I left him in the living room around shattered crystals, shattered vows, and a shattered marriage. I went to pack my suitcases.
I couldn’t trust him and he couldn’t put me first and fight for me instead of his companies like I wanted him to.
We were broken before we even began, and if I didn’t leave, I’d be lost to him forever.
38
Bastian
Morina’s heart turned on me like my mother’s had turned on my father that day.
The look in her eyes mirrored the one my mother had when my father told her she couldn’t leave him, that he would continue to do everything he wanted and she would just have to live with it.
She’d been so mad at my father about a shipment and they’d argued and argued. He’d finally walked up to her and instead of trying to smooth things over, he’d smacked her hard across the face.
I’d just turned ten. I remembered the day because she’d made me a birthday cake the night before and when he hit her, she caught herself on the table, her hand landing in the cake. Fingers covered in white frosting and a cake ruined, she raised her face and shook her head at him in disgust.
Mario’s eyes darkened, like he couldn’t stand his wife realizing he was scum.
The first instinct for humans was always fight or flight, and in a boy, it was an even more innocent reaction. Gone was my fear of trouble or pain, I jerked forward, ready to stand between them. I knew my father’s rage better than anyone. I knew he would hit her again. Yet, Cade caught me.
My little brother’s brown eyes pleaded with me as he held my arm with both hands. “Dad’s going to leave and we’ll take care of mom then. You go to her and he’ll drag you off with him.”
I ripped my arm away and stormed into the kitchen. When I confronted my father, my mother started crying and, just as Cade had said, my dad dragged me out of the house.
I saw a lot of blood that night as he made me watch the real dealings of the mob.
His first born wouldn’t be soft, he told me. It was better for me to learn now.
It changed my mother and it changed me. Our family morphed from one that made the best cannoli into the head of the mob’s family. That night, I came home and she said, “Bastian, my love, I’m going to teach you to cook.”
The only farewell gift she knew how to give us was the passion in her cooking.
Now, I stood wondering if Morina would take something with her as she left me.
I would let her go.
Morina Bailey didn’t deserve a man in the mafia. She deserved a man who put her first, who didn’t make deals with demons and wasn’t the devil himself. Yet as she rummaged around in her room, I still went to stand in her doorway. Over the crushed crystal, I walked to my doom, sure this was the walk of shame I deserved.
“Morina, I–”
“Don’t try to explain, Bastian. I listened to so much explaining as a kid.” She shut her eyes, and tears rolled down her cheeks. “Did you know I believed every single explanation? How gullible was I? Is that what everyone sees me as? This gullible, stupid girl who can’t get it together.”
“Morina, that’s never what I thought. I didn’t see the point in bogging you down with the details of–”
“You couldn’t bog me down, why? Because you thought my attention span couldn’t handle it or because it hit too close to home? You can’t possibly think having more oil brought over won’t risk the water.”
“There’s always a risk,” I threw back. “I’m taking a risk here with you. You took a risk the day you married me.”
She slumped. “It wasn’t supposed to be a risk of my heart.”
“Don’t say that, ragazza.” Her words made me want to lock her up and keep her here. “I have to love my family and it requires me to consider every decision I make. This was the best for everyone. We keep good relationships and we move toward clean energy over time.”
“What if something happens, Bastian? What if that oil refinery does something wrong? You shook their hand when you wanted clean energy. How will that look?”
“Nothing will happen. I’m making sure of that. Can you just… let’s go to get something to eat, huh? I’ll explain it to you.”
She stared at me in her baggy shirt and tiny shorts, her legs long as she stood up and narrowed her eyes at me. “I should say no but I want to say yes. So, I guess you’ll get my full attention through one more meal. You should be happy that, for some reason, it doesn’t stray when it comes to you.”
She walked past me and put her shoes on. I mentally congratulated myself at the small victory. I could talk sense into her, I could make this work.
We drove to a little place in the city. The drive was silent but tension swirled in the car. She breathed in and out, slow and even, and I knew she was doing some exercise as she twisted the bracelets on her arm. She didn’t touch her ring and it made me wonder if she ever would again.
Greenery scaled the restaurant’s walls and ceiling, with plants weaving in and out of blown glass structures. “We didn’t go out to eat a lot over these past couple of months. I should have taken you out more.”
“No reason to. This was an arrangement.” She shrugged and looked at her menu, dismissing our relationship.
“You know that’s not true, ragazza. This was more than an arrangement. It was a marriage and if you want it to be over, it will be, but don’t discount it.” My voice came out firmer than I wanted it to.
I took a deep breath and she rolled her eyes. “That’s right, Bastian. Keep it all together.”
Fuck me.
I would, even if she tried to make me lose it. I didn’t need to become my father and compromise always worked better. “In order to do what I do, Morina, a level head and compromise is necessary. You can’t just go with your gut all the time and hope it works out.”
“Is that your fatherly farewell advice to me?” She lifted a brow.
I chuckled in irritation. “You like getting under my skin and you’re probably better at it than most. I swear to God if I didn’t love you–”
She gasped at my words. They’d slipped out in my irritation but I wouldn’t snatch them back now.
“I do love you. I don’t think that’s a question.” I held her gaze as my heart thundered with the words. “I love your inability to finish a file without doing a million things in between and your complete disgust with my negotiation skills. I love that you adore the water and you go with the flow like the ocean. I love you. That's why I have to let you go for this.”
She shook her head, her face falling at my words as she whispered, “You’ll let me go?”
Maybe I would have changed my mind had I sat there and stared into those sapphire eyes that sparkled like the ocean she loved so much.
Yet, Ronald, the man that should have never been talking to my wife in the first place ambled over, his white teeth glinting in the dim light.