I ran my hand over his stone, tracing the letters of his name.
“I broke it. I just didn’t know I was breaking it. I always thought the cancer would come back and hold up my end of the bargain. But it didn’t. And I hope you’re not mad. Because life is okay. I mean, Rory is nuts. Our little sister is full-blown squirrel. Yesterday, she jumped the banister to the landing. I thought Mom was going to have a cow. And Brandon is such a good baby, so sweet and cuddly, and Havoc doesn’t even mind when he tugs on her ears. And Emma and I have plans for next weekend, nothing big, but you know…plans. Mom and Dad are good. They still get all kissy in the kitchen when they think no one’s looking. Kinda gross, but they’re happy.”
I reached the final letter of his name and sighed.
“Five years. And I still miss you all the time. Well, not all the time, since there’s a bunch of times I feel like you’re with me. But yeah, I miss you. Everyone does. But I’m going to have to break our promise, and I know how to make it up to you: I’m just going to have to be twice as awesome and live for the both of us. Okay?”
I stood up and grabbed the extra bag of M&M’s so Mom didn’t freak when she came out later.
“Just do me a favor. Hang around. Because I’m definitely going to need some help being that awesome if I have to make up for you being gone. I miss you, Colt.”
I kissed my fingers and pressed them to his name, the same way Mom always did. Then I got in the boat and rowed back across the lake.
As of today, my future was wide open.
The cancer wasn’t coming back.
I was going to live, and so was Colt—because I always carried him with me. Some bonds couldn’t be broken.
“Maisie!” Dad called from the porch as I tied the boat off at the dock we’d built a couple of years ago. “You want to head out with me?”
“Yep!” I answered.
I didn’t ask him where to; if Dad was headed somewhere, I was in. Because Colt would have been, and I had a promise to keep.
Twice the awesome.
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Acknowledgments
First and foremost, thank you to my Heavenly Father for blessing me beyond all measure and the health of my six children.
Thank you to my husband, Jason, for giving me quiet weekends in hotels in the crazy three weeks that I wrote this book. For loving me even when I’m bleary-eyed from three a.m. writing sessions and showing up as 100 percent dad on days I struggle to balance being an author and a mom. I love you. Thank you to my children, who show me every day just how much I have to learn about life, and who are handling more than they should ever have to as military kids. To my sister, Kate, because we finally get to raise our kids together. To my parents, who don’t bat an eye when I dye my hair pink or get a new tattoo—who even in the face of cancer have always stood together with inspiring strength, unity, and overwhelming love.
Thank you to my editor, Karen Grove. For hours on the phone smoothing out the twists and turns of this book, for your guidance, your humor, your expertise, and your friendship. For the fourteen F*s you had to give. You’re the reason this is our fifth year together, and I wish I had the words to adequately thank you for handing me my wildest dream.
Thank you to my wifeys, our trinity, Gina Maxwell and Cindi Madsen, who keep me at the keyboard on the days when self-doubt gets the best of me. To Molly Lee for being a constant source of friendship and understanding. To Shelby for putting up with my unicorn brain. Thank you to Linda Russell for chasing the squirrels, bringing the bobby pins, and holding me together on days I’m ready to fall apart. To Jen Wolfel for your advice, friendship, and beta skills. To KP, for sandy-toed beach talks in Mexico, Emilie, and the Inkslinger team for everything you do for me. To my phenomenal agent, Louise Fury, for always having my back and holding my career in your very capable hands. To Liz Pelletier for encouraging me to write this book and never being too busy to take a phone call or open your home for an impromptu slumber party.
Thank you to the courageous women whose experiences made this book possible. To Nicole and Darlene for sharing their stories with me, for helping me better understand the world of childhood cancer. To Mindy Ruiz for sharing your battle with me and dropping everything to read as a beta. To Annie Swink for having the strength to share Beydn’s fight with me and carrying on his legacy. A huge thank you to Ashton Hughes, not only for a decade of friendship but also for sharing the details of David’s neuroblastoma diagnosis and treatment, upon which Maisie’s entire timeline is based. You are one kickass mom. Thank you to the countless mothers who blogged their children’s fights with neuroblastoma—I spent nights reading your posts, holding my breath for your children, rejoicing when they were declared cancer-free or sobbing with you as they succumbed to their illness. You don’t know me, but you touched me. Your child changed me.
Lastly, because you’re my beginning and end, thank you again to my Jason. Nineteen years together, and you still give me butterflies when your boots hit the entry hall. I can’t wait for this deployment to be over. Fifth and final, baby. Fly safe and come home soon.
About the Author
Rebecca Yarros is a hopeless romantic and a lover of all things coffee and chocolate. She is the author of the award-winning Flight & Glory series and The Renegades series. She loves military heroes and has been blissfully married to her Apache pilot for seventeen years.
When she’s not writing, she’s tying hockey skates for her four sons, sneaking in guitar time, or watching brat-pack movies with her two daughters. She lives in Colorado with her husband, their rambunctious gaggle of kids, and their menagerie of pets. Having adopted their youngest daughter from the foster system, Rebecca is a passionate advocate for children through her nonprofit, One October.
www.rebeccayarros.com