“Hmmm…” Quinn hums.
“Errrr…” Kaeleb sputters.
I, however, have no such riveting commentary to offer as we all congregate in my bathroom with all of our heads angled in the same direction, staring at my reflection in the mirror. Kaeleb and Quinn sit opposite each other on the countertop with me right in between them on a bar stool.
It’s almost October, and classes started about a month ago, right after Quinn and I got settled into our very first apartment. Linda wasn’t too keen on the idea in the beginning, but after spending the summer together, I was able to eventually sell her on the fact that I was ready. Ready to be off campus and living with my best friend, with no RA or curfews, or rules for that matter. I could understand her hesitation, but I also knew she could see how much I had changed over the course of my freshman year.
The summer with her was, well, the absolute best summer of my life. We laughed until we cried, we visited every single amusement park within a three-hundred mile radius, we watched sappy movies and sighed as girls often do, and we went camping in the rugged outdoors. I even squealed like a girl when she presented me with my very own car, and the look on her face was one of such pride and pure joy when she handed over the keys—it’s a moment I never want to forget.
Actually, the whole summer was full of them. I never knew how much I adored her until I was finally brave enough to accept her into my heart. And honestly, I’m proud of that fact. I’m proud of myself. I don’t think I could love any person any more than I do her.
Well, except the two goofballs still staring at me in the mirror.
“It’s not that bad, guys,” I sulk, setting my hair dryer on the counter.
“It’s unfortunate is what it is,” Kaeleb deadpans while Quinn stifles a giggle.
“It’s definitely not brown now,” she adds, hopping to the floor.
I decided today to take a step away from my brown dye job and try something different. While I’m not ready to see myself as a blonde quite yet, I wanted something out of my norm, something less gloomy, so red with my go-to electric blue streaks is what I tried. When the color didn’t take the first time, I bleached it and tried it again with a more intense hue. The result? Cinnamon colored hair with blue streaks.
Well, it could be worse.
Maybe.
“I’m thinking I should call you Rainbow Brite instead of Sunshine until this situation…” Kaeleb circles his hand around my head, “sorts itself out.”
“Shut up, Ass. Besides, Rainbow Brite had blonde hair.” I rise from my chair.
“As do you,” he replies, a cocky grin on his face.
Rolling my eyes, I shove his shoulder, almost knocking him off the counter. He just chuckles and repositions himself closer to the mirror.
“You know what would make it better?” Quinn asks, fingering through my hair, fluffing it and fanning it across my shoulders. “I mean, you don’t have to, but it would tie in with the blue if you,” she shoots a timid glance to Kaeleb before looking back to my reflection, “took out your contacts.”
I caved last year and told her my natural hair and eye color, and there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t mention one of them.
Threading a section of hair in between my fingers, I flip it up for examination and inhale deeply, finding myself surprised that I’m actually considering this option. The black box sitting on my counter catches my eye, and I glance back at my face in the mirror.
One month ago, I removed every one of my piercings. Every single one. No more barbells, no more skull studs in my dimples, no more loops lining the shell of my ear, and no more ring dangling from the septum in my nose. A small hole still remains where it once speared through the skin, but the others seem to be healing nicely and are barely noticeable. My long hair and bangs tend to cover a lot of them anyway.
But removing the contacts? Well, the thought fills me with a sharp apprehension. Eyes, they say, are the window to the soul, and regardless of the progress I’ve made over the last year, there’s still a part of me that fears that my soul is nothing more than a black shadow lurking inside my being, ready to strike down and devour those who mean the most to me.
In my own warped and twisted mind, I fear that their removal will only serve to open the doorway, releasing death and allowing it to run rampant, once again giving it free reign over my life while endangering the lives of others.
“Death just is, Aubrey. In Raven, you seek to control something which is not meant, or able, to be controlled. And in doing so, you are harnessing your own life. Forbidding yourself the full experience of it.”
Palmer’s words race through my mind and I’m instantly reminded of the silent vow I made to myself at the end of last year.
