“I know,” he continued to laugh. “Your face is gettin’ all red, and angry lookin’.”
My eyes narrowed, shooting death rays at his white, smiling teeth. I clung to the ledge, hoping to keep myself as far away as I could from Jess. I inhaled deeply, trying to calm my anger. The smell of freshly cut grass filled my nose as we rounded the field for another pass through the meadow.
“I’m sorry. Don’t be mad. Come here.”
“No,” I huffed.
“Come on. I’m really sorry.” His blue eyes pleaded, trying to win me over.
I let Jess put an arm around my waist. He pulled me back down into his lap. I fell against his chest, feeling his heart beat fast through the sweaty shirt. The pounding slowed down to a steady rhythm as he held me close to his body. This time, his fingers stayed in place across my rib cage.
“Are you still mad at me?”
“No,” I muttered. I never could stay mad at him for long. His sweet face never allowed it.
“I like it when you ride with me. You haven’t been out all summer.”
“I know,” I said, letting out a deep breath.
“I know you like it too.”
“I guess.”
“You guess?” He chuckled next to my ear.
“Yes.”
Ashley wouldn’t have the same answer if she drove out to Sprayberry. Riding on the tractor with Jess just might get my house burned down, or rather the Mason’s farmhouse.
His arm tightened around my waist as we bounced over some ruts. The burn scars popped out from his skin, shining through the dirt and bits of grass. His flesh singed forever from our afternoon in the snow. I touched the biggest gash next to his elbow. Hair didn’t even grow over most of the places. They looked painful, but I knew he didn’t feel a thing. My fingers traced along his skin until the jagged lines ended by his wrist.
“You know,” he spoke close to my cheek. “I don’t really mind it much when Frank has me cuttin’ grass. It’s kind of peaceful, don’t you think?”
I shrugged against his chest. As long as she stayed in my life, there would be no peace. I wish there was another way around this Ashley situation. I needed to stop being the victim and find a solution; one that didn’t involve Jess.
“It’s one of my favorite things ‘bout this place,” he said in that syrupy voice. “I like it better though when I’m out here with you.”
“Would you be quiet? It’s not peaceful with your constant blabbing in my ear.”
“You know you like me blabbin’ in your ear,” he smirked next to my cheek.
I rolled my eyes even though a grin stayed on my lips. That boy drove me crazy sometimes.
We traveled up and down the meadow with the tractor rocking us back and forth, in a clunky rhythm. Leaning my head back against his shoulder, I listened to Jess hum one of his dirt road songs. I wanted that peace he talked about so fondly. Closing my eyes, I did my best to enjoy the rest of the rare, Ashley free, afternoon with Jess.
Chapter 20
When I was sixteen…
I sat alone under a tree and watched the boat return with the rest of the group. It had been a nice, quiet few hours while everyone else played on Possum Kingdom Lake. Jess, Ashley, Lila, and I had left yesterday in his Ford truck, pulling the boat. Gentry Jones followed behind in his Tahoe with another one of the players, Buzz Farland, and Katie Rae.
Natalie had flat-out refused to even consider the trip. I pleaded and then threatened with every piece of dirt I could muster. She gave me a dead pan stare and said, I would rather stick my hand in the deep fryer at Jeeter’s than be in literal hell for the weekend. I’m not sure you deserve to be first in our class if you’re that stupid to go too.
The two-story cabin had full-size and bunk beds spread out in the different rooms. I opted for a small, twin bed off the second story landing. It was not in a bedroom, but I would rather be there than stuck in a closed off room with one of the Ashley-bots.
As for the guys, I didn’t know much about Gentry since he moved to Arlis at the end of last year. Jess befriended the outsider the first day he stepped in school.
As for Buzz, he was really Bobby. Jess said the nickname went back to the time he showed up in kindergarten with bloody, mangy spots missing from his hair. His dad got drunk and tried to use the dog clippers. Mrs. Mason took Bobby to the barber and got the spots evened out, but it was too late. Arlis officially dubbed him Buzz.
“Hey, watcha workin’ on?”
Startled, I looked up over my drawing pad to see Gentry’s green eyes. “Umm…just a picture of the shoreline.”
The broad-shouldered boy sat down next to me. Gentry had the body of a dump truck with tree limbs as legs. He played defense for the football team. By some armchair coaches, Gentry was the defense, like a cement wall that blocked while Jess ran the ball.
“Can I see?”
“Ok,” I muttered, handing over the notepad. I watched him study the picture. His short, buzzed-off hair suited his wide face. Anything longer would just look silly.
“You’re good. I’ve seen some of your other’s in Jess's room.”
“Thanks.” I mumbled, feeling a little sick. I didn’t think about people looking at those drawings. I’m sure Ashley loved seeing the watercolors tacked on the wall of his room.
“So we’re goin’ back out to see some cliffs on the north side. You should come.”
I looked at Ashley out on the dock in a tiny bikini that sculpted her butt and barely covered anything on her chest. A daunting feeling flooded my nerves. I committed to the trip, so I needed to just get out there. It wasn’t like we would be alone together.
“Ok,” I smiled. “I’ll put my stuff away and be down in sec.”
Jess gave me a surprised look when I boarded the boat, but he didn’t say anything. I knew he would be intrigued with my decision to join the rest of the group. Keeping my tank and shorts on, I didn’t even look at Ashley.
A silhouette of cliffs outlined the distance view long before we reached the shore. This was a bad decision on my part. I wasn’t really thinking about the intent to jump from the cliffs when Gentry suggested the boat ride to see them.
Jess leaned over and whispered in my ear, “You don’t have to go up.”
I made eye contact with Ashley as he said the words. Her lips clipped on a cryptic smile. I took a deep breath and muttered, “I’m ok.”
Jess anchored his boat off a small inlet on the rocky, back-side of the cliff. Everyone climbed out and started the hike to the top. Last to leave, I dropped my clothes and stepped out in my modest, black two-piece suit. I slipped and crawled over the jagged incline of rocks. Jess lagged back, pulling me over some of the larger ones. I swatted him away.
Reaching the summit, my eyes took in the jaw-dropping, forty or so foot ledge that over-looked the dark lagoon. Shit! The word circled over and over through my head. I never would have made the climb if I’d seen this view from the boat.
The guys rushed for the first jump, leaving me with the girls. Katie Rae went next, followed by Lila. They squealed all the way down into the water. Ashley extended a nonverbal, middle-finger challenge before propelling off in the distance.
Last to go, I peered over the edge. The water was like a black pit into hell. Panic spread through my chest. There’s no way I could jump. My body wouldn’t allow my decent into a bottomless pool. Backing away from the crumbling edge, I hid from view. My stomach twisted up and my skin got clammy.
“Alex?” Jess yelled.
I couldn’t speak or I would throw up. This was bad. I could never face any of them. If I didn’t jump, Ashley would make me pay. Her imaginary taunts rang loud in my ears.