I’d chosen myself over everyone else when I left. It wasn’t that I hadn’t thought about Addie—I thought of her all the time. But I’d picked myself over staying to help her. It wasn’t right or wrong, it was simply survival. It ate away at me, nonetheless.
Choices. An infinite number of them. Big and small. And together, they made up a life. One that made Addie and I strangers now.
I pulled open the door to the small café, motioning Addie inside. Jill looked up from behind the counter. “I think we’ve got a new regular. I love it.”
“I’m having a hard time staying away.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret. That was our plan all along.”
I chuckled. “Jill, this is my cousin, Addie.”
“Nice to meet you, Addie.”
“You, too,” Addie answered softly.
Jill picked up two menus. “What do you think, outside in the sun or inside in the air conditioning?”
I looked at Addie in question.
“Let’s do inside.”
I should’ve guessed. Inside meant less chance someone might see her with me and accidentally drop that into casual conversation with Allen. Not that Allen had a whole lot of casual-conversation kind of friendships. But better to be cautious.
Jill led us to a table against the wall. “How’s this?”
“Perfect,” I said, sliding into one of the chairs. “Thanks.”
“Just wave me over when you’re ready to order.”
She disappeared back behind the counter, and Addie and I were alone again. Addie studied the menu meticulously. “What do you like here?”
“The egg salad is my favorite, but the soups are good too if you want something lighter.”
“Egg salad sounds good.” She kept her eyes glued to the laminated paper as if it held all the answers in the world.
“How are you, Addie?”
It was both the simplest question and the most complicated. But it was everything I wanted to know.
She carefully set the menu down on the table and looked up. “I’m fine.”
Nothing about her was fine. She was too skinny. Dark circles rimmed her eyes. And her fingernails had been bitten down to the quick.
“Please, don’t lie.”
A flash of heat filled her dull eyes. “And what makes you deserve the truth? My truth. You left.”
God, it was good to see a bit of life in those eyes, even if it was from anger directed at me. But the words burned, as intended. “I had to go. You know, I did. But I’m so sorry that it meant I had to leave you, too.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. “It’s been lonely without you.”
I could only imagine. After everything that had happened with my father, Allen had tightened the reins on Addie even more. She’d been cut off from the world. “You had Ben, though, right?”
“He tries to stop by as often as he can. But he had his wife, and…” Her words trailed off.
I’d almost forgotten what Ian had said about Ben’s wife. “What happened?”
Addie straightened the silverware on the napkin. “I’m not sure, exactly. There was a lot of bleeding, and no one could stop it. By the time he got her to the hospital, it was too late for her and the baby.”
My chest constricted as the scene played out in my imagination. “He took her to the hospital?”
“They didn’t want him to, but Ben did it anyway.” Darkness flitted over her features. “Dad blames the doctors.”
Of course, he did. Allen and my father stirred each other up with their conspiracies. Allen knew that my dad was taking it too far, and he didn’t care. None of them had.
“How is Ben doing now?” Guilt for how I’d pushed Ben away when he’d first appeared at the cabin ate at me. He’d learned to stand up to his parents and Allen at too high a cost.
Addie adjusted her silverware yet again. “A little better, I think. But he blames himself for not taking her sooner.”
That kind of weight could drown a man. “He’ll have to find a way to release some of it.”
“Have you?”
I picked up my water glass and took a sip before setting it down. “I’m trying. That’s part of why I’m here. To finally make peace with it all. To try and let it go.”
“You’ve seen the Eastons?”
“They’re…amazing. It’s so different from how we grew up. The way they help and support each other.”
Addie’s gaze drifted out the window. “You and I helped and supported each other.”
I reached out and laid a hand over hers. Addie jolted, but I didn’t let her hand go. “We did. And I want that again. You’re another reason I came back. I missed you so damn much.”
“Pebble for the swear jar.”
Her words startled a laugh out of me. My mother had been appalled when Ian had picked up some foul language, and that had trickled down to me. The first time I’d said the word shit, she’d dropped a glass of lemonade, shattering it on the floor. Mom had instantly instituted a swear jar. Every time we messed up, we had to get a piece of gravel or small rock from outside and place it in the jar, along with doing an extra chore. When the jar filled to the top, Ian and I would have to do some monumental task that neither of us wanted to do. I was forever having to pick up a pebble.
“I’m afraid the jar never really did its job.”
Addie’s mouth curved. “I can tell.” She was quiet for a moment. “You work at the vet’s office?”
The curiosity in her tone only lit more anger at my uncle, but I kept my voice even. “Yeah. I went to college first, but then I did an accelerated vet tech program.”
“You always did want to work with animals. And now, you are.”
“I’m still going to build the sanctuary. I’m doing it on Mom’s land. You could help, Addie. Come live with me. We could do it together.”
Her eyes widened. “I-I can’t. You know that, Evie.”
“You’re twenty-four, Addie. You can leave. There’s nothing he can do to stop you.”
“It’s not that simple. I have nothing. No one.”
“You have me.”
A war of emotions played over Addie’s expression. “But who knows when you’ll leave again. Just like everyone else.” She pushed jerkily to her feet. “This was a bad idea. I need to go.”
“Addie, wait—”
“I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
20
Hayes
My feet hit the dirt with more force than necessary, but I welcomed the jar to my bones. That little bite of pain, along with the burn in my lungs, was my release. One I’d needed after the longest week in history.
Between the evenings I’d been pulling with my family at Everly’s and the hours I’d been logging on both Cammie’s case and the fire, I needed this outlet. The only thing I’d seen progress on was cleaning up the barn. The rubble was gone, and the ground leveled, ready for whatever structure Ev wanted to put in its place.