I will not let the fear of death rule my life any longer.
Glancing up as I deliberate, my eyes find Quinn in the mirror, nibbling her bottom lip and bouncing nervously off the floor, before sliding over to Kaeleb, still sitting on the counter as he looks back at me. His knee is propped up, his arm draped across it casually, but his eyes are watching me intensely. Our stares lock as he dips his head in my direction, scrutinizing me. His face is so full of projected determination that it’s a couple of seconds before I can finally tear my gaze away from his, and focus on my reflection once again.
I pause to take a deep breath and exhale it forcefully. My hand trembles as I lift it from the counter, and bring it to my right eye. Using my thumb and forefinger, I pinch the surface of the contact and slowly extract it. After blinking a couple of times, I open both of my eyes and stare. Quinn covers her mouth behind me and Kaeleb grins like it’s Christmas.
One blue eye, one brown.
One down, one to go.
Still shaking, I raise my hand once again and perform the same ritual with the left eye. Once the contact is removed, I set it on the counter beside the other one and take a step back. The chair moves along with me and Quinn steps around it, taking her place by my side.
“They’re beautiful, Aubrey. Just like a clear blue sky.” The side of my mouth curves upward as I meekly accept her compliment. “And they go much better with the hair.” She giggles.
Placing her hands on my shoulders, she turns my body to face her. Her eyes rake over my appearance in its entirety before she nods her head. “It suits you. Raven suited Raven, but this suits you, the person you are becoming.”
And then she blows me away by pulling me into her tiny body as she embraces me. “I’m so proud of you!” She jostles me back and forth with her monstrous hug before finally releasing me from her hold. Stepping back, her eyes drift to mine once again before she looks over my shoulder. Her smile broadens and she clears her throat. “I, um…I’m gonna go call Josh and see if we’re still on for tonight.”
Before I can say anything, she disappears from the bathroom, shutting the door behind her and leaving me alone with Kaeleb. Once she’s gone, an electric charge spreads throughout the air as his presence warms the back of my neck. My heart pounds, my hands get clammy, and my throat dries as I stand with my back to him, deathly afraid to turn around.
What if he sees only darkness when he looks into my eyes?
What if he sees what I fear most?
“Turn around, Sunshine. Let me see you.” My heart anxiously ricochets around in my chest. Panic sets in and my legs suddenly feel as though they weigh one-hundred pounds each. I start to shake my head, to tell him I can’t do it, when the tips of his fingers graze the base of my neck as he slides my hair onto the opposite shoulder.
Leaning forward, he breathes into my ear, “Bree. Please.”
Having his body so close to mine causes me to tremble, shaking loose the iron shackles weighing down my feet. Hesitantly, I turn until I face him as he takes a step backward, thankfully giving me room to breathe.
Not that I’m breathing.
In fact, as our eyes catch, the moment is so intense there are no breaths between us. His expression is almost pained as his hazel orbs root into mine, searching them desperately for the girl he once knew. Tears well up on my lower lashes and my throat tightens painfully as he continues in his pursuit, knowing that my ultimate fear has come true. What he’s looking for no longer exists.
Just as I’m about to break contact, he lifts his hand to cup my face gently as his lips lift into a full smile. His features soften as he strokes a falling tear from my cheek with the pad of his thumb, releasing a light exhale before he speaks. “There you are.”
He lowers his chin, his face just centimeters from mine. Heated breaths hit my mouth as he whispers, “Now that I’ve found you, I’m going to do something I’ve wanted to do since I was eight.” He quickly closes the distance between us, brushing his warm lips gently across mine, and the pure tenderness of the kiss sends my heart soaring. There is no gloom, no fear, no anguish…just the joy-filled fluttering of my heart, taking flight inside of me as it rises out of the darkness and into the light. Strength and vitality flood my being as his lips continue to deliver the breath of life into my very soul.
