Chapter Five
Ruby
Tonight I’m home before Dan and cook instead of heating up ready meals from the supermarket. He likes pasta so I make spaghetti and hope he didn’t eat already. Even if Dan has, I’m expected to have a meal ready for him after work.
Tonight I tell Dan; I’m running out of time.
I sit at the table, chewing my nails and jump up as the front door closes. Dan appears and sweeps me into a tight embrace, before he looks over at the boiling water.
“Hey, angel.” He kisses me gently on the mouth. “You cooked, thank you.”
Why does he thank me if I’m in trouble when I don’t?
“I hope it’s okay.”
“Sure it is! Smells good. I’ll get changed.”
I busy myself arranging the bowls and the salad, straightening the cutlery into order and perfection. Dan returns in a clean checked shirt and smart jeans, and sits at the table. I open a beer and place it next to him.
“You spoil me,” he says. “Any reason?”
“No.”
Meal served, I attempt to eat; but the sickly pasta sticks in my throat. Dan eats plenty, always does. He has two more beers in the course of our silent meal and sweat beads along my back. Dan doesn’t need alcohol to make him nasty, but it doesn’t help.
We talk about work, his mainly. He’s a personal trainer at a local gym and a gym is the last place you’d find me. Some days Dan doesn’t have time for his own workout and they’re difficult days because he brings home the frustration with him.
The half hour we eat is excruciating because I try repeatedly to broach the subject but can’t. Even by the time we’re finished and I’m washing dishes, the words still choke me.
“Something’s bothering you, angel, what’s wrong?” Dan asks quietly.
I drop the cup back into the water. “Ruby Riot has another gig this week.” He doesn’t respond and I don’t look round, rubbing soapy bubbles between my fingers. “I don’t want to let the guys down.”
Dan sighs. “You shouldn’t get so involved. You know the band will fall apart soon, you’re pretty crap.”
I turn and rest against the sink. “But Jem Jones…”
At the mention of his name, Dan’s features harden. “Jem Jones. Still telling you you’re talented?”
“Yes,” I say in a meek voice.
“Why?”
“He likes our music.”
Dan flicks his tongue against his teeth. “Has he touched you?”
“No! And I wouldn’t let him.”
“Keep it that way. I don’t know what his game is but seems strange he’s getting involved with a crap band like Ruby Riot.”
Dan stands and approaches me at the sink. I gauge his body language, no anger but some tension. I mentally calculate how I need to behave to lessen the chances of a meltdown.
“I know this means a lot to you, angel, and that’s why I let you join in. But you do know this won’t last forever? If this interferes too much with us - your life here - you’ll have to give it up.”
I grip the sink, cool metal biting my palms. “I know. Like you said if Ruby Riot is no good, things won’t go anywhere so you don’t need to worry.”
“Where’s the gig?”
“Oxford.”
Dan’s forehead creases. “Oxford? What the f-uck? When?”
“Friday night.”
“I hope you haven’t said yes!” he growls and pulls his phone from his pocket. “I might be busy.”
“You don’t need to come…” The mistake in those words is apparent when he stiffens.
“You saying you don’t want me there?”
“No, I meant if you were too busy.”
The switch has flicked and even though the calm is on his face, it’s not in the air around. “You don’t want me there.”
“No, Dan, I do, it’s just…”
The darkness sweeps across his face. All it ever takes is one wrong word. Half the time I don’t know which words will be wrong, so I don’t speak. I wince as he grabs my hair. “Which band member are you f-ucking?”
“Dan, no, I’m not. There’s only you.” His grip tightens and my eyes water. “I wouldn’t.”
“You know you’re mine, right?” He hisses into my ear. “You know without me you’re nothing.” His fingers dig into my arm.
Nothing. Always nothing.
My uncle smacks me across the head and I see the stars that come with the pain. I don’t know what I did wrong. I want my brother to come home but I don’t know where he went.
“You’re f-ucking useless! Even you mother hated you enough to f-uck off and leave you!”
I reach for the stars spinning in front of my eyes and focus on them as the pain hits my back. He’s careful not to touch my face.
If my brother doesn’t come back, I don’t know what I’ll do
“I know, Dan. I’m sorry. I do want you there. I always want you with me.” The lines are so rehearsed now I’m sure one day he’ll realise I’m lying. I think he already does.
I remain trapped in the space with Dan, focusing on breathing and willing him to calm down. Tonight he called me angel. Dan only calls me that when he’s had a good day. I don’t dare meet his eyes, yielding is my best option.
