I’d have to walk the plank of telling him I didn’t want a divorce and hope to God he felt the same. Fear pulled at my self-confidence though enough that I wasn’t sure what would be worse, missing out on someone I loved or finding out they didn’t love me back.
We had two months. Two months of planning our separation if I didn’t tell him and two months until the final board meeting where I could potentially announce he was buying the shares. We hadn’t discussed the plan and yet now was probably the best time to do so.
I just had to figure out what the plan was.
I, the girl who hated plans in the first place, had to decide a multimillion dollar company’s future and what my broken heart would look like: one of rejection or one of regret.
Turning on the salt lamp and lighting incense to burn while I wallowed and waited seemed like the only thing I could do.
At 10PM, I wondered if Bastian was ever coming home. He never left me overnight without telling me.
I fell asleep on the couch.
The next morning, I woke up in my bed with the blankets tucked in around me.
Bastian Armanelli, sweet and accommodating. I threw the covers off, wishing I’d got Sebastian instead and he’d taken advantage of me.
I stomped out of the bedroom in my worn night shirt and found crepes again.
No Bastian.
This went on for two more days.
I passed the time doing my own thing. I made new shakes and even called Bradley just to talk. He didn’t answer but I still chattered into his voicemail.
Finally, as the sun went down on the third night, I gave in.
Morina: Are you coming home?
He answered immediately.
Bastian: Why wouldn’t I be?
Morina: It’s just later than you normally get here. I haven’t seen you in days.
Bastian: Do you normally time me coming in and out of the house?
I rolled my eyes at his playfulness, a weight lifting that I didn’t know was there.
Morina: Shut up. When do you plan to be here?
Bastian: We’re stuck in traffic for about another thirty minutes.
Morina: I’ll try to stay up. No promises though.
Bastian: Maybe I’ll wake you then.
Morina: Doubt it. I get carried back to my bed, gentle as can be so I’m not disturbed even when I want to be.
Bastian: Ragazza, tempting a man like me won’t end well.
Morina: Like I’ll be punished or…
Bastian: For that statement alone, yes. I’ll redden that ass just to hear you beg for forgiveness. First, we have a conversation though.
My stomach dipped low. Did he mean that? Were we finally past tiptoeing around one another?
I didn’t know if I should respond or wait for my spanking, so I sat there without a single thing to do and stared at the door.
My attention had never been so focused.
I sat on the sofa in my t-shirt thinking about what he might say, my foot waggling back and forth.
Maybe we could try sleeping in each other’s beds from now on, sex and everything.
Or maybe he wanted to discuss the start of the legal separation.
When the lock turned, I jumped and grabbed my phone to look a little less desperate when he walked in.
Instead of the fabric rustle of him unbuttoning his suit jacket to hang, though, a whine came from the door.
“What the–” I looked up and leapt from the couch when I saw–“Moonshine?”
Bastian stood there in his navy suit, brown dog hair on him, and a red leash attached to Moonshine. In one hand he held the leash and a plastic bag filled with toys, and from the other he dropped a big bag of dog food next to the door.
“Bastian…” I backed away, shaking my head. “Why is Moonshine with you?”
“What do you mean? You told me Moonshine was struggling to find a home. I told you she would.”
“Okay…” I let the word linger, my heart beat thudding way too fast. “Where is she going?”
“Well, nowhere now. I just let her piss outside in front of the building and now she probably wants to go to bed. I figure our third bedroom is fine for her. She doesn’t need a dog bed if she has a real one.”
“I’m sorry… Can we please back up? Why is Moonshine here?”
“She found her forever home with us.”
“No.” I shook my head again, stunned. I took another step back and stumbled against the corner of the couch. “No. Nope. Okay, you can call the humane society. We’ll take her back.”
Moonshine whined and strained on her leash, trying to get to me. I knelt down and called her over. Her big body was more and more like a rottweiler and less like a pup. “You have to get back to the kennels so we can find you a good home,” I whispered.
“What’s wrong with our home?” Bastian inquired and pulled a dog bowl from the plastic bag.
“Are you out of your mind?” As soon as he placed the bowl on the ground, I grabbed it and tried to shove it back in the bag. “Do you know how much a dog slobbers?”
He swung the bag away. “That can’t possibly be a concern of yours, Morina. You probably make more of a mess than the dog.”
“Excuse me?” The metal from the bowl clattered as I dropped it and stood, glaring at him. “I’ve kept my mess in my room since the day I got here.”
“I saw your room last night and the night before when I put you to bed. It’s a mess.”
“Well, don’t put me to bed then,” I yelled and Moonshine whined.
“I’ll put my wife to bed any time I want,” he growled, suddenly in my face.
“I can’t believe this.” I spun around and pointed to the dog. “This isn’t okay.”
He scoffed and scooped Moonshine up, taking her to the third bedroom. I watched him walk down the hall with his perfect ass in perfect suit trousers. He disappeared into the bedroom, and I waited for him to return so I could tell him how fucking terrible she was going to be on her own in there. After five minutes, he came out and announced, “She’s fast asleep on the feather pillow.”
I swear his damn smile was the smuggest thing I’d ever seen.
I stomped over to the kitchen sink. “This is going to be so painful for the dog.”
And for me. I didn’t want to give her up and the fact he’d brought her home had a little voice in my head that I didn’t like to entertain screaming that we should tell him we loved him and that we wanted to live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence and 1.0 rottweiler mixes.
“I don’t think it has to be painful for anyone. Why do you think this is such a bad idea?”
“Well, for one, it’s not sustainable. I’ll be gone in two months and so will you. I don’t want to get attached to her if I’m not going to keep her. I’m already attached.”
He pulled his tie from neck, set it on the counter, slipped off his shoes, and went to the refrigerator like I was the kind of wife who’d made him dinner.
“I didn’t eat dinner so there’s no meal in there. Are you listening to me?”
“I ate already.” He chuckled like he knew I was never going to attempt to cook him food. He was probably right. “And I’m listening. I just think we should calm down and discuss this rather than spiral into you talking twenty times your normal speed and us going off the deep end again.”