Just as I meld into him, his hand lowers from my face and joins the other one underneath my thighs and I’m suddenly whisked onto the countertop. Once I land, he breaks the kiss with a smile, but keeps his forehead tipped against mine. He moves between my legs, and slides his hands up my arms, curling his fingers around the nape of my neck, stroking his thumbs just beneath the line of my jaw.
“And I’ve wanted to do this since I was eight…teen…”
Tightening his hold, his tongue darts over his lips as he brings them to mine, deepening the kiss. As my lips part, his tongue slides past them ever so gently. My head tilts on its own accord, but my body goes completely limp as I sink into his hold, allowing his strength to keep me upright.
I know that I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never been kissed like this before. Sad, I know, but when you spend a lifetime fending off any type of personal connection, this is what you end up being: a nineteen year old, never been kissed virgin with deep-rooted issues.
But, luckily, Kaeleb seems to have mastered the art of the perfect kiss, so I just let him take control.
With our mouths fused, his tongue caresses mine so softly it seems like the most natural thing in the world. It’s not forced, it’s not hurried, it’s not aggressive, it’s just…perfect. His fresh scent invades my senses and I take every bit of it in, allowing the comfort of its familiarity to bind me to him in this unchartered moment. A sigh passes through my lips, the emotion bubbling within me forcing its escape. Kaeleb chuckles under his breath and pulls back, ending the kiss with a light peck on the lips as he removes his thumbs from my cheeks.
Timidly, I reach up and run my fingertips over my mouth, the remnants of his warmth fading as my eyes slowly drift to his. I can’t imagine what my face looks like, but I have a feeling it’s an impressive mixture of absolute bliss and utter bewilderment.
Kaeleb’s expression is steadfast, and the corner of his mouth jerks up as he leans the palms of his hands against the edge of the countertop. “And so the wooing begins.”
A familiar giggle from just outside the door causes me to jump, and Kaeleb to press himself off the counter. Giving me a wink, he turns and grabs the knob, whipping it open to expose the wide-eyed guilty offender. Quinn remains planted as Kaeleb leans in and kisses her on the top of the head before heading to the front door.
“Call ya later, Rainbow Brite!” he shouts before the door shuts behind him.
Quinn’s green eyes are still huge, but she manages to cover her smile when I shake my head and tighten my gaze at her eager face. I know she wants to say it. She’s probably foaming at the mouth behind that hand of hers.
But there will be no mention of any marriage today.
There will only be me, in this moment, as I shut myself in the bathroom alone and relive my very first kiss.
A kiss that will forever alter my life and revive my soul.
The wooing (if that’s what you want to call it) began later that same night via text:
K: 1651 Vinebrook. You can leave Starlight at home. I’m picking you up at 7:00.
Me: Um, you know the name of Rainbow Brite’s horse? Really? :/
K: I possess an ungodly amount of random knowledge. Be impressed. ;)
Me: I’m not impressed. I’m concerned.
K: As you should be.
Me: Where are you taking me btw?
K: Not telling you. You’re going to have to leave Rainbow Land and the sprites for a bit though. Be sure to leave them food and water.
Me: You realize I can just Google the address, right?
Me: And really? :/
K: You seem to know a lot about Ms. Brite yourself.
Me: Shut up.
K: ;) See ya at 7.
Our first date…well, it was typical. Kaeleb asked that I wear anything but my usual attire, so I happily answered the door in my Docs, and my olive-green pair of baggy cargo pants, along with my favorite black Minipop concert hoodie. He just grinned and shook his head, looking as hot as ever with his sexy, lopsided grin, spiked hair, and navy-thermal-Henley-over-white -T-shirt combo. The tops of his dark jeans covered his blindingly bright red Nike’s, which I made sure to make fun of the entire evening.
Our usual banter continued as we ate our pizza and he filled me in on his life plan. He officially decided to major in Kinesiology and work his way into Sports Medicine or Physical Therapy. I couldn’t help but think that it had something to do with his sister, but he made no such correlation. He seemed happy and resolved about the decision which made me smile. I, of course, had nothing to add. After all, I still had no idea where to concentrate my courses. This year is still the basics like Physics, Chem II, Biology II, Microbiology, etc., but I still haven’t quite found my direction.