Dan’s grip loosens and he drops my arm to pull out his phone. I hold my breath, waiting for a response and hoping to hell that’s the end of the fight. “Looks like I’m free Friday. We can go.” His voice is light, anger blown away.
Tonight I stay away from the stars.
****
I drop by the boys’ house the next day on the way to work. An exhausted looking Nate lets me in then sinks back onto the sofa. Looks like they had a typical hard night boozing. The small house is littered with bottles and rubbish, the normally dirty carpet now filthy. I walk into the kitchen, where Will rests against the counter eating a bacon sandwich. He’s shirtless, the beginnings of his latest tattoo, a huge red and black dragon, outlined on his chest. He rubs his bleary eyes as he notices me.
“I came to see Jax; is he around?” I ask.
“In bed still.” I turn and head to the stairs. “Not on his own.”
“Right.” I stomp upstairs.
“No, Ruby! Wait!” calls Will after me through his mouth of food.
I hammer on his door. “Jax! I need to see you.”
No response.
I bang again, maintaining a rhythm until he swears loudly. I hear a low voice of a girl too. Of course.
“Can’t this wait until later?” he calls.
“No! I need something from you.”
The door flies open and Jax stands in his boxers, tousled hair, and toned physique. This guy never looks like shit, even after what was probably a very late finish. “What?”
I resist the urge to look around him to see who his latest conquest is. “I need some cash.”
His eyebrows tug together. “Why?”
“Dan took mine again,” I say in a low voice.
“Shit, Ruby. When are you going to end this?”
“Gonna get me some or not?” I demand.
“Key.” He holds out a hand, palm upward and I pull out my purse. Inside is the small silver key I keep hidden at home. I place it in his hand. “I don’t want her to see.” I indicate the girl behind.
“Oh, sure, so I kick her out of bed and say what? She’s gonna think I cheated on you.”
“Like you give a shit. C’mon, I’m at work in half an hour.”
Jax goes back into the room and I rest against the wood-chipped wall at the top of the stairs. There are raised voices and a few minutes later a blonde girl storms out in crumpled ‘last night’s clothes’ and holding her shoes. She tries a withering look on me but my own expression is enough to stop her saying anything.
“Well that saves an awkward goodbye,” Jax mutters, appearing in his jeans, holding a black tin.
I barge past him into the room. “Jax, please.”
“I’m not doing this much longer, babe.” He unlocks the black metal tin.
“Don’t call me babe.”
“Okay, honey-pie.” Inside the tin rests a pile of banknotes and a piece of paper with a figure written on it. “You’ve almost got enough now, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, apart from I keep having to take from it when he takes my wages.”
“I don’t know why you don’t open a bank account.”
“You know why. Last time Dan found out and took the whole f-ucking lot.” I pull a few notes from the box. “Soon,” I promise him.
Jax catches my arm where my sleeve has ridden up as I stretched my arm out. He pushes up my jacket. Yellowing bruises mar the skin on my forearm and he inhales as he sees them. “Him?”
I snatch my arm away. “Stay out of this.”
“How the f-uck can I? I’m storing money for your escape and I see you several times a week for rehearsals.”
I ignore him and shove the notes into the back pocket of my jeans.
“Have you told him Jem wants to book us some more gigs?” asks Jax.
Jem. My stomach spins at his name. I want to hate him, want him to be the guy I’d formed in my head but he keeps looking at me as if he cares. There’s no getting away from who he is, the face of the man who wrote the music that got me through dark times. I’ve followed his life through the media’s eye, even went to Blue Phoenix gigs so, as with a lot of girls, I closed my eyes and imagined myself with one of the band. When I started playing guitar, Jem became halfway to a hero. Only halfway because as well as being talented, hot as hell, and at the forefront of the band, he’s an asshole.
Or I thought he was. I’m not sure anymore.
Obviously, he’s not an asshole to Ruby Riot but look at him with Sara a few days ago, picking her up like that. No, he might have kicked the drugs; but he’s still Jem Jones. And whatever the weird something that hovers unspoken between us, he’s bad news. Dan is convinced Jem’s motives with the band include wanting to f-uck me. Maybe, maybe not. Not going to happen. Jem’s been to three of our gigs so far and when I see the enthusiasm on his face for our sound, I can’t help but surge with pride. Dan’s wrong; we are good. Jem’s approval almost makes me believe I’m worth this. That I can become something special.
Almost.
“No, I haven’t told Dan yet.”
Jax drags a hand through his thick hair. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to back out. f-uck, Ruby.”
“No! No f-ucking way. He’d have to lock me in a room if he wanted to stop me going.”
What flickers across Jax’s blue eyes scares me. Jax believes that’s a possibility.