Everything in me stilled. It was the first time she’d brought him up in front of me. She hadn’t even said his name, and my blood still went cold. “Why not?” I could barely get the words out.
She stared down at her arm as if she could see where the bone had been torn apart. “He didn’t trust doctors. Thought conventional medicine was poison. That they gave you things you didn’t need. Sometimes, he thought it was one of the ways the government tracked people.”
“Did your mom take you?”
Everly’s chin lifted, her eyes so bleak. “No. She couldn’t go against him. Not like that.”
“Fuck that.” I started pacing back and forth across the kitchen, needing to move or I’d explode. “She should’ve left and taken you and your brother with her. What kind of messed-up person stays and puts her children through that?”
“A weak one.”
I stopped and turned slowly back to Everly.
“She was weak. Fallible. Human. She’d used all of her courage to go against her parents’ wishes and marry my father. When it wasn’t what she thought it would be, she had nowhere to go. No one to turn to. She met him when she was nineteen. Barely had a high school diploma. She had Ian when she was only twenty-one—still a baby herself.”
“Calder was only a little older when his twins were born, and he’d do anything for them. How can you just excuse her like that?”
Everly released her hold on the sink. “I’m not excusing it. I’m still furious with her. You don’t think I am? I live with hundreds of memories just like that one. But I choose to try and understand her. Otherwise, all of that anger will eat me alive.”
“That’s why you’re here.” It suddenly made all the sense in the world.
“I have to find a way to make peace with it. With her. With the rest of my family. With this place. This land was in her family for generations. Her grandmother left it to my mom in her will. There was so much good in this place for so long. And I have a chance to make it that again.”
I could practically feel the need clawing at her. “That’s a heavy weight to put on your shoulders.”
Everly looked up, meeting my stare dead-on. “I’ve never fit anywhere. But these mountains? They always accepted me, grounded me. They were my touchstone when I didn’t have anything else.”
Her gaze drifted away from me, moving toward the window and the sprawling landscape outside. “I thought maybe I could find my place in them. Heal some of those hurts—for others and myself. All I know is, I have to try.”
19
Everly
I took a deep breath of the pine-scented air as I stepped out into the sunshine, the door to the vet’s office closing with a snick behind me. I closed my eyes and tipped my face up to the light. Maybe the rays would infuse some energy into my body.
I was wrung out. Physically. Emotionally. Yesterday had drained every drop. Because after my emotional unburdening with Hayes, we’d had to go back to work. He’d offered to make up an excuse for me, say that I wasn’t feeling well, and it would’ve been true enough. But I wasn’t going to let his family clean up my mess alone.
So, back out I’d gone. I’d received some concerned looks, and Hayes some stern ones, but I’d simply ducked my head and started hauling debris. The physical labor had helped, but my body was paying for it today. I would try to cram myself into the minuscule bathtub the cabin had. Or maybe I’d drive out to the hot springs. Either way, I needed a soak.
I started down the path towards the sidewalk and came up short. Addie was walking next to Ben. My heart clenched. Something about seeing the two of them together got to me—the friends I’d spent so much of my childhood with. And their lives had simply gone on. They’d stayed friends, and had left me behind. Or had I gone on ahead? I wasn’t sure anymore.
Ben smiled. “Hey, Evie.”
“Hi.” My voice came out on a croak. “How are you guys?”
Addie looked around before answering. “Good.”
“I heard about what happened up at your place. Are you okay?” Ben asked.
“Fine. Just dealing with the cleanup.”
“I can come up and help this evening if you need it.”
God, he still had that kindness I’d always basked in growing up. “Thanks, but I had some people helping out yesterday, and it’s mostly done.”
His gaze hardened a fraction. “Who? You need to be careful who you tell that you’re living up there alone.”
My lips twitched. Ben had always been overprotective. “It was the sheriff and his family, so I think I’m safe.”
Ben didn’t look quite as convinced. “Okay. Just be cautious—you know you can come stay with my folks and me at the ranch if you need.”
“Thanks, but I’m good.”
He turned to Addie and squeezed her elbow. “Why don’t you catch up with Evie? I’ll take the jams to the bakery and go to the store.”
“What about—?”
Ben cut her off. “Allen’s moving the cattle today. He and the guys won’t venture into town.”
I sent Ben a grateful look before turning back to Addie. “Let me treat you to lunch. Have you ever been to Spoons?”
She shook her head. “That would be nice.”
“I’ll meet you back here in an hour?” Ben asked.
I adjusted my purse on my shoulder. “An hour would be perfect. Do you want me to bring you a sandwich or anything?”
His mouth quirked. “Still trying to feed me?”
“Some things will never change.”
“It’s nice to have things you can count on. But I already ate.”
Ben’s words twisted something in my stomach. How many times had I snuck him a cookie or an extra sandwich because he had the appetite of someone five times his size? And now he was this weird mix of stranger and brother of my heart. “All right. I’ll bring you a cookie, then.”
“That, I’ll never say no to.” With a wave, he was off.
Addie and I were silent for a moment, not moving at all. She spoke first. “He always was half in love with you.”
I snorted. “More like he was half in love with all of the treats I snuck him.”
“He missed you. So did I.”
“I tried to write, Addie.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I couldn’t risk writing back. Dad was so mad at you.”
I knew that, too. And now there was this chasm between us that I wasn’t sure we’d ever be able to close. But I had to try. “Let’s get some lunch.”
I started down the street, and it only took a moment for Addie to follow. She fell into step beside me, and it was like an awkward version of the old times. I couldn’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like if I’d stayed. A mix of images flitted through my mind. I wouldn’t have lost Addie or Ben. We would’ve been just as close. But I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would’ve slowly ceased to exist.
I stole a quick glance at the person I’d loved most in the world. The same had happened to Addie. The eyes that had once held a bright twinkle were dull, searching the street for signs of an attack. I swallowed against the burn in my throat.