That was the first night we held hands, like really held hands, and it was nice. Comfortable.
We walked the streets for a while, our fingers interlaced as we discussed anything and everything. By the end of the night, my face hurt from smiling and as he concluded the date, he gave me a kiss that curled my toes. I’ve never quite understood the expression but after that night, I’ll never forget the feeling.
It’s been a little over a month since our first official date, and for someone who recently just reentered my life, I can’t seem to picture him ever being out of it. And I hope to God I never have to.
Quinn is still going strong with Josh and has recently been quoted as saying he might be “the one” because she “just has a feeling”.
Sigh.
I don’t see him much, except when he picks her up to take her out. They go out often, and I find myself pleased to see her finally gaining some much needed weight in her blissful state. I can tell it makes her uncomfortable though; the way she changes a gazillion times because something’s “too tight” or “makes her look fat” but personally, I think she looks better. And when she’s with him she seems happy, which makes me happy for her.
But now, as she stands on my bed with her feet on either side of my waist, bouncing up and down and singing “Happy Birthday”, I find myself wanting to knock her happy ass onto the floor. Pillow over my face, I hold it tightly against my ears, trying to muffle the horrid sound. That is until she unexpectedly yanks it away. My hands shoot up to my face as I roll on my stomach, which earns me a swift swat on the ass.
“God, Aubrey, you’re such a freaking vampire!” She falls to my side and starts poking her finger in my ear. “Get up! The sun is shining, it’s Saturday, and it’s YOUR BIRTHDAY!” I turn my head in the opposite direction, but she continues with her finger assault.
Slapping at her hand, I groan and slowly rise, stretching once I’m finally upright. My eyes feel as though they’ve been sewn shut, but after a good head shake, I finally manage to peel them open. They are immediately met with Quinn’s, full of excitement, and her smile, brighter than the sun.
I squint in response. It hurts my eyes.
“What are you doing up so early?” I ask, my voice still raspy.
“It’s your birthday, dummy! I have a whole day planned and we need to get started! November 2nd only comes once a year! It’s time to par-tay!” she says as she performs some ridiculous sashay with her shoulders.
“Stop. Yelling. Please.” I scrub my face with my hands to assist in this whole waking up shenanigan she insists upon.
“Besides, we partied last night, remember? Halloween party in Apartment 254?”
“Yes, I remember, but like I said, it’s a new day! Now, get up! We have plans!”
“God, Quinn, I will do anything if you just stop screaming. You’re like an inch away from my face.” The bed lifts as she hops off, giggling as she leaves the room, but not before poking her head back inside.
“We have an appointment at ten. Get your ass up.”
“An appointment? What?” My brain is just not working with me this morning.
Silence follows, and I glance at the doorway to see that my hyperactive roommate has abandoned me in my clouded mental state.
Fine.
Just as I’m about to force myself out of bed, my phone vibrates on the table next to me. A small grin breaks my muddled expression at the sight of Linda’s name.
“Hello.”
“Happy birthday, honey! You’re officially in your twenties! Can you believe it?!”
I pull the phone away until her shrieking stops. Only once I hear silence do I place it back against my ear.
“Thank you. I’m officially awake.”
Her laughter rolls through the line until she releases a sigh.
“Quinn hasn’t woken you already? Surprising.”
“No, she did. She started the process and you officially ended it. I am now…fully awake.”
More laughter. “Great. Well, you enjoy your day. I hear Quinn has a special event planned.”
My gaze shifts to the door as Linda exhales deeply, and for the first time since she called, I hear exhaustion in her voice.
“Are you okay? You sound wiped.”
Another long breath follows. “Oh, I’m fine. Long shift at the hospital. No biggie.”
“Okay. I miss you.”
“Aww, I miss you too, honey. Not too long until Winter Break. I’ll see you soon, yes?”
“Yep. Soon.”
The shuffling of her sheets lets me know she’s finally made her way to bed. “I’m finally going to sleep. I just wanted to call you first thing.”
