you.”
He paused.
I braced.
He went on, “I know about Andy.”
I closed my eyes and turned my head away. Even braced I was unprepared for this, but when I moved, Jake’s mouth came to my ear.
“And I know about that guy.”
I closed my eyes tighter.
“I’m not tellin’ you this to freak you out. To hurt you. Lydie told me I figure ‘cause she had to let that shit go too. She liked me, she trusted me with that and with that part of you she was givin’ to me and that’s an honor, baby. From her and to have that about you.”
He stopped speaking and stroked my jaw with his thumb.
When I said nothing, he continued.
“I’m tellin’ you this now, when you’re mine, when you’re with me, naked, close, safe, we both know we care about each other and want to build somethin’ so you know I know that was it for you. You’re not a practiced hand at this. You’ve never really had a man and I get why. I f*ckin’ do. Down to my gut I do, baby. And we can go there when you’re ready. Right now, all you have to know is, I’ll make you tacos until you can’t stand lookin’ at them anymore, if that’s what you want and I’ll do it just because you want them. The bottom line is, you look out for me, I’ll look out for you. I’ll make you come as often as you want. I’ll make you dinner, take you to dinner, take you to New York to see your friends, fly you to Paris ‘cause you wanna eat snails, I don’t give a f*ck. But I won’t do that in return for shit you do for me. That’s what you give me. The only time it’ll go bad is if you don’t feel you get what you need from me and get it just because.”
He stopped speaking.
I remained silent.
“Do you understand that, Josie?” he asked.
I took in a breath through my nostrils, opened my eyes and turned to look at him.
All he said was lovely. Truly lovely.
Wonderful.
But what I asked was, “You know about Andy?”
“Yeah, baby,” he answered gently.
“Do you know what happened after dad found—”
Jake cut me off. “That he put you in the hospital. Yeah.”
I pressed my lips together and rolled them.
“Know Lydie reported her son to CPS and got custody of you when that happened too,” he said.
Gran did tell him about me.
All about me.
I could do nothing but nod.
He kept speaking.
“Know you spent your senior year at St. Michael’s. A good school. Private. Just girls. Safe for you. Close so you could be with Lydie.”
I nodded again.
He continued.
“Know you went to college and met a supreme a*shole.”
My heart jumped.
“Can we not talk about that part now?” I asked in a feeble voice.
His thumb swept my jaw again. “Yeah, honey.”
“You’re right. I’ve never been in a relationship. Not, well…since then,” I confirmed.
He instantly replied, “And you know I don’t have a good track record so we’ll both be findin’ our way.”
I held his eyes, liking that, liking how he didn’t make me feel strange or weak for the decisions I’d made or the life I’d led.
And I most assuredly wanted to find the way with Jake.
My gaze drifted to his shoulder and I went back on what I asked earlier.
“I found my dad in him,” I shared.
“I know,” he replied quietly.
“Not Andy,” I stated to make certain he understood. “He was lovely before. He was lovely after. He called. He even wrote. But I couldn’t go back.”
“I know.”
“The other one,” I said even though I knew he knew who I was talking about.
“Yeah,” he whispered.
“I was worried that was all I’d ever find.”
“I get that.”
It was then, what he’d said the night we became lovers made sense to me.
“So I put on a disguise so I’d be hidden, in a way, and never find anything.”
He kept stroking my jaw and whispering, “Yeah. That’s what you did. And you know what I love?”
What he loved?
Loved?
My heart skipped another beat for a very different reason as my eyes shifted to his.
“What do you love, Jake?”
“I love that you shed that disguise watchin’ me fight. That whatever broke through for you broke through then. Bein’ there for me, watchin’ me do somethin’ I’ve always loved to do. I know you didn’t wanna go but you went for me. After, you still walk the walk and talk the talk, baby, but since you pulled your panties down for me and took my cock against that wall, all I got is you. All the kids got is you. We had you before but I feel the difference and it’s not about havin’ you here with me, naked in your bed. It’s just havin’ you. Laughin’ and gettin’ up in Mia’s face in your way and bein’ there for Amber when she’s excited about a boy and bein’ happy and showin’ that I give that to you. You’re willin’ to take a chance on this. Work on it with me. Takin’ that shot for the first time in years. With me. That’s what I love.”
When he was done speaking, my eyes were again wet so his hand moved and his thumb swept my cheekbone as if preparing to catch the tears should they fall.
“Don’t be pissed at Lydie for sharing,” he ordered gently.
I shook my head, unable to come to terms with that part of this conversation with Jake warm and close and being more than his usual wonderful.
“I suppose her doing it means I don’t have to relive it,” I noted.
And I didn’t want to relive it.
Gran had managed to give me that too.
But it was me who took a lot of me away and my eyes drifted back to his shoulder when I noted, “I’ve lost a lot of life to that disguise, Jake.”
The pads of his fingers put pressure on my face and when he got my gaze back, he replied, “You’re livin’ it now, Josie. But can you seriously look back and say you didn’t have a full life before, with all you’ve done, the people you know, the places you’ve been?”
I shook my head again.
“No,” he agreed then smiled. “It’s just that now you got more.”
Now I had more.
So much more.
“Is this what Gran wanted for us, do you think?” I asked.
I watched something shift in Jake’s eyes before his hand slid down to my neck, his thumb started stroking my throat and he answered firmly, “Yes.”
“So you think wherever she is, she’s happy?”
Another firm, “Yes.”
I thought so too, I liked that thought, actually loved it, so I relaxed underneath him. “Good.”
It seemed like he was going to say something but then he didn’t. He bent in and touched his mouth to mine. Then he did it again. And again. Then he touched his mouth to mine but didn’t pull it away because he was kissing me.
As he did, he rolled me so I was on top.
At that point, I kissed him.
After a while, we rolled again so I was on bottom.
And at that point, Jake again took over the kiss.
He ended it by trailing his lips down to my neck where he murmured, “Thank f*ck I brought a bunch of condoms.”
I was okay with him going “ungloved.”
I had a feeling the way he looked out for me though, he wasn’t.
But two seconds later, when I felt his hardness pressed against my thigh, his hand closed over my breast and his mouth came to mine, I wasn’t thinking about condoms.
I wasn’t thinking at all.
Not about anything (not even coffee).
Nothing.
Except Jake.
* * * * *