I sighed and tried placing a hand on my stomach, hoping the reiki technique would work. “Do you want a night shake?” I could actually use one and it would calm us both to have me doing something with my restless mind.
“Sure.” He nodded and sat at the counter, watching me pull ingredients from the refrigerator.
A state of the art blender lived in the corner cabinet and I liked how quickly it blended ice. I added ingredients and fruit as I waited for Bastian to say something.
“Let’s start at the beginning, huh? We should probably discuss the other night because I don’t see how, ragazza, but we’ve both woven our way under one another’s skin.”
I scoffed. “I know how. We had to spend a couple months together after we had a one night stand on a jet. This has been the longest morning after–”
“We’re not an extended one night stand. You’re truly my wife. I care about you. I stay up at night in my room considering dragging you to mine.”
I hit the blend button harder than necessary and grumbled, “I wish you would.”
When I turned it off and poured the ingredients into two glasses, he murmured, “This is our problem.”
I set the glass in front of him. “What’s the problem, Bastian?”
“You say things like that, like you think they don’t affect me, like you think I’m immune to you.”
“Aren’t you though?”
“Are you saying I’m just indulging myself with you?”
“Why weren’t you here the last three days?”
“Because I was working.”
“That’s it? Or were you creating distance after you indulged with me again?”
“I want this to be fair for you, Morina.” He sighed and his jaw ticked.
I rolled my eyes. Fair wasn’t any of this. Fair would have been me on another planet than him, because here with him, I couldn’t deny myself. “I’m selling you the shares because I want to, not because you’ve coerced me to have feelings for you. And I actually take offense to it that you think I can’t separate the two at this point.”
“I never said that–”
“Oh, whatever.” I picked up my shake, took a taste, and slammed it back down on the counter. I was barreling toward insanity at lightning speed and the thunder about to roll out of me would be just as crazy. “So, we’re going forward with legal separation then? It’s probably time we start pushing that to the media. We’ve had a few days away from each other and I’m guessing you were creating distance for that reason. Let’s plan the rest.”
The words flowed out of me like I’d struck a match and dropped it on a line of kerosene. It spread like wildfire, hot, fast, and mean.
Bastian clearly felt the burn, his face contorting with my words.
Biting my tongue, I decided my shake could wait while I washed out the blender. I took it to the sink and scrubbed it hard, trying to get out my frustration.
I wasn’t sure if he even wanted me. He wanted to be my friend through this, sure, but I wasn’t sure he wanted more.
How could he when he left for days after what we’d done in that kennel?
I scrubbed and scrubbed that glass. I wanted it spotless when I placed it into the dishwasher. The dishwasher wouldn’t actually do any cleaning, rather it was double checking my work. It was also a way to avoid that man on the other side of the island, staring at me like I was going to respond to him being immune to me.
I wanted to ring his neck, tell him to go to hell, and kick him out. I was so sick of this charade, sick of faking something and then not being sure if I was faking anything at all.
I felt him before I heard him behind me. His hard chest pressed into my back as I scrubbed away.
“Mo, can we just back up?”
I scoffed and grabbed another dish without looking at him. “Back up to what? Should we start over and just be friends and forget that we fucked too?”
It was official, we were bound by marriage and we needed to unbind.
“What’s got you so worked up, huh?” he whispered into my neck and I shivered, instantly aware of how close his whole body, specifically the dick I knew was of life-altering size, was to me.
“I’m not worked up.” It came out defensive and breathless. I couldn’t stop myself from pushing him again and again. I knew just how to get a rise out of him and now that was what I wanted. “I just want to get this plan out of the way. I hate them and you know it. So, I think we just both go out a few nights here and there throughout the month. The media can take some shots of us with other people. We’ll drop something to the news about us being separated. If you or I enjoy our dates, we can just call each other to say we’re staying–”
He cut me off. “You come home every night.”
“I’m sorry. That kind of defeats the purpose of moving on, Bastian. You want me to have a clear mind going into this whole selling shares thing right? Then I probably need to move on to other guys.” I turned to him and wiped my damp hands on a dishtowel.
“You can get off and come home, Mo.” His turned red. “Are you a cuddle after you fuck type of girl?”
“So what if I am?” I put my hands on my hips.
“Then I’ll fucking cuddle you.” His palm slammed down on the counter. “You’re not staying over at some guy’s house I don’t know when you’re my wife.”
“So, I can sleep with someone else but I can’t stay the night?” I crossed my arms as this got more and more ridiculous. “That makes no sense, Bastian.”
“I’m not risking your safety. You’ll have security on you too.”
“Oh, no. I’m not doing that. You can’t have Dante or someone follow me around. That will be weird for my date.”
“Who is this date, by the way? You’ve got someone in mind already, I can tell.”
“Oh, my God. Let’s just go to bed.”
He chuckled and then scrubbed a hand over his face. “My bed or yours?”
“What?” I practically screeched.
His chuckle turned to a full on laugh.
The corners of his eyes wrinkled, and the dimples I forgot he had popped out. Bastian was always a good-looking man. He was handsome and unapproachable at the same time. Like a far off diamond in a museum that you knew was worth billions and you admired from afar. But when he laughed in front of me like this, he felt attainable. Heart-crushingly attainable.
“I think you’re going crazy.” I shook my head at him.
He wiped at his eyes and sobered before walking right up to me. He studied me for what felt like ten minutes. His eyes darted all over my face like he was memorizing it or cataloging each tiny detail of it.
My heart beat louder in those moments than it ever had. All thought left my brain. I couldn’t say one word, couldn’t provoke him or console him or try to reason with him. Heat rose over my chest and on my cheeks. My stomach and core tightened.
His next words rumbled out, soft: “Turn around, Morina.”