Chapter Fourteen
Jem
The club Ruby Riot plays in tonight is a smaller venue in Camden, another I recognise from years ago. Bryn’s in town claiming he wants to see how the band is doing; check up on me, more like. This evening, Ruby left the house as soon as Bryn arrived, jumped into the waiting van the guys use when they gig, and they drove away. I arrive with Bryn an hour before they’re due on stage to find Jax and Ruby huddled together, running through the set list as they usually do. Their relationship bothers me, especially now Dan isn’t around. Whether they’re a couple or not isn’t the only thing that bothers me; it’s the fact she’s comfortable with him. Ruby’s not comfortable with me.
I’m not surprised following what she witnessed a couple of nights ago. My stomach turns over when I think about Ruby seeing me like that; but in a weird way, it equalizes us, vulnerabilities shown on both sides. Considering her history, Ruby should’ve run as far as she could from an irrational man throwing things around the house, but there was no fear in her eyes, just concern and understanding.
The incident hasn’t been mentioned since and we both behave as if it never happened.
Bryn pushes through the bar and we head toward the main hall of the old theatre. “You still haven’t explained why Ruby was there the other night. What’s going on?”
“Ruby’s living with me.”
He halts. “Define ‘living with you’, Jem. I thought we’d agreed you avoid relationships for a few months?”
“We’re living in the same house. Sharing a kitchen but not a bed. Platonic.”
Bryn chokes back a laugh. “Right. For how long?”
“I don’t intend f-ucking her anytime soon.”
Bryn arches an eyebrow. “I meant how long is she staying. Your response suggests you’re thinking a little too much about the non-platonic part.”
“Shut the f-uck up,” I mutter. Am I that transparent?
“She’s not bringing anything into the house that can screw around with you, is she?”
“Ruby knows not to.” Bryn’s lips purse and he keeps walking. “Her ex beat the crap out of her, okay?”
“That’s even worse!” says Bryn, turning back to me. “Liv, much?”
This edges my thoughts every day, but I don’t acknowledge it. “Not ‘Liv, much’. So piss off if you haven’t got anything useful to say.”
Ruby sits on the edge of the stage drinking water between growling at the brothers. The more stressed Ruby is, the snappier she is, as I’m beginning to learn.
I can guess why.
“If Dan comes, I’ll sort it,” I tell her as I approach.
Ruby slowly screws the lid onto the bottle. “Don’t care if he does.”
“I do.” Ruby frowns at me. “I saw him threaten you when you were together; what the hell do you think he’ll be like now you’ve left him?”
“Now?” Ruby hops off the wooden stage. “I’ll tell you what Dan will be like now. He’ll be like you.”
Too stunned to reply I step back. Ruby leans closer, face impassive. “He’ll be super nice. Apologetic. He’ll offer to help me but say he doesn’t want anything in return. Like you.”
“Are you comparing me to Dan?” I ask in a low voice.
“No, I’m saying I trust people too easily. I trust you when I shouldn’t,” she replies as quietly.
“I never asked you to. All I did was give you somewhere to stay. Feel free to leave when you want.” Infuriated that she’s comparing me to Dan on the smallest level, I turn and walk away.
Ruby doesn’t realise, but I know exactly what she’s doing because it’s a favourite trick of mine. Piss them off, push them away, and they won’t disappoint you.
Tonight is Ruby Riot’s first performance since Ruby left Dan, and there’s a new energy around her on stage. The connection between Ruby and the rest of the band is sharper. At past gigs, she was lost in her own world, part of the group but at the forefront and alone. On a couple of occasions tonight, Ruby even cracks a smile at the other band members. She and Jax joke around, Ruby interrupting his playing with hers and he sings over her in return.
Ruby Riot grips the crowd by the throat and drags them into a place that nobody in the room can escape from. This is the kind of performance people will talk about in years to come because this band is killing it.
I leave before the encore and head to the Green Room; Bryn’s already back there nursing a beer.
“You okay?” He swaps the beer for water as I walk in, and sets the bottle out of sight by the brown sofa. “You look pretty pissed off for someone whose pet project just raised the roof.”
“You can drink around me, Bryn.”
“Doesn’t feel supportive when I do.” He throws me a bottle of water and I catch it. “So, what’s up?”
I flop next to him. “Missing the guys. Watching the band tonight reminded me of the other high - the legal one that was good for me. That’s the thing I crave.”
“I get that. A few months and we’re back on tour, yeah? This isn’t over, Blue Phoenix aren’t done.”
But we’re not Ruby Riot. We don’t have the thrill of striving to make it; the high of the electric connection to the crowd you can only get in small venues. Blue Phoenix will still be a machine.
“Yeah, I guess.” I prop my feet on the plastic chair opposite.
“Ever thought of getting them into the studio?”
“Yeah, I’m arranging that.”
“Cool. You could offer to session for them.”
“No. They need to establish their own sound. I don’t want to be part of them; they make it on their own terms not because Jem Jones played on their debut.”
Bryn sits forward and peers at me from under his fringe. “You’re edgy again, man. Is Ruby Riot really doing you any good? If this starts to stress you, back off. You know what your counsellor said…”
“Okay, Auntie Bryn, I know. I’ve been here three times, yeah? This time I’m done for good, no more drugs. I know my triggers and music isn’t one of them.”
The door opens and Ruby walks in, perspiration gleaming on her body, face glowing with heat and happiness. She runs a hand through her damp hair and turns a smile on me, which blows my mind, a smile where her eyes are alive and focused. A smile for me. Ruby’s back in the world and that world is a brighter place because of it. When I don’t return her smile, she approaches me. Ruby doesn’t get far because Jax appears behind and wraps his arms around her waist, spinning Ruby around and off the floor.
Ruby laughs at him, the sound as powerful to me as her singing. Ruby from a week ago would’ve slapped Jax; this one joins in. He hugs her tight and kisses the top of her head and my stomach drops.
What the hell?
Bryn kicks me and I look around sharply. “You’ve got a trigger right there, Jem.”
Will and Nate appear, straight to the fridge for beers. A whirlwind of activity swirls around my dazed head as they pour drinks and talk excitedly, Will constantly trying to pull me into the conversation, desperate for reassurance I still think Ruby Riot is awesome. I join in as much as someone drinking water in a room full of alcohol-fuelled people can. Ruby and Jax continue to talk, squashed together on the sofa. Where her leg meets his and their heads touch are images imprinting themselves on my brain.
I shouldn’t feel like this. Jax is doing me a favour. He’s saving me from myself by stopping me trying to save Ruby.