A smile stretches across my face as I repeat something I said for the first time this summer. It just never gets old. “I love you, Linda.”
A small sigh hits my ear before she responds, “I love you too, Aubrey.”
Once we hang up, my heavy legs hit the floor and I make my way to the bathroom. While brushing my teeth, I laugh to myself as I recall the Halloween party last night. Kaeleb was in full costume as the Hulk which, unfortunately, came accompanied with several suggestive comments. As for me, well, I wasn’t dressed up at all. Quinn was donning a very revealing fairy get-up, which earned her an early retirement from the party with Josh. No wonder she’s all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning.
But the main source of my laughter is the fact that Sabrina and Candace showed up scandalously clad in Playboy Bunny costumes, complete with cotton tails that accented their lackluster behinds, which were hanging out for the entire world to see. Kaeleb, in response, overtly suggested that a skeleton unitard would have made a much more believable and eye-appealing costume, which resulted in a burst of laughter from me and a death glare from the two hungry hares.
I haven’t really spoken to either of them since the cereal incident last year, but Quinn refuses to tell them to both go to hell, so I’ve been forced to run into them from time to time. I’ve managed to keep my mouth shut, but Kaeleb…obviously hasn’t.
Grin still present on my face, I exit the bathroom dressed in my plaid pajama bottoms and white tank top. As soon as I reach the kitchen island, Quinn turns me back in the direction of my room with instructions to not come out until I’m dressed. Trudging away from my morning tormentor, I yell, “It’s MY birthday!” and complain about the lack of coffee.
She responds with the promise of my morning dose of caffeine once I’m dressed and ready.
With that threat, I get dressed in a matter of seconds and meet her in the living room. She hands me a warm, delicious cup of coffee and a toasted bagel covered in cream cheese.
“Let’s go!” she says, after shrugging on her jacket and snagging her keys off the entryway table.
“All right, all right,” I mutter. Make-up free, I open the door while she bounces her way through. It’s funny how I don’t even miss my morning ritual of blackening my eyes, or paling my face with powder, or applying my dark lipstick. I haven’t missed it for a while, actually.
Reveling in that fact, I smile as we head to the car.
Quinn drives until we end up in a random parking lot, the car idling quietly as we sit directly in front of…
Daybreaks Salon and Spa.
My eyebrows lift as I stare until I finally find the gaze of my roommate, who’s grinning from ear to ear. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
“What are you doing?” I ask hesitantly.
I didn’t think it possible, but her smile widens even more. “We’re getting makeovers today. The full treatment! Manis, pedis, massages, hair, and makeup. Then, we’re going out.”
I glance from the salon and back to her. “Um, I have no money,” I state, because it’s true. I have like twenty dollars in my bank account, and I won’t have any more until Linda makes my monthly deposit next week.
“No worries.” She takes my coffee and sets it in the cup holder. “It’s my birthday present to you.”
“Quinn. You don’t have—”
She cuts me off with a fierce wave of her hand. “I want to. Plus, what’s the use in winning pageants if I don’t get to spend the fun money?”
Oh, my reigning Princess Fi-Fi. Who, by the way, was indeed just crowned Miss Collegiate America.
I eye the salon for a while longer before releasing an exhale and opening my car door. Quinn yips with excitement before she steps out, and before you know it…my nails are buffed, filed, and coated with a very light beige nail color that matches my toes, my muscles are limp and soft from the massage, and I’m sitting in the hair station of Sergio, who tsks and shakes his head when he sees me.
Not long after he offers his blatant disapproval, he and Quinn find themselves deep in conversation, sporadically pausing only to give me scrutinizing glances, while I sit in the chair feeling like a science experiment. Once they finish their assessment, they both smile and nod in agreement, and I’m turned away from the mirror. Sergio coats my hair with some god-awful smelling colorant while lining several sections with foil packets.
Quinn is fully enthralled in some celebrity magazine, so I make use of my time by texting Kaeleb.
Me: Help. Me.