“From what Zoelyn says she was quite remarkable.” Shade offered quietly unsure what else to say.
Grim smiled faintly and nodded his head once before clearing his throat and continuing. “Once we were married Micah gave me the role of High Marshall of Amdany. I suppose he figured I was too useful to leave idle. Evanell didn’t care for it, but I wouldn’t refuse Micah anything. I drove off six invasions during my time as Marshall and everyone called me a hero for saving the people of Amdany. I didn’t do it for them though. There were only four people in that entire city that I gave a damn about. It was my territory the Reavers invaded and they died for trespassing. People gave it noble purpose and told stories about my heroics, but it wasn’t noble in the least. The Soulreavers died for being stupid enough to set foot on my shore. If they had invaded ten miles up the coast I wouldn’t have budged to stop them. Ten miles up the coast was not my concern.” Grim paused considering then shook his head slightly as he continued. “I don’t think Evanell ever realized that about me. I had balance when I was with her, but I hid what I lacked from her so she wouldn’t understand what I truly am. She always thought I was her equal, but I wasn’t. She was a much better person than I have ever desired to be. She wanted to save everyone, I don’t. I pretended to be what she wanted me to be, and she loved the mask I wore for her.” Grim fell silent and met Shade’s eyes once more with a look of utter sincerity.
“Can you honestly say she didn’t truly see you? Do you know it was a mask that she loved?” Shade asked softly. He wasn’t sure what else to say after Grim’s admission, but felt like he should say something to fill the silence.
Grim smiled at him sadly and nodded once before he began again. “I do the right things for the wrong reasons, and you do the right things without regard to reason. I trust you Shade. I don’t use those words lightly and I think I’ve only said them to two people in my entire life before now. I look at you and I see hints of Micah, but you have never once expected me to bow before you. You have always treated me as an equal. We can balance each other, but only if you can trust me, and I have to know that you truly see me as I am before you say that you trust me. I am not a hero. I am truly the Black Bastard in most ways and when I do manage to do the right thing it is usually by accident. Evanell trusted me blindly and I feel guilt for that. There are very few people that I actually care about and I have taken every one of them for granted. I won’t repeat the same mistakes and I will not hide what I am from a true friend ever again. If we are to continue working together I want you to realize that you are dealing with the Black Bastard and not the hero Arovan bards sing about.”
Shade remained silent for a long moment before nodding. “I understand what you are saying but that doesn’t mean I agree. I trusted you before and I trust you now. I don’t care why you do what you do or how much you loathe yourself. I judge you on what you have shown me, and I haven’t seen anything to distrust yet.”
Grim stared at him with a look of mild disbelief and snorted in disgust. “I don’t loathe myself.” He objected firmly. “I think you misunderstood me. I want you to understand that I am not noble and heroic, but that is by choice. I may not have the merits others revere and tell stories of, but it’s only because that isn’t important to me. I am fearless, loyal, and more talented than ninety percent of the people wasting my air. I wasn’t apologizing for what I am I was warning you before I propose a deal.”
Shade gaped at him for a breath then nodded unsure if he was amused or disturbed by Grim’s words. The man had essentially labeled himself as a self-created asshole and seemed rather proud of the fact. At an utter loss of what to say or how to react to that kind of admission Shade simply nodded with pursed lips and raised an eyebrow. “A deal?” he inquired with more than a little curiosity. He couldn’t help but wonder what Grim could want from him that required him to bare his soul so completely.
“Blackwolf and Blue Bess crafted me into the creature I am today.” Grim began slowly and Shade could tell he was trying to choose his words very carefully so there was no confusion. “When they exiled me they laid the foundation for the Bloody Huntsman. I do not regret what I am, but I don’t want to repeat their mistake. I look at Syrah and I see Evanell and I want to destroy everyone that took my wife from me when I know I should be comforting my daughter instead. I am holding so much anger inside right now that Syrah will suffer from my presence alone. I need guidance past this or she will end up just as broken as we are. I tried to send her to my Aunt in Arovan, but she refused it. She wants to remain with me, but she can’t seem to understand what kind of danger that puts her in right now. You have what I lack, Shade. You have compassion and you are the key to Syrah’s salvation if you are willing to help me.”
“Grim I am as good as dead. Unless you can summon my spirit back from the Darklands to tell Syrah bedtime stories I fail to see how I am anyone’s salvation right now. How can you ask me to save a child after seeing the wreck I’ve made of my own life?” Shade protested bitterly.
“Help me and I will help you, Shade. Keep me from destroying my daughter and in turn I will devote every ounce of my power to whatever purpose you point me toward. I am a weapon, and even Myth can fall before me.” Grim returned without a trace of hesitation in his voice.
“I think you are underestimating Myth.” Shade cautioned with a frown.
“I know you are underestimating me.” Grim countered with a smirk and raised an eyebrow. “I’ll even take you on a finding if you agree to my